Biker Half Classic Version
by Doghead Thirteen
Summary: Yup, it's the notorious Biker Half! Originally written between 1998 and 2002, when I had a lot more learning to do. This is as far as this one goes, folks. I'm now working on an extensive rewrite and replot, to be found among my stories posted here.
1. Chapter 1

From: "Doghead Thirteen" wolfmangehenna. Subject: RanmaFanFic Repost - Biker 1/2 book 1 chapters 01-06

Biker 1/2 Cycle 1 - Birth of a Modern Legend.  
Book 1 - Opening moves - part 1.

LEGALISTIC SHIT and RANT Ranma 1/2 is not mine, no no i didn't do it you can't make me say it woz my fault THIS FIC WOULD BE 18-RATED IF YOU FILMED IT AND GAVE IT TO THE BBFC!  
There's audible off-screen sex (but no more, even Ranma has a right to some privacy when he wants it and I'm no good at writing sex scenes) gratuitous violence, character deaths, drugs, rock 'n roll and insane quantities of swearing. If you can't handle it don't read it.  
Ranma 1/2 is property of Rumiko Takahashi and varied companies much bigger than me; I'm just borrowing the characters and world without permission as a way of learning to carry a decent plot. I'll put them back when I've finished with 'em. I promise.  
The Amerai, S'Vek, Sidhe, the Wade family, Clan Hakkenan, Rat Diva, Seven Hope and all related concepts are property of Calum John Wallace (me) and Mad Dog Games; all rights reserved and all that. If you want to use 'em in a fic, please A) read Biker 1/2 carefully, it should give you a good idea of what the Amerai are all about, B) ask for my permission and C) include me in the prereaders for your tale.  
Finally, at least four characters are gay or bisexual - if you can't handle that then please be so kind as to fuck off. Like the alternate Ryoga of this tale I have little time for homophobes due to certain problems suffered by my (bisexual) elder sister.

Ah, that's the legal bit. Now, if you have read this before you'll probably be going something along the lines of 'Ere, wot's all this then'  
Well, back when I was just starting to write Biker 1/2 I had it planned as a single 'book'. That was until I worked out exactly how long the warm-up plot would be - around 80 ten or so page episodes, something like 300,000 words.  
This was overlong to put it mildly.  
Then I realised I'd made a couple of really stupid spelling mistakes, missed some more that crept in during rewrites and so forth. Like, D'OH!  
To cut a long story short, I decided I'd better split the story into sections. The first obvious division point was the end of the second battle of Nerima, a point where everything's gone to hell, half the cast are dead or just plain gone, half the remainder are suffering from the aftereffects of the battle and so on. A suitably apocalyptic place to stop.  
And yes, the name I gave the (now 3 book) warmup section IS a dig at Jim Lazar's 'Childhood/Adulthood of a Modern Dynasty.' Talk about unwieldy name!  
Finally, I must thank everyone who's sent me feedback. I haven't received a single piece of negative feedback out of over 100 'fan' emails. Thanks,  
people. That kind of a reception sure makes writing this monster less of a slog... Though I suspect I'm going to get screamed at a few times over the last chapter of book 1.

Please note, I'm using "this" to denote things said in Cantonese. I know it's grammatically downright wrong, but it makes it easier to keep track of who can understand what. I originally used a different sign ( and ,  
horizontal arrows in case it went invisible) but since that's used in HTML code it screws up as soon as it hits a website, including the TASS archive,  
meaning you couldn't read any of the Cantonese speech. D'oh. Ah well, at least I know I'm in good company - no less a fanfiction luminary than Greg 'Metroanime' Sharp (please oh please whatever gods happen to be listening,  
let me have spelt his name right) made the exact same mistake...

Okay, okay, having made you scroll through that spiel I'll get on with it. I present the corrected and slightly revised (some tightening up of my terminology and punctuation, and I've taken the chance to add more quotes)  
Book 1 of Biker 1/2.

CHAPTER 1 : In a world gone bad.  
"All the ingredients for the events of the latter months of 1998 were in place by mid July; all it took to trigger off the avalanche was the catalyst. This catalyst came in the form of Akane Tendo and Ranma Saotome meeting for the first time. Of course, we mustn't forget the other ingredients that made up the Great Change - but, like a cross-country skier moving over unstable snow, that day was the turning point." - Dr. Kumori Tendo, 'The Domino Effect'

Akane Tendo is pissed off. Again.  
Consider her. She presents an odd sight - she looks almost like any other Japanese schoolgirl. Almost but not quite.  
There's the cartridge belt she's got over her seifuku for one thing. It's a short length of inert .50 machine gun ammo which she's got looped around her waist. Then there's the thin leather choker she's wearing around her neck.  
It's black leather and about half an inch wide.  
Her hair - long and black with a slight bluish hint to it - is tied back in a loose ponytail with a black velvet ribbon. She does not have a schoolbag -  
instead she has a backpack which looks to be an old US Army one. By the look of it it dates back to the Second World War and is probably worth a fair bit of money And then there's the wraparound mirrorshades she's wearing They completely conceal the upper half of her face, giving the impression of a chrome visor.  
And there's the way she's running - instead of the 'in a hurry' run adopted by eternally late schoolchildren everywhere, she's adopted a seemingly unstoppable headlong charge. Head down, legs pumping. Almost as if she's about to fight a battle.  
Finally, she has a lit cigarette hanging from her mouth. It's a Lambert &  
Butler Kingsize. Her lips are peeled back in a snarl and the cigarette is clenched between her teeth. All in all, she looks like someone who is not at all willing to conform.

Events are a strange thing. Tatewaki Kuno had not noticed this fact.  
He shifted his grip on his bokken and narrowed his eyes slightly. Suddenly his alert ears picked up a low snarl.  
Motorcycles were fairly popular among the students of Furinkan High, but most of the school bikers rode either 50cc mopeds or 125's, with the Honda CG125 being the most popular. The engines he was hearing were no small-bore bikes - no, this was the howl of full size motorcycles. He glanced at the bicycle shelter. His own bike was parked there; it was a Honda Fireblade and the most powerful machine owned by anyone in the school.  
Up till then. Four massive flat black and crude looking machines peeled off from their formation and zoomed into the schoolyard spewing burnout smoke from their tyres. The riders - four girls - skidded their machines to a halt by the bicycle shelter at the opposite end from Kuno's bike. Kuno was suddenly lured from his purpose by his sheer fascination with big motorbikes.  
He sheathed his bokken and headed for the bikes, standing back a little to get a better look. All four machines appeared to be supercharged and all four had obviously hand made engines.  
Now Kuno did not know much about engines, but he knew enough to know it would take an exceedingly skilled technician to completely hand - build an engine. Even the cylinder blocks were rough enough to look hand machined.  
The engines were watercooled - even more clever - and the waterjackets were somewhat scruffy.  
What's more, the bikes lacked any maker's name engraved into their crankcases. Or anywhere else. He looked closer and realised with a jolt that these were V8 engines. Really massive traverse - mounted V8 engines. Apart from the biggest and ugliest bike which looked horribly like a V12. And it had what he recognised to be a nitrous oxide cylinder hanging from it's top yoke.  
Which was completely and utterly insane. Supercharger + nitrous + V12 barking mad. Kuno shook his head - but not in disgust. In admiration.  
One day, he would ride a machine that insane. Only he would wash it.  
The rider of the V12 pulled off her helmet. She had an unmistakable air of toughness about her. Kuno recognised her - she was one of the very few people he didn't dare mess with. Her name was Gary Wade and she was a martial arts master. Gary was around six foot six tall, heavily muscled, had a messy crop of brown hair and bright green eyes, one noticeably darker than the other. He nodded to her. "Nice machine. Miss Wade"  
Gary snorted. "We've been putting these brutes together since we arrived in Japan. I thought the local bikies would want ta see 'em"  
Kuno nodded. "A V12, correct? Supercharged and fitted with nitrous if my eye does not fool me"  
Gary nodded. "Yep. Me an' onea Dad's pals built her outta busted up old Gixers an' a few huge hunks of aircraft quality alloy. She's got twelve GSXR1100 piston an' valve sets. Insurance is murderous - she puts out near five hundred brake horse at the rear wheel and she's a complete one off"  
Kuno nodded. "Truly a sight for sore eyes, Miss Wade. The learner bikes and mopeds ridden by most pupils of this establishment tire one badly"  
Gary snorted again. "Just a little. But somea the kids do righteous stuff to their 125's an' with their 125's - it's not what ya got it's what ya do with it"  
Kuno glanced back at the gateway. The realisation that Akane Tendo had slipped by while he and his gang were distracted slowly stole over him.

Akane sat and stared into space. She let out a low sigh of relief - Kuno and his cronies hadn't started on her today. That made it a good day from the get-go.  
The reason she had been able to slip into the fire exit at the back of the school walked into the classroom - the toughest person in the school. Gary Wade. Today Gary was wearing a leather jacket over her usual ragged T-shirt and jeans. She had a crash helmet tucked under her arm and her Doc Martens were replaced by a pair of heavy motocross boots.  
Akane smiled at her. "Hey! Gary! Thanks for distracting Kuno"  
Another familiar face now wearing a leather jacket and carrying a crash helmet bounced into the room - Gary's girlfriend Shan. Shan was the shortest of Gary's gang at around five foot three or so and had the most incredible mop of purple hair. Akane frowned slightly. She had never plucked up the courage to ask why Shan always referred to Gary as male.  
No time like the present. She started to ask then bit her tongue and stopped.  
Gary sat down - or rather sprawled down - in her seat and started loudly discussing motorbikes with another of her little gang - Janine. Janine could only be described as a beanpole. She was very slender and six foot eight tall making her look too thin for her body weight, but she managed to be stunningly beautiful despite it. Good looking enough that Akane had tried to chat her up once - and only once. Janine had simply smiled, shook her head and said 'sorry I'm straight'  
Akane sighed. She still fancied the thin Scotswoman. That was the other thing about Gary's gang that made them stand out - they were all foreign.  
Three of them Scottish and the fourth - Shan - Chinese. The final member of Gary's gang chose that moment to make her entrance.  
Angel had her usual superior expression on her face. She was slightly shorter than Gary and as thin as a rake. She was a blue - eyed blonde to boot. Despite all the claptrap about 'dumb blondes' Angel appeared to be the female equivalent of Einstein - she always seemed to know what was going to happen before it happened. And she always looked bored and like she was trying not to laugh at you. Angel was downright scary.  
Akane sighed. Gary (who's seat was on Akane's left) glanced at her.  
"Whatcha sighing for, Goth babe"  
Akane paused. "Actually, I was trying to work out what it is with you four.  
Shan, if you don't mind me asking, why the hell do you... oh, never mind"  
Shan sighed. "I is think I get it. You want for to know why I call Gary 'he', no"  
Akane paused then nodded. Angel snorted.  
Gary sighed. "Can you keep a secret, Akane"  
Akane nodded.  
"Can you keep a secret really, really well"  
Akane nodded. "I don't bum out on people"  
Gary leant over and whispered directly into Akane's ear. "I'm androgynous in a really fucked up way... I'll explain at lunch - Matsui's here"  
Sure enough the pudgy teacher was just walking into the room. The little man was as well turned out as ever.  
Despite his 'fat twit' looks, Mr. Matsui was the most inspiring teacher Akane had ever met. The short, fat, sleepy - headed looking man had a sheer intensity of teaching style and outright belief in education that could get through to all but the most bull headed of pupils.  
As Matsui began the roll-call, Akane stared into space until he called out her name.

The morning passed peacefully enough. Akane could never work out how Gary and her gang managed to pay so little attention yet get such high grades.  
The four were top of the class despite whispering about things like motorbikes and martial arts to each other all day.  
But it was now lunch break. Akane shook her head slightly as she walked outside.  
A hand tapped her shoulder. She spun round, automatically going to a defensive stance. Instead of the Kuno-or-crony she had expected she found Gary grinning at her.  
"You ready to have your mind blown, Akane"  
"I'm not sure"  
"Well, let's head round the back and I'll show you what I'm talking about"  
Akane nodded. "Okay"  
Angel sighed. "She won't be able to handle this"  
"Shut yer trap, Angel"  
Akane sighed and followed the four girls round the back of the gym. Once there Gary leant idly against a wall.  
"I've heard a lotta stuff about your family, Akane. Particularly your sisters... Seems that yer eldest sister has damn near killed almost everyone in town with her car and yer other elder sister will sell anything. Am I right"  
"That's not very polite... but it's true"  
"Well, make damn sure Nabiki Tendo don't get hold o' this one. You know how I said I'm androgynous? Well, that's not exactly true - but it's close. I'm actually able to change sex at will. Don't ask me how because I don't know.  
And be warned - I'm about to demonstrate"  
Gary twisted slightly and sprouted a beard. Akane stared. And stared. And stared. Gary's chest had also gone flat. She - now he - shrugged.  
"You see what I mean?" The voice was unmistakably male. He twisted and became female again. "Just say I prefer wearing the female form - when I'm not having sex. That's why Shan refers to me as male - we're married. Shan's not my girlfriend." Gary held up her hand. Akane had spotted the plain gold ring before but never twigged the connection.  
Shan raised the same hand, revealing a matching ring.  
"Yeah - we're 'husband' and wife, me an' Shan"  
Akane leant against a wall and fished out a cigarette. "Seriously"  
"I wouldn't bullshit anyone about that. Look, I know you're gay. So I trust you not to go blabbing this to anyone and everyone"  
Akane nodded. "I won't. I'm not gonna go setting Mister Bummerclassman Kuno the Kendo Fuckwit on anybody else"  
Angel snorted. "I suspect Kuno'll be the least of your problems before long.  
Never heard the saying about weirdness accumulating, have you"  
"Oh, come on. This is Nerima - Weirdo Central - and I've lived here all my life"  
Gary snorted. 'You only seen the tip o' the iceberg, Akane."

Akane clung to the car seat. Her eldest sister - Kasumi - was known as 'nicest girl in the area', 'most likely to make some incredibly lucky bastard a wonderful wife' and 'most likely to completely splat herself and several innocent bystanders if she keeps driving that supercharged V8 with seats the way she does.  
Everyone liked Kasumi. Except when she was driving.  
She lived a two mode existence. Most of the time she appeared blase and unflappable, doing the housework and generally acting mother to all the Tendo family. But then she got in her Corvette hotrod and the plain dress and apron was replaced by a large brown trenchcoat and mirrorshades. And the self - propelled road hazard rode again.  
In truth Kasumi was an excellent driver. That was why she had never killed anybody. She took 'shortcuts' - in other words did things like 180 miles per hour in a 30 zone. Or doing jumps over railway cuttings. Or driving through the park at 70. On the grass, of course. Kasumi drove like a raging loony and got away with it because she drove like an extremely skilful raging loony.  
The only reason she still had a driving license was because she had never got around to registering her car. She kept a set of bolt cutters in the boot to remove wheelclamps. In fact, she stuck a wheelclamp on each end herself so the cops couldn't tow the car away. And when it was at home she parked in the garage - or rather, her car tuning den. She spent all her spare time doing insane and noisy things to her car's engine.  
Akane sighed slightly. Gary though her life wasn't weird? It was obvious that said hermaphrodite had never seen Kasumi's car in action.  
Kasumi finally reversed into the garage. Akane and Nabiki rather gratefully climbed out. All three Tendo girl's were wondering exactly why their father had asked Kasumi to pick her sisters up from school - they normally rejected the offer of lifts so as to avoid 4G takeoffs. Having your weight multiplied by four straight backwards was not fun, but Kasumi was under the impression it was.  
They walked into the house and were immediately hit by the sound of their father's favourite music (when he was in one of his hyper moods) - Fatboy Slim's best set was bellowing out of Kasumi's prized rave speakers. The house was very thoroughly soundproofed due to Kasumi's taste in music (industrial metal) so they couldn't hear it until the door was open. Kasumi rolled her eyes and swayed gently through to the kitchen, but Akane beat her to the volume control.  
Soun Tendo was dancing around like a maniac in the living room. He saw the three girls walk in and immediately stopped. He tried to school his face to a serious expression, but couldn't suppress the grin. He bounced through to the kitchen (which the garage opened onto) and started jabbering.  
"Genma phoned this is so cool I've been waiting for ages for this they should be here any minute now and"  
Kasumi butted in. "Like, how about starting at the like start, man. That way we might kinda like get it, man. Dig"  
Soun paused and carefully worked out exactly what she meant. Spaced out described Kasumi very accurately. "Well-um-er-that is... Yes. An old friend of mine named Genma Saotome - well, more a kindred spirit - phoned earlier"  
Akane walked in from changing out of her school uniform and heard something ominous in the middle of her father's careful drone. "...Fiancee"  
"Run that past me again, dad"  
Soun sighed. "Ho hum. My oldest bestest mate Genma Saotome is bringing his son Ranma here - they have been on a voyage of training, recently in China.  
At any rate, myself and Genma agreed fifteen years ago to unite our family lines... Which means that one of you three girls will marry young Ranma"  
Akane gritted her teeth. "Dad, you can count me out. You know about my sexuality as well as I do, damnit"  
Soun sighed heavily. "Akane, give Ranma a chance. Nabiki, I will not permit you to profiteer from him! He will be an honoured guest! Genma intends to reopen his motorcycle customisation business here in Nerima and I have offered him some of our land to do so. He has enough capital stashed away from selling his old business in Juuban to get SCC up and running again -  
apart from the land. As the bottom of the garden is a complete wilderness.  
a decent building is sure to be an improvement. And he is one of the best motorcycle customisers in Japan. What's more he tells me his son is even better. So they will be fully able to pay their own way without you blackmailing them. While I do appreciate you coordination of our accounts"  
Nabiki sighed and nodded. "I get it. You don't want to piss you pal off,  
right"  
"Not exactly. Genma is my best friend - I haven't seen him in years - and -  
well. Funny - they must be taking it easy - they got off the ferry two hours ago and it's only four hundred miles.  
Akane (who had taken no more notice after she told her father exactly where she stood) suddenly jerked her attention back. "What? How are they going to make four hundred miles in under two hours"  
"Motorbikes... Some of the most powerful motorbikes in Japan"  
Kasumi frowned. "Like, black ones? One with a Dodge V8 motor, right"  
"Huh? How do you know"  
"It's just there's like two bikes just kinda pulled up outside. Only one's being ridden by a - oh, well"  
Soun had already charged out the door.

Ranma yanked off her helmet and hung it on her handlebars, She tugged her damp leather jacket open and fished out a cigarette.  
"Bloody cars. Bloody weather. Bloody pigs. Bloody curse. Fancy some hot water, old man"  
The panda seated on the other motorbike grunted and put the bike out of gear. It switched off and clumsily fished out then lit a cigarette.  
A tall man with longish black hair and a moustache burst out of the front door of the large house. "GEN- What the fuck"  
Ranma looked up at him. "You're Soun Tendo, right"  
"Yes. And you are"  
"I'm Ranma... Ranma Saotome"  
Soun stared. The way Ranma's damp black T-shirt was clinging to her made the truth painfully obvious. Nabiki and Kasumi had followed him out.  
Nabiki leant over and poked Ranma's left breast. "It seems that 'he' is female"  
Ranma's hand whipped out and smashed Nabiki's away. "Keep yer fuckin' hand's to yer fuckin' self"  
Soun went from bounce to droop. He turned and walked slowly inside.  
Ranma glared at the panda. "And another fuckin' wonderful ballsup ya got me in, old man. Hey ho, time for the hot water and a nice, detailed explanation, huh"  
The panda grunted and fished a can of chain lube out of it's bike's saddlebag. It started cheerfully lubricating it's motorbike's chain.  
"For fuck sake, yank the radiator refill cap off ya dipshit! Or I'm gonna do it"  
The panda shook it's head and put it's paw over the radiator refill cap.  
Ranma gritted her teeth. "You fuckin' asked for it, old man"  
She yanked the refill cap off her own bike's radiator and sloshed some water out of it into a battered tin mug and advanced menacingly on the panda.  
The panda made a warding off gesture.  
In the porch, Soun heard "Growf-"SPLASH"-idiotic boy"  
He immediately recognised the voice. "GENMAA"  
Akane stuck her head out the door to see what was going on. What she saw was her father dragging a fat bald bearded biker into the house by the ear while a red - haired and obviously female figure sat and laughed on the motorbike which the panda had not been riding.  
The panda was nowhere to be seen. The fat guy was holding a spray can.  
Hadn't the panda been holding a spray can?  
Akane Tendo smelt a rat. She waited until her father and Nabiki had gone inside then looked thoughtfully at the girl.  
"Are you Ranma"  
The girl nodded. "Yeah, the one an' fuckin' only"  
"Look, I think I've got some idea what's going on. Come on over the training hall - I don't want my sister hearing this"  
Ranma snorted. "Intrigue an' shit is it? Yeah all bloody right - I doubt what you're thinkin' is the fuckin' fact o' it"  
She followed Akane to the Tendo's training hall. Once there Akane leant against the wall beside the door. Ranma carefully looked her up and down.  
Short and stocky. Dressed in a black trenchcoat, leather trousers, Sisters of Mercy T-shirt, cartridge belt, slim leather choker and hiking boots.  
"You're a Goth, right"  
"And let me guess - you're actually a guy. Having 'When in doubt suck my cock' written on your motorbike is a hint"  
Ranma stared at her. "How the fuck did you guess"  
"There's someone I know from school who's a bit like that. He - she - it -  
can change sex at will. I've seen it and it's real"  
"I wish it wuz that fuckin' easy. Damn right I do. Naw, I change to female whenever I get hit by cold water an' hot water changes me back. At least I bloody stay human - Dad changes into a fuckin' panda"  
Akane frowned. "How"  
"A soddin' stupid Chinese curse I picked up a couple o' weeks ago. Before that I wuz a guy full time"  
Akane nodded again. "Look, do you want to be friends? I could do with some proper friends"  
Ranma nodded slowly. "You think you're the only one? I ain't gotten any friends. Well, apart from my brother. An' he fucks off whenever he feels like it - I only see him a couple o' times a month"  
Akane nodded again. "But you actually do stuff with him"  
"Yeah - we're bike buddies, right? We watch out fer each other. Damn, it's so fuckin' typical it wuz me who got this fuckin' curse an' not the guy who's gonna fuckin' like it"  
"Huh"  
"My bro's gay an' he's been mutterin' about a sex change"  
Akane snorted. "Your brother's gay'  
"Yeah - what of it"  
"Oh good - you're defending him"  
"What the fuck's that supposed ta mean"  
"I'm a lesbian... and I get a lot of trouble with homophobes"  
Ranma paused. "Ah. Fair enough"  
"Come on - let's head inside and tell Dad the facts before he has a hernia"  
Ranma nodded morosely. "Yeah - suppose we better... But first I'm gonna fuckin' change back so he fuckin' believes me"  
They walked back to the bikes. Ranma tugged the radiator refill cap off her father's bike and blew down the hole thus splashing herself. He straightened up, unfolding to an impressively large young man around five foot ten tall,  
broad shouldered and black haired.  
Akane stared for a few moments. The change was much more noticeable than with Gary - Ranma gained around six inches height and almost doubled in bulk. Which explained the baggy leathers.  
He grabbed the bottle of water from down the front of his father's bike's seat then glanced at Akane. "Right. Let's get inside." He slipped on a pair of sunglasses and lit up a smoke. Akane nodded and slid on her wraparound mirrorshades. She too lit up a smoke.  
Both felt much more comfortable in the company of someone equally at odds with so - called 'normality.  
As they entered the porch they heard Soun yelling "...Fucking liar"  
Ranma stiffened. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists then banged the door open very hard indeed. "Oy, Tendo! Just you stop an' fuckin' think"  
Sun looked round and found himself looking at a tall and heavily built young biker wearing an extremely pissed off expression. "Huh"  
"The name's Ranma Saotome - punk. And have I gotten news fer you"  
"Huh"  
"Start thinkin'. One, who's gonna let a PANDA ride a motorbike on th' road?  
Two, what th' fuck wuz it doin' with yer old pal Genma's V8 ratbike? Three,  
what the hell kinda girl's gonna have 'when in doubt suck my cock' written on her fuel tank? C'mon, think about it. Where did the panda go"  
Soun paused. "What"  
"Ho hum, looks like we're gonna have ta spell it out." Ranma sloshed the bottle of water over his father.  
Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane and Soun stared at the panda Genma had just become.  
"What in the fuck?!?!" "Wow, man!" "What the?" "Freaky"  
Ranma nodded. "All o' that. When Dad get's splashed with cold water he turns into a panda. Hot water turns him back - dunno what temperature but tick his V8 over fer five minutes an' the water in th' header tank'll be hot enuf ta turn him back. I turn into a girl the same way an' change back the same way.  
Turn yer brains on! Somebody get th' walkin' carpet some hot water before he pisses himself"  
Kasumi stood up and hurried through to the kitchen. She ran the tap for a few moments then came back with a glassful of water.  
"Thanks. Just chuck it over the asshole"  
The panda nodded. Kasumi poured the water on it's head.  
"Wow, man! Groovy"  
Ranma snorted. "It ain't so groovy when it's your body that's warped into somethin' fuckin' else"  
Genma rolled his eyes. 'You said it. Aye, you said it"  
"Cut the crap, old man. How about you tell this crew the whole shitty deal since it's your fuckin' fault"  
Genma sighed and nodded. "Very well. Myself and Ranma spent the last few months cruising around China. At any rate, I purchased an old map outta a junkshop in Shanghai... it listed seven training grounds. We decided to"  
Ranma kicked him. "I thought you decided"  
"- Ahem. I decided we would visit them all in turns... we worked our way round, so to speak. It was at the third one it happened. I don't suppose any of you have ever heard of Jusenkyo"  
Soun scratched his head. "I vaguely remember something... but the details escape me. My memory can be a bit sketchy"  
"At any rate, I'd eaten one too many cans of baked beans the day before and had a bad case of gas pains - I started farting"  
"Bullshit, old man. I'd gotten to the point o' better than him about a year ago an' I tanned his sorry hide. It's onea yer average balance training setups- ya know the deal. Bamboo poles set up in pools, added bonus of a fucked up curse if ya take the plunge. Any rate, I gave this twit a damn good kick an' he landed face first in th' drink. An' a panda come out. A fuckin' PANDA. Still wearin' dad's glasses"  
"Ahem. I noticed I felt a bit heavier as soon as I hit the water, but I discounted it as my gi being soggy. But when I jumped back out Ranma completely freaked and I gave him a damn good shove before I figured what was going on..." Genma stopped talking and started spluttering.  
"A fuckin' PANDA! The dickhead shunted me into another spring - sperloosh!  
Well, guess what. My gi felt too fuckin' big an' tight round the chest an' I was like what the fuck have I turned into then I realised I had tits"  
Soun swore. "Bloody hell! Now I remember - Jusenkyo! The Training Ground of Cursed Springs! Shit"  
Genma nodded. "The fucking same. The one and fucking only. The fucking place I fucking wish the fucking People's fucking Army of fucking China would fucking bomb to fucking oblivion"  
Ranma snorted. "Shut yer cake - hole, dirtbag. So are you crew gonna go through with this arranged marriage deal or are you gonna yell 'freak' an'  
kick us out"  
Soun spluttered for a moment. 'Ah-well-um-that is... You remain a fully operational man when this curse is not activated"  
"Yeah, everything works. That goes for both forms far as I can work out. You got any fuckin' idea how much o' a fright it gave me first time I had a period in female form? I nearly shat it"  
Soun spluttered again. "Ah-well-um-that is"  
Kasumi rolled her eyes. "This is kinda freaking me out, man"  
Ranma glared at her. "Well thanks a shitload. This freaked me completely out a couple o' weeks back"  
There was a short pause which Ranma broke. "Look, I gotta thought, right? I don't know yer daughters an' they don't know me, right? How about we generally leave decidin' anything fer a couple o' weeks then see what's th'  
story, right"  
Soun and Genma looked at each other and shrugged. 'Sounds sensible." they chorused.  
"Right. We'll worry about that shit in a couple o' weeks. But right now I gotta go do some motorcycle maintenance. Lube me chain, y'know"  
Soun nodded. "Yeah... Genma, fancy a drink"  
Genma nodded. "I'm dryer than a nun's- ...Yes please"  
Ranma snorted and trudged outside. He fished around in the old Chinese army pack that served as a saddlebag on his bike then fished out a tool roll, a half dozen lumps of metal and a spray can.  
Akane had followed him out. She watched as he sprayed the contents of the can on the motorbike's drive chain.  
The label on the can read 'High Performance Formula for Final Drive Systems'  
"Chain lube" Ranma explained. "This stuff may look like snot but it stops the drive chain killin' itself - especially the way I tuned this thing.  
Which reminds me-" he spun the back wheel half a turn with his hand - "I gotta make up a new piston - conrod - crank set. This ones'll be about dead by now"  
"Huh? I thought engine bits should last as long as the whole bike"  
"Not the way I tuned this thing. It does somewhere over 220 miles per hour.  
I've broken 200 wheelieing"  
Akane whistled. "That's crazy"  
"So am I. A bike's only as mad as the guy who builds it. An' if a bike's completely mental just think what the builder is. I started with a Suzuki GSXR1100 an' gasflowed th' heads, supercharged it, fucked with th' gearbox,  
changed th' final drive setup, added nitrous for a laugh, kept tunin' it then it started holein' stock pistons every three days. So I whacked in a set o' home made ones. They last about a week - the state of tune she's in the stockers'd burn out within twenty minutes. Yeah, it takes a fair bit o'  
work to keep runnin'. Yeah it's barkin' mad. But damn, is it worth it!" He paused then bit his lip. "I stalled our dad's long as I thought I'd get away with - but it ain't gonna last forever. They're both pretty fired up... I'll fuck off if you an yer sisters want me to - that'll mean a lot less trouble fer ya. I got a stack o' shit followin' me"  
Akane shook her head. "Ranma, you're a friend. I don't want you to go away'  
"Huh? Thanks"  
They stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes then Ranma grabbed his tool roll and the lumps of rough metal and headed inside. Akane followed him.  
She could tell he had to be extremely good just by watching. Despite the tight leathers and heavy boots his gait almost said 'martial artist' out loud.  
Genma looked up as they walked in. "Ranma! Myself and Tendo decided you must start attending school. We had things set up ready so - hey, where are you going"  
"Lookin' fer a dustsheet so I don't get alloy filings everywhere. So you're shovin' me off ta school, huh? Well don't think you're gonna get me in no fuckin' uniform"  
Genma glanced at Soun as Ranma vanished through to the kitchen. "He took that rather better than I expected..."

The next morning Ranma was up before dawn. He had a quick smoke then decided to go for an early morning blat. He fished his keys out of the secret pocket, put on his leathers, got his crash helmet and headed for his bike.  
He climbed onto the machine and snapped the headlamps on. They flooded the street with their yellowish light. The bike had eight halogen floodlamps fitted - thus it's oversize alternator. He snapped the kill switch to run and thumbed the starter. The engine spluttered twice then started.

BRANGGGGRNTGRNTGRNTGRNT!

Akane jerked awake as the deafening roar echoed up from the driveway. She shook her head, thinking the noise was part of a dream. But it didn't go away. Suddenly she realised it was coming from outside.  
She shoved her curtains aside and looked outside. The houses on the far side of the street were awash with a bright yellowish light. The light and noise were coming from the driveway.  
Akane looked down at the exact moment Ranma shifted into first gear and started doing a burnout. The green glow of the clocks, the dull red glow from the taillight and the blaze of the headlamps stared back at Akane as she stared at Ranma. Smoke drifted up around him from the back tyre as he revved the bike up.  
Then he began to ease off the front brake. The bike surged forwards, did a powerslide out of the driveway and vanished leaving just the fading howl from it's exhausts and a single black line of rubber on the tarmac.  
He was back about twenty minutes later. He shot past with a police car hard behind him. Akane heard the dull thud of an explosion off down the street then Ranma came back, turned into the driveway and parked his bike. He idly fished his bike's numberplate out of his pocket and reattached it.

Akane watched Ranma out of the corner of her eye all through breakfast. He ate slowly, appearing to savour each mouthful. He also ate a large amount -  
she could hardly believe the quantity of food he managed to fit between his chopsticks at the same time.  
Once he had finished stuffing his face he vanished upstairs and came back down wearing the Chinese army pack and his leathers. He glanced at her and Nabiki.  
"Either of you guys wanna lift? I only gotten room for one and I ride fuckin' fast"  
Akane nodded. "Yes please"  
"Dad - gissaloan o' yer lid, huh"  
Genma shook his head. "Use the spare lid - it's on top of my pack"  
Ranma nodded and vanished upstairs again. He reappeared carrying said crash helmet in one hand and his own helmet in the other.  
He handed the spare to Akane. "You need this"  
Akane nodded and followed him out to his bike. He spent a bit of time fiddling with it then nodded at Akane.  
"Always stick the lid on before I fire the engine, right? This bike's LOUD"  
Akane nodded, remembering the way the roar had cut through the double glazing in her bedroom window. She put the helmet on. Ranma spent a few moments adjusting it to fit her chin then swung onto the bike.  
"Hold on tight." he instructed. Akane paused then wrapped her arms around him.  
Ranma shot her a 'thumbs up' then fired the engine. The bass roar hit Akane like a wall of sound, blasting through her body and making her go wide -  
eyed. Ranma paused then unfastened what looked like an old belt that was wrapped around the fuel tank. He passed it around both of them and buckled it into place, trapping Akane's arms in the process. He clamped his hands on the handlebars, pulled in the clutch, flipped into first then gunned the engine. No burnout this time - instead he simply rocketed straight forwards.  
Akane felt a jolt then the bike seemed to be going straight upwards.  
She glanced sideways and immediately wished she hadn't. The bike was going straight upwards - up the side of the house next door. It lifted into the air for a moment then slammed down on the roof on it's back wheel.  
Ranma pulled up near the peak of the roof and glanced around. From up here the school was clearly visible. He swung the bike's handlebars over and thundered off down the row of houses that formed the street the Tendo's house lied on, neatly jumping each gap.

Kuno was waiting as per usual. He shifted his weight onto his other foot and glanced up and down the street.  
Gary and company were long since there. They were talking about bikes over near the bicycle shelter.  
A bellow grew off down the street. Another extremely powerful motorcycle.  
Only this one was coming from an odd angle.  
Kuno peered down the street. So he got a clear look when the machine flew off a roof at the far end of the street, slammed down on the blacktop and rocketed towards the school in a massive rolling burnout. The rider braked hard and slid the machine into the schoolyard, ending up with the bike stood beside Gary's facing back the way it came.  
Kuno recognised the girl on the back of the bike before it had even stopped moving. The cartridge belt and US Army pack were unmistakable. It was Akane Tendo - and she was fastened to the biker by a very long belt.  
Kuno watched calmly as the biker switched off, unfastened the belt that was keeping Akane with him (or her) then pulled off his skidlid. Definitely male. Loose ponytail, unshaven.  
Akane removed her crash helmet and glanced around.  
"Oh great - Kuno's here already"  
"Ya what"  
"That fuckhead." She pointed at Kuno.  
He sauntered over and frowned at Ranma.  
"I suspect you do not know what Akane Tendo is, sir"  
"Fuck off, pal. I neither know nor care"  
Akane swung off the bike and clenched her fists. "Get outta my face, Kuno"  
Kuno ignored her. He continued staring straight at Ranma.  
"Akane Tendo is a bitch dyke pervert."

Finito - da - Parta Wun.

Chapter 2 - Unleashed "The first gas turbine engined SCC machine? Easy, a bike built well before Dad reopened the business in Nerima. It's basically a Rolls-Royce Allison helicopter engine with a wheel bolted to each end; there's none of the sophisticated electronics we fit to the production machines. That's because it was a deranged idea caused by finding a half scrapped Bell Jetranger in a junkyard, I forget where." - Ranma Saotome, propertier of SCC.

Ryoga Hibiki sat and listened to the whine from the gas turbine as his bike rocketed down the interstate, lit only by his machine's single headlamp, the green glow from the clocks and the blaze of pulsing blue light from behind him.  
He glanced over his shoulder. The three cop cars were closing on him. After all, his bike lacked a numberplate. A helicopter had joined in the chase.  
He glanced at the speedo. Why the fuck was he only doing the ton twenty? He gassed the engine and jammed his thumb on the big red button. There was a dull thud from behind him and the bike lunged forwards, ramming the backrest into his arse as the afterburners cut in, thrusting rider and machine forwards at wildly increasing speed. The road clung to the side of the mountain, on one side was a cliff upwards and on the other a sheer eight hundred foot drop.  
The cop in the lead car picked up his radio. "No good, we've lost him. Is the road block ready"  
"Roger. Let's see this maniac get past us!"

Ranma slowly set down his crash helmet and slid on his shades.  
"If," he drawled, "Ya ever say anything like that about anyone again I'll rip off yer head and shit down yer neck. Got it"  
Kuno snorted. "What exactly makes you think you can defeat me"  
"Shut yer face. Akane, put yer fingers in yer ears." Ranma flipped his bike's kill switch to run and thumbed the starter. The engine let out a meaty grunt and started. Ranma pulled in the clutch, locked the front brake,  
short - shifted to sixth and began to ease out the clutch. As soon as the back wheel began to spin he hit the nitrous trigger.  
The sonic bombardment from the exhausts went beyond loud. Every window in the school blew out. And Kuno fell flat on his back.  
Ranma let go of the nitrous and pulled in the clutch. He nudged the back brake and the wheel stopped spinning. He switched to neutral and shrugged.  
"Next time he tries that I roadkill him"  
Akane glared at him. 'You didn't need to help - I can take"  
Ranma shrugged. "Maybe not - but I wanted to so I did"  
Gary calmly walked over to Kuno and picked him up by the back of his shirt then hooked his collar onto the bicycle shelter guttering.  
"I dannae reckon anyone else's strong enuf ta get him down, huh? Let him stay there till lunch"  
Ranma laughed quietly. "Yeah - let him stay there. So - who are you"  
"Gary Wade. And you do be"  
"Ranma... Ranma Saotome. Top notch martial artist an' the best fuckin' biker on the planet"  
Akane glanced from one of them to the other. "Hey - Gary - can I have a word with you"  
Gary nodded. "Yup. I'm needin' a piss so come along, right"  
Akane nodded and followed the big Scot androgyn to the toilet block. Gary vanished into a cubicle and started doing a massive and noisy widdle.  
"Gary... Can I tell Ranma about you? He's got something similar and he may hide it but he's really depressed about it. I just want him to know he's not the only one"  
"Explain"  
Akane made sure nobody else was in the toilets. "Whenever Ranma get's wet he changes sex - it's this curse he"  
"Picked up in China? Jusenkyo, right? I've come across it before. Say no more - you can tell Ranma about me. I like the guy already and he's no homophobe"  
Akane sighed. "Yeah. Thanks."

Ranma looked up from where he was now talking bikes with Janine as Akane and Gary walked out of the toilet block.  
"Hey, Akane! A-OK"  
Akane nodded. Gary looked at Ranma's bike. "GSXR1100, right? Blower,  
nitrous. Nice machine - I like the stereo"  
Ranma chuckled. "You ride this V12 thing, right"  
"Yeah. It's gotten twelve Gixer 1100 pistons - around 3.3 litre capacity all in all. We hand - made the block and crankcase"  
"Yeah? You could get better horsepower usin' hand - made piston-conrod-crank sets. That's what I use an' she puts out around four hundred brake horse at the crank"  
"I'm already getting clear of five hundred... I don't really need more"  
"Aw, c'mon - you don't tune up an engine because you need to. You tune it because you can"  
Gary nodded. "Yeah, but she's a bitch to control. Wheelies off the throttle in every gear in the box even with the length o' swingarm I've fitted. Much more powerful and she'd be unridable - you couldn't launch without flippin'  
her. I normally pull away in third as it is"  
Ranma chuckled. "Wicked! I gotta go talk to the top fuckers round here -  
catch ya later"  
Gary nodded again. "Stay cool, man"  
She waited until Ranma was gone then turned to Akane. "When'd you meet him"  
"Yesterday after I got home from school"  
"Waddya think about the guy, huh"  
"Him? He's a lot different to the guys we get around here... he's a lot nicer. In a hairy, foul-mouthed way"  
Gary laughed quietly. "Yeah - in a hairy foulmouthed way he's alright. Hey,  
ya gotta stick up for anyone who sticks up for ya"  
Akane nodded. "Suppose so."

Matsui looked thoughtfully at his latest pupil. Beefy five foot ten leather - clad biker. Nicotine stains on fingers. Name: Ranma Saotome.  
Wild Horse, huh? The boy certainly looked wild.  
"Ranma, would you like to introduce yourself to the class"  
Ranma nodded. "Sure thing, teach. Hello there, I'm Ranma Saotome. I'm a twelfth dan black belt in karate and the best fuckin' biker on the planet.  
I'm lookin' forwards to this"  
He bowed politely. "Right, where do I park me butt"  
Matsui coughed politely. "Ahem. Please sit in the spare seat to Akane Tendo's right, Ranma"  
"Sure thing, teach." He swaggered over to said seat. Matsui nodded slightly - here was a young man with an attitude that needed to be watched.  
He was in for a pleasant surprise. Ranma paid diligent attention and truly strived to achieve. The boy had an almost visible need for knowledge.  
Lunch time came and Ranma swaggered outside with Akane and Gary's gang. They found Kuno's shirt hanging from the bicycle shelter gutter.  
Ranma rolled his eyes. "So the freak gotten away"  
"Indeed I have." came a voice from behind them. Turning round they found the whole Kendo club glaring at them.  
Gary snorted and flexed her wrist slightly. A stubby knife on the end of a length of chain snapped out of her armband.  
"You people can fuck off. I don't wanna have ta kill anyone"  
The kendoists made no move to leave. Ranma pulled a length of rusty chain out of his pocket.  
"Looks like we might have ta do this the hard way... Hard for you dicks that is"  
Kuno sighed. "If your wish is for a fight I am prepared to face you"  
Ranma spat. "Cut the shit, bubba. Yer the one who started this - back down or I'm gonna finish this. Ya understand me"  
Kuno drew his bokken. "Men - kill."

Matsui heard a massive fight breaking out. Weird - a fight at lunchtime? He looked out the window.  
His new pupil Ranma, armed with a length of chain, was fighting with Tatewaki Kuno. And winning.  
Around the two a huge brawl had broken out. He recognised five more of his pupils - Akane Tendo, Gary Wade, Shan, Janine Crawford and Angel Grey. They were up against the entirety of the school's kendo club - around thirty people. And they appeared to be winning.

Akane ducked a bokken strike and kicked the Kendoist in the balls. The boy doubled up and she kicked him in the head a couple of times, leaving him writhing in agony on the floor.  
Another kendoist leapt at her. Again she avoided his attack and slid through his defence, slamming him into a wall hard enough to dent it.  
As she was doing so another bokken flashed out. She felt a stinging pain from her breast and became increasingly angry. Kuno flew backwards between her and her attacker, smashing head - first through the reinforced concrete wall behind.  
She stared at the boy. He was sniggering through his kendo mask.  
She reached inside her coat and whipped out a short length of steel pipe. It was her number one emergency weapon.  
She deflected his second bokken blow with it. The front of her blouse felt damp.  
He attempted to attack again and she smashed the bokken out of his hand then grabbed his mask and ripped it off. Two kicks in his groin and he was curled up on the floor. She hit him in the face a few times then kicked him in the head twice.  
As she drew her hand back to thump him again Ranma grabbed her wrist.  
"I think he's had enough - what the fuck? You're bleedin"  
Akane glanced down. Her left tit was hanging out of a rent in her blouse.  
Blood was dripping from a long slash on her breast.  
Ranma swore violently. "That stinkin' motherfucker craphead bastard!" He yanked off his leather jacket and handed it to her. "Here, wear this. Won't be the first bloodstain on it. We gotta get you to the doc's - that cut is nasty. Are you gonna be alright"  
Akane nodded. "Get me to Doctor Tofu's, Ranma"  
He nodded. "Gary, you know where this Doc Tofu works"  
"I'll lead you there."

Tanaka was bored. And a bored traffic cop means trouble for any biker in the area. When two machines shot out of a sidestreet and blasted away at well over the speed limit he stopped feeling bored. Especially since neither person on the rear bike was wearing a crash helmet.  
He snapped on his car's siren and went after the bikes. Much to his disgust the bikers stayed well in front of him despite his best attempts to overtake and force them to pull up.  
Then both machines suddenly skidded to a halt on the pavement. Tanaka skidded to a halt beside them.  
"You three are"  
The dark haired and helmetless boy cut him off. "Shut yer cake-hole, pig.  
Akane's just been slashed - why do you think we pulled up by the doctors?  
Gary, make sure this stupid little shit don't mess with my bike"  
He helped Akane off the bike. She was very pale and shaking.  
"The inside of your jacket feels wet, Ranma"  
Ranma looked at her. A bloody mark was appearing beneath the waistline of the jacket. Tanaka stared. The girl's abdomen appeared to be bleeding heavily.  
Ranma carried Akane inside. As he stepped through the door her foot knocked against a vase of flowers.  
There was a huge splash and Ranma, now female, exploded.  
"Aw for fuck sake! This is all I fuckin' need! Fuckin' goddamn stupid fuckin' curse! I'm gonna rip that fat shit's guts outta his arse"  
Dr. Tofu looked round and immediately sensed something was wrong.  
"Akane? What's happened"  
"She's been fuckin' slashed by some fuckin' Kendo shithead, that's what!  
She's bleedin' all over the fuckin' place"  
Dr. Tofu nodded. "Come through to the surgery, girls"  
Ranma had to bite her tongue to avoid swearing at the doctor.

Tanaka frowned at Gary.  
"Look, ma'am. What you were doing was highly illegal - but this car has no camera and I'm not going to tell the sergeant. Give the young lady my best wishes"  
He wound up the car's window and drove away. Gary locked the two bikes, took the key's out of Ranma's ignition and walked inside the clinic.  
She looked around the waiting room then stepped through the door marked 'SURGERY'. As she had guessed, Ranma (now female) and Akane (now being stitched up by a thirtysomething man, presumably the doctor) were in there.  
"Are you gonna be alright, Akane"  
The doctor answered for her. "She'll be fine... she's lost a bit of blood but not as much as I feared"  
Akane winced. "OW fuck"  
"Sorry - hasn't the anaesthetic taken full effect"  
"Dunno but it hurt when you did whatever you did"  
Tofu nodded slightly. "Sorry"  
Gary leant over to Ranma. "Hey - you left these in yer bike." She handed Ranma the keys.  
"Fuckin' hell! Thanks"  
"I locked it to mine. I'm just gonna phone Shan an' get her to bring yer lids here, right? You left them under yer desk, didn't you"  
Ranma nodded. "Um - just one thing - "  
"Yeah? What's that"  
"How the fuck did you recognise me while I'm in curse form"  
"Akane told me about your curse and you couldn't be anywhere else, so"  
"So now you think I'm some kind of freak, right"  
"Don't talk bullshit, Ranma. I'm androgynous in a really fucked up way, so I can accept a little bit of magic fuckup no bother. I'll go get you some hot water"  
Ranma nodded dumbly. Doctor Tofu stared from one of them to the other.  
"If you don't mind me asking, what the hells are you talking about"  
Gary snorted. "I'll get Ranma some hot water and we'll demonstrate"  
Ranma sighed. 'I'd better come with ya - I need a smoke. Did ya get rid o'  
th' pig"  
"No problem - he drove off after he saw the blood on Akane's blouse. Said he's not gonna grass us and he hopes she's okay"  
They walked out of the room. Dr. Tofu frowned at Akane.  
"You've had some strange girlfriends in your time, Akane. But that redhead is the weirdest"  
"Ranma's not my..." Akane stopped.  
"But you are in love with her. I can quite clearly see it in your ki. And she adores you"  
"Ranma's male"  
"What"  
Akane sighed and explained about Ranma's curse.

Ranma lit up her cigarette and glared into the middle distance.  
"What a fuckup"  
"Hey man - you fancy Akane, dontcha"  
Ranma nodded. "Yeah. I do. But she's a lez, right? I'm not gonna try anything on her, oh no way. She don't want a guy"  
"Ranma, she fancies you something rotten. I'm a martial arts master, man.  
And I can see both of you two's auras clear as day"  
Ranma sighed. "Look, I'd like to believe it, but... nah. She's gay, Gary. I know gay people like I know my own brother - he's gay himself so..." She stopped and shrugged again.  
"Have a close look at yourself and say you're sexually normal, Ranma. You may be a straight guy, but when you're female you're a lesbian"  
Ranma paused. "But I hate my curse form. I ain't as strong, I ain't as tall,  
I don't fit my bike so well - hell, it's plain too big for me in curse form.  
I can't get both my feet on the deck at the same time in curse. It's shit -  
I keep gettin' GUYS tryin' to chat me up. I fuckin' hate it"  
"But between your curse, your martial arts and your bike you are Akane Tendo's perfect man. I know a bisexual when I see one and Akane is bisexual no matter what she thinks she is."

Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome looked up from their game. Each man had a cigarette hanging from his mouth and a glass of sake in one hand.  
A grand total of five bikes - Ranma's machine and four others - zoomed into the driveway.Soun and Genma peered at the machines.  
"They're back early"  
"Fucking hell - that's a V12! And three V8's"  
Soun smiled slightly. "Beautiful. Genma, I've never been much of one for motorbike construction - fancy helping me put a chop together once you get SCC open again? My old 250 Superdream feels sluggish"  
Genma nodded. "CB250's are good little bikes - but they're LITTLE bikes"  
Soun nodded. "Hmm - never seen those machines around before"  
"Well, their riders are girls - look young enough to be classmates of Ranma and Akane... Why the hell is Akane wearing Ranma's jacket"  
"Beats me"  
The six youths walked into the living room. Ranma was supporting Akane with one arm.  
"Akane? You look awfully pale - what"  
"That sonofabitch Kuno and his cronies attacked us an' she caught a bokken comin' the other way. Doc Tofu stitched it up but her school uniform's fucked. C'mon, Akane - let's get you changed into somethin' wearable"  
Soun half stood up. "She got hurt? Stitches"  
Akane nodded. "Yes. Doctor Tofu say's I'll be alright - but I've got eight stitches in one breast"  
Soun went red. "Who did that"  
"Don't worry - I gave him a really good thrashing"  
"She fuckin' near killed the little bastard"  
Ranma helped her out of the room. Gary smiled slyly at Soun.  
"Mind if we come in"  
"Not at all, young lady. Are you schoolfriends of Ranma"  
Gary nodded. "Yeah - we're him an' Akane's mates." She paused. "And I'm a bit like Ranma - only I don't know what sex I actually am. I can change at will, unlike him. I'm Gary Wade, this is my wife Shan, this is my best friend Janine Crawford and this is my aunt Angel Grey. You're Akane's dad,  
right"  
"Yes, I'm Soun Tendo and this is my best friend, Ranma's father, Genma Saotome"  
Gary nodded. "Pleased ta meetcha, guys. Don't you worry - Akane's one tough chick. She'll be fine - she's just a bit shaken up. It's Ranma I'm worried about - he's incandescently angry over this"  
Soun frowned. "Why do you think it's got him so mad - not that I mind"  
"He's fallen for her in a very big way. And she for him. I'm not sure if they've figured - yet. Look, I'm a martial arts master - I can see their auras as clear as I can see their faces. People in love have a kinda band joinin' their auras - but I've not seen one that fucking big in years"  
Soun and Genma stared.  
"You're serious?" Soun asked.  
Gary nodded. "No bullshit"  
Soun grew a big smile."That's fantastic! Our deal's gonna pay off"  
"Deal"  
Genma nodded. "Fifteen years ago - first time we saw each other after Ranma was born - we agreed to join our family lines by engaging him to one of Soun's daughters as soon as they were all of age. It got delayed about eleven months by myself and Ranma's training trip"  
Soun nodded. "I didn't really think it was going to work out that well.  
Kasumi and Ranma wouldn't match - Ranma hates cars while Kasumi is a car nut. Nabiki actively avoids sexuality. And as far as we knew Akane is a lesbian"  
Gary snorted. "It'd seem she's not as lez as she thought. She's fallen for Ranma pretty heavy. And he's fallen for her much the same. Look, don't push them into anything. Ranma strikes me as bull-headed and I've never met anyone as bloody minded as Akane - well, apart from Dad and his sister." She glanced at her watch. "Shit - we gotta go. We need to get back to class -  
I'll tell Matsui what happened so Ranma and Akane don't get detention over this"  
Soun nodded. "Thankyou - you've been a great help. You're welcome to my home any time... your news has lightened my entire day"  
Gary nodded. "Mind what I said about not pushin' those kids, huh? See ya later"  
Soun smiled happily. "I believe I will take your advice. Thankyou again"  
Gary grinned. "No problem, man. Bye"  
She and her gang walked out the door.

Ranma glanced out the window as the four big engines grunted into life.  
"Wonder where they're goin"  
Akane sighed and slipped off her ruined T-shirt. "They'll probably be going back to school - lunchbreak's almost over and they haven't got the excuse we have"  
Ranma nodded. "Suppose so." He paused and started twiddling his thumbs,  
carefully not looking as Akane put on an undamaged bra.  
"Akane, Gary told me somethin' I can't quite believe.." He stopped and bit his tongue. And started blushing.  
Akane set down the flannel she had been cleaning blood of herself with.  
"What"  
"Gary reckons two things. First, she say's I love you. And I know that's true, like. Second, she say's you kinda... love me back. Is it true"  
Akane gave him a very big fright by launching herself at him and wrapping herself round him. Something she had been wanting to do since she set eyes on him - even after she found out he was actually male.  
Ranma put his arms around her shoulders and carefully sat down on the chair by her desk.  
"I'm guessin' that was a yes, right?"

Ryoga saw the speed limit sign coming up and released the afterburner button. He braked heavily - no point in killing anyone and he had lost the cops well before it got light.  
Houses closed in on the roadside as he dropped to thirty miles per hour. A leather clad figure on a ratty CG125 waved at him and grinned as he swept past the other way.  
Ryoga saw a roadsign coming up. It was in English. Measurements in miles.  
America or Britain, then.  
A fuel station rolled towards him. He pulled in, filled up the massive jet bike's fuel tanks and rode away. Without paying - all he had was a few yen and five American dollars. Money measured in pounds - Britain it was.  
And the bike's fuel tank took sixty pounds worth of diesel. By the time the police were called he would be completely lost again.  
Ryoga smiled as he thundered out of the small Scottish village. His jet bike - given to him by his mechanically - minded younger brother and the only thing he could find in under half an hour - had changed his life. Being constantly lost was no big deal when you had a thundering six hundred brake horsepower gas turbine monster bike to keep you company. He pointed the bike at the distant hills, opened the throttle and hit the afterburners, letting the roaring pillar of flame carry him away to God-only-knows-where.

Ranma smiled slightly. Akane was still half naked and wrapped around him. He could get used to this very easily indeed "I love you, Akane"  
"I love you too, Ranma"  
His smile grew to a wide grin. "I can't get enough of hearing that"  
"Me neither... I think we were made for each other"  
"Shit, this is real Romeo and Juliet stuff, innit? But unlike them our families are gonna be cool about it"  
Akane nodded. "Yes... but fuck them, we're not together for them. We're together for us"  
"Yeah. We're gonna take all the time we need about this"  
"Ranma, fuck taking time. I want to get married as soon as possible"  
Ranma chuckled. "Tomorrow we get engagement rings - it's Friday innit"  
Akane nodded. "Tonight we sleep together. In this bed"  
"Bit small - I'm a big lad"  
Akane shrugged. "That doesn't matter. We can put the mattress on the floor and get a spare out of the basement"  
"Good enough for me. I've got everything I need now - my bike and you"  
"Don't be silly, Ranma"  
"I'm serious. For year's I've just had my bike - oh sure, I've had a few flings here and there. Just one night stand stuff - me an' a chick both feelin' like a fuck"  
"I've only had girlfriends before... I've had three girlfriends"  
"An' now you gotta girlfriend who's a boyfriend at the same time"  
Akane giggled. "A big bad biker who changes sex now and then"  
Ranma sighed. "I hate it"  
"I like you the way you are"  
"Thanks- What the fuck"  
A whine was building in the background. Akane looked up.  
"What is it"  
"Jet engine"  
The jet rumbled towards them.  
"It's flying low"  
Ranma looked out the window and started to grin. "It's not flying"  
"Huh"  
"Come on out and see. But first - put on a T-shirt"  
"Okay"  
The jet suddenly dropped to a tickover. Ranma stood up and handed Akane a T-shirt from her clothes draw. She pulled it on, tugged off her skirt,  
yanked on her leather trousers and fastened her cartridge belt over them then slung on her trenchcoat. She followed Ranma as he hurried downstairs and outside.  
A leather - clad figure was sitting astride a motorbike that made Gary's look sane. The machine was long and low and it was basically a jet engine with a wheel on each end. The rider tugged off his crash helmet and turned off the engine.  
He looked around, kicking the bike's sidestand down as he did so.  
"RYOGA! OVER HERE"  
Ryoga swung off the bike.  
"Ranma! What're you doing in Britain"  
"We're not in Britain ya berk! You got lost again"  
"Shaddup about my sense of direction, you dork"  
"Come an' get it"  
Ryoga dumped his crash helmet and the two young men charged each other.  
Within seconds they were rolling about on the ground in a obvious playfight.  
They started to roll towards the pond. Akane yelled a warning at them.  
"Watch out! The"  
There was a huge splash and the two vanished into the pond.  
Akane groaned and shut her eyes. Two female voices yelled "WHAT THE FUCK"  
She opened her eyes again. A pair of fairly similar looking young biker girls, Ranma and one other who had to be Ryoga, were staring at each other in the pond.  
Only Ryoga had pointed ears and cat eyes. And a tail "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!"

Th-th-th-that's all, folks!

Chapter 3: It's All In The Family.  
"Us Saotome-Hibiki bunch have always been a tightly knit family... well,  
that isn't quite true. Hell, even as late as mid '98 we were still finding close relatives we had no idea existed. I mean, no surprise I didn't know about them considering the Hibiki family curse and that, but Dad? He always - and I mean ALWAYS - knew where he was. It's like, Dad had the perfect sense of direction and I have the exact opposite... pretty funny, huh"  
Ryoga Hibiki, chatting with a fellow biker on a home video made at the Clanrats MCC rally in May 2003.

Ranma stared at Ryoga, still stammering "What the fuck? What the fuck"  
Ryoga stood up. "What the fuck"  
Ranma stood up. "What the fuck"  
Both climbed out of the pond. "What the fuck? You too"  
"Jusenkyo, Ryoga"  
Ryoga nodded and grinned. "Yeah. I got what I wanted"  
Ranma sighed. "Yeah - and I got what you wanted"  
Ryoga's grin faded. "Life's a bitch an' then you die"  
Akane stared from one to the other. "Ranma, who is this"  
Ranma sighed. "My half - brother, Ryoga Hibiki"  
"Half SISTER now, Ranma man"  
"Okay. Half-sister"  
Ryoga stared at her feet. 'Shit, that's totally fucked up the good news I had for you... it's like maybe Jusenkyo wasn't such a good thing"  
"Ryoga, if Jusenkyo means that Akane's got her perfect lover an' you got your dream, I can live with it. I'm gonna get some hot water. Don't suppose you want any, huh"  
"Think I'll stay female... Is this Akane? Your girlfriend, right"  
"Yeah... Uh - Ryoga, what's the name o' the spring you fell in"  
"I got knocked into a pond called 'spring of drowned cat' by this dickweed with long hair, a white trenchcoat an' specs. Then I jumped into 'spring of drowned girl' once the guide dude explained what was going on"  
"So he wasn't bullshittin' about the curses combinin', huh"  
"Nah. I get some weird looks, but that's not so bad"  
"Hey, we gotten weird looks all our lives"  
"Yeah"  
They arrived in the house. Ryoga was grinning broadly again. Akane couldn't help but notice that she was incredibly good looking. Definite supermodel material.  
Soun and Genma looked up. "What the fuck"  
"Dad, Ryoga's bin ta Jusenkyo too"  
Genma stared. "Ryoga? Is that really you"  
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah, it's me. As big an' bad as ever"  
Genma shut his mouth. "You lucky sod"  
Ryoga nodded. "My dream's come true - I am really, truly female. Even if I'm not totally human any more - I fell in Spring of Drowned Cat first"  
Genma paused. "Yeah? The guide warned us about the curses combining"  
"Uh - Ranma, my bike's been being a bit slow to start lately. Could you have a look at her"  
Ranma nodded. "Sure. I'll check her out right away - what sorta way"  
"She takes a few seconds longer to catch and the battery ain't holding a charge that well"  
"Gotta be connected. You checked the igniter"  
"Yeah - it was getting old so I replaced it last week"  
"Right... I'll just get some hot water then I'll check her over. Don't worry - I'll have her runnin' sweetly again in no time."

Ryoga and Akane watched as Ranma started unbolting parts from Ryoga's bike.  
They had hung around and smoked while the engine cooled.  
Ranma frowned. "Hmm - let's see... Battery not chargin' proper - I'll check the alternator first since you've had trouble with that before"  
Ryoga snorted. "I'll say - I've blown six so far-" She suddenly stopped.  
"Ranma, give that alternator a real good check over, huh? I had to replace it again two weeks ago - the old one's bearing were stripped. And I'm not as good with machines as you"  
Ranma snapped his fingers. "That'll likely be it." He grabbed a different spanner and started carefully removing the alternator. It was a Ford van part and not designed to be revved as high as the jetbike spun it. He placed it onto the ground, removed the cover and glanced inside it.  
"Yep, that's it. Check this out - the brushes are clagged with mank.  
Surprised ya didn't see it"  
Ryoga groaned. "Just my fucking luck"  
Akane caught a flicker of motion out of the corner of her eye. She turned to look - and saw something large moving in the bushes.  
"Ranma, there's someone in the bush over by the garage"  
Ranma stood up and walked into the house. Ryoga pulled a very large spanner out of the back of her jacket.  
Then Ranma stepped out of the garage side door. He swore as someone with purple hair jumped over the wall and ran for it Akane stared in the direction the figure had gone. "Ranma! I think it's Shan"  
"Wrong hairstyle - Shan's hair's shorter." He jumped on his bike and fired the engine then did a smoking burnout out of the driveway. But he was back within moments.  
"No good. Whoever it wuz is gone"  
"Why do you sound so tense"  
"Because a chick with purple hair hunted me for two months in China"  
Akane stared at him. "You think that was the same person"  
"Yeah. Why the fuck didn't she attack? She's gotten an AK47"  
Ryoga winced. "A machine gun"  
"Naw, an assault rifle. Not quite as fuggoff but pretty fuckin' close"  
He sighed and started to clean Ryoga's bike's alternator.  
Ryoga scratched her head. "Maybe she's run out of ammo - or maybe she didn't bring the shooter to Japan"  
"Ryoga, you ever come across the Chinese Amazons"  
"Not as far as I know, but I've heard they're not to be fucked with"  
"I hadn't. I fucked with her - beat her up after she punked on me an' Dad.  
That wuz just after Jusenkyo"  
He replaced the alternator. "There - I'll charge the battery and she'll be runnin' fine again"  
"Bro, we've got to prepare some sort of defence for the house"  
Akane sighed. "So this Amazon person has an AK47 and want's to tangle with you, Ranma? I think I'll be able to dissuade her"  
"Huh? Akane, I couldn't and I'm a fair bit better than you. I mean, you're pretty good for someone who trains an hour a day, but I've trained for most of ten years. Just trained - well, that or repaired bikes. Or slept"  
Akane chuckled. "Come on down the basement and I'll show you why I can scare her. She think's an AK is hard, does she? Ha"  
Ranma and Ryoga shot each other a dubious look then followed her down into the houses basement. She vanished behind a pile of cardboard boxes then reappeared carrying an M60 machine gun.  
"This thing is live. It works. I've got ammo"  
Ranma stared at it. "I see hand machining marks"  
"Yeah. You do - I downloaded the plans off the Internet. You wouldn't believe what's on there. I made the propellant myself - used the proper recipe - and set up moulds for the cases. I'd do a lot of jail time if the cops caught me with it." She paused again. "And I always have a .44 Magnum on me. Look, I know I'm not the best fighter around - Dad can beat me easily and several of his old students are better than him now. So I decided to get some emergency backup"  
Ranma chuckled quietly. "Let's see that little purple - haired bint mess with us!"

Shampoo slouched angrily down the street. That had completely thrown her trail dead - only one option left. Talk to the young Japanese guy and ask him who he bought the bike from. It was unmistakably her target's bike - but the phrase on the fuel tank seemed somehow out of place now she knew what it meant.  
She sighed slightly. Seeing the Japanese man with his girlfriend - she had marked the girl in the black trenchcoat as his lover immediately - had made her realise just how much she wanted a family. Back home she just had her brother and an annoying twerp.  
She kicked an empty soft drinks can. It clattered away, landing in front of a pair of feet.  
"What the hell?" said a voice. The voice spoke Japanese but had a clear Joketsuzo accent.  
Shampoo looked up - and found herself looking at her exact duplicate. Well,  
not quite her exact duplicate. The stranger had a gold tooth and shorter hair, and was dressed in motorbike leathers.  
The six foot six European girl beside her groaned. "Oh shit, it's your parallel"  
Shampoo's double nodded. "That torn it"  
The European nodded and advanced on Shampoo, tensing up her muscles. The other girl followed her, drawing a katana as she did so.  
Shampoo weighed up her options for a couple of seconds then ran like hell.

Ryoga and Ranma stared quietly into the middle distance.  
"Machine guns, Chinese Amazons - what next"  
Ranma shrugged. "Fuck knows. You gotten any idea where Akane's off ta"  
"I heard Kasumi asking her to take a book back to Doctor Tofu or something"  
"Ah, Doc Tofu. He's the local medico. He stitched up Akane's tit after Kuno's crony got her"  
Ryoga narrowed her eyes. "Kuno? Who's Kuno"  
"You don't wanna know - he's this fuckhead who hates Akane. Dunno why"  
"What'd his pal get her with"  
"Bokken. Kuno's a kendoist an' the school kendo club're his private army"  
Ranma sniggered. "Though his army don't have a machine gun"  
"Let me get this straight. This Kuno guy's pal slashed Akane's tit. Is he dead"  
"Naw - not yet. He will be"  
Ranma finished rolling the joint and lit up. He took a couple of draws then handed it to Ryoga. "Here, have some ganga"  
Ryoga nodded and took a couple of puffs then handed it back. "What're you planning to do about this Kuno person"  
"Beats me - maybe I'll rip his face off. Or ram his bokken up his arse so it comes outta his fuckin' gob."

Dr. Tofu looked up as Akane walked in the door.  
"Ah, hello Akane. How's your cut"  
Akane sighed. "Could be worse..." She handed him the book.  
"Ah, thankyou"  
"That's not really why I came to see you. You were right. About Ranma and me, I mean"  
Dr. Tofu nodded. "I know - it was only a matter of time until you knew"  
There was a crash from the direction of his office then a scuffle and thud.  
He and Akane dashed through.  
A shoe showed from under the desk. They could hear yelling voices outside.  
"Where the fuck"  
"Shit, we lose her"  
"That's fucked that"  
Then there was just the sounds of the city and straining breath from under the desk. Dr. Tofu peered under it.  
A purple - haired girl dressed in baggy combats and wearing a heavy pack on her back stared up at him. She was shaking and hyperventilating.  
"Were you being chased"  
The girl nodded.  
"Well, you're safe here. I think they've gone"  
Akane frowned at her. She was the spitting image of Gary's wife, but had noticeably longer hair and didn't have pierced ears. She slumped over onto her side and kept gasping for breath.  
"Hour... And... Half... Try... Lose"  
Each word was followed by a gasping inbreath.  
Dr. Tofu helped her up and through to a sideroom. "I am a doctor. Lay down -  
here, I'll help you off with your pack"  
"Thank... Thankyou"  
Akane nodded slightly. The girl definitely wasn't Shan - she didn't have a gold front tooth.  
The girl looked at her. "Why... you... stare"  
"You look a lot like one of my friends"  
"Girl... look like... I... she try... kill I"  
Dr. Tofu frowned. "Akane, I'd talk to your friend." He turned back to the girl. "Now, you just lay here and rest. You're exhausted"  
The girl sighed heavily and was suddenly asleep.

Gary stared wildly around. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Where the hell has she gone"  
Shan shrugged. "No way of know"  
"Yeah - we'd best get out of here. Dad'll have to have Rocket finish checking up here later"  
"It'll be good for go home, huh"  
"Yeah - in a way. I hate it when thing's don't work out. What the hell's she doing here this soon? He only arrived yesterday! There's something real fishy about the whole thing"  
Shan nodded. "Is so."

Akane slowly walked back into the house. She was worried - very worried.  
She had a feeling Ranma's Chinese Amazon and the girl now fast asleep at Dr.  
Tofu's were one and the same person.  
Ranma and Ryoga jumped down from the roof as she walked up the driveway.  
Much to her surprise they fell over in a giggling heap.  
"Wow, man - I am so fuckin' ganjed..." Ranma remarked from under Ryoga.  
"Hfmrgh"  
"You're stoned, ma-ma-br-si-sis"  
"Mmgrrph"  
Ranma staggered to his feet. "Akane... can you help get this fuckin'  
lightweight outside - no, that's not right... in..in... Inside"  
Akane sighed. "You two have been having a spliff, right"  
"Yeah... it's good sit... I mean shit..."

Akane watched as Ranma and Ryoga slowly came round from their stoned trance.  
"You two are idiots"  
Ranma giggled. "Yeah, that's sorta right"  
"Mphmrwhaddyasay"  
"I mean, getting stoned when there's a trigger - happy Amazon after your ass"  
Ranma sighed heavily. "I needed ta unwind, like"  
"Fmmrrgh splrt mmerp"  
"You two are useless"  
"Like, chill out"  
Akane shook her head and walked out the room. Ranma went pale and followed her.  
"Akane"  
"Shut up, you idiot"  
Ranma started banging his head on the wall. "This is so fucking typical"  
Ryoga lurched out into the hall. "Fmerrgwhat'stypical"  
"I fucked up, I fucked up, I"  
Akane swore. "Oh for fuck sake"  
"Akane! Don't punk"  
"Just leave me alone!" She stormed outside and sat down staring into the middle distance. Another stoned figure lurched out of the house - Kasumi.  
"Akane, what's kinda wrong, like"  
"Will you spliffheads lay offa me"  
There was a clump as a beercan landed in her lap. Kasumi stared sadly at her.  
"Drink that, little sis. It won't help but at least you can get too pissed to remember anything"  
Akane set the beer aside. "No - I want to remember! Look, Mr. Right just turned out to be another spliffhead. Of course I'm fucking upset"  
"He does some weed and you punk? Why"  
"Because I want someone who can think"  
"Akane, there's no Mr. Right - just wrong ones we make right. Ranma isn't as much a stoner as you make out - he's been dead sober since he arrived and I've never smelt grass on him, right? Ryoga's got a bit of hash smell on her, but not much. Just calm down"  
A voice drawled at her from the doorway. "Kasumi, bugger off willya? You're not helpin'. This is completely between me an' Akane and it's no yer fuckin'  
business"  
Akane looked round. Ranma was swaying slightly but seemed alert enough. He shot her a sad look. "Akane, just hear me out, okay? I'm still a bit stoned so this may not make much sense, but just listen, okay"  
She nodded.  
"I do smoke dope - now and then. I do get pissed - now and then. Who don't?  
Okay, your sister Nabiki may never party but what the hell - she's got as much personality as a lump o' tofu. I've never, ever fallen in love with someone before an' I don't really know what I'm doing, okay"  
Akane glared at him. "How do I know you're not lying"  
Ranma's hand shot out and smashed through the wall of the porch. When he spoke again it was an angry snarl.  
"Because I never, ever, fucking lie, okay? Never fucking ever"  
Ryoga lurched out the door.  
"It's frooo... true... Ranma's not a liar"  
"Ryoga, fuck off outta here"  
"Huh"  
"Go inside. Naw, fall over in the porch"  
"Alright, man." Ryoga vanished backwards with a crash.  
"Now why are you so mad at me for having a spliff"  
Akane glared at him. "Because Kasumi's been stoned for eight years - and just look where it got her"  
"So one drink now and then's the same as being an alcoholic, right? Your big sister may be a heavy toker but I just have a spliff now and then. Whenever I'm feelin' fucked up and in need o' gettin' away from the world, okay"  
Akane lost her temper again. She stood up and gave him a good shove. He vanished into the pond with a huge splash.  
"Waddya do that for"  
"Leave me alone"  
Ranma disappeared into the porch, dragging Ryoga after her.  
Akane stared at Ranma's bike. The big machine sat and looked dark. She walked over to it and looked it over.  
"What side of Ranma do you see, bike"  
The machine predictably didn't answer. Akane walked round it and stared at the clocks.  
She suddenly realised she could see her own reflection in the speedo dust cover.  
"Ranma made you, bike. With his hands"  
Her reflection silently mimicked her.  
She reached out and took hold of the handlebars. They felt heavy even without any weight on them.  
She let go and backed away from the silent machine. She felt like she had broken some unspoken law, just by touching it.  
Something made her apologise. "Sorry." She hurried inside.

Ranma sat and stared at her hands. Ryoga was snoring from the guest bedroom.  
They were good hands. With their help she had built several bikes. Her old CB250. Her Gixer. Ryoga's jetbike.  
But just now they felt useless. She wanted to do something with them - she wanted to make something. Or hit something.  
She glanced around the room - Akane's bedroom. Goth rockers stared from posters back at her. A old Apple Mac in the corner. It had a scanner, modem and printer beside it. A stack of heavy metal CD's. A large ghetto blaster.  
The whole room smelt of Akane. Her trenchcoat was laying in the corner.  
Ranma selected an Iron Maiden CD from the stack and slipped it into the stereo. She twisted the volume to full blast and pressed play. As Bruce Dickinson began to sing Ranma settled herself, closed her eyes and spread her hands, palms upwards.

Akane walked into the house. She slipped the front door closed.  
Iron Maiden howled from her bedroom. She found Ranma meditating in the centre of the floor. Ranma's leather jacket was lying on the back of a chair.  
She looked at Ranma's powerful muscles where they showed beneath her battered T-shirt. Her cleavage was visible through a rent in the neckline.  
How this miserable, seemingly defenceless teenage girl could at one and the same time be a big, confident, rowdy man was beyond Akane's understanding.  
Then something clicked. In his male form Ranma wore a mask of arrogant foul-mouthed strength. But the curse took his mask away and revealed the defenceless, frightened child beneath.  
Her instincts took over and she slipped an arm around Ranma's shoulder,  
feeling the smaller girl's heavy muscles beneath. Akane sighed lightly.  
The most she could do for this scarred adult child was accept Ranma as he (or she) was. Powerful but weak. Scary but scared. Big but small.  
And beautiful to Akane's eyes. In both forms. Ranma had crashed into her world like a whirlwind of destruction.  
And changed everything. Even things Akane had taken for granted. He had somehow managed to sexually attract her in his male form. He had blasted away her loneliness. He had stuck up for her, cared about her, worried for her safety.  
And he loved her for who she really was.  
The CD ended, Brucie's final words faded to silence, Steve Harris stopped blasting out chords and silence filled the room.  
Ranma opened her eyes. Akane's head was lying against her chest.  
"Akane? You alright"  
"If you're not still mad at me"  
"I weren't never mad at you. I wuz mad at me"  
Akane looked up into the dazzling blue eyes of her sometimes boyfriend,  
sometimes girlfriend. "You sure"  
Ranma nodded and sniffed. Akane suddenly realised the smaller girl had been silently crying all through the CD.  
She reached up and wiped the moisture from Ranma's face with her thumb.  
"You shouldn't need to cry"  
"Everyone needs ta sometimes. Does yer good"  
Akane nodded. "You're right"  
"What're we gonna do? About our dads? About their engagement deal? About Kuno? About that Amazon psycho bitch?... what're we gonna do about us"  
"I don't know... but all that can wait"  
"It can wait as long as you damn well please, Akane"  
Ryoga stuck her head in the door. "Ranma? Akane? What the hell are you guys doing on the train"  
"Er - did ya try ta go ta th' toilet, Ryoga"  
"Yeah, Kasumi said it was two doors down to the left, but I got in a punch -  
up with a guy on the edge of the cliff and ended up falling into a coffee shop roof. After I picked the mess up they gave me some spliff and I tried to get into their toilet and ended up in a train. We're not on that train any more, are we"  
"Yeah - ya got lost again"  
Ryoga shrugged. "Aw well. Don't matter"  
"Don't try ta get ta th' toilet without me ya twit! You'll get lost"  
Ryoga groaned and allowed Ranma to steer her into the loo.

Some time later all three of them were sitting in the garden watching the night go by. Ryoga scratched her chin.  
"Nice, clear night. Looks like good riding weather"  
"Aye. Sure does... but it'll get cold later on with the sky so clear"  
Akane sighed. "I wish we could just stay here forever"  
"Yeah, but we can't. Tomorrow we gotta go ta school, then there's that Amazon bint and our dads ta deal with. What'll we say ta them"  
"I don't know"  
Ryoga looked away from her stargazing. "Why don't we go to a nightclub tomorrow? I could do with a night dancin' and I won't get lost without my bike for that long"  
Ranma glanced at Akane. The lights from the kitchen highlighted her face.  
"Yeah - let's. Akane, you know any good clubs"  
Akane smiled slightly. "Yeah... I know just the place..."

fuckit this one's full.

Chapter 4 - The Plot Thickens.  
"I really should have been more careful what I wished for, not that I regret it." Xian Pu, interview for 'The Hidden People' by Dr. Minako Shima.

Ranma opened her eyes. She immediately sensed a large warm shape laying on her arm. Just as she was about to kick her father into the stratosphere she realised who the person who was laying on her arm was, who's hand was laying on her chest. It was Akane. Ranma stared at the girl.  
She slipped her other hand away from her own crotch (a place it always crept to when she was asleep, male or female) and ran her fingers along Akane's face.  
Akane opened her eyes and stared at Ranma.  
"Hey - I'm gonna go for a blat... wanna come"  
"A blat"  
"Early mornin' ride goin' nowhere real fast"  
Akane nodded. "Yeah"  
Ranma sat up and fished around in her leathers. She found a cigarette and lit up.  
"Aahh... that's better. First fag o' the day always clears yer head"  
Akane smiled slightly. She fished a smoke out of her trenchcoat and joined him.  
They sat and smoked in companionable silence for several minutes before pulling on their clothes and heading out to Ranma's bike.

Shampoo walked silently down the street. She could feel the heavy shape of her Makarov against her leg making it's comforting presence felt.  
As well as the mission her crazy old bat great - grandmother had sent her on she had a more personal crusade to fulfil. She shoved her hand into the pocket with the missing bottom thus resting it on her handgun and turned the corner.  
With her other hand she fished out the sketch map Wu Chii had given her -  
the map to the place where her mother had died.  
She stopped outside the rundown bar and found her spraycan. A few swift motions and the acid within burnt into the brickwork, leaving a permanent memorial to the Amazon who had died under the Japanese secret service's guns there seven years before.  
Shampoo turned and headed for the graveyard. As she stepped back round the corner a blaze of light caught her, the staccato howl of a motorbike engine swept past and thundered away leaving only a black mark on the tarmac where it had skidded slightly round the corner.  
Shampoo stared after it. It sounded exactly like the bike she had been tracking - the bike which led her up a blind alley.  
She sighed.  
"I wish I could be like them"  
She should have been more careful - sometimes you get what you wish for.

Ranma and Akane arrived home as Kasumi was calling everyone for breakfast.  
They walked inside. Ranma was still female.  
They ate their breakfast in silence then went outside to the bike. The engine was still cooling, emitting a sharp clicking sound.  
Ranma smiled slightly and changed himself back with water from the radiator.  
They climbed aboard and rode off to school.

Kuno stood and shifted his weight to his other leg. He was worried - how had that greasy biker managed to take him down so fast?  
A doppler howl announced said biker thundering up the street and into the schoolyard. But there was another bike behind him, it's engine emitting a whine like a helicopter. The two machines pulled up by the bicycle shelter.  
Ranma pulled off his crash helmet and glared around.  
"Okay, you Kendo fuckwits! This has gone far enough"  
He swept an angry glare around Kuno's cronies.  
"Yesterday afternoon one of you slashed a teenage girl in the breast. It's a six - inch long cut and around three inches deep - she had to have stitches.  
The next man who so much as draws a weapon against her dies. With my fuckin'  
Bowie knife in his throat. Do you goons get me"  
Ryoga pulled off her lid. "Fuck with my brother's girlfriend again and you'll have all three of us down on you - with Ranma first and worst. You're looking at a guy who's wrestled a large black bear and won. At age twelve"  
She reached up and tore a bracing strut out of the bicycle shelter with one hand.  
"And I'm a fair bit stronger than him." She bent the strut - an inch thick steel rod - double then ripped it in two.  
Kuno's gang filtered back into the school. They refused to meet his eyes as they passed. Akane glared at the kendoist.  
"Give it up, Kuno! You're finished"  
Kuno calmly drew his sword. Not a bokken - a katana.  
"It is you who are finished, dyke. You do not have the assistance of Miss Wade today - I will face and "  
Ranma fired his bike up. "Akane, get off. I'm gonna rip off his head an'  
shit down his scrawny little neck"  
He aimed the bike at Kuno and started doing a burnout. Akane realised that he had changed his tyres - they were now studded with two - inch steel spikes.  
Kuno readied himself to face the charge. Ranma dropped the clutch and flashed past Kuno.  
There was a whine and the sound of glass smashing as Ranma rode up the side of the school, blowing out windows as he passed. He flipped the bike off the wall and bore down on the back of Kuno's head. Kuno turned and tried to sidestep, but Ranma somehow changed his bike's flightpath and the steel frame smashed Kuno's sword out of his hands before the sumpcase slammed into the unfortunate Kendoists face. Ranma slid the machine to a halt and charged again.  
Kuno grabbed his sword and jumped up. Blood was streaming from his nose.  
Ranma's foot flashed out and disarmed Kuno again with an expert twist. He kicked Kuno in the head and leapt from his bike, leaving it ticking over on it's sidestand.  
Kuno started to grab for his sword, but Ranma caught his wrist. Then Kuno screamed and dropped to his knees, clutching his wrist with his other hand.  
Akane stared. Kuno's right hand was the wrong way round.  
Ranma grabbed a handful of Kuno's hair.  
"If I ever hear of you callin' anyone anythin' like that again I'll rip yer fuckin' balls off, Kuno. A guy who once called my brother a faggot ain't livin' any more. You got off lightly, Kuno. You won't next time"  
Kuno held his tongue. Thanks to Gary, he knew when he was beaten.  
Ranma dropped the kendoist and went to park his bike.

That evening the trio headed for the nightclub Akane told Ranma and Ryoga about.  
They pulled up outside. There was a considerable number of bikes around -  
mainly either scruffy CG125's or big, glittering cruisers. The two filthy flat black ratbikes really stood out. Especially Ryoga's jet bike - but then, it stood out anywhere.  
Ranma and Ryoga locked their bikes then all three headed for the entrance,  
crash helmets in hand. Ranma looked around the nightclub past the large form of the doorkeeper. "Goth club, is it?" He made to walk inside.  
"Ranma, cool it!" Akane shouted.  
The bouncer grinned nastily. This was his favourite part of the job -  
refusing people entry. He had to have a reason and this biker kid had given him plenty enough reason.  
"You ain't coming in here, boy"  
Ranma sighed. "Akane, it's obvious a fuckhead like this ain't gonna let me in"  
"Ranma, this place is full of people who look like us! If you hadn't been so stupid"  
"It don't matter no more, lady. Nobody calls me that and lives"  
Ranma shot him an astonished look.  
"You? Kill me? How? That's awful strong language for a big pansie"  
The bouncer went red in the face and tried to snap kick Ranma, who neatly sidestepped and flipped the beefy man across the street, pile driving him into the bonnet of a parked Ford Mondaeo.  
"Well, I warned him. C'mon - let's go in"  
Ryoga started laughing. Akane shook her head.  
"You two are fucking bonkers"  
"Aye and we know it"  
Across the street, a certain purple haired person turned and followed them as they went inside and ploughed their way through the crowd to the bar.  
Ranma leant across said bar. "Okay, three pint's o' Bud, mate. An' I think you need a new bouncer - he tried to beat me up an' I'm a twelfth dan"  
The barman nodded. He looked worried until he saw who was hanging on to Ranma's arm.  
"Crowded tonight, eh Akane"  
She nodded. "Sorry about your bouncer - where's Fermov"  
"He's got a touch of the flu and we had that guy temporary." He grinned at Ranma. "Please don't break the bouncers - they're expensive"  
Ranma snorted and paid for the beer. "As long as they don't try ta break me"  
He accepted the glasses and slid one along the bar to Ryoga. "Here ya go,  
sis"  
"Thanks, man"  
Ranma handed the second to Akane and took a large swig from his own. "Ahh,  
that's an improvement"  
"Hey, Akane - your ex Hanako Shatori is in"  
Akane rolled her eyes. "Oh, great. Just what I fucking needed"  
Ranma frowned. "Who's that"  
"My last girlfriend... she dumped me after I got too pissed and slept with someone else. She's still got a chip on her shoulder about it"  
"Well, she's gonna have a chip outta her shoulder if she tries messin' with us"  
"Ranma, she's a whole lot better than me"  
"Sorry ta insult ya, but a lotta people're a whole lot better than ya. Yer talkin' to one - me. And I somehow suspect this Hanako person ain't trained as long as me. Ten years is a little extensive"  
Akane's eyes widened slightly and she put her hand in the pocket Ranma now knew her .44 was hidden in.  
"There she is"  
Ranma turned round. An athletic leather - clad five foot six girl with short cropped black hair was walking purposely towards them. She stopped well out of arm's reach.  
"Well, look who's here. It's the lying little nymphomaniac slut"  
Ranma reached into his pocket and pulled out his two foot length of chain.  
"Mind yer fuckin' tongue. Hanako Shitter I presume"  
The girl went red in the face. "How dare you twist my name like that!" She pulled a long stiletto knife out of her pocket and started spinning it round her fingers.  
Ranma snorted and flipped his chain at her like a whip. A bloody weal appeared on her hand and the knife slammed into the ceiling where it stuck,  
quivering slightly.  
"It's so fuckin' easy, insultin' people who slag off yer girlfriend. Sod off, willya? I'm not looking for a fight but if that's what ya want"  
Ranma shrugged. "Well, ya got the fight o' yer fuckin' life comin"  
Hanako let out an angry snarl and jumped at them. This suited Ranma just fine. He leapt and met her in mid air, blocking her leap and flipping her to land flat on her back. She rolled neatly onto her feet.  
Ranma grinned nastily and walloped her with the chain again. She swore and caught it, letting it wind round her wrist. Ranma jerked the chain up,  
flinging her ceilingwards. She caught onto a lighting bar as he jumped up to join her. The length of chain spiralled down and smashed into the floor.  
Ranma caught onto a lighting bar a small distance away from her. The music roared into life, Ministry's Jesus Built My Hot-Rod thundering from the speakers.  
The pulsing lights served to dazzle and confuse Hanako. This suited Ranma perfectly. "A-OK. Let's dance, bitch"  
He sprang from his lighting bar to the one she was hanging from . She attempted to kick him away before he landed, but he seemed to slide round her blow and landed neatly.  
He winked at her and started kicking in time to the dementedly fast music.  
The mixture of goths, metalheads, punks and bikers below roared their approval.

Akane glanced around the floor. Around half the clubbers seemed to be rooting for Ranma, who was clearly better than Hanako. The rest were a fifty fifty split between cheering Hanako on and just watching with some interest.  
Then she spotted the purple - haired figure. The girl she had seen in Dr.  
Tofu's was now dressed in a baggy pink shirt and trousers with a wide blue belt around her waist. She had what looked like a Chinese army pack on her back and a katana hanging by her side. And she was watching the fight with an amazed expression on her face.  
Akane frowned. So this was the dreaded Chinese Amazon? So this was the girl who was hunting Ranma with an AK47?

Ranma grinned as Hanako tried to kick him again. He kept up the tempo of his kicks, turning aside each of her blows with ease.  
He wanted to mock her, but there was little point - the music would drown out any word he said. Finally she managed to land a blow and he somersaulted away on the end of her kick. He grabbed onto another lighting bar and flipped himself back towards her.  
Hanako stared. How had he managed not to drop as he flew through the air? He somehow seemed to flick himself upwards as she kicked him.  
Then his foot flashed through her defence and caught her in the guts. She tried to breathe as the ceiling receded and the floor came up and smacked her in the back Ranma dropped neatly down and stared at the gasping girl. The music faded into silence.  
"If you ever fuckin' mess with me again I'll rip off yer head an' shit down yer neck, bitch. Got it"  
Without waiting for an answer he swaggered back to where Akane and Ryoga were standing, ignoring the applause as he went.  
He leant against the bar beside Akane and grabbed his beer.  
"Y'know, that Hanako girl wuz pretty good - I musta hit her forty of fifty times before I took her out." He took a swig from his beer.  
Akane frowned. "Ranma, I think that's that Chinese Amazon you were saying about. Over there"  
Ranma looked where she was pointing. "Oh, fuck! Here comes trouble - it is her an' she's headed our way!" He yanked another length of rusty chain out of his pocket and spun it so it wrapped round his hand.  
Shampoo stopped a few feet beyond arm's reach. "Excuse I"  
Ranma glared at her. "Come ta finish me off, huh? It ain't gonna be so fuckin' easy, ya psycho sore loser bitch"  
"What mean? Look for girl who own bike before you buy"  
"Fuckwit. I built that bike nine years ago an' it's been my ride ever since.  
No, ya got the right biker"  
"For what you mean"  
Ranma sighed. "Fuckwit. Yer village is only three miles from Jusenkyo, Go on - figure it out, willya"  
Shampoo narrowed her eyes. "You fall in Spring of Drowned Man, no"  
"Wrong again, psycho bitch!" Ranma sloshed the rest of his beer over his head, shook the dregs out of her now red hair and glared at Shampoo.  
"Spring o' Drowned Girl, ya stupid fuckwit! But now I got ya in my sights -  
so come on an' fuckin' get it"  
Shampoo backed away slightly. "Ahh! No! Is all huge fuckup"  
"Oh yeah? It is is it? Why did ya no think o' the fuckup ya were pullin' two months ago, ya psycho bitch sore loser"  
Shampoo waved one hand around. "Not know all details, okay? Now know truth"  
"Aye and is that supposed ta make me feel any fuckin' better"  
"Please listen to Xian Pu"  
Ranma nodded. "Okay. But move one fuckin' muscle an' my fist goes inta yer fuckin' mouth. Got it"  
"Xian Pu try for much. In Joketsuzo, is law that if outsider woman beat Amazon woman, Amazon hunt down and kill. If outsider man beat Amazon woman,  
hunt down and marry. When you fight I, I have no way for to know you actually man, see? Is major big fuckup"  
Ranma snorted and lowered her fist. "Ya could put it that way. How do I know yer not bullshittin' me"  
Shampoo shrugged. "Is no way for to know, but is matter of honour. Why for I try lying? That not way it work"  
Ranma glanced at Akane. "Now that is what I call a fuckup"  
Ryoga snorted. "Not much. From what I've heard - met a dude who's married to an Amazon couple o' three months back - any marriage outside Joketsuzo ain't legal in Joketsuzo. An' vice versa"  
Ranma made a face. "An' as far as I've heard the Amazon's waste any rival for their 'target'. As in kill. Which ain't exactly subtle." She jabbed a finger at Shampoo. "Touch a hair in Akane's head an' yer gonna eat lead bigstyle. Got it"  
There was a long pause. Akane suddenly snapped her fingers.  
"I've got it! Was Ryoga right? About a marriage outside Joketsuzo not being legal inside Joketsuzo and vice versa"  
Shampoo scratched her head then fished a book out of her back pocket. She read through it for a while, sticking her tongue out with concentration.  
She snapped the book shut. "Is so. Outsider wedding not business of Amazons"  
Akane nodded. "Right... So, it would work out if we went through with both"  
Ranma swore quietly. "Fuckin' hell! Ya can't mean it"  
"Oh yes I can!" Akane nodded at Shampoo. "From what you're saying, we could both marry Ranma. It's a matter of honour for my family that I - or one of my sisters - marry Ranma. And I'd guess that it's a matter of honour for you, due to your Amazon Law thingys. Am I right"  
Shampoo nodded slowly. She revised her opinion of Akane - she had expected her to be of low intelligence. After all, she was Japanese and a goth. But no, Akane seemed to have a razor - sharp brain.  
Ranma nodded. "I get it. That way I'm not gonna fuck up anybody, right?" She shrugged. "I mean, personally honour ain't worth a goddamn. But it matters to some people - dunno why." She glared at the barman, who was staring around the four of them trying to work out what was going on and how Ranma had managed to change sex. "Get some hot water, willya"  
He nodded mutely. Ranma sighed.  
"This curse is fuckin' WEIRD"  
Shampoo waited until the barman got back with a glassful of hot tapwater then leant across the bar. "Get pint of Carlsberg, please"  
He nodded. "Ur - yeah"  
She turned to Ranma, who was now male once more.  
"I drink to that, maybe join I"  
Ryoga suddenly started to laugh. Ranma glared at her.  
"What the fuck's the joke, buggerlugs"  
Ryoga stifled her sniggering. "You three... fucking mental... WAHAHA"  
Ranma swore. "Fuckin' shut yer fuckin' cake-hole, dirtbag"  
Ryoga again stifled her laughter. "Sorry, bro. Honour? Fucking hell, what a joke"  
"Well, yer right about that. Some people give a shit about it, though. An'  
I'm not gonna fuck up people who care about it. Get my drift"  
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah, and you're right, man. I mean, what do we care - but "  
"Yeah."

Genma sighed and filled himself another glass of sake.  
"I just hope that Wade girl was right, Tendo. All our plans hinge on this -  
you understand"  
Soun nodded. "Yes, Saotome. Indeed - it is imperative. But how do you think Ranma will take everything"  
Genma shrugged. "Fuck knows. Ranma's been getting harder and harder to predict lately. Which I doubt Akira will be very happy about"  
"He'll likely be glad for it. If Ranma was predictable..." Soun shrugged.  
Genma frowned. "Point"  
"Say, I overheard Ranma saying something about the Chinese Amazons earlier"  
"Yeah? Ranma's already crossed with Joketsuzo. But he doesn't know what she is. Yet. He doesn't have a clue - Akira specifically ordered that"  
Soun nodded. "So he's met the first of them"  
"Yeah - the first of the enemy."

Nabiki decided not to push her luck and slid back into the stairwell. She ran over what the two men had been talking about as she eased her bedroom door shut.  
She grabbed her laptop and typed down what she had heard and her guess as to what it meant.  
First, Genma and Soun had further plans for Ranma.  
Second, these plans were the instructions of someone called Akira who Genma had a lot of respect for. Finally, there was something distinctly fishy about the so-called Chinese Amazons. Something Ranma hadn't caught on to and Genma hadn't explained about. Something both Genma and Soun were very worried about.  
The enemy, Soun had said. But whose enemy? And why?  
She saved the file, encrypted it and plugged into the phone line. She dialled up onto the net and ran a search on the word 'Saotome.  
She clicked through links, scribbling down web addresses for later reference then ran another search. This time on the word 'Joketsuzo.  
One result - at the address She clicked the link. Five seconds later her firewall broke the connection and started spewing illegitimate access warnings across her screen. She unplugged the laptop from her mobile phone and sat back.  
Nabiki knew something big when she saw it. And not only was this big but it involved her family.  
Ten minutes later she was back on line - but this time she was connected to a different account. An account using the best security software the JSDF had been able to come up with.

Kasumi looked up from the novel she was reading as the telephone rang. She muttered a string of curses and went to the phone.  
"Hello, Tendo dojo"  
A male voice at the other end of the line answered her.  
"I need to speak to Nabiki Tendo - is she home"  
"Yeah man, she's like in her bedroom. Who is it"  
"Tell her it's Mr. Honda"  
"Alright, Mr. Honda, man." Kasumi balanced the handset on top of the phone and swayed to Nabiki's door.  
"Nabiki, there's a like, phone call for you. It's some guy called Mr. Honda,  
dig"  
A muffled but explosive "Fuck!" came from behind the door. Five seconds later it banged open and Nabiki bolted past her sister to the telephone.  
"Alright, Colonel. What the fuck did you phone me on this number for? I've told you only to use the mobile!"

Ranma, Akane, Ryoga and Shampoo staggered out of the bar to the bikes. They had a brief argument about which of the girls went on the back of which bike but Akane solved it by clambering onto the rear seat of Ryoga's bike.  
Ranma shrugged and cheerfully belted Shampoo to his back.  
"Let's hit th' fuckin' road"  
"On the fuckin' throttle!"

Kasumi stared as Nabiki put down the handset and stood with her eyes shut.  
She was as white as a sheet.  
"What's kinda wrong, sis"  
"It's nothing." Nabiki walked quietly back to her bedroom. She connected to the net via a third account and placed three posts on three carefully selected newsgroups. The general public couldn't get at these particular newsgroups.  
Only demon hunters could get at these particular newsgroups - but Nabiki had a copy of the decryption key.

Soun and Genma stopped their discussion as two bellowing motorbike engines announced the return of their blazing drunk offspring.  
Not three but four ratarsed teenagers staggered into the living room. Ryoga grinned at the two men.  
"You're never gonna guess what happened, Dad..."

No, you're not gonna get any more because I say so!

Chapter 5: You Can't Make Me Change My Mind "Let's just say I'm not exactly proud of my behaviour during that period of my life. But then, a certain person kept putting lysergic acid dyathelamide in my Valium." - Tatewaki Kuno, interview for Channel 9 News, January 2020.

Genma stared at Shampoo.  
"Er - Ranma - Is this who I think she is and if so exactly what the fuck's going on around here"  
Ranma sniggered and fell over. "Urp. Fuggit. Fuggoff fatty it ain't none o'  
yer fuggin' business"  
Ryoga groaned. "Waddya mean, Dad"  
"Ranma, is this that Chinese Amazon"  
Ranma belched. "Urp. Nunna yer fuggin' business... yeah"  
"So what the fuck's going on"  
Akane groaned and explained. By the end of her explanation both Soun and Genma were shaking their heads.  
"No. No fucking way, son! This is not going to work"  
"Fuck you! I'm gonna - urp - do what I damn well like"  
Ryoga groaned. "Dad, mind your own business. You and Mr. Tendo's deal is gonna go through. Just be satisfied with that"  
"No try ta calm th' bastards down, Ryoga - hic - fuggit - hic - now I - hic - gotten fuggin' - hic - hiccups"  
"Shaddup Ranma you're pissed"  
"Sho - I mean so - wot"  
Genma thumped the table.  
"Goddamnit, Ranma! Listen to me"  
He froze. So did Soun.  
Soun frowned. "Er - Akane - where the hell did you get that gun from"  
Akane cocked her .44 and clenched both hands on the pistol grip.  
"I made it. Now, mind your own fucking business if you like your heads"  
Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome started nodding wildly. The teenagers headed upstairs.  
Genma waited until he was sure they were gone.  
"Well, that's torn it"  
"Er - Genma - what're we going to do about that Amazon"  
"I've got a few ideas, Tendo. Just a few"  
Genma started to cackle evilly.  
"Oooh, I can't wait till Akira hears about this! That Amazon's gonna be dead meat"  
"Just as long as we ain't dead meat, Saotome."

Ranma woke up as early as ever. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.  
He was boxed in from both sides by warm shapes. His left hand was nestling in his crotch as ever. It always ended up there when he went to sleep.  
And he had a raging erection. He leant across the person to his left - once more the purple hair gave him a slight shock - and found his leather jacket and ashtray. He extracted a cigarette and his lighter and sat half up.  
Akane mumbled something from his right as he lit up. Shampoo let out a stifled yawn then a surprised remembering noise.  
"Mornin', Amazon warrior woman"  
She sighed. "Xian Pu not just Amazon"  
"Same as I'm not just a shitkicker"  
"Morning, Ranma"  
"Mornin', Akane"  
Akane found her fags and fished her .44 out of under her pillow. She stuffed it down the side of the mattress.  
Ranma glanced at Shampoo.  
"What's th' gun on yer leg"  
"Is Makarov. I attacked too many night to not keep gun"  
Akane yawned and lit up her smoke. "You should keep it under your pillow.  
It's safer that way"  
"I is often not have pillow. Just blanket"  
"What - ya don't even have a bivvy bag"  
"What bivvy bag be"  
"Army sleepin' bag. Me an' Dad usta use 'em out on the road. Keeps the cold offa ya better than a civvy sleepin' bag"  
Shampoo sighed. "Is not be room in pack. Xian Pu keep weapons in pack"  
"You've gotten yer AK with ya"  
"Is so. Not be go nowhere without machinegun"  
Akane climbed over the others and fished her M60 out of her underwear draw.  
"Check this beast out then!"

Kasumi swayed into the kitchen and turned on the stereo. She headbanged for a bit then started cooking.  
Clumping feet told her Ranma the Walking Dustbin was approaching.  
"Like, morning Ranma man... you ain't off on your bike"  
"Naw, it's a two seater. Can't fit all o' us"  
Kasumi looked confused. Then Akane and Shampoo came into the kitchen.  
"Like, morning dudes. Like, who's this"  
"I Xian Pu"  
"Yeah, an' due to a fuckup I'm married to her. Don't worry - it's under a different set o' laws so I'm gonna marry Akane under our set o' laws, see"  
Kasumi nodded. "Groovy, man. Free love... That's so cool - so I'll need to kinda make more breakfast, yeah"  
Ranma nodded. "Somethin' like that"  
"I dig, man. That's cool."

Nabiki yawned and turned on her laptop. She stared blankly at the startup screen and gulped down her Coke. By the time the computer had booted up her reasoning functions were back on line.  
She clicked through to the newsreader, typed in the decryption key and read the answers to her posts.  
"Oh, fuck!"

Genma watched Shampoo very carefully all through breakfast.  
The Chinese Amazon seemed to be unsure how to react to anything. She was carefully polite at all times. She seemed bedazzled by Ranma, watching his every move intently.  
She also kept an eye on Akane. Genma sensed complete fascination from the girl. He could normally pick up fairly well on anybody's emotions, but the strength he received from Shampoo totally threw him.  
Maybe, just maybe, everything would work out.

Ranma slouched into the garden. Akane, Shampoo and Ryoga were hot on his heels.  
He glimpsed Nabiki riding off on her father's bike.  
"Funny - didn't know Nabiki could ride"  
Akane frowned. "Huh? She can't - well, she's had a few shots round the garden but that's it"  
"Well, she just rode off on yer dad's old CB250"  
"Dad's not going to be very happy about that"  
Kasumi grinned at them as she swayed out of the house.  
"Like, see you dudes later. I gotta go shopping, dig"  
Akane rolled her eyes. "Don't roadkill anyone"  
Kasumi giggled and climbed into her Corvette. She fired the engine and did a burnout out of the driveway followed by a handbrake turn to get the car facing in the right direction.  
Shampoo stared after her. "She drive like much loony"  
"Yeah, that car's known as the self-propelled road hazard round here"  
Akane nodded. "She pulls G's in that thing"  
Shampoo looked blank. "Er - what mean 'Gees"  
"Acelleratin' hard enough that inertia produces a gravity effect straight backwards. My bike hits around five or six G's. That's why I strap passengers to myself - to stop them flyin' offa the back"  
"Kasumi's car hits four G's. If she's feeling crazy - which is most of the time. Word to the wise - never accept an offer of a lift from Kasumi." Akane paused for effect. "She thinks pulling G's is fun"  
Ranma frowned. "It is - if you're drivin'. It's prime shit-it material if you're a passenger"  
"Well... I suppose so..."

Nabiki knocked on the door of the Kuno mansion.  
A short - arse wrinkled figure answered it.  
"Hello, Ms. Tendo. How can I help you"  
"Hello, Sasuke... I have information I believe Tatewaki may find useful."

Once Nabiki had gone Kuno grabbed a drawing pad and started doodling. He found he always thought better while drawing.  
"Akane Tendo. Ranma Saotome. And now this Shampoo person... what will that blasted boy think of next?" He paused "I shall have to do something about him and that psychotic lesbian slut"  
His sister walked into the room. With each step she swayed violently to the left, giving her walk a shambling look that belied her true agility.  
"Good morning, dear brother"  
"Good morning, Kodachi. Are you well"  
Kodachi sighed. "As well as ever"  
Kuno patted the couch next to himself and tossed his drawing pad away.  
"Come, sit down. The servants will have breakfast ready in a moment. Let us sit together, dear sister"  
Kodachi sighed and sat down beside him.  
"You don't need to try to cheer me up, Tatewaki. It won't work"  
Kuno sighed. "But still I must try, for you and I are of one blood"  
Kodachi smiled slightly. "I do appreciate it"  
"Then I shall never give up, Kodachi"  
Kodachi nodded. Her smile had vanished again. Kuno stifled another sigh as he remembered the tragic day four years ago - the day of the beach buggy crash. Before that Kodachi had been vibrant, graceful and lived her life in a dazzle of happiness. Then their father took them to Hawaii and they rented a sandrail.  
The snapped axle could have happened to anyone - it was bad luck and poor maintenance. But the broken metal flew up and severed part of the rollcage.  
As the vehicle flipped over the sturdy metal frame was crushed and Kodachi got hit.  
When she woke up three days later - after being resuscitated five times -  
she was told she would never be able to use her left hand again. She would never be able to walk properly again.  
It had been crushing. She and Tatewaki had never got on that well - before the crash. While their father went on an alcohol binge Tatewaki insisted on taking care of Kodachi himself.  
After all, she was his sister. It was the least he could do for the girl who was born of the same mother on the same day as himself.  
Tatewaki picked up the T.V. remote.  
"I understand that there is a good movie on in a few minutes. Shall we watch it"  
Kodachi nodded. "Might as well."

Ranma stared at the road as it streamed past under him. White Zombie on the bike's stereo. The bellow of the engine. The whine from the supercharger.  
Shampoo and Akane perched on the seat which he had spent most of the morning extending. It didn't come any better than this.  
He pulled up at the park entrance, parked the bike and let the girls off,  
turned off the stereo and locked a hefty piece of chain through both wheels and the frame.  
They ambled over to the nearby pond. Ranma stayed well clear of the water.  
"Okay, we're here. Let's doss"  
He flung himself full length on the ground and fished a six pack of beercans out of his pack. "Here, have a pint"  
Shampoo nodded and opened one. Akane followed suit.  
She shook her head. "Well - what a fuckin' life, huh"  
"Could be worse. Could always be worse"  
Shampoo snorted. "Is so"  
A tall and good - looking teenage girl dressed in a denim jacket and jeans limped through the gateway. She stopped beside Ranma's bike and started examining it.  
Ranma grinned. "Hey! Quite a machine, ain't she"  
The girl looked up. "This is your motorcycle"  
Ranma nodded. He stood up and walked over.  
"I put her together outta wrecks - stuff outta scrapyards. The motor an'  
frame came outta one that'd failed it's MOT. Rest o' the bits came offa seven junkers - couldn't believe me eyes when I found the blower. Some twit'd binned his bike an' lobbed a perfectly good supercharger. The nitrous was a 1200 Bandit set - I adapted it ta fit the Gixer's carbs. It started off pretty near stock then I just couldn't stop tunin' it. I hafta make a new set o' pistons an' conrods an' a new crank every week but damn is it worth it! She puts out near 400 brake horse at the crank, somewhere near 360 at the back wheel"  
The girl sighed. "I wish I could learn to ride a motorcycle"  
"Huh? Why cantcha"  
She smiled sadly and raised her left arm. 'I cannot use my left hand"  
Ranma looked at her hand. It was half clenched in an unnatural looking position and obviously atrophied.  
"Shit - what happened"  
"I was nearly killed when I rolled a sandrail after it's front axle snapped and smashed part of the rollcage. That is why I limp so - several tendons in my leg were severely damaged"  
Ranma looked at her thoughtfully. She looked depressed.  
"That don't mean you can't ride. I once met a dude who's right arm's missin'  
at the shoulder an' he rides a turbo Blackbird. You can get th' controls adapted to fit on one bar an' a steerin' damper. You look a bit lop-sided,  
but what the hell. It's a ride, huh? An' from the way yer standin' it's yer knee that's buggered up so you'd be able to work a gearshift no trouble -  
you use ankle motions to change gear"  
The girl stared at him. "Truly"  
"Yeah, it's a bit harder than ridin' a normal setup since yer right hand hasta do that much more, but hey - it ain't impossible. A Blackbird's the fastest stocker they make. Turbo it an' it's stark starin' mad. An' if some dude can ride that with his left arm ya can ride with yer right hand, huh"  
He fished a leaflet out of his pocket. "Here, you'll find an address where they can convert a bike an' you can get ridin' lessons. If you're gonna go for it join JABD"  
"Huh"  
"Japanese Association for Bikers with a Disability. A lotta people've picked up real nasty injuries from bein' hit by cars - JABD is run by a crew who got together an' went 'fuck it we're still bikers'. They forced the government ta allow people with missin' feet, one arm an' so on ta get bike licenses. Me an' Dad help 'em with fundraisin' a lot - me grandfather wuz killed when a car hit him head on so Dad does stuff fer JABD in his memory"  
The girl nodded and pocketed the leaflet.  
"Thankyou"  
"No prob. The more bikers an' the less car drivers the better far as I'm concerned"  
Akane whistled at him. "Hey! Ranma! Gissahand"  
Ranma nodded. "I'll be over in a sec." He smiled at the girl. "Ya look pretty down - might as well just go for it, huh? Yer still alive so the world ain't got ya yet, huh"  
She smiled. "Thankyou"  
Shampoo ambled over as Ranma went back over to where Akane was sitting.  
She smiled at the sad girl. "Is you martial artist"  
"Huh? Yes - I do a bit of Kung Fu"  
Shampoo nodded. "Is thinking you walk like martial artist, no"  
"Even with my limp"  
"I see worse limp before. Is not so bad - I is know people who hardly able to stand. Wu Chii got AK47 bullet in knee. Not able walk in straight line,  
but still warrior"  
The girl smiled slightly. "I suppose it could be far, far worse"  
"Is so. You still able walk. Not like you in wheelchair, no"  
"Yeah... Say, I don't know any of your names"  
"I Xian Pu, him be Ranma Saotome. She Akane Tendo. You be"  
"I am Kodachi Kuno"  
Ranma and Akane looked up from their fiddling with Akane's geometry homework.  
"Say, are you any relation to Tatewaki Kuno"  
"Indeed - he is my twin brother. Do you know him"  
"Yeah, we know him from school"  
Kodachi frowned. "He was saying something about a biker with an impressive machine... apparently he is at loggerheads with this biker"  
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, Akane's bisexual an' he don't like that, th' fuckhead.  
He kept on tryin' ta work her over - so I told him exactly where ta get off the only way he seemed ta understand. Hey, she's my fiancee - d'ya blame me"  
Kodachi shook her head. "My brother has always had a distinct chip on his shoulder - and he very rarely gives up on anything"  
"Yeah, I beat him up a couple o' times then hadta bust his arm fer him. Only way I could think o' ta get th' point across"  
Kodachi nodded. "That is simply my brother for you... I am afraid he is quite disturbed - he was in the car during the accident in which our mother died and the experience unhinged him somewhat"  
Ranma nodded. "That explains that - but it don't make it any less worse. Any chance o' seein' if ya can get him ta lay offa Akane"  
Kodachi nodded. "I will try... but beware. He has a shotgun"  
"He's gotten a shooter? Aw great, that's all I fuckin' need!"

Ryoga stared at Ranma.  
"Kuno's got what"  
"He's got a shotgun. His sister reckon's he might decide ta blow me an'  
Akane's heads off with it. She said she's gonna lean on him a bit - but,  
well"  
Akane sighed. "Ranma, can you use a gun"  
"Akane, I've been ta Afghanistan. You name it I can shoot it. Handguns,  
sub-machine guns, assault rifles, machine guns"  
She nodded. "I've got a spare shooter - Browning GP35. I think we'd better all carry guns"  
"9MM semi-auto, right? I'd prefer a .357 or .44 Magnum. More in the way o'  
stoppin' power, right"  
"Hang on, hang on, hang on. Are you two so sure it's gonna go that far"  
"Ryoga, I don't know. But sure as shit an' pigs I'm gonna find out -  
eventually"  
Ryoga nodded. "I suppose so"  
"Look, we gotta find out what Kuno's plannin"  
Akane sniggered. "I know how to find out"  
"Huh? How? Ask the shitface"  
"No - ask Nabiki. What she don't know isn't worth knowing"  
"Nabiki? She strikes me as a outright bookie but that's it"  
"If you want to know it Nabiki either knows or can find out"  
Ranma nodded slowly. "Right. Yer dad's bike's back - let's go chat with her"  
They trooped up to Nabiki's bedroom. Ranma banged the door open.  
Nabiki hastily closed and encrypted the document she was working on.  
"Do you lot have to charge in here"  
"We need some info, Nabiki. We wuz talkin' ta Kuno's sister - she tells us he's got a shotgun. How about findin' out if he plans to blow me an' Akane's brains out"  
Nabiki paused. "You what"  
"You know as well as I do the creep hates Akane's guts. And he's got a gun"  
"Fuck!" Nabiki grabbed her mobile phone and dialled a long number. She waited for a moment then talked to someone in a very quiet voice.  
She listened to the somebody's answer then pocketed the phone.  
"Excuse me, you lot. He's got a shotgun license - I've got someone to blackmail. I'll be back later"  
She charged out. Once again her father's bike spluttered into life and she rode off on it.  
Ranma watched her go. He narrowed his eyes.  
"Stupid of her ta leave her laptop booted up. Let's see what she wuz workin'  
on"  
"Er - Ranma, she encrypted it"  
"Yeah? If the encryption an' decryption keys are the same it's no bother. I got an excellent short - term memory." He opened the file and typed the key in.  
"Bingo - aw, fuck"  
"What"  
"She's written it in Cryllic."

Like, later dudes.

Chapter 6: I seen your mummy "Frankly? I had my reservations at first, but I was and am damn proud of my son. Ranma may have a completely skewed sense of honour, but he's all the more a man for it. He lives life by his own rules, always has done, always will do. And those rules of his seem just so damn right." Nodoka Saotome.

Ranma scratched his arse for a while then sat up. He fished out a cigarette,  
fished his lighter out and lit up.  
Shampoo was already awake. She watched him carefully as he puffed away,  
pausing to spit in the ashtray.  
"Mornin', Shampoo. Wanna smoke"  
She shook her head. "I not smoke"  
"Fair enough." He tapped ash off the cig.  
Akane opened her eyes. "I hate fucking Mondays"  
"Could be worse - could be a lot worse"  
"Do you reckon Nabiki had enough blackmail material to stop Kuno"  
"Dunno - Ryoga's still translatin' all that shit we got offa her laptop.  
Stupid of her to use the same decryption key all through"  
"Yeah - I would've though she'd think to use multiple keys"  
"Maybe she's gotten a shite memory"  
"Nabiki's got total recall"  
"Let's get up"  
They pulled on their clothes in silence. Akane made a face. "I feel sick"  
"You gonna stay home"  
She shook her head. "I'm sure it'll settle down once I get some food inside me"  
Ranma shrugged. "Your call." He headed downstairs with the girls hard behind him.

Kasumi looked up from where she was just putting food onto the table.  
"Like, mornin' dudes. What was it with that kinda racket you lot were doin'  
last night and the night before and the night before that"  
Ranma snorted. "Not your problem. Let's just say we wuz havin' a bit o'  
fun"  
Kasumi shrugged. "Like, whatever. Well, grub's kinda up, man"  
Genma and Soun ambled into the room. Soun was in the process of cleaning his teeth. Nabiki was already at the table - she was reading something off her laptop.  
Ryoga was sat across the table from her, busily writing something. She snapped her notebook shut.  
"Food? Great - I've been translating since six this morning"  
Nabiki looked up. "What're you translating"  
"Some stuff a mate of mine - I think he's American - gave me. It's all in English"  
"Oh. Right. So you speak English, huh"  
"Fluently. Hell, I speak quite a few languages"  
"Er - how many"  
"Two hundred and fifty six. And I can make myself understood in another three hundred and twelve or so. I can read Chinese, any romanic or cryllic and a few others pretty well"  
Ranma snorted. "If it's written Ryoga can probably read it. If it's spoken Ryoga can probably understand it"  
Nabiki nodded slowly. "Hmm - interesting. I have several documents I have been unable to find a translator for - a local dialect of Scottish Gaelic, I believe. Ryoga, can I trust you not to spread information"  
Ryoga nodded. "You're family. Of course I'm not gonna shit on you"  
Nabiki paused. She looked at Ranma, Akane and Shampoo. All three were nodding. She looked back at Ryoga's serious expression.  
"Okay. How soon can you start work"  
"I'll do it during English class today - I'm gonna get top marks at any rate even if I don't do any work whatsoever"  
Nabiki nodded. "How much do you want for it"  
"What? Nabiki, you're family. Don't talk bullshit"  
"You'll do it for nothing"  
"Of course"  
Ranma chuckled. "Nabiki, like Ryoga said - you're family. Family've gotta stick together, see?"

The two bikes pulled up in the schoolyard. There was no sign of Kuno, but his friends were there.  
Ranma let the girls off then locked up his bike. He stared at the Kendo crew.  
"So wadda ya fuckwits want'  
The lead Kendoist growled from behind his mask.  
"You weirdoes beat up Mr. Kuno"  
"Aye, and the fuckhead was askin' fer it"  
Shampoo smiled nastily and drew her katana - four feet of razor sharp chemically blackened steel.  
"It not good move for to fuck with we"  
Akane put her hand inside her trenchcoat. "Yeah! Lay off of us or we'll start killing people!" She drew her .44 and glared down the gunsights at the mob.  
Ranma sighed and pulled out his length of chain. Ryoga shrugged and tugged a three foot adjustable wrench out of the sheath on her back.  
"I think it's time to put a spanner in the works, huh?" She tossed the spanner up and caught it neatly in her other hand then belted the bicycle shelter roof with it leaving a foot deep dent in the corrugated iron.  
Ranma shrugged. "So are you dumbclucks stupid enough to fuck with us"  
Nabiki stepped out of the school doorway.  
"Excuse me, gentlemen. I happen to have heard that one of you pukes slashed my little sister? Hmm, let me see - between you you owe me at least a quarter of a million yen. Hmm - and I know what you lot did last year.  
Perhaps you would like to examine some of my photo collection"  
Akane stared. Nabiki was blackmailing those guys when she had nothing to gain from it?  
The Kendo crowd stared. Their apparent leader shook his head.  
"What the hell are you going on about"  
"Christmas party. Sex. Telephoto lens"  
"ohfuck"  
"Now sod off unless you want her parents to know"  
"ohfuckohfuckohfuck"  
Nabiki pulled a photograph out of her pocket and held it out to them. The whole Kendo club went pale and legged it.  
She laughed, pocketed the photograph and turned to Ranma and the gang.  
"Now we're quits, eh Ryoga"  
Ranma shook his head. "No. Now I owe you one"  
"Ranma, you are as Ryoga pointed out family"  
"Hey - if ya no mind me askin' - how th' hell'd that photo scare them dicks so much"  
Nabiki sniggered. "Gang-bang. Kuno bought the girl off. But her folks don't know"  
"And let me guess - ya were waitin' with a camera"  
"I heard the row and snuck up. Had my telephoto lens - so I got real good detail. Fifteen photos. That's the Kendo club got out of the way fourteen more times"  
Akane frowned. "They gang raped this girl"  
Nabiki shrugged. "Dunno - but I later saw Kuno giving her a large amount of money. I interviewed her and she told me that her parent's didn't know what had happened. She's the local underage slut. And her father's a cop"  
"Ouch."

Mr. Matsui looked up as his rowdiest and best pupil charged into the room.  
"Mornin' Teach. How's tricks"  
"Good morning, Mr. Saotome. I suspect you'll enjoy today - we're starting the mechanics class this morning"  
Ranma grew a wide grin. "Don't be surprised if I already know everything"  
"Oh yeah? Why's that"  
"You've seen Ryoga's bike. I built it - outta scrapyard parts. I built my own bike the same way - when I was eight. I've scratchbuilt seven other bikes and two trikes outta junk, I've fixed up forty-odd cars from dead to fully road legal. Yeah, i know the whole nine yards. Hell, I'm plannin' on doin' engineerin' in uni"  
Matsui smiled happily. "Glad to hear it, Mr. Saotome"  
He looked from Ranma to the other three. His smile immediately turned into a frown. "And where have you been the last few days, young lady"  
Shampoo shot him a confused look. "What"  
"Er, teach - she's not Shan. She's Shampoo. Totally different person"  
"Ranma not be enunciate I name correct - I name be Xian Pu." Shampoo spoke very fast indeed. Matsui paused to work out what she meant. "Ah. Sorry"  
"Is not be trouble... Call I Shampoo - is easier for japanese-type person for to enunciate"  
"Xian Pu, that's pronounce." Ryoga pointed out.  
"Huh? You is enun- pronounce I name proper"  
Ryoga nodded. "I'm fully fluent in Cantonese - unlike my little brother"  
"Ryoga - any chance of speakin' Japanese ya show-off"  
"I'm planning to help Xian Pu learn Japanese, bro"  
"That be much aid"  
"The word's help, Xian Pu"  
Matsui sighed. "Okay, okay. Shampoo, sit with Ryoga. That way she can help you with your Japanese"  
Shampoo nodded. "Is be good ploy"  
Matsui realised he was developing a headache.

Ranma had a wide grin as they headed out of the classroom. He was as high as a kite - answering questions before Matsui had a chance to had been fun.  
The English lesson that afternoon had been downright dull since he spoke the language fluently. Better than the English teacher in fact - at least he had been able to make sarcastic remarks about other people's pronunciation.  
He climbed onto his bike and shoved a tape into the stereo. The rear suspension crouched as the girls climbed on behind him.  
He passed the long belt around them and buckled it into place, shoved the key into the ignition, flipped the kill switch to run and thumbed the starter.  
The bike grunted into life and spat a thin jet of dirty black smoke out of one exhaust. Ranma pulled a face and fiddled with the carbs for a moment.  
The smoke cleared up and he nodded satisfiedly.  
He pulled in the clutch and tapped the gearshift with his toe. The box let out a sharp chunk and he tugged back slightly on the throttle. The engine grunted, lifting dust from the pavement. Ranma gunned the engine a couple of times, keeping one eye on the temperature gauge. It edged up as he revved the bike.  
Satisfied that the engine had warmed up nicely, he flipped off the choke and started to let out the clutch. He could take off without letting it warm up,  
but the engine was happier this way.  
He lent hard over and out of the gates. Other kids on their 125's pulled aside to let him through. He nodded cheerfully at them, grinning from behind his lid.  
Then they were out on the road. Ryoga's bike popped out of the driveway,  
appearing hard on his tail. He flicked the supercharger on and gassed the engine. The front wheel popped up in a 45 degree wheelie. He let it down well before the corner and changed up into second. Clutch in and off the gas, kick gearshift, drop clutch and gas it again. A massive thud behind him told him Ryoga had just hit the afterburners. He chuckled and thumbed the nitrous trigger.  
The back wheel spun up, jetting shattered tarmac and blue smoke. The scenery went into fast forwards.  
He let the back wheel slide out around the corner, it's spikes clawing wildly at the road. Smashed tarmac rattled off the buildings like buckshot.  
A fireball appeared in his wing mirror with Ryoga's bike attached to the front.  
Ranma grinned toothily. It didn't come any better than this.

As the two bikes thundered onto the street the Tendo's house was on they got their first look at what was going on. An eighteen-wheeler articulated lorry tractor unit was sat outside the house.  
Ranma frowned as he skidded his bike to a halt in the driveway. He switched off and let the girls off the bike then sauntered over to the truck and began examining it.  
"Kenworth tractor"  
Akane joined him as Ryoga pulled up. "Nodoka Saotome Express Haulage." she read off the side of the truck.  
Ranma frowned. "Nodoka Saotome? Mum"  
"Your mother, right"  
He nodded. "Yeah! Come on - let's get inside! Funny - she didn't look much like a trucker the way I remember her"  
The four youths barged into the house. All yelling.  
They found Soun and Genma chatting with a small woman who was dressed in a massive blue boiler suit and heavy safety boots.  
Ranma stared at her.  
"Mum"  
She stared back. "Ranma"  
Mother and son spent a few moments staring at each other, each one of them trying to equate what they saw with what they remembered.  
"I dunno what ta say, Mum"  
"Me neither"  
"Just one thing - how in fuck did ya end up drivin' a truck"  
"It's fun and I need the money"  
Kasumi handed Ranma a beer. He grinned and opened it. "Thanks"  
"Like, no bother man." She ambled back into the kitchen.  
Ranma took a large swig of beer. "Ahh - clears yer throat"  
Nodoka nodded and held up her own can. "I'll drink to that"  
They clinked their cans. At which point sod's law came into play and Ranma's beer went mental. It exploded upwards in a huge shower of foam and booze and hit him square in the face.  
She shook beer out of her hair. "Fuckin' curse! Just my fuckin' luck! Waddya know? Duckponds, downpours, janitors, exploding beercans, fuckin' typical"  
Nodoka stared. "What the hell"  
"A fuckin' curse I picked up a couple o' months back in China. Cold water -  
curry - beer - or whatever, if I get splashed with it I change sex. Hot water changes me back. It sucks ta hell"  
Nodoka kept staring. "Is this for real"  
"Hey, Kasumi - couldja get us some hot water?" Ranma turned back to her mother. "Ya should see Dad." She chucked some of her beer over Genma.  
"A fuckin' panda"  
"Wh-wh-h-HOW"  
"Magic. Shit, huh? It's alright fer some - like Ryoga - but it's shit"  
Nodoka turned to Genma.  
"You... you... you IDIOT! How could you let this happen"  
Kasumi handed Ranma a glassful of hot water. "Like, here ya go man"  
"Thanks." Ranma sloshed some over herself then his father.  
"There ya go, old prick. Hey presto, yer human again"  
Genma groaned. "Thanks, son. Goddamnit I hate this fuckin' curse"  
"Who don't - well, apart from Ryoga"  
Nodoka sat down heavily. "This is terrible"  
"It's more shit than a Calcutta sewer"  
"Ranma, you don't get it. I mean, how can you? Genma, how could you? How could you stand by and let this happen"  
"Mum, mind explainin' what th' fuck yer goin' on about"  
Nodoka fished around in her pocket then pulled out a thoroughly folded piece of paper. "There the fucking thing is." She handed it to Ranma.  
He read it. "What the fuck is this bullshit"  
Genma groaned. "Nodoka, don't you get it? Ranma hates his curse. Ranma is a guy. Ranma is heterosexual"  
Ranma flung the piece of paper onto the table and blew his lid.  
"All of which means bugger all! I ain't gonna kill myself over some fuckhead promise that overstuffed lump o' boke made ten years back! I don't know who ya two fuckheads are foolin' - yerselves? I mean, come on - which o' ya cunts could hold me down long enough ta make me gut myself"  
Akane exploded. "What the fuck are you going on about"  
"It seems that fuckin' PANDA promised Mum that if I didn't end up what he calls 'a man among men' both o' us'd commit seppuku - just what the fuck are ya on? I gotten stuff ta live for! I'm a fuckin' BLOKE ya fuckwit"  
Shampoo decided to explode. "What this crap be"  
But Ranma cut her off with his continued swearing. "Motherfuckin' crazy!  
You're motherfuckin' crazy if you think I'm gonna fall for that freeze-dried stone age bullshit! He ripped his jacket off and flung it on the table then tossed his T-shirt after it. This revealed his extremely hairy chest.  
"D'ya see a girl here? Nah! Because there's a fuckin' self - propelled mullet here, d'ya get my drift?" He grabbed his own crotch. "An' how about here"  
Nodoka exploded. "Do you mean you don't know the meaning of honour, you twit"  
"Honour? Why am I supposed ta give a shit about that decayin' crap? This is 1998 ya fuckwit! When did yer 'honour' last matter fer bullshit? World War fuckin' Two, before the Yanks kicked our asses an' fuckin' nuked us, that's when"  
There was a shocked silence.  
"Ranma, listen to me for five fucking seconds"  
"Alright"  
Nodoka prepared herself to rant. "Look here, a promise is a promise and much as I don't like the idea"  
"FUCK YOU! Ya know where ya can put that fuckin' bit o' paper? Up yer arse where th' sun don't shine"  
"Ranma! I do not need to be spoken to in that manner"  
"Oh yeah and why not? Because ya want to gut me? Aye right - th' last dick who wanted ta do that's in twenty odd bits across th' scenery! I only gotten one life. This ain't no computer game an' it ain't no fuckin' comic book,  
there ain't no comin' back fer a second go an' ya can go fuck yerself"  
Akane sighed. "This has gone far enough." She shoved her hand into her trenchcoat pocket and pulled out her .44, cocked it and levelled it at Nodoka's head. "You are not gonna come anywhere near my boyfriend with that 'promise' his fat fuck father made. Because I don't give a flying fuck what you want, and by the sound of it neither does Ranma. We're going to marry,  
we're going to do it by our own terms and you are not going to do anything to get in the way. Nobody - absolutely fucking NOBODY - messes with my man"  
There was a polite cough from the doorway. Nabiki looked around the crowd.  
"Akane, where the hell did you get that"  
"I made it"  
"Ah, that's why you wanted to use my internet connection, huh"  
Nodoka stared at Akane. "A gun? Is that thing real"  
Akane turned and fired through the window, shattering it and blasting a rock to pieces in the process.  
"No prizes for guessing"  
Shampoo pulled her Makarov out. "Maybe I shall for join facedown"  
Ryoga idly got up and walked over to beside them.  
"Come on, Nodoka. I always did know you were stupid but isn't this taking it a bit far? I'm the 'effeminate' one, not Ranma. And anyway, where do you get off dictating what is and is not manly? Take a good look at yourself -  
you're not exactly a paragon of feminine virtue, you grease - encrusted trucker you"  
Akane nodded. "I happen to be bisexual so I'm a better judge than Ryoga. You look like a roadie and I'd guess at first look that you were a lesbian"  
Ranma snorted. "We've said our piece, Mother dear. Ya said yer piece an' th'  
girls have pulled their pieces - now how about gettin' fucked"  
Nabiki sighed. "Nodoka, Ranma is about the least camp person I have ever met. Even taking his curse into account. Now, I happen to know you'd have to kill Akane and Shampoo to get at him, and I also happen to know he'd kill absolutely anybody who even tried that. So I strongly suggest that you lay the hell off of my future brother in law before things get nasty"  
Nodoka shook her head. "But family honour dictates"  
"Take yer 'family honour' crap an' blow it outta yer exhausts, Mum. I am not gonna kill myself. I am not gonna let ya do it. Akane and Shampoo sleep with guns on 'em so that rules out tryin' anythin' funny at night. So give it up"  
"Akane and Shampoo"  
Ranma nodded. "Akane is my girlfriend and we've already set a weddin' date.  
And I'm also married to Shampoo under a completely different set o' laws"  
Nodoka paused then picked up the famous piece of paper. She grabbed her lighter.  
"Now that," she stated, "Is what I call manly"  
She set fire to the contract and dropped the ash in the fireplace.  
"Good riddance. Now, I've got a load to take up north - when is your wedding set"  
"Er - um - ah - Sunday. We decided last night"  
"Excellent. That fits in perfectly - I don't work weekends. I have to pick up car parts in Osaka tomorrow then fifty tons of sheet steel the day after... let's see. I'm free to help with arrangements from Thursday"  
Ranma snorted. "Sound's like a life in the fast lane"  
"Yep." Nodoka grinned. "Just the way I like it. My jam-boy is real effective - he needs to be"  
"Jam-boy"  
"Yes, he drives like a raging twat to distract the cops so I can go through at full speed. I had a 37,000 brake horsepower railway locomotive engine fitted to my truck - 'express' really does mean 'Express' when you're talking about me"  
"Thirty-seven thousand brake horse? Fuckin' hell"  
Nodoka grinned again. "Top speed around 150 fully laden. Nought to sixty in around six seconds if I'm on the ball with the gearshift. I can run a load the length of Japan in under half a day. I normally carry emergency supplies to factories who've had a muckup in their delivery schedule"  
"Ya should fit an airshifter"  
"Oh, I'm saving up for one. I've got a sixteen speed box"  
Ranma scratched his jaw. "Hmm - don't go fittin' any off the shelf crap,  
Mum. I can put together a real good shifter fer ya - give me the truck fer two days and it'll be sorted"  
"Two days"  
"Yeah - hey, you got it turboed or blown"  
"Turbo diesel"  
"Right. I'll rig ya a supercharger - then you'll really need that airshifter"  
"A blower? Won't that cost a fortune"  
"Not a hand made one. Fifty kilos o' aircraft-quality alloy, a sportsbike crank an' some bits an' shits an' job's a good 'un"  
Nodoka slowly shook her head. "Amazing. Absolutely amazing"  
"Ha - ya ain't seen Ryoga's jetbike. I built it outta wrecks an' a Bell helicopter engine then rigged afterburners onta it"  
"Afterburners? On a motorbike? You're crazy"  
"But damn is it worth it!"

On to the next episode, fellow hairstyles!

NOTES Not much for me to say, the next post'll be along in a minute.

GLOSSARY OF TERMS Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.  
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.  
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's age.  
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the engine thus forcing it to run faster.  
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the engine.  
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple clamps in the US.  
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built.  
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.  
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a sealed cooling system as found in most cars.  
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.  
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.  
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.  
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.  
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.  
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.  
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and just a bigger version of the same.  
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.  
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.  
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.  
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off. 


	2. Chapter 2

From: "Doghead Thirteen" wolfmangehenna. Subject: RanmaFanFic Repost - Bikert 1/2 book 1 chapters 07-13 Biker 1/2 Cycle 1 - Birth of a Modern Legend.  
Book 1 - Opening moves - part 2.  
LEGALISTIC SHIT and RANT Ranma 1/2 is not mine, no no i didn't do it you can't make me say it woz my fault THIS FIC WOULD BE 18-RATED IF YOU FILMED IT AND GAVE IT TO THE BBFC!  
There's audible off-screen sex (but no more, even Ranma has a right to some privacy when he wants it and I'm no good at writing sex scenes) gratuitous violence, character deaths, drugs, rock 'n roll and insane quantities of swearing. If you can't handle it don't read it.  
Ranma 1/2 is property of Rumiko Takahashi and varied companies much bigger than me; I'm just borrowing the characters and world without permission as a way of learning to carry a decent plot. I'll put them back when I've finished with 'em. I promise.  
The Amerai, S'Vek, Sidhe, the Wade family, Clan Hakkenan, Rat Diva, Seven Hope and all related concepts are property of Calum John Wallace (me) and Mad Dog Games; all rights reserved and all that. If you want to use 'em in a fic, please A) read Biker 1/2 carefully, it should give you a good idea of what the Amerai are all about, B) ask for my permission and C) include me in the prereaders for your tale.  
Finally, at least four characters are gay or bisexual - if you can't handle that then please be so kind as to fuck off. Like the alternate Ryoga of this tale I have little time for homophobes due to certain problems suffered by my (bisexual) elder sister.  
Please note, I'm using "this" to denote things said in Cantonese.  
Chapter 7: Quiet day at the Tendo dojo.  
'Ahh, it's time to relax. And you know what that means...' - The Offspring,  
intro voiceover to the album "Smash"  
"It's the one thing that like, unites us, man. Engines, man. Ryoga's got her like, jets, Ranma sticks superchargers and like, nitrous on everything in sight, Nodoka must burn more like, diesel in a day than I burn like, petrol in a like, week, you get the idea, man..." Kasumi Tendo, October 2005,  
rabbiting on again at a party celebrating the decriminalisation of cannabis in Japan.Ranma placed the socket spanner on the floor and selected a screwdriver. He unfastened the lock screw then removed the final engine bolt.  
"Hey - Ryoga - gissahand gettin' th' motor outta this thing, huh"  
Ryoga nodded and ambled over. She grabbed the massive V12 and heaved while Ranma steered it to the floor.  
"Well - I'll say this much for your mother. She's got a terrific taste in engines, man. Talk about big-bore"  
"Hey, it's not bad fer a stock turbo diesel. Could be a whole heap better.  
Will be a whole heap better"  
"Airshifter, supercharger - anything else"  
"I'm gonna add some more bracin' onta th' beast's chassis. She's startin' ta show stress damage in a couple o' places an' I don't want Mum bustin' her truck's chassis at full rip, do I"  
Ryoga nodded thoughtfully. "S'pose not"  
"Hey - any idea how that crew're gettin' on in there"  
"Oh, they're halfway to done"Akane sighed slightly. Her feet were resting on the table. She was dressed in a crop top, her leather trousers and her ever-present dog collar.  
Kasumi glanced up from her sewing. "What're you, like, sighing about"  
"Oh, I still feel a bit queasy"  
Shampoo frowned at her.  
"Is so? I feeling sick this morning too"  
Nodoka rolled her eyes. She was no longer dressed in her boiler suit - she was wearing a somewhat battered Kenworth T-shirt that was visibly too big for her and a pair of denim jeans.  
"Don't say both of you guys are gonna crash out on us with some sort of bug"  
Akane made a face. "Actually, I'm planning to go down to Dr. Tofu's... see if he can tell me what's going on." She kept her suspicion to herself.  
Shampoo shot her a conspirative wink. "Akane, is you thinking what I is thinking"  
Akane saw the wink and nodded. "If you're thinking what I think you're thinking"  
"Please say again but not gibber?"  
Nabiki sat and stared blankly into space. Ranma Saotome had been in Nerima for around two weeks. He had already changed everything.  
It was like he was some kind of emissary of chaos.  
She looked back at the answers she had received from the mailing list. Good thing the weirdo demon hunter guy thought she was somebody from the Japanese government - he had sent her answers. Answers about her family, the Saotomes and the Chinese Amazons. Answers that scared the hell out of her.  
Why couldn't everything be exactly what it seemed? She sighed to herself then mused on Ryoga's startled answer to her offer of pay.  
"You're family"  
Yes, she was involved in this in a big way. She was in at the deep end. Out of her depth. This didn't just concern Ranma, Shampoo and Akane. It concerned Ryoga, Kasumi, Soun, Genma and Nabiki. Maybe even Nodoka.  
Nabiki sighed again and tapped off another query. She would find out. She would take that information and use it in the way most likely to protect her and her family. After all, they were all in the same boat here - if what that guy had said was true. It being true added up with everything Soun and Genma had said.Genma smiled slyly and tossed the letter over to Soun.  
"Read that"  
Soun did, muttering the letter just below his breath. "Genma, it's good to hear from you again. I'm glad you and your sons - make that son and daughter - are keeping well.  
I was most interested to hear of the involvement of Joketsuzo in all this -  
so the plot thickens, huh? Take no action as yet - I will speak to their representative at the Conclave and explain the situation. We may have the solution to a millennia - old conflict here. See if you can find out more about this Xian Pu - what is her standing in Joketsuzo?  
On a more personal note, how badly is Ranma taking everything, particularly Jusenkyo?  
Your loving great - grandfather, Akira Saotome"  
Soun smiled. "Hmm, he took that better than I expected"  
Genma nodded happily. "Yeah, what a relief"Ryoga grinned at Kasumi.  
"Hey - what sorta top end do ya get outta that Corvette"  
"Like, two hundred or so... I've never had to go as fast as it can go, man"  
"Oh yeah? I've hit the double ton fifty"  
"Two hundred and fifty, like miles per hour? That's unreal, man"  
"Nah - that's raw, unadulterated speed. Nought to sixty in under two seconds if I use the afterburners. Single speed box, top end around the 250 mark.  
Ticks over at 25,000 RPMs and full power at around 56,000 RPM. Wheelies like a good 'un"  
"Full power at 56,000 revs per minute? I like, redline at 14,500"  
"You got a piston driven motor. I got a gas turbine"  
"Hey, shall we kinda find out who's fastest offa the mark"  
Ryoga grinned and fished her ignition keys out of her pocket. "You're on"  
"Groovy! There's an old airbase just outta town, dig? Me an' the crowd set up a kinda dragstrip, there's always someone there. We could like, get proper quarter mile times, dig"  
Ryoga shrugged. "I'm not that bothered - we could just go down the town and do some stoplight drag racing. Neither of us have numberplates, after all"  
"Yeah, that's cool. I'll just got get my keys. Wait up a couple of minutes,  
huh"  
Ryoga nodded and grinned wickedly to herself as Kasumi vanished into the kitchen.  
"This is gonna be so fucking easy - no car can outrun my jetbike"  
Kasumi popped back out of the kitchen. She had seemed to use the few seconds she was out of sight to transform Superman style into different clothing -  
denim jeans, a white T-shirt, ex-army boots and a voluminous brown leather trenchcoat.  
"I heard that, man. I've outrun a jet fighter - well, until it took off. But taking off was cheating"  
"A lotta normal bikes can do that and I can completely burn them the hell off"  
"I burnt off a Super Blackbird the other day so don't say my car's slow"  
"Cool it, cool it. We're gonna find out who's got the faster vehicle, huh"  
"Yeah - let's go! Come on - we ain't got all day"  
Ryoga snorted and crammed on her crash helmet. She strode out to her bike and let Kasumi pull her car out of the driveway in front.  
They aimed themselves down the road and had an impromptu 'drive (or ride)  
like a complete twat' competition to the town centre, where Kasumi selected a set of traffic lights and skidded to a halt. Ryoga pulled up beside her and dissuade cars from getting too close to her rear wheel by flipping on the afterburners for a second. She leant across to Kasumi and yelled.  
"Soon as the lights turn green"  
"Gotcha!" Kasumi put her car into gear, kept her foot on the clutch and started gunning the engine. Ryoga smirked and snapped on the afterburners again.  
The bike let out a dull thud and flung a cloud of unlit fuel out of it's exhausts. The spray suddenly combusted with a ground - shaking bang and Ryoga was sitting on the front of a roaring twenty - foot fireball.  
The lights went orange. Ryoga clamped her hand on the front brake and spun up the back wheel, warming her tyre. Blue smoke joined the fireball from the rear of her bike.  
Kasumi grinned wickedly and started her own burnout. More blue smoke shot from the back of her car.  
The lights went green. Both vehicles snapped into a high wheelie as they launched, Ryoga laying down a trail of fire as she did so. Both vehicles back wheels were still spinning.  
Kasumi made a face as she suddenly realised she was losing. Then Ryoga leant forwards and her rear wheel gripped as the front came down.  
Kasumi thought for a moment that her car had somehow stopped moving. One moment Ryoga was just in front, the next the bike was simply gone. The sheet of flame from the afterburners vanished around a corner.  
Kasumi spent about an hour prowling around town looking for Ryoga, but found no sign of jet bike or rider. She even checked out the scrapyard the bike would have been taken to if it had crashed.  
She arrived home with a confused look on her face. No sign of Ryoga's bike.  
She peered round Nodoka's truck and found Ranma.  
"Hey, Ranma man, like, where's Ryoga"  
"Huh? She took off with ya, didn't she?... Aw, shit! Don't say she's gotten lost"  
"Huh"  
"Ryoga's got this completely shite sense of direction, see? She can get lost in a room with no windows and one door, ending up somewhere like Tibet in the process. The only thing she can find in less than half an hour is her bike"  
Kasumi groaned. "Aw, bummer man. We had a like, race and Ryoga won"  
"Ya twit! Ya mean ya went and got Ryoga lost! What the hell were ya thinkin'  
about? That's probably the last we'll see of her for weeks and ya know how much she wuz wantin' ta be at th' weddin"  
Kasumi looked at her feet. "I'm like, sorry, man. I didn't know"  
Ranma shook his head. "Shit, shit, shit. Why didn't I think ta tell ya?" He shook his head again. "It's no yer fault, Kasumi. Ryoga's too bloody minded ta admit she can't tell left from right an' I shoulda said somethin"Soun looked up as Akane sauntered into the room.  
"Dad"  
"Yes, Akane"  
"Can me and Shampoo borrow your bike"  
He nodded. "Sure, feel free. The keys are in my leather jacket"  
Akane nodded. "Thanks." She walked back out, nodded at Shampoo (who had been waiting the other side of the door) and they collected their crash helmets and Soun's bike's ignition keys and headed out.  
Akane grinned at Shampoo. "You ever driven a bike before"  
"Not since last year. I brother own trailbike - he sometimes let I have go.  
I training often not give enough time, no"  
Akane nodded. "I'd better drive then. Dad's CB250 ain't got anything on Ranma's Gixer but - well"  
Ranma stuck his head out of behind the truck. "Hey, don't diss th' CB's.  
They're good little bikes - I usta ride one, y'know. It wuz my first bike.  
You girls goin' off somewhere"  
Akane nodded. "We've gotta go get some stuff"  
Ranma smiled. "Ride safely, huh"  
Akane grinned. That was one of the things she adored about Ranma - he had always treated her as his absolute equal. Unlike her father, he never asked her if she was sure she could do something - he simply nodded and helped if she asked. Sure, he stepped forwards to fight for her every time, but then he was blatantly better than her. She had a lifetime's catching up to do.  
And anyway, he fought for her because he cared about her.  
She swung the old CB off of it's centre stand and gestured at Shampoo to get on. She shoved the keys into the ignition and fired the engine. It felt good to be riding again - she hadn't ridden in weeks. Not enough time to lose the knack, but enough time that she missed it.  
She gunned the engine slightly. The faithful old 250 grunted at her. She pulled in the clutch, snapped it into first, tugged back the throttle and pulled away.  
Ranma watched her ride off with a half smile on his face.  
"That's what I'm gonna do... I'm gonna build her a bike"  
He finished bolting the supercharger onto Nodoka's truck engine with a broad grin on his face. "This is gonna be so cool... hmm, better build Shampoo a bike while I'm about it"Dr. Tofu looked up from his medical journal as Akane and Shampoo walked in the door. "Hello, how can I help you girls"  
Akane frowned slightly. "Um, Doctor - we need you to check something"  
"What kind of something"  
Her answer made Dr. Tofu facefault.Ranma flashed down the street, a plume of fragged out tarmac rising behind his bike. He flipped into second gear and blasted round the corner before coming to a screeching halt outside the scrapyard.  
He locked his bike to the fence and walked inside, lighting up a smoke as he went. He opened the scrapper's office door and stuck his head inside.  
A large and hairy man in a oil - stained blue boiler suit looked up from his magazine. They stared at each other for a moment, both recognising the other to be a biker.  
"Whut can ah do fer ya, mate? Lookin' fer parts, are ya"  
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, I got two builds ta build. Plannin' on somethin' like CB250 frame, CB500 motor style rigs"  
The man nodded. "Well, let's see whut we can find, huh? Ah'm Ryu"  
Ranma grinned and shook hands with the huge man. "I'm Ranma... Ranma Saotome"  
"Ranma Saotome? Ya wouldnae be any relation ta th' late, great Ranma Saotome"  
Ranma nodded. He'd had reactions like this before.  
"Yeah - I'm his grandson"  
Ryu grinned toothily. "Ah thought there wuz somethin' familiar about yer face. Wull, pleased ta meet ya, Ranma." He gave Ranma an affectionate slap on the back. "Yer grandpa wuz a friend of mine. Say, his lad Genma still around"  
"That's Dad"  
"Wull, whut a surprise! Ah mind Genma when he wuz no taller than yer waist... then there wuz 'im at yer grandpa's funeral. Last time I done saw 'im - poor lad. He wuz pretty cut up"  
Ranma sighed and nodded. "Dad never really got over grandpa dyin"  
Ryu sighed. "Aye, yer grandfather wuz quite a guy. Ah still miss 'im meself.  
The world ain't the same without 'im, Ranma. He usta ride a hand-built Triton what he'd stucken a blower onta. Th' bike died wiv 'im - 'it by a Volvo 'ead on"  
Ranma grinned. "You wanna check out my ride"  
"Hmm? Whut sorta machine"  
"Supercharged nitrous - assisted GSXR1100 ratbike"  
"Holy fook"Kuno frowned at his newspaper.  
"So, you have befriended the notorious Ranma Saotome, sister"  
Kodachi nodded. "Indeed. Ranma is a good friend"  
"Hmm. You are aware that he and I do not exactly see eye to eye"  
"Tatewaki, why do you dislike him so? He is such a generous and caring man... gentlemanly and strong. I see no bad in him"  
Kuno sighed. "Sister, he is extremely violent. Do you not know why my arm is in this accursed cast"  
"Because you were foolish enough to start a fight with Ranma Saotome. Do you know nothing of the Saotome clan? They were once renowned as warriors throughout all of Japan, dear brother... And they do not appear to have lost their edge. Why, Ranma is the heir to the patriarchy of the clan. Do you not expect him to be a mighty warrior"  
Kuno frowned. "That is as may be. But I cannot let that disgusting creature Akane Tendo continue to spoil the locality"  
"It would be wise to leave her well alone, brother. She and Ranma Saotome are to be wed in a few short days"  
"Interesting. When"  
"This Sunday"  
Kuno began to plot. He waited until after lunch before letting his lid blow.Ranma and Shampoo climbed off of the beat up old Gixer. They stared into space for a few moments then went into the nearby cafe together.  
"Well, thank fuck fer a break, huh"  
Shampoo nodded. She was itching to give him her news, but had promised to wait for Akane.  
Kodachi chose that moment to walk in the door.  
"Ranma! Xian Pu! What a pleasant surprise"  
"Hey, Kodachi! How's tricks"  
Kodachi half smiled. "Well... I was actually looking for you. I wondered if you would be able to assist me in acquiring a motorcycle suitable for the conversion you suggested. I have spoken to JABD and they have found me a riding tutor and a company who would insure me... I just need a motorcycle"  
Ranma grinned widely. "Well, ya come to th' right guy. I'll help ya sort out a decent bike an' convert it for ya if ya like"  
Kodachi smiled. A real smile.  
"Ranma, you are truly a gentleman"  
"C'mon, why dontcha join us"  
Shampoo sniggered. "You embarrass Ranma"  
Ranma snorted. "I can handle compliments any day"  
"Indeed - praise makes easy listening"  
Shampoo sniggered again. "Is funny"  
"Yeah? What is"  
"We is in funny life, no? Is all mixed up"  
"Hey, could be worse. All the fuckups've levelled out, see? No real lastin'  
stuff"  
Kodachi sighed. "I wish I could say the same... why do you laugh"  
"Hahahaha- look at haha me hahaha... Big hairy hahaha biker who changes sex hahaha an' gonna have two wives hahahaha brother who ain't a brother or totally human no more hahaha my mum - a trucker - hahaha - and just why the fuck would ya wanna live like us"  
"But why would I wish to be like I am? I am crippled. Permanently. My brother is insane. My father is an alcoholic. I am going through detox from a cocaine addiction. My mother is dead"  
"An' yer totally gorgeous, ya don't have fuckall ya need ta worry about - ya can just kick back an' relax. Ya gotta shitload o' money - ya don't need ta worry about gettin' enough ta eat every day, huh"  
Kodachi sighed. "You don't really understand! You have not got a father who is obsessed with Hawaii! You can walk properly! You have not got a brother who's plotting to kill your best friend's fiancee"  
"Say what - let me get this straight - is Kuno plannin' ta waste Akane"  
Kodachi paused then shrugged. "Well - I only caught snatches of my brothers ranting, but that is what I understood"  
"Just hang on one fuckin' sec - look, if he tries I won't be able ta stop meself wastin' him. I'll kill him outright before he even touches a hair in her head"  
Shampoo growled something semiarticulate. "Unless I is get there first"  
Kodachi glanced first at one of them then the other.  
"You mean it"  
"I sure as hell stinks mean it"  
"I not let Kuno for to harm Akane"  
Kodachi sighed. "I will try to dissuade him... but it is not easy. Once decided on his path, my brother is not easily turned"Nabiki stared at the ceiling and ran over what she had read yet again,  
carefully putting the pieces together in her mind.  
The demon hunter had stated outright that the Tendo and Saotome clans were what he called... Where the hell had she heard that word before?  
She scratched her head and turned back to her computer. Onto the secured account. Run a web search on the word the demon hunter had called them.  
Hmm, a whole shitload of answers. Mostly something coincidental - or at least it didn't look anything like what the demon hunter had been insinuating.  
Hang on - what's that. Fiftieth down the list. Needs a key to get in.  
Nabiki shoved a Zip cartridge with her lockpick software into the drive.Ranma and Shampoo walked into the living room. Both wore extremely serious expressions on their faces.  
They sat down and stared into space for a few moments.  
"So what in the fuck are we gonna do about Kuno"  
"I is having idea"  
"Hm? What like"  
"Xian Pu, Ranma, big machinegun - is plenty enough for to give Kuno pause for think, no"  
"Dunno - hmm, so if Kuno tries anythin' stupid we threaten ta blow him ta hamburger meat with Akane's M60"  
Shampoo nodded. "Is generality idea"  
"That's just general, not generality"  
"Opsie. Is general idea"  
Ranma smiled his crooked smile. "Shampoo, I don't mind how ya say stuff just as long as I know what yer talkin' about. It sounds fine"  
"Then why you always correction I"  
"Correct, not - there I go again. Force o' habit. Hey, have ya noticed - th'  
more stressed out ya get the more weird yer Japanese gets"  
Shampoo frowned. "I not notice before you say"  
"Hmm - somethin' smells good"  
As if on cue, Kasumi stuck her head out of the kitchen and whistled loudly.  
"Yo! Dinner's kinda, ready, like everyone"  
Akane barged into the room. "Hey, why're you two looking so serious"  
"Don't worry - it's all covered"  
Akane sat down beside Ranma as the rest of the family filtered into the living room. She waited until everyone was seated.  
"Um - me and Shampoo have some news"  
Ranma stood up sharply.  
"Hang on - I gotta go take a shit"  
Suitable annoying place to stop.  
Chapter 8: Calm before the Storm "And the temple of love grows old and strong / But the wind blows stronger,  
cold and long" - The Sisters of Mercy, 'Temple of Love'  
"That first meeting between Prince Herb and Ryoga, while it may seem like a minor event, was actually another of those pivotal things. It is my personal belief that, had Ryoga strayed anywhere but that fuel station, none of the Saotome-Tendo-Hibiki 'crew' would be here today. And following the chain of events to it's logical conclusion, neither would the Musk, neither would the Joketsuzoku... and I'm sure you're aware how much everyone alive on the planet today owes those three groups." Dr. Minako Shima, 'Eye of the Basilisk' published February 2033 by Lupus Press, a subsidiary of Saotome-Tendo Enterprise.Ryoga's bike flashed across the outback, spewing a line of reddish dust from it's rear tyre. She glanced back at the source of the pulsing blue light,  
grimaced and hit the afterburners thus adding a huge fireball to the dust cloud.  
The two policemen in the pursuing cop car glanced at each other.  
"Mad Max had nothing on this"  
Ryoga cranked her throttle wide open, let the scenery go into fast forwards and left the pigs eating her dust.The tall person in a cloak watched with visible interest as the massive black jetbike pulled into the fuel station.  
The biker (Ryoga, ok?) pulled off her skidlid and glanced around.  
"Hmm - everything in Chinese"  
"That is to be expected since this is China"  
Ryoga looked round and grinned at the tall cloaked figure. "No offence, man - it's just I got the world's worst sense of direction. Last thing I knew I was in Australia - I think. After all, it was very dry and I roadkilled a kangaroo"  
"Erm - how the hell did you get here then"  
"Beats me. Beats me how I got to Australia from Japan via somewhere where there were yaks. But I did. Yaks are kinda cool, huh"  
The cloaked person scratched his head. "Okay"  
"I gave up being confused by it years ago - round about when my brother built my bike. Being lost is fun now"  
"Ahh, good old - fashioned wanderlust, huh"  
"Something like that - hey, there's always something new the other side of the next rise"  
"So, what nationality are you"  
"Japanese - as far as I can figure out. At least, Dad's always telling me I'm Japanese and I guess he'd know"  
The figure nodded thoughtfully. "Hmm. I happen to be looking to employ a Japanese person"  
"Yeah? What sorta work"  
"I am going over to Japan. I need someone who can tell me what not to do"  
Ryoga nodded. "Well, I know a darn sight more about social manners than my brother so I guess I can help... as long as I'm real careful to follow you"Ranma sauntered back into the living room.  
"Sorry about that - but when I need ta shit I need ta shit"  
Akane grinned at him. "Wazzock"  
He sat down. "Wazzock yerself. So - what wuz th' big news"  
Akane and Shampoo glanced at each other.  
"We're both pregnant"  
They never expected Ranma's reaction.Ryoga nodded slowly. "Okay - so what's your offer"  
"Five hundred US dollars a day"  
"What about fuel and expenses"  
"Hmm"  
"Tell you what - four hundred fifty a day plus food and fuel"  
The cloaked person paused, watching the fuel counter on the diesel pump tick up. So far Ryoga had put sixty dollars worth in.  
"Hmm - four hundred only, food and fuel covered"  
"Make that four hundred and twenty-five and you've got a deal"  
"Agreed." The cloaked person stuck his hand out and they shook on it."WHAT"  
Akane and Shampoo stared at Ranma as he went completely ballistic.  
"For fuck sake that's all I need"  
"R-Ranma? What's wrong"  
Ranma stabbed an accusing finger at his father.  
"Just look at the fuckup that fat git done on bringin' me up! That's what"  
He glared at the two older men. "You two fuckheads better wipe those smug grins offa yer faces before I wipe 'em off with my boot"  
"Ranma, what so wrong"  
"What's wrong? What's fuckin' wrong? I'm fuckin' seventeen, that's what!  
This is fuckin' stupid!" He stood up and snap kicked the door off it's hinges then charged outside swearing.  
Akane burst into tears.Ryoga grinned at her new employer as he climbed onto a scruffy blue trailbike.  
"Let's hit the fucking road, Mr. Herb"  
He nodded, grinning back at her from under his cloak.  
"You took the words straight out of my mouth, Ryoga"  
He kickstarted his trailbike. Ryoga thumbed her jetbike into life and the two of them thundered away out of the quiet little town, a sound like a helicopter and a chainsaw blasting out of the two bike's engines.Shampoo suddenly lost her cool. She spat a Cantonese swear word and charged after Ranma.  
"Ranma get back here"  
He glared at her from where he was now lubeing his motorbike chain.  
"Listen here, Shampoo"  
"No! Ranma listen to I! Akane think is best news ever - why you go spoil"  
"Because I think it's a fuckin' disaster"  
Shampoo tried to slap him. He caught her hand and gave her a dirty look.  
"Why you be so thick, Ranma? Is best thing what be able for to happen"  
Ranma let go of her wrist and put down his can of chain lube.  
"Look, Shampoo. I've heard Dad mutterin' with Akane's dad a few times an' I smell a rat. They've gotten some sorta plan fer me an' my kids - an' I don't like that"  
He stopped as he spotted a note sticking from under his bike's seat.  
"What th' fuck?" He picked it up, unfolded it and read through. Then he frowned and quietly read it out so Shampoo could hear.  
"Ranma. Don't trust your father or Soun Tendo. I am on your side"  
He and Shampoo glanced at each other.  
"What th' fuck"  
"It look like handwriting of Nabiki"  
"That it does"Ryoga looked around the old farmhouse forecourt. Two trailbikes, as equally massive and decrepit as Herb's, were sat outside. One was painted black while the other was painted in a tiger stripe motif.  
Ryoga looked them over.  
"Interesting. Land Rover engines, right"  
Herb nodded. "Yeah. We build all our trailbikes around Land Rover turbo diesel engines. Hell of a lot of grunt"  
"My brother'd like those rigs - you should see his. Supercharged Suzuki GSXR1100. Dad rides a bike with a Dodge V8 motor"  
Herb whistled. "Nice. I gotta suggest that to Bush - he's our mechanic. I don't think you'll meet him"  
"Actually, Dad's kind of setup wouldn't work that well for you guys - it's an in line mount so with that size of engine it's stupidly long. It's crap off road but it rocks on decent roads. No offence but you haven't got many of them round here"  
Herb nodded thoughtfully. "A point. Come on inside - there's a couple of guys I want you to meet. My... mates Mint and Lime"  
They walked inside. Two figures were playing cards at a table in the corner.  
"Hey, Mint - Lime - someone you gotta meet"  
The duo spun round. "Huh"  
Ryoga looked at them. One was wearing a bear skin over a set of heavy motorbike leathers. He was the widest shouldered person Ryoga had ever seen,  
stocky to the point of being ludicrous. The second guy could only be described as a beanpole. He had a massive quiff and was wearing what looked like a tigerskin.  
Both of them spotted Ryoga (Miss drop dead gorgeous catgirl) and went slack jawed.Ranma walked grimly into the bedroom he shared with Akane and Shampoo.  
"Akane"  
She ignored him - she was laying on her bed and crying into her pillow.  
Ranma sat down beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Akane... I'm sorry"Nabiki stared at her plate as Shampoo walked back in. The Chinese girl shot her a thoughtful frown, sat down and resumed eating.  
Several minutes passed before someone (Nodoka) plucked up the courage to ask the pressing question.  
"Where are Akane and Ranma"  
"They in bedroom"  
"Er - any idea why Ranma blew his lid"  
Shampoo put her chopsticks down, pulled her Makarov out of her pocket,  
loaded it and cocked it before putting it away.  
"Is due to Genma and Soun"  
"What"  
"Ranma not trust them"  
Genma sat half up. "What the fuck does that mean"  
Shampoo put her hand back in her pocket and shot him a meaningful look.  
"Maybe you is answer that. Why your heir not trust you? Why you men plot in corner every day? House walls be thin"  
Booted feet clumped down the stairs. Ranma came back into the room,  
supporting Akane with one arm. He gave his father a nasty look then sat down.  
Genma glared at him. "Okay, boy. What gives"  
Ranma snorted. "Fuck you, lardarse"  
There was a deadly silence as he resumed eating.  
Nabiki rolled her eyes. Another day of family intrigue.Ryoga grinned broadly at the two stuttering men.  
"What's wrong? Cat got yer tongue? Ha ha"  
Herb gritted his teeth. "You are the first woman either of them has ever met"  
Ryoga stopped waving her hand in front of their eyes and sniggered. She glanced around, spotted a kettle and dumped half it's contents over her own head.  
He laughed loudly. "Wakey wakey boys"  
Herb whistled. "Jusenkyo, huh"  
"You know that place"  
"Very much so... but I was not aware of a spring that would result in a catwoman... Or is it a combination"  
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah, this long - haired bespectacled git in a white trenchcoat knocked me into Spring of Drowned Cat. So when the guide dude told me what wuz going down I jumped into Spring of Drowned Girl"  
"Er - if you don't mind me asking - why"  
"Well, it works better than a sex change, huh"  
"Ah - you're gender dysphoric, right"  
Ryoga nodded. "Yep. Sure am"  
Lime frowned. "Er - what's that mean"  
"Means I was born male but I'm gay and always wanted to be a girl, see"  
"Oh"  
"So, what's the plan"  
Herb chuckled and rubbed his hands together. "We catch a black market ferry to Japan. The sea trip's about two days. From there it'll be five hours to our meeting with my Yakuza pals - they're rigging fake plates for us - then around three or four days scouting around before we find our target. I know the rough area but not the exact location. Once we're back at the black market port it's your payday, Ryoga. We'll split our paths there if you like"  
Ryoga nodded. "Near as makes no difference to me - waitaminute, would there be any chance of stopping by Nerima on the way back"  
"What, Weirdo Central"  
"Yeah, my family live there. They're not lost"  
Herb nodded. "Sure - it's directly between our target area and the ferry at any rate. So I don't foresee any problems with that"Kodachi limped carefully down the street. She heaved her duff leg over the kerb and turned into the driveway of the compound marked 'Tendo dojo.  
Looking down said driveway she saw a large blue and chrome Kenworth, two dirty flat black motorbikes, one rusty dark blue motorbike, a red Corvette with a big supercharger and a massive heap of motorbike components. Ranma was sitting beside the pile of bits working on a half assembled bike of unknown origins and absent paintjob.  
He looked up and shot her a weary grin.  
"Hello, Kodachi. Ya wantin' ta go bike shoppin"  
She nodded. "Indeed. It is a pleasant day and my provisional motorcycle license has arrived"  
"A-OK. Well, we might as well get rollin'. We'll get ya a skidlid, huh? D'ya reckon ya got enough dough fer leathers"  
Kodachi nodded again. "Money is the least of my worries"  
Ranma stood up and held out a twistgrip throttle unit with a complex arrangement of bar controls - front brake lever, clutch lever and switchgear - attached to it.  
"Right. We fit this an' a steerin' damper ta th' bike ya decide ta buy an' I spend five minutes ta rig th' clutch cable an' wirin' ta fit"  
Kodachi grinned. "That easy"  
"Yeah - it's a piece o' piss ta set up. Ridin' is dead simple - the real trick is clutch control. It'll be slightly trickier fer ya since ya gotta learn one - handed. But what th' hell - it's a knack. Once ya learnt ya never forget"  
Kodachi nodded. "Yes... If you do not mind my enquiry, what are you constructing"  
Ranma glanced at the pile of old junk. "That shit? I'm buildin' bikes fer Akane an' Shampoo. I got heaps o' parts an' it's just a process o' sortin'  
th' good from th' fucked. Like puttin' a jigsaw together but th' only complete picture's in my head"  
Kodachi laughed quietly. "And jigsaws are not transport"  
Ranma roared with laughter. "Hahaha! Nice one! Okay, here's a lid - let's head fer the bike shop an' sort ya out ya first ride, huh"Ryoga grinned cheerily as he and Herb's gang wheeled their bikes onto the old tramp freighter. He lit up a smoke and examined his surroundings with some interest.  
"First time I've been on a boat"  
Herb, Mint and Lime stared at him. "What? But you say you've been all over the world"  
"Yeah. And your point is"  
"Er - how the hells did you get from- oh, you went on a plane, right"  
"How did I get from Japan to Australia to China without noticing? My brother reckons I teleport without knowing it"  
One of the crew - a woman in her early twenties - winked at him. "Hello gorgeous"  
Ryoga glared at her. He sensed an attempt to hit on him "Excuse me, I'm homosexual"  
She blushed. "Oh. Sorry"  
A large man (fellow crewmember) bellowed with laughter. "Don't you worry,  
laddie. Maria hit's on any bloke in sight"  
Ryoga shrugged, ignoring the man. "Next time, make sure the guy's gonna be interested first"  
He turned and started lubeing his motorbike chain - the traditional Saotome-Hibiki way of saying 'The conversation is now over'  
Maria and her crewmate glanced at each other.  
"I think we'll teach that kid a lesson in manners"  
Ryoga stood up and picked his bike up with one hand then put it back down a bit further away from them. "Hey, Herb - you'll be able to park in this gap"  
"Thanks, Ryoga. I was going to get Lime to shift his bike"  
Maria glanced at her oversize crewmate, shrugged and turned to hit on the nearest available non - crew male. In other words Mint.  
She ended up having a threesome with him and Lime."So, what model of motorcycle would you advise me to choose"  
Ranma frowned for a moment then tapped one of the gleamingly new bikes.  
"Suzuki Bandit 600. Real hardware but not too much ta handle as yer first bike. Here - mister - can Kodachi see how this machine's gonna fit her"  
The bike dealer nodded. "Yes, feel free"  
Kodachi smiled. "Thankyou, sir"  
Ranma expertly lifted the bike off it's centrestand. "Hmm, same bar diameter as the control unit I rigged fer ya. Here, see how it feels"  
Kodachi carefully swung her leg over the bike and sat down. She placed her hand on the throttle.  
Suddenly life didn't seem so bad after all. She grinned.  
Ranma nodded. "Fits like it wuz made fer ya"  
The dealer grinned. "Hey, tough chick! Rock on! What colour would you like"  
Kodachi's grin widened. "There is only one colour that would suit - black"  
Ranma chortled. "Only one colour fer a bike - black. Choice o' flat or gloss"  
"Would you like to give it a test ride, madam"  
Kodachi sighed. "I cannot"  
Ranma pulled the one handed bar controls out of his pocket. "She's gotten a duff left hand, see? So we'll be needin' a steerin' damper"  
"Have you joined JABD yet, ma'am"  
Kodachi nodded. "Indeed"  
The dealer chuckled. "Oh well. I was gonna give you a leaflet"  
Ranma grinned. "I already gave her one. Dad's involved in a lotta JABD fundraisin' work, see"  
"Ah... Right, a steering damper. This way, please"  
Ranma showed Kodachi how to work the sidestand then they followed the man over to the display of aftermarket parts.Half an hour later Ranma was yelling across encouragement as Kodachi went through her first motorbike driving lesson.  
"Try ta keep the revs up a tad more as yer pullin' away, Kodachi! That's better"  
The instructor frowned at him. "Excuse me -am I teaching her or are you"  
Ranma replied in a low voice. "She's a good friend an' she wuz near suicidal before I set this rollin'. She did in her leg an' got a paralysed hand in a beach buggy crash - broken axle"  
"Ah. Paralysed hand - partial is it"  
Ranma considered the way Kodachi had her left hand hooked on the left handlebar grip. "Nah - she's just hooked her left mitt onta th' bar. That's why I added th' steel loop ta help hold her hand on. Makes it easier fer her ta steer at low speed an' hold on at high speed"Kuno tossed his porno under his bed and sprinted to the window as a deafening motorbike engine thundered up the drive.  
Much to his surprise he found himself looking at two bikes - Ranma's machine and a gleaming black Bandit 600. He gasped as he recognised the second biker.  
He sprinted down to the door and opened it for them. Ranma shot him a cheerful grin. Much to his amazement so did Kodachi.  
"Sister dear! What has been going on"  
Kodachi grinned lazily. "Ranma Saotome has been assisting me in a something I have dreamt of since just after my accident. How do you like my motorbike"  
Kuno stared. "But - your hand"  
Ranma laughed. "Th' throttle, clutch, front brake an' switchgear are all on th' right bar. I rigged th' new bar controls fer her"  
Kodachi nodded. "Do come in, Ranma"  
"Sorry ta refuse, but I gotta dash. Akane an' Shampoo'll be wonderin' where I gotten ta, see"  
Kodachi waved him goodbye with a bittersweet look on her face.  
She sighed. "That is so typical of my ill fortune - I meet Mr. Right and he is taken. Oh well - life goes on"  
Kuno stared at her. "You fancy HIM"All that afternoon and evening Kuno noticed how high spirits his sister was in. She hummed happily to herself, put on her old favourite music and limped around the house looking almost her old self.  
Kuno realised he was having serious doubts about his plan to wreck Ranma and Akane's wedding. If Ranma had healed Kodachi's spirits, maybe the hairy boy was not all bad.  
He sat and stared at his katana. "How can I tangle with someone to whom I owe so much? Yet how can I not tangle with that creature Akane Tendo?  
AARGH"The red haired girl gunned her ramshackle bike's engine happily. It let out that timeless Harley Davidson 'chug chug chug' from it's shattered exhausts.  
She caught a glimpse of a large leather - clad figure swinging onto a massive flat black motorbike.  
The words on the back of his leather jacket registered as she was peering at the unwieldy machine trying to work out what sort of bike it was.  
She did a violent double take. A name. Genma Saotome.  
She went after him but he obviously though she was trying to race him and vanished on the front of a huge cloud of dust.  
Whatever that big ugly ratbike was it was FAST.  
that's it for this one, people.  
Chapter 9: One wedding and a fuckup.  
"She's got eyes of the bluest sky, and if they thought of rain. I'd hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain" - Guns N' Roses, 'Sweet Child O' Mine'  
"We owe them. We owe them bigtime. Ranma Saotome isn't just family, he's the guy who set in motion the events that prevented us being completely wiped off the face of the Earth. I won't lie to you - the attackers had the power to kill ME... ten times over." Prince Herb, talking to Dr. Aoi Hakamoto.Akane stared out the window with an unreadable expression on her face.  
She was dressed in the clothes they had been working on - a Western-style wedding dress. The fact she had her cartridge belt over the top spoilt the effect somewhat.  
She wished she could have a smoke to calm her nerves. But Dr. Tofu had put his foot down. No cigarettes for Akane until she had had her baby.  
She sighed, loaded her .44 and slipped it inside her dress. Nodoka shot her a puzzled look.  
"What are you bringing that thing along for"  
"Look, you don't seriously expect nobody to cause any problems, do you? I'm taking it just in case"  
Shampoo chuckled wryly. "I is taking handgun too. Is easy for to hide" She tugged at the baggy battledress trousers she was wearing. "I going talk with Ranma. I see later, no"  
Akane nodded. "Yeah, see you later"  
She kept her fears to herself. The heavy shape of her .44 pressing against her hip comforted her, helping to melt those fears away.  
But she still felt uneasy.Ranma lit up yet another smoke and continued glaring at nothing very much.  
Shampoo came in the door behind him. "Ranma"  
He turned round and smiled at her. "Hi"  
Shampoo considered him. He had cleaned up his leathers and got a new pair of motocross boots. But his T-shirt was a decrepit, oil-stained item with an obscure caption on the front that seemed somehow familiar.  
"This is T-shirt you wear at Joketsuzo, no"  
Ranma nodded. "Yeah." Nothing and nobody was going to get him in a tuxedo.  
He fished around in his pocket. "Uh, Shampoo - we ain't gotten anyone ta be 'best man'. Any chance o' doin it? I mean, fuck traditional"  
Shampoo giggled. "Is not worry"  
He nodded again and handed her a small red jewellery case. "Here"  
Shampoo nodded and pocketed it. Ranma sighed morosely and got a hairbrush.  
Shampoo watched as he straightened out his hair.  
"I got a real nasty feel - ya know th' 'summat's gonna happen' feelin"  
Shampoo nodded. "I get this feeling too"  
Ranma sighed and pulled his handgun out of his pocket. He swiftly disassembled it, cleaned it and put it back together. "Just in case"  
Shampoo nodded and patted her leg where her Makarov was hidden. "Just in case"  
"Yeah. Come on - let's head fer th' church. We can check an' see if anyone's waitin' ta ambush anyone, huh"  
Shampoo nodded and they walked out to Ranma's bike. She avoided asking what the two partially assembled motorbikes sat beside it were for.  
They were probably for mates of his. It was too much to expect him to build her a bike.Akane was still fidgeting as Nodoka pulled up outside the church. Being driven to her wedding by the groom's mother in a blue and chrome Kenworth tractor unit that kept doing burnouts was certainly original.  
She looked around. The street was lined with motorbikes, cars and trucks. A large crowd was gathered near the church - obviously wedding guests. At least half the crowd looked like either truckers or bikers.  
Akane figured them to be Nodoka and Genma's friends. Nodoka was surrounded by big muscle-bound men as soon as she stepped out of the truck. She chatted happily with them.  
"Hey, Nodoka! Long time no see! How's tricks"  
"Not bad at all, Kawasaki. How are you yourself"  
"Doing pretty well all things considering - I lost a load yesterday. Those boys at the loading depot oughtta be sacked"  
"Yes? What happened"  
"They used a batch of shite pallets and stacked too much on 'em. Everything looked OK when I left, but the next thing I knew the road behind me was foot deep in damn breezeblocks. They hadn't even strapped the bloody things to those crappy pallets - just slung a tarp over the top and tied that down"  
Nodoka rolled her eyes. "You never have any luck"  
Kawasaki nodded gloomily. "It's always me"  
"Nodoka! How you doin'!" A heavily overweight and burly looking woman popped out of the crowd. Her voice didn't fit - she sounded like an idol singer.  
"Why, Kiyoko! So you made it after all"  
"Yeah, my run got cancelled. Seems the original delivery truck got a flat battery. The recovery boys swapped it over once the driver managed to contact them. I heard he was waiting for them to answer for around eight hours - that company is incredibly busy these days"  
Nodoka chuckled. "I had to delay a run for this. The guy who hired me understood when I explained my son's getting married. But I'm going to take their load after the reception. Sheet steel again"  
"What, you're still doing the steelworks runs"  
"Hey, their emergency shipments pay well"  
"Who's your jamboy these days"  
"Godo Amachi"  
"You managed to hire him?!?! Holy shit- he's the best in the business"  
Nodoka nodded. "That's why I hired him"Ranma sniggered. "Supercharged GSXR1100. I tuned it a fair bit -she does the double ton no worries"  
Genma's pal goggled. "You're as crazy as your grandfather wuz"  
"Yeah? My grandfather musta been one helluva guy if he wuz as mad as me"  
"Hey, whereabouts is yer dad? I don't see him anywhere - that's his V8 innit"  
"Yeah. Dunno where he is, but what the hell"  
Genma ploughed through the crowd towards them.  
"Talk o' the devil. Hey! Genma! Over here"  
Ranma grinned cheerfully. "I gotta go"  
His father was the last person he wanted 'advice' from.Ryoga looked round as someone coughed politely behind him.  
"Hey, ya poof. Over here"  
He pulled his big spanner out of it's sheath. "What'd you call me"  
"What you are you faggot"  
"That does it!" Ryoga smashed the large seaman in the face with his big spanner sending the man reeling backwards into another crewman.  
"Fucking nobody calls me that-" Ryoga ducked an oar and smashed the wielder in the groin - "And lives"  
It took his six seconds to cream the eight seamen. He considered the mess.  
Then a sharp 'ker-chunk' behind him caused him to spin round.  
The captain was glaring down the sights of an ornate revolver at him.  
"Nobody beats up my crew except me"  
Ryoga ducked and whipped out his GP35.  
"Says who? A guy with a pop-gun"  
"That does it. Get ready to slap leather"  
The captain holstered his gun. Ryoga snorted and blew him to Kingdom Come.  
"Draw... oh well. I think someone's watched too many cowboy movies"Kodachi watched silently as Ranma chatted with a couple of bikers and smoked.  
She was sickened by her luck. It was so typical - along came Mr. Right and he already had a girl. Two girls.  
Genma noticed the pretty teenager Ranma had been rigging a single hand control set for. Looking closer he saw that she looked downright miserable.  
He ambled over.  
"Hello, lady"  
She looked up. "You're Ranma's father, right"  
Genma nodded. "Yeah, I'm Genma Saotome... Ranma's been helping ya learn ta ride, hasn't he"  
She nodded. Genma grinned.  
"Ya got yer bike here"  
Kodachi was slightly taken aback by the fat bald man's boyish enthusiasm."Yes"  
"Well, let's have a look"  
They walked over to her Bandit. Genma admired it for a few moments.  
"Nice machines, those Suzooks"  
Kodachi smiled slightly.  
"Say, how well does she spin up"  
"Huh"  
"Don't tell me you don't know how to do a burnout"  
"I am very new to this"  
"Well then, let me show you how it's done"  
They spent a couple of minutes working out how Kodachi could do a one -  
handed burnout. Genma smiled. It was working - she was cheering up noticeably.  
In his opinion it just wasn't right for such a pretty girl to be miserable.Ranma scratched his head and glanced around the training hall which was quite thoroughly decked out, with large quantities of food spread on tables around the perimeter.  
"Talk about anticlimax, huh"  
Akane shot him a bewildered look. "Waddya mean anticlimax"  
"I dunno - it don't feel like anything's changed"  
"That's because we've been married in all but name for a couple of weeks now"  
Ranma smirked. "Suppose so"  
Shampoo rolled her eyes at him. "You is daft, Ranma"  
"Where'd that come from"  
"Who have idea for play heavy rock record at wedding"  
"Er - actually, that wuz me an' Akane. I suggested rock an' roll an' she suggested Napalm Death"  
Shampoo again found herself wondering just what the hell she'd got herself involved in this time. "Is name of band, no"  
"Yeah. They're fuckin' insane, huh"  
"Hey! Napalm Death's one of my favourite bands, Ranma"  
"An' they're insane. That's a good thing, Akane. I call my bike insane,  
remember"  
Akane paused then nodded. At which point she spotted a girl - her cousin -  
making eyes at Ranma.  
"Uh, Ranma - don't look now but you've got a crush inbound"  
"Is that anythin' new? I'm a big bad biker! Girls get crushes on me all th'  
time! Take Kodachi - there's one"  
Akane sighed. "Ranma, this time it's Suki - my cousin. She's the local slut"  
"Big deal. I got as much as I can handle between you an' Shampoo"  
Shampoo sniggered. Akane glared at him.  
"You... you... you PERVERT"  
"Hey, it wuz your idea, not mine. Not that I mind"  
Shampoo started giggling. Akane glared at her.  
"What's the big joke"  
"Is you. You come up with crazy wedding scheme then us both get pregnant then you call Ranma 'pervert'? What planet you on"  
"Yeah well, have you got any idea what I thought when I saw you the other side of him when I came round after that big pissup when we met you? It was something like 'what the fuck' then I remembered what happened"  
"I nearly had a fuckin' heart attack"Herb nodded. "Okay - let me see - Tendo dojo, Nerima. That the one"  
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah, my little brother's getting married today and I didn't want to miss it"  
Herb chuckled quietly. "Well, we'll stop by there since it's on our route"  
Ryoga grinned. "Thanks"  
"No bother. We'll need to stop for fuel in Nerima at any rate so we might as well check in on your little brother"  
"Groovy! Um, I'd better warn you about my family - they're weird. Dad's this big bald fatass biker with a beard. He's called Genma Saotome and he's gotten a Jusenkyo curse too - Spring of Drowned Panda. My bro - well, my half-brother actually - he's called Ranma Saotome. He's about the same height as me but lighter build. He's got a ponytail and a Jusenkyo curse -  
he went face first into Spring of Drowned Girl. He's marrying Akane Tendo -  
she's Dad's best mate's youngest daughter. Dad's pal's called Soun Tendo.  
He's a twit. Akane's got a couple of sisters - Nabiki and Kasumi. Nabiki's alright even if she's obsessed with money. Kasumi's really cool - she comes across as this bland stoned housewife type but then you find out she listens to industrial metal and drives around in a Corvette hotrod dragster type thing. Ranma's mum's probably gonna be there - she's about six inches shorter than me and drives a really big truck with more engine than it's gotten any right to have. Finally there's Xian Pu. She's from Joketsuzo -  
you know the place? At any rate Ranma beat her in a fight"  
Herb nodded. "So guess what, instant wife. I'm familiar with Joketsuzo and their whacked out laws"  
Ryoga snorted. "Yeah? I'm just glad I ain't gotten in a brawl with any of those Amazons. I'd have to kill her outright which would be kinda sticky"  
Herb paused. "Er - why? Those Amazons are very beautiful"  
"Yeah, and I'm a transsexual, remember? A wife is the last thing I want -  
wouldn't mind a husband, though. Could be kinda fun"  
Herb made a face. "Each to his own. Let's get moving"  
"Alrightie! Let's hit the fuckin' road"Akane noticed her cousin making eyes at Ranma again.  
"Oh for fuck's sake! Tell that little tart where to get off wontcha Ranma"  
Ranma rolled his eyes and nodded. He spun round and swaggered over to the girl.  
"Scuse me, chick, but Akane reckons yer developin' a crush on me. Well, give up. I'm married an' happy about it"  
He turned back round and returned to where Akane and Shampoo were standing.  
"There. Reckon that did it"  
Shampoo groaned. "Was kind of brutal"  
"Hey, chick's gotta figure she ain't gotten a candle's chance in a blizzard"  
"Uh, Ranma - Uncle Takesada's coming over"  
"Yer point is"  
"He's Suki's father"  
Ranma looked round. A man with a clear resemblance to Soun - slightly taller, thinner and clean shaven but still recognisable as family - was marching over with a pissed off expression on his face. A short, dumpy woman with a bad -tempered expression on her face was following him.  
Akane groaned. "Oh man. And Aunt Akemi. This is not good"  
Takesada pulled up suddenly.  
"Young man, you may think you're some kind of sex god"  
"Cut the shit, bubba. Akane reckoned yer daughter wuz developin' a crush on me and I don't need any more o' that crap"  
Akane glared at Takesada. "Fuck you, Taki! We both know Suki's a slut - she fucked twenty guys at the Christmas party last winter. Didn't you know? She was off for an abortion after all"  
Taki gritted his teeth. "Who gave you the right to judge my daughter"  
Shampoo howled with laughter. "You talk much big! Why not get head out butt - you be whimp"  
"Now hold on just one goddamn second"  
"No I fuckin' won't! I'm not gonna stand here an' let a big jessie spew shit at me an' th' girls for anythin'! So fuck off"  
Akemi stepped between them. "Calm down, calm down. Taki, it is true that Suki's a bit loose"  
"A bit loose? Accordin' ta what I've heard she fucks anythin' that moves!  
Get yer head outta yer butt, wifey. Yer daughter's a slut. Maybe yer too much o' a fuckhead ta see it, but it's fuckin' true. I mean, look at her.  
What made ya let a fifteen year old wear clothes that tight an' skimpy"  
Takesada went red in the face. "Mind your language, boy"  
"Fuckin' no. I'm not gonna"  
Takesada tried to punch Ranma. It was immediately apparent that he was no martial artist, not even a half decent brawler. Ranma saw the blow coming a mile off and grabbed the older man's wrist sending him flat on his face.  
"Common sense, lesson one. Don't try ta thump martial artists 'cause you'll end up flat on yer beak"  
Takesada scrambled to his feet blotting at a nosebleed.  
"You little creep! I'm a cop! I'm gonna do you for that"  
Akane blew her lid.  
"WHEN YOU FUCKING TRIED TO PUNCH HIM"  
She grabbed his wrist. There was an audible snap.  
"Fucking take that"  
Takesada yowled. "AARRRGH! OW YEAAGH"  
"Yeah, I broke your wrist. So what"  
Akemi blew her lid.  
"What the hell makes you think you can go around maiming people so casually?  
Have you no sense of proportion"  
Shampoo casually lifted the older woman off the ground by the front of her dress.  
"You punk on people who very special to I... You lucky I not kill you"  
Akemi kicked her in the crotch. Shampoo doubled up on the floor.  
Akane let out an angry scream,. "YOU BITCH! She's pregnant"  
"And? I'm gonna hammer both of you"  
Ranma casually reached out and banged their heads together.  
"Now fuckin' can it. Game over. Quit. Got it"  
Takesada glared at him. "You're a fucking bike thug, right? Well, I'll see you on the road, scag"  
There was a trio of angry exclamations from behind Ranma. Nodoka, Soun and Genma closed in on the hapless Takesada.  
Ranma helped Shampoo to her feet then supported the two girls away to somewhere quieter. He was vaguely aware of Takesada, Akemi and Suki leaving behind him.  
He got up to their bedroom and sat the two girls down on the bed.  
"Shampoo? Are ya alright"  
Shampoo nodded. "I is think so"  
Akane groaned. "Why did you hit my head off that stupid cow"  
"Ya wuz embarrassin' yerself, Akane. I didn't want ya gettin' in a catfight an' harmin' the baby"  
They sat quietly for a few minutes, the girls both getting their heads straightened out, then they headed back out to the training hall to rejoin the party. On the way out they found Nodoka, Soun and Genma talking to some people who appeared to be relations of Nodoka. They were partway through explaining exactly what was going on.  
"...She agreed, so therefore Ranma is going to be kept very busy, if you see what I mean." Nodoka finished.  
Akane snorted. "Who's 'she'? The cat's grandmother"  
The three adults jumped violently. "Oh! Are you alright"  
Akane nodded. "I've taken worse knocks - I think my head's harder than her's. After all I do several headbutt moves"  
Shampoo made a face. "Is dirty move for to kick pregnant woman in groin"  
Ranma glanced up. "Hey! You guys hear that noise... It sounds a lot like"  
"A jet?" Nodoka asked.  
"Yeah. Unless someone's playin' with a plane it's gotta be Ryoga"  
Four bikes, one of them Ryoga's jetbike, flashed round the corner.  
"What'd I tell ya? Hey, wonder who she's hooked up with"  
Akane frowned at the three strange bikes.  
"Weird looking bikes"  
"Wicked - they look like some sorta car engine in home-made frames. Holy shit, they're Rover straight sixes"  
Shampoo goggled. "Holy fuck - them Musk bikes"  
Ranma and Akane shot her a blank look. "Huh"  
"The Musk Empire. Is sometimes allies of Joketsuzo, sometimes enemies.  
Mostly we not get in way of each other since we might hurt each other"  
"Weird - Ryoga's in her male form. Wonder why"  
"Methinks is because of Musk"  
"Huh"  
The four bikes skidded to a halt. Ryoga killed his engine and yanked of his lid.  
"Hey! Ranma! Am I too late for the ceremony"  
"Ya missed it by half an hour, sis. Why the fuck are you male the now"  
Ryoga sniggered. "My female form was freaking these guys out. Hey, meet my boss Herb. He hired me to tell him what not to do in Japan"  
Ranma grinned at the cloaked figure in question. "So you're Herb, right? I'm Ranma Saotome." He extended a hand.  
Herb paused then shook hands with him. "And as you've been told I'm Herb.  
This is Mint," he indicated the thinner of the other two "And this is Lime"  
Ranma grinned. "Pleased ta meetcha. Hey, I like the bikes - what the fuck are they - Rover motors innit"  
Herb nodded. "Yes, Land Rover turbo diesel engines. Reliable and plenty of grunt"  
"Let me guess... Home made frames, looks like you've got a jig or a mini factory set up 'cause they're so similar. Bar controls, seats, footpegs and handlebars offa CG125's. Few bits look like CB parts. Kawasaki crosser runnin' gear innit? The gearboxes look home made - nice work"  
Herb stared. "You're completely correct! How did you figure that"  
"Easy - I've been buildin' an ridin' bikes since I wuz five." He jerked his thumb at his GSXR. "I built that beast outta scrapyard bits when I wuz knee high ta a lizard. Super nitrous GSXR1100. Unsilenced, 200 section tyres - I use Avons - rear wheels both ends. Rebored - it's more like 1300cc now -  
gasflowed, performance cams an' valvetrain, hand made pistons, conrods,  
bearings and crank, modified gearbox - it's an eight speed box, I added another gear ta it. Oh, an' a direct top. I've built around sixteen bikes in my time includin' Ryoga's jetbike. So ya could say I know bike bits like I know the back o' me hand"  
Lime got his tongue unglued. "Er - let's have a look at that machine - er,  
Ranma"  
Ranma grinned wickedly and fished out his keys. "Listen ta this. Don't stand too close." He popped in earplugs then fired up his bike.  
Mint and Lime grew massive grins. Mint started yelling "Wicked! Wicked!  
Wicked! Dig the zorst note!" over the snarl from Ranma's bike.  
Ranma grinned back and blipped the throttle. The engine let out a massive grunt and the bike began to shudder sideways on it's centrestand.  
Herb suddenly grinned, obviously no longer able to keep his face straight.  
"Fucking awesome"  
Ranma nodded and killed the engine. "Yeah - it's one fuckin' insane machine.  
And it's all mine - I sometimes look at her and go 'Holy fuck. I built that'. Somethin' ta be be proud o', huh"  
The trio of Musk nodded solemnly. "Very much so"  
Then Herb noticed Shampoo. He did a double take.  
"Hey! Aren't you Kou Loun's great-granddaughter"  
Shampoo nodded. "Is so"  
"I thought I recognised your name. Ryoga told me who and what to expect but I never figured the connection"  
Shampoo nodded. "And you Prince Herb of Musk dynasty, no"  
Herb smirked. "The very same"  
"So - what bring you to Japan"  
"I'm looking for something that was stolen from us a few years ago by a bunch of Japanese monks. It is a sacred artifact. Why do you ask"  
"I just nosy. You is last person I expect to see in Japan"  
Herb snorted. "I could say the same, Champion of Joketsuzo. It's quite a surprise seeing you here... so someone finally beat you, huh"  
Shampoo nodded. "At last, is chance to get hell away from Joketsuzo"  
"What? You don't like it there"  
"Is shit place. Them treat Mao Xing - he my big brother - like shit! He be technical genius and they not give shit since he male"  
Ranma frowned. "Hey - Shampoo - why dontcha see if ya can get this brother of yours over here? I reckon he could use tech college"  
Shampoo paused. "There problem. He not married. Our mother be dead.  
Therefore he not have anybody for to get permission of to leave"  
"What the fuck does that matter? Can you get a message to him"  
She nodded.  
"Then send 'un and tell him ta get th' hell outta Dodge. Has he got wheels"  
"Home - made trailbike"  
"Sorted. Let's get the dude outta there"  
Shampoo sighed. "It not be so simple. There girls what crush on Mao Xing.  
Them follow him around all time"  
Ranma sniggered. "Night was black, twas no use holding back"  
"Huh"  
"Get him ta take off outta there at night! Ya know how easy me an' Dad blasted off outta there on our bikes! He simply needs ta grab his bike and depart hence in th' middle o' th' night"  
Shampoo paused then nodded. "Is possible. Maybe I use our secret slang"  
"Huh"  
"I and brother have secret slang what we invented for to chat while boring adults around so them not know what we going on about"  
"Cool"  
They looked up at the sound of another motorbike engine. An incredibly decrepit old Harley rattled round the corner. It was a mess. All bodywork was missing, the seat was made from duct tape, the air filter was a memory,  
the headlamp had no lens and the indicators were missing. And it had absolutely no paint. The fuel tank and frame were covered by a thick layer of rust.  
Ranma stared. "Fucking hell - what a mess"  
Ryoga snorted. "That's the first time I've seen a bike rattier that yours,  
Ranma"  
Nodoka stared for a second then waved at the biker. The biker did a double take then casually flipped her off.  
She pulled up beside Nodoka's truck and parked her bike then climbed off.  
Ranma narrowed his eyes. "That chick has one leg"  
Nodoka shot him a startled look. "Er - how can you tell"  
"Way she's walking. She's favouring her left leg and her ankle's spring loaded"  
The girl walked over, pulling off her crash helmet. Everyone but Nodoka gasped.  
She was the spitting image of Ranma's curse form.  
Ranma stared. "Er - if ya don't mind me askin', who th' fuck are you"  
Nodoka coughed politely. "Ranma, this is Ranko Saotome - your sister"  
Ranma's eyes widened. "WHAT THE FUCK"  
On to the next one.  
Chapter 10: Public Enemy #9 "Superstition and jealousy" - Rob Zombie, 'Drag-u-la'  
"The importance of the role Mortise Tarou and Ranko Saotome had to play cannot be stressed too strongly. Minako thinks it was Herb who prevented the disaster that the Second Battle of Nerima might have been. I believe Mortise was far more important. And if it hadn't been for he and Ranko, Nodoka Saotome never would have changed her ways..." Dr. Aoi Hakamoto, talking to colleagues, Juuban University of Science, October 2032.The huge and immensely hairy leather - clad figure pootled along on his bizarre looking motorbike. It resembled a V8 with the ends of a moped grafted to it. That was because it was a V8 with the ends of a moped grafted to it.  
Just behind him was a second motorcycle. While the big guy's ride looked like a self - propelled scrapyard this one gleamed. It was a Harley-Day and in perfect condition. It's rider was dressed in a huge, billowing cloak and black leathers. Neither rider wore a helmet. The big guy wore antique flying goggles. His friend wore mirrorshades. Both were young guys.  
A police car pulled alongside them. The guy on the Harley glanced over as the cops gestured at them to pull over.  
He removed his sunglasses. The startled cops got a glimpse of his eyes then they were suddenly compelled to stop.  
The big guy roared with laughter. "Nice one, Mortise"  
Mortise smirked and replaced his shades."They won't try that again,  
Ratvespa"  
Ratvespa bellowed with laughter again. "Yeah, and now that goddamn Ranma Saotome's gonna die""What the fuck?" Ranma repeated. "What the fuck, what the fuck what the"  
Shampoo cut him off with a loud giggle. "Stop say that, Ranma"  
Nodoka sighed. "Ranma, please listen to my little explanation? You too,  
Genma"  
The two Saotome men nodded.  
"Yes, Ranko is indeed your sister... your twin. After Genma left me for Ai Hibiki - Ryoga's mother"  
Ranma butted in. "Hey! How come ya never told me that, Dad"  
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah. My mum? You said she wuz dead"  
Nodoka coughed. "Ahem. I was about to get to that... The marriage between myself and Genma was arranged... We never could have lived happily with each other, but it was a necessity to end a centuries - old feud between our clans. Thus you, Ranma. You share equal amounts of the Saotome and Moroboshi lines"  
Ranma nodded. "Riiight... but where does she-" he pointed at Ranko "- come inta this? I wanna know"  
Genma nodded. "He's not th' only one"  
"I was five months pregnant when Genma headed off to his true love Ai Hibiki. Hey, our fathers suggested it. Neither of us expected twins, in fact I never actually told him." She smiled at Genma. "Sorry - I didn't expect you to come back"  
Ryoga slammed his fist into the palm of his hand. "What the fuck's the deal"  
Genma sighed. "Luckily I wasn't working the day your mother had a head - on crash with an articulated lorry on her way to the supermarket. So I was taking care of you. If I had been working both of you would have been killed - the truck was an army one. Loaded with ammo - it caught fire. The only reason they knew it was Ai was because they found her car's rear numberplate and two of her teeth after the explosion"  
Nodoka nodded. "That was about eighteen months after you were born, Ryoga.  
About six months after Ranma and Ranko were born... Genma left me one male name and one female name. I used both... but that was some time before I took up trucking. I had little income. I could not afford to raise two children. I knew Genma's father and my own father had been hoping for a boy... while Ranma the first had died three months before Ryoga was born,  
how could I refuse that lovely old man his dream? He was like a second father to me. So I made my decision and sent Ranko to the adoption agency.  
Six years ago, some four years after you trio vanished on your training trip, I received a telephone call from the police force. Apparently the family who adopted Ranko were involved in a high speed train crash... Ranko was the only survivor out of their entire carriage. A freight train travelling in the opposite direction had derailed and two wagons loaded with fucking JGSDF tanks hit the passenger train. Ranko's left leg was cut off at the knee by wreckage. They managed to dig her out of the mess twelve hours after the crash... she was thrown out of a window by the impact and the freight train locomotive landed on her leg. The carriage she had been in caught fire - everyone else in it burned to death... A year ago she ran away from home"  
Ranko snorted. "Yeah, you old bitch! I was looking for my Dad! I am not a lady!" She jerked her thumb at Nodoka. "This old coot didn't want me doing any of the stuff me and my mates wanted to do so I left." She sniggered.  
"Sure took you a while to cancel that credit card. I only stopped here because I saw Dad the other day - his bike matched the one in the photo Mum had of you guys the day you left and the name on the back of the jacket was a dead giveaway. I been tracking you guys down since then"  
Ranma stared at her. "You're my sister"  
"You're my brother"  
Another motorbike thundered down the street. This one was also a Harley.  
But unlike Ranko's decrepit ride this one gleamed. There was not a single spot of dirt on it's glistening chrome metalwork, not one fly splat on the headlamps, not one smear on the gleaming black - and - flames paintjob.  
Ranma made a face. "Yuck"  
Ranko shot him a weird look as the machine pulled up. It's rider was dressed in skin tight leathers, mirrorshades and a large black cloak. He had longish black hair and a nasty superior expression. And large gold earrings.  
He coughed politely. "Excuse me, is there a Ranma Saotome resident at this address"  
Ranma nodded. "Yeah - that's me"  
"I have this message for you." He handed Ranma an old envelope which was folded in half and closed with duct tape. "Sorry about the presentation, but my pal is broke and can't afford fancy paper. Nice ratbikes - so long"  
He rode off.  
Ranma stared after him. "What the fuck was that all about"  
"Well, why not open this note and find out?" Ryoga suggested.  
Ranma nodded and fished a large Bowie knife out of under his bike seat. He slit the duct tape then replaced the knife in it's hidden sheath.  
"Right, lets see"  
He read the note then re-read it with a puzzled frown on his face.  
"It's a challenge. From someone called Ratvespa... where have I heard that name before"  
"Wasn't that that little cretin bully dude we usta beat up?" Ryoga asked.  
Ranma snapped his fingers. "That's it. He had this old Vespa ped what he'd ratted up a bit. An' he thought he could pick on anyone since he could wave a baseball bat. Stupid fuckwit - I'm gonna make him regret comin' back fer more"  
"That wuz just after ya built my jetbike, wasn't it? He was well jealous about that then he found out I'm gay an' started trying ta bully me"  
Ranma nodded. "Yeah. I hospitalised him fer callin' Ryoga stuff he shouldn't"  
"Little queer, if I remember right. Ya shouldn't get so mad about it, bro -  
it's true. That was before I found that shit that made me mega - strong"  
"That's not th' point, Ryoga. Th' point is th' way he said it"  
Ranko paused. "Um - let me get this straight? You're homosexual, Ryoga"  
Ryoga paused. "Something like that. Er - I'd better demonstrate"  
He ambled over to the pond and splashed himself. She straightened up and grinned at Ranko.  
"Check this out"Ranko scratched her head. "Let me get this straight. Ryoga turns into a catgirl. Ranma turns into a carbon copy of me. And Dad turns into a fucking panda"  
Ranma nodded gloomily. "Too fuckin' true, sis"  
Ryoga grinned. "Cool, innit"  
"You think changing sex is cool"  
Herb snorted. "He - she would. It is for her." He finally made up his mind about Ryoga's gender. But here was one girl he did not want to mess with.  
Considering at the way Ranma looked at Akane and Shampoo he decided maybe there was three. After all, Ryoga reckoned Ranma was better than her. Which made Ranma very good indeed. Thinking of which, where the hell had the Amazon girl gone? Not his problem, he decided.  
He glanced at Ryoga. "We'd better get going... could you change back? You know how much it distracts Mint and Lime"  
Ryoga cackled then nodded. "Sure, boss." She grabbed the kettle and changed herself back.  
Ranma suddenly glanced around. "Hey - where the fuck did Shampoo go"  
Everyone shrugged. Ranma sighed. "Ah well. She's probably takin' a shit"  
Ryoga and Herb walked out the door, both smoking. Then Herb made up his mind.  
"Ryoga, I trust you. So I'll tell you the truth"  
He flipped back his hood, revealing 'his' face to Ryoga for the first time.  
"What the fuck? Jusenkyo"  
Herb nodded grimly. "I fell in Spring of Drowned Girl... but that's not the end of the story. You know that bucket I've always got on my bike"  
"Yeah"  
"Splash a Jusenkyo - cursed individual with that and it makes the curse permanent. I met it's contents coming the other way"  
Ryoga whistled. "No shit"  
"No shit. What I'm looking for is it's companion artifact - a kettle that reverses it's effects. It was stolen by a group of monks several years ago"  
"And we're gonna get it back, right man"  
Herb nodded and flipped her cloak hood back up.  
"If we manage - note IF - I'll give you a go with that bucket, huh"  
Ryoga grinned wickedly. "Now that is so cool"  
Herb sighed.  
"Thankyou for understanding, Ryoga"  
"Herb, you're more than a boss. You're a friend"  
Herb stared at the Japanese boy for several seconds. Then she realised.  
It was true. Ryoga was definitely a friend.  
"Let's go, Ryoga""Hmm... should be easy fixin' this cunt. His ass is gonna be history"  
Ranko snorted. "You are so psycho, Ranma"  
"Yeah. What's wrong with that? You never saw that fuckhead beatin' up little kids ta make them give him their money"  
"Ranma, you're getting overconfident here." Akane pointed out.  
"Naw, I'm gettin' plenty PO'ed"  
Nodoka frowned. "Remember that our family honour pivots on"  
"Can it, Mum." Ranma shoved his hand into his jacket and pulled out the GP35 Akane had given him.  
"You see that? I fight ta win. Th' stakes are too fuckin' high not ta.  
Honour ain't in it, Mum. I don't give a fuck about all that crap"  
Nodoka stared at him. She looked like she was going into shock.  
"I'm gonna rip Ratvespa in two. A couple of times he hospitalised little kids with a baseball bat. So I'm gonna beat him till he's beggin' me ta kill him." He shook his head. "Wonder who th' git with the Hardly Drivable was"Half an hour later they figured out that Shampoo was nowhere in the house or grounds. None of her stuff was gone.  
Even her AK47 was still where she had left it. She had told nobody she was leaving. Ranma got mad fast.  
Just after he had phoned Dr. Tofu they heard a Harley engine pull up outside.  
Ranma grabbed the AK47 and they sprinted out the house.  
He found the same youth as before, obviously waiting.  
"Wadda you want, Bubba"  
"The name is Mortise. Mortise Tarou"  
"Whatever. So, waddya want, Mortise Tarou"  
"I have another message for you. Apparently Ratvespa wasn't satisfied in sending one message. He also seemed to believe your entire family would gang up on him if he approached alone"  
"Gang up on that little bully? Of course fuckin' not! I'd just rip his fuckin' head off on my fuckin' own. Gimme th' fuckin' note already"  
Mortise snorted and handed him the piece of paper - another old envelope.  
"That kind of language is completely unnecessary, Saotome. And calling Ratvespa a bully? Surely that is a case of the pot calling the kettle black"  
"I dunno what the little shit's been tellin' ya but it wuz bullshit. I ain't the one who hospitalised an eight year old girl because she didn't give him enough money and despite the fact she'd given him all o' her money"  
Mortise frowned. "I find that hard to equate with Ratvespa. But be certain that I will find the truth"  
He kickstarted his bike and rode off. Ranma ripped the note open.  
The next sound out of his throat was a bloodcurdling battle roar.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH"  
Akane took a step backwards.  
"Ranma? What's wrong"  
"I am going to kneecap that little bastard"  
"What? What'd he do"  
Ranma handed her the note. She read it out loud.  
"Saotome. To ensure that you do not cheat and bring allies, I have taken a hostage - the Chinese girl Mortise said you seemed fond of. I look forwards to slaughtering you for everything you ever did to me. Do not bring your friends, your poofter brother, that over the top GSXR or any weapons or I will slash her throat. Come immediately"  
Ranma paused for several seconds.  
"Right. I got my gun"  
He glanced around. His eyes lit upon one of the almost finished bikes.  
The bike he had been building for Shampoo.  
"I guess I'll see ya later, Akane"  
He jumped on to the machine, filled it's fuel tank and fired the engine then rode off after Mortise.Mortise pulled up outside the camp he was sharing with Ratvespa.  
"That's it... hey, what's with the girl"  
Ratvespa looked up. Shampoo was tied firmly to a tree nearby.  
"Oh, didn't you know? I decided to have a watch of Saotome. He was all over these two chicks and I got this one with my last trank gun round while she was walking to their training hall"  
Shampoo gritted her teeth. "Ranma kill you for sure"  
Mortise swung off his bike and started taking up his tent.  
"Ratvespa, I'm ashamed of you. I am leaving and I do not know you any more"  
A bellowing engine echoed through the woods.  
"Sounds like a CB." Ratvespa remarked.  
Mortise ignored him and continued methodically taking down his tent.  
"You do not exist in my world any more, Ratvespa"  
"Mortise? What's wrong? Don't you remember me helping you get your name changed? I thought we were friends"  
"Shut up. I am not friends with animals, dog boy"  
Ratvespa growled. At that moment a rusting CB500 with no lights, bodywork or seat careered into the clearing.  
"Hmm - you should have chosen a site by the metalled road"  
Ratvespa glared at the figure on the bike. It was Ranma. He had no gloves or helmet.  
Ranma saw the indescribably ugly moped based thing and the massive man beside it. He skidded his bike to a halt and pulled out a handgun.  
"You're gonna die, Ratvespa"  
Ratvespa snorted and grabbed a large knife. "You think that thing can hurt me? Your Chink babe's gonna pay the price"  
A hand clenched around his wrist. Mortise sneered at him.  
"Drop the knife, dog boy. You're going to regret abusing my trust like that." He glanced over at Ranma. "Take the lady and leave. Me and my former friend have business to discuss"  
Ranma shook his head. "No. I came here intendin' ta shoot that bastard and I'm gonna do it now"  
He fired, clipping Ratvespa's shoulder. The huge man let out an angry yell.  
"ARGH! You shit! You're gonna pay for this! And you, Mortise you traitor"  
Mortise snorted and threw him. A single handed throw that launched the other man sixty feet.  
"Take the girl and leave, Mr. Saotome." Mortise turned and freed Shampoo.  
Ranma looked at her. "Let's get out of here"  
She nodded. Ranma glanced at Mortise.  
"If he's still alive when you've finished with him... tell him never to fuck with a Saotome again. I didn't have time ta grab the M60"  
"M60? As in machine gun"  
"Yeah"Nabiki paused, leaning against the wall beside the door.  
Her father and Genma were talking in low tones to one of the wedding guests.  
"We really don't know what to do." That was Soun.  
"It is as much your choice as mine, Mr. Tendo." That was the guest.  
"Sir, I'm downright worried. More and more troublesome types keep getting involved in all this." That was Genma.  
"I know. First the strangers. Then Joketsuzo - I have had my eye on them for some time. Ever since Kou Loun became their Matriarch"  
Genma groaned. "Splinter groups. Splinter groups. Why are we the only ones who get splinter groups"  
"Because we Saotome's have a tendency to be too bloody minded for our own good"  
Soun laughed quietly. "Ranma sure is. No offence"  
"None taken, Mr. Tendo. How is your daughter taking the interference of this Amazon girl"  
Soun snorted. "We're in with an advantage there... Akane is bisexual and as far as I've worked out she fancies Shampoo"  
"Well, that's lucky. Hmm - be sure to tell me if Kou Loun or one of Szabo's brood get involved in this"  
Genma snorted. "We don't need to be worried about Szabo. She's dead for good"  
"Really? So someone managed to get the better of her"  
"Yes - a teenage boy she did. He was here earlier - delivering a challenge letter to Ranma for one of his pals"  
"So she bit off more than she could chew, huh? At last"  
"At last. That decaying old bitch was a pain in the jugular for everyone"  
The three men roared with laughter. Soun spoke next.  
"I'm still worried about that Amazon. And my brother"  
"What, the one who went Clanless"  
"Yes. Takesada. He's with the police and he's been keeping an eye on the rest of us. Dad tried to warn him off but it was useless. His partner is worse"  
"What's his partner"  
"A mundane. Razor sharp mind"  
"Oh great. What's his name"  
"Don't know. Takesada's real close - mouthed about him"  
"Doesn't matter. I'll track down Takesada Tendo and warn him and his partner to keep well clear of you. I've got enough political clout... Have any of the children changed yet"  
"No, they haven't got a clue"  
"It's soon going to be time to explain to them. Let me do the talking"  
"Yes, sir"  
Nabiki decided she was pushing her luck and slipped away.  
Down she goes!  
Chapter 11: Pickled Monkey or What?  
'Do you realise what you have done?' - Hawkwind, "Needle Gun"  
"That was not a good day in hindsight. Kou Loun wasn't the sprat we thought she was - she turned out to be the biggest trouble we had before 1999"  
Akane Saotome, interview for Channel 9 News, February 2011.Ranma glared at the half - built bike.  
"Right. Th' big question is - how many headlamps"  
Akane gave him a confused look. "You what"  
"Well, this machine fires no bother. Now I gotta decide how many lamps ta fit, what ta make th' seat outta - ya know, stuff like that. All th'  
details"  
Shampoo giggled from where she was doing a kata on the patio.  
"You is spend too much time worry about bikes, Ranma"  
"Ya what? Bikes are fun!" He grabbed a pair of headlamps from the parts pile.  
"Right, let's see if these work." He connected a set of jump leads to the car battery he was sitting on then pressed the leads to the lamps contacts.  
One lit up, the other didn't.  
He threw the unoperational one onto the second pile and grabbed another lamp.  
"Er - Ranma - why not just get new bulbs"  
"I checked all th' bulbs earlier. That one's gotten a dead holder an' I gotten enough lamp units that I don't need ta worry about it"  
All three looked up as a motorbike rounded the corner.  
"It's that Mortise guy"  
The Harley rider pulled up and leant his bike onto it's centre stand. Ranma nodded at him. "Ratvespa still alive"  
"That arsehole isn't the easiest person to kill"  
"Oh aye? An AK47 blast in th' face should put th' bastard six foot under"  
Mortise sighed. "Do you really want to lower yourself to his level"  
Ranma scratched his head. "Look, I wanna rip that motherfucker's head off an' shit down his neck. He threatened onea my wives - this is fuckin'  
PERSONAL!" He paused. "Anyway, I owe ya big time. Thanks"  
Mortise grinned lopsidedly. "Don't worry about it. You really think I was going to stand aside and watch a pretty girl get her throat slashed"  
Shampoo blushed slightly. "You is embarrassing me"  
Mortise snorted. "Hey, you're an Amazon. I'm gonna go a long way to get on your good side - warriors of Joketsuzo have never been good people to piss off if you like your guts. And I like mine"  
Ranma laughed. "So, what brings you here"  
"Actually, I wanted to apologise for my involvement in Ratvespa's scheme"  
Ranko stuck her head out the door.  
"Hey, bro - who's this"  
"This is Mortise. Mortise, this is my twin sister Ranko Saotome"  
Mortise bowed politely. "Charmed, I'm sure"  
"How come you were hangin' out with an arsehole like Ratvespa"  
"Call it extreme misjudgment"  
Ranma nodded. "Gotcha. Hey - Shampoo - pass us a twelve mill socket"  
Shampoo tossed him the socket in question and he started fastening a piece of angle iron to the partially assembled bike's headstock. "This'll make a decent headlamp mount if I bend a couple o' U-angles an' bolt em' onta it"  
Mortise frowned. "Looks like Meccano"  
"That's because it is"  
"You're using Meccano for a headlamp mount"  
"Yeah, it's decent quality steel strip with plenty o' bolt holes that'll fit the size o' bolts I bought. Whack a bit o' rust proof paint onta it an'  
job's a good 'un"  
"Oh. Okay... fair enough"Herb stared at the building in the depths of the valley. They had camped on the top of a nearby bluff and waited until mid morning before deciding to scope the place out.  
"That's it"  
"Huh? Looks like your average monk dump to me"  
"Ryoga, what did I say about a certain artifact? How it was stolen by a bunch of monks? That's their monastery"  
Ryoga nodded thoughtfully. "Right... So we go in and trash the burg, right"  
"Yeah. We go in and trash the burg"  
Ryoga grinned. "Rock and roll, baby - rock and roll"  
Mint snorted. "Hmm. How do we get through the doors"  
"Er - my forehead?" Lime suggested. "I can headbutt them flat"  
Ryoga grinned and uprooted a nearby tree. "I'll help"  
"Hey - you're strong! We should armwrestle sometime!" Lime yanked a bigger tree out of the ground and threw it at the monastery. There was a huge crash as the tree caved in a substantial section of perimeter wall.  
"Well, that solves how we get in. Throw the tree away when we get down there"  
Herb kickstarted her bike. "Rock and roll"  
Ryoga thumbed the ignition. "Charge"  
"Let's get ready to rumble"  
"Woof"  
"Waddya mean 'woof', Mint"  
"Well - I couldn't think what else to say"Ranma sighed and sat back on the couch.  
"Well, should have those machines ready ta paint tomorrow. Hey - Mortise -  
fancy a beer?" He offered the other youth a can of Buds.  
"No thankyou. I am allergic to alcohol"  
"Bummer, man... So - whereabouts d'ya stay"  
"Oh, wherever I land up in the evening. It's a pleasant enough life"  
"Yeah - I usta be a saddle tramp meself. Can be good, just goin' with no worries but where th' next tank o' gas is comin' from"  
Mortise nodded. "Indeed, indeed. Little to get in the way of just going,  
huh"  
"Except pigs"  
Shampoo sat down beside Ranma. She grabbed a can from the six - pack and cracked it, taking a swig as Akane parked herself the other side of Ranma.  
"So - how come you not interrupt Ratvespa before Ranma show"  
"He's equal to me in combat. I couldn't have defeated him so easily if Ranma hadn't shot him. Oh, it'll be healed by now but a hollowpoint in the shoulder will slow down even his kind." Mortise paused for a second then fished a small tub out of his pocket. "I believe Ratvespa will try to bring harm to you folks again. Forewarned is forearmed - put some of this paste into the hollowpoints of each slug of one magazinefull. Seal it in with beeswax and use those slugs when you next fight Ratvespa. Believe me you won't be able to beat him otherwise"  
"Er - what the hell is this stuff? Why won't I be able to take him"  
"Ranma, no offence - but you are human. That stuff is wolfsbane paste. It won't kill him, it'll just stop him shapeshifting so he'll have to fight fair. Or do you really want to take on something as strong as a forklift truck and as fast as an express train? I can only take him because of my curse"  
"Curse? As in Jusenkyo curse, right"  
Mortise nodded. "Yes. That sort"  
"So - waddya turn inta"  
"I'll step outside and demonstrate. No need to take out any walls - my curse form weighs a ton and a half"  
"Er - what the hell is it"  
Mortise smirked and stepped outside. He looked around then jumped into the pond.  
A gigantic creature erupted from the water. It looked like an oversized minotaur gone wrong with a set of ludicrously small wings poking out of it's shoulders. And a snake - like tail, complete with head.  
"What - the - fuck"  
The creature nodded then pointed at Kasumi's cup of tea and made a pouring gesture. Kasumi nodded. "Oh, wow man - he'd like some like hot water, man"  
She ambled through to the kitchen and emerged a few moments later with a mug full of hot water. "Good thing the boiler works really kinda well"  
Ranma snorted. "Ya said it"  
Kasumi smiled and tossed the mugfull of water over the creature, which rapidly became Mortise again.  
He shrugged and shook off the water. "You see what I mean? I can't remember the exact name, but it's something along the lines of Spring of drowned Yeti riding Yak while carrying Eel and Crane. You saw the end result"  
"You are one fuckin' ugly motherfucker! Er, in thingamajig form that is"  
"Hey, it's kinda cool - being able to turn into a fuckin' massive shit -  
ugly minotaur type thing. Oh, and being able to fly. Let's just say I give muggers one hell of a fright - I made the last one shit his pants"  
Ranma sighed. "It's a fuck o' a lot better than changin' sex"  
"I dunno. At least with you a spilt beer won't mean ex - pub"Soun examined the engine he and Genma were planning to use. Suzuki Bandit 1200. Almost stock - apart from the turbo. He grinned.  
"What're we going to do about the chassis"  
"I've got the main frames over there. D'ya want a hard or soft tail"  
"Uh, Genma - putting a turbo Bandit motor in a hardtail would be stark staring mad"  
"Right, monoshock I presume"  
"Yep. Let's see if we can get some sort of streetfighter together"  
Genma nodded. "Tomorrow I'll see if I can sort out a tail end - we've got the motor ready ta kick over now"  
"Stick 200 section wheels both ends, huh"  
Genma snorted. "I'll have ta get Ranma ta modify the hub for the front"Ryoga shook her head.  
"No sign of it over here"  
Mint made a face. "I tried asking - they claim a trio of roving motorcyclists stole it. A father and his two sons, apparently"  
Ryoga paused. "Er... um... let me think... Let's have a scout around by that old camp fire, huh"  
Herb looked confused. "Er - why"  
"Because this place looks kind of familiar and I spent a few years cruising around with Dad and my brother"  
"You what"  
"You heard Mint. A trio of roving motorcyclists, father and two sons, I used to be male, I vaguely remember scarfing an old kettle outta a monastery we stopped of at once after Dad busted his arm"  
"You mean"  
"Ranma dumped a dead set of pistons and such near the campfire. I've still got the kettle we nicked. If I'm right it's in my pack"  
"How will you know if you're right"  
"Well, if it works I'm right. Come on - let's go check it out"  
"You mean we flattened this place for no reason"  
"I think so"  
They left the wrecked monastery and headed back up to the camp. Ryoga cast around near the fireplace for a few moments then tossed an old piston to Herb.  
"Yeah, that's one of Ranma's. He's got the only bike I know of that does that to solid titanium pistons"  
Herb whistled. "Sure is fucked up"  
Ryoga nodded and grabbed the kettle. She dumped the tea dregs and refilled it.  
"Right, let's give this a go"  
Herb nodded. She sat and stared as Ryoga heated the kettle then grabbed it.  
"Work you bastard"Ranma slowly put down the adjustable wrench and squinted at the shrivelled figure that had just pulled up in an old Chinese army truck.  
"What the hell is that"  
The figure hopped out of the truck and peered around.  
"A pickled monkey?" Ranko suggested. She then giggled and turned back to her bike engine.  
Ranma peered carefully at the figure, who was in the process of giving Ranko a dirty look. "Er - no - actually, I think it's - she's - an old woman. Erm,  
you lookin' for somethin' or someone, lady"  
The crone suddenly seemed to notice he was there.  
"Actually, yes. I am indeed looking for somebody"  
"Reckon we could help ya"  
"Possibly considering the presence of that motorcycle." The crone pointed at Ranma's bike. "She is around five foot three tall, she has purple hair worn"  
"Ya mean Shampoo"  
"Xian Pu"  
"Yeah, I'm crap at pronouncin' Chinese. So - waddya want with her? She's feelin' pretty fucked up the now what with bein' kidnapped by that psycho fuckhead thug an' bein' pregnant an' nearly gettin' her throat slashed an'  
so on, even if she won't admit it. Sometimes she tries ta be too fuckin'  
tough fer her own good"  
The crone narrowed her eyes. "And how exactly do you happen to know my great-granddaughter, young man"  
"Because I'm married to her. Ya know, I thought I recognised ya. Ya were watchin' th' fight in th' Amazon village, weren't ya"  
The crone looked blank. "Pardon? I don't remember seeing you before"  
"Aw fer fuck sake! What kinda girl's gonna have 'when in doubt suck my cock'  
written on her bike's fuel tank? An' who's gonna let a fuckin' panda ride a bike like Dad's V8 on th' road? Spring o' Drowned Girl ta ya an' a whole shitload other dumb fuckwits! Ya know, Jusenkyo? It's only a couple o' miles from yer village"  
The crone snorted and jerked her thumb at Ranko. "What about her"  
"She looks like my female form because she's my twin sister, fuckwit"  
Shampoo chose this moment to peer out of the door along with Akane. She narrowed her eyes.  
"Matriarch Kou Loun? What you doing here"  
Kou Loun paused. "Excuse me, that's my line. Why have you not returned to Joketsuzo, child"  
Ranma groaned. "Aw fer fuck sake! Here comes th' annual gibberish convention"  
Kou Loun glared at him. "Shut up, boy"  
"Fuck you, pickled monkey. This is my home, I'm not gonna can it"  
Kou Loun sighed. "Xian Pu, we need to talk. Privately"  
Shampoo swallowed a couple of times. "No"  
"Repeat that, child"  
"No. Is business of Ranma and Akane. They involved inextricitly"  
"Shampoo, that's inextricably"  
"Is what I mean. We all talk or not talk at all. I not return to Joketsuzo"  
Kou Loun narrowed her eyes. "And what makes you think that"  
There was a metallic 'slide-chunk' from the direction of Ranko. Turning to look, everyone saw she had gripped her calf muscle and tugged sharply backwards. Or rather, where her calf muscle would be if her leg wasn't prosthetic.  
"Look here, lady. I don't know who you are and I don't really give a fuck.  
But you sound awfully like you're threatening my sister in law, so sod off before I blow your brains out. This is a four-bore pump-action leg and I'm not afraid to use it. You've gotta asks yourself - do you feel lucky? Well?  
Do you"  
As if to reinforce the point an empty shotgun cartridge dropped out of her trouser leg.  
Kou Loun laughed quietly. "Child, I somehow doubt it would slow me down for long." Then her eyes lit upon Mortise as he stood from behind his bike.  
"Excuse me, Matriarch. I believe we should have a little chat"  
"Pantyhose Tarou, is it"  
"I was once named that. Not any more. I am Mortise, and the teenager you once knew is long gone." He calmly grabbed her shoulder and walked off down the street towing the startled old hag behind him.  
Ranma stared after them. Something suddenly clicked.  
"Did Mortise really mean Ratvespa's a werewolf"Kou Loun glared at Mortise over her cup of coffee.  
"So, mind explaining yourself"  
Mortise shook his head. "Let's just put it this way - you don't give them trouble and I won't tell them what you lot are, Amazon. Have you had the decency to tell Xian Pu"  
Kou Loun narrowed her eyes even further. "What if I do give them trouble?  
How about if I tell them what you are"  
"Cut the bullshit. They like me - I saved Xian Pu's life. I gave them some advice on dealing with your kind"  
"Perhaps, but how would they react to knowing what you are"  
"Face it, hag. My kind can easily take your kind, especially with my curse.  
Don't try playing with any sticks, I'm Irish breed - you know as well as I do it won't work. There's only one living creature I'm scared of - Ranma Saotome"  
"Exactly why is that"  
"Cut the shit. Surely you saw his aura"  
Kou Loun nodded.  
"Then you saw what shape it is. Scared yet"  
"No. I am not scared of a whelp"  
"Oh right. So that's what you think of him, huh? Well listen here, coot. I have the gift of Foresight. That 'whelp' is far more important to this world than you or your village ever will be. And me? I'm just an observer. Sure, I give advice, but aside from that I watch"  
"What do you mean, 'important"  
"Exactly what it sounds like, fool. And remember, this is Clan Saotome territory. So it would be unwise to mess with the heir to war leadership of the Clan"  
"You what? This Ranma is Akira's heir"  
"I don't know how they work out leadership, but that's what Red told me"  
"Red? You spoke to Red"  
"Yes. And the Record Keeper would know"  
"Yes. She would. It seems I need to get Xian Pu out of here"  
"Didn't you notice? She's pregnant with Ranma's child"  
"You what"  
"You heard me. It would be wise to leave Xian Pu the hell alone"  
"Excuse me, but this is my heir you're talking about"  
"Then maybe it's time you lot reconciled yourselves with Clan Saotome"  
"The time for that will NEVER come, boy"  
"I wouldn't be so sure. You are not immortal and you are not all powerful"Ryoga nodded sharply.  
"Well, it worked. What now"  
"Fucking A-1! This is so cool"  
"You gonna fulfil your side of the deal"  
"Of course I bloody am! Waddya take me for"  
Herb grinned broadly, paused to scratch his groin in a very satisfied fashion and handed the bucket to Ryoga.  
"Man, feel's good! I've missed them"  
Ryoga took the bucket, not noticing the stone cold tea dregs in the bottom,  
and emptied Mint's water bottle (spare engine coolant, actually) into it.  
Mint frowned "Er, Ryoga - be careful, that's got antifreeze in it - too late"  
Ryoga had already tipped the enchanted mix of cold water, antifreeze and tea dregs over his own head.Ranma silently finished 'modifying' the pistol ammunition.  
"Alright. Now we're ready fer that shithead Ratvespa"  
"Are you sure you believe Mortise? I mean, a werewolf? It sounds a bit far fetched to me"  
"Akane, after th' crap I've been through nothin' sounds far fetched. Look,  
if someone told ya six months ago that ya were gonna marry a guy who changes sex every so often ya'd have told 'em ta stop talkin' bullshit, huh"  
"Well - yeah. I don't see your point"  
"Point is my life's so fuckin' weird that nothin's gonna shock me"  
"I bet something could"  
Ranma shrugged. "I'm not so sure"  
"What do you want to bet on it"  
"Look, bettin's yer idea"  
"What's that supposed to mean"  
"I don't know, ya tell me. That's what that's supposed ta mean"  
"Oh, forget about it"Genma gritted his teeth.  
"This is not good, Tendo. We've got to let Akira know"  
"Er - are you sure"  
"That was Kou Loun, Tendo. And you know what that means"  
"Kou Loun"  
"Matriarch of Joketsuzo. Trouble of the 'deep shit' kind, man"  
"Alright... we write to him, huh"  
"Yes, maybe he'll be able to see that hag off." Genma grabbed a pencil and paper.  
And another one bites the dust.  
Chapter 12: The Canine One 'Grant to me a second skin and teach me everything' - Moonspell, "Second Skin"  
"Let's just say it was one of the least subtle experiences I've ever had." -  
Ranma Saotome.Kou Loun watched quietly as Mortise walked away. His parting words still rung through her head.  
"Don't mess with Ranma Saotome or I'll have to do something about you"  
She clenched and unclenched her teeth. How dare that little shit order her around? But he had a point. In a protracted fight he could easily rip her to shreds.  
This called for subtlety. She finished her coffee and returned to her truck.  
Next stop - Joketsuzo. Plots to plot, lackies to command.Nabiki glared at the curl of smoke coming from the ashtray. What the hell had possessed her to start smoking? She shook her head and grabbed her laptop. Once again she went over the information.  
Bad, bad, bad. 100 percent bad. She switched the computer off and trudged downstairs.  
In the living room she found Ranma arguing with Akane in muted tones.  
Something about what Mortise had said. She shook her head again. She had more important things to worry about than her brother-in-law's enemies.  
Ranma looked up from his argument. "Hey there, Nabiki. How ya doin, sis"  
Nabiki sighed. "Could be worse." He didn't need to know. Bad enough that she had to worry about this crap.  
"Nabiki, that's bullshit. I dunno what but somethin's freakin' ya out bigstyle"  
"Ranma, it's business stuff"  
"Someone givin' my brilliant sister-in-law trouble? Want me ta work 'em over"  
"This isn't something that can be solved that way - but thanks for the offer." She smiled. It was good to know someone would support her.  
"Aw, no bother, huh sis"  
Nabiki nodded and picked up a beer. "One thing's certain - I need a drink"  
"Need ta unwind, huh? Look, Nabs - if ya ever need my help don't hesitate ta ask. If ya need ta unload talk ta me. I'll keep it private, huh?" He leant over and hugged her. "Yer my pretty sister in law. I like ya"  
Nabiki blushed. "Aw, you're just trying to make me feel better"  
"Sis, I hate seein' people I like lookin' that fucked up"  
Nabiki smiled again. She didn't know why, but she liked Ranma too. The first time she'd seen him she'd thought he was some big thick jock.  
Ranma was anything but that. What had made her hesitate to use him for financial gains she didn't know. But she was glad of it.  
She still didn't know why, but somehow he seemed worth far more as a friend than as a source of money. Hell, he was the first person she had met in years who liked her. It was a completely unfamiliar feeling, being liked.  
And trusted.  
Maybe Ranma trusted her because he couldn't imagine her doing anything bad?  
No, that couldn't be it. Maybe Ranma could tell who she really was.  
One thing she had realised over the last few weeks was that the Ice Queen of Furinkan High was not truly Nabiki Tendo. She wasn't sure who she really was, but she wasn't the heartless bitch everyone thought she was.  
Well, apart from Ranma. And his friends. What was it with them? They always seemed to find the best in anyone.  
Maybe because that was the first thing they looked for.Mortise watched Kou Loun drive away then turned to Ranko.  
"Well, good riddance to bad rubbish"  
"What was that old goat's problem anyway"  
"Are you really sure you want to know? That old bat is a complete bitch"  
"Yeah, I really want to know. She's obviously involved in my family somehow"  
"Well, I suppose she is. She is the Matriarch of Joketsuzo - the village Xian Pu comes from. In fact Xian Pu is her heir. The Amazons of Joketsuzo traditionally place no value whatsoever in men except as sources of sperm"  
Ranko made a face. "Sound's like they're stupid"  
"Yes, you could call them that. They're very sexist only not in the usual manner. It would make a change if they weren't so extreme about it. Hell, in their village men are little more than slaves. And that's the lucky ones. I think that's why Xian Pu decided not to return - like to hazard a guess what would happen if someone tried to treat Ranma Saotome like that"  
Ranko nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah... it wouldn't exactly be pretty"  
"You could put it that way. I doubt there would be much left of the village"  
"Um, there's more to it than that. Shampoo said she hates Joketsuzo"  
"She did? Well, that explains that. But - why"  
"She's got a brother and they treat him like shit"  
"That's to be expected. Which doesn't mean she has to like it. In fact, all the more respect for her that she doesn't like it"  
Ranko nodded. "Say - we've been thinking about trying to get her brother out of there. Do you think you could help"  
Mortise smiled. "A chance to piss Kou Loun off and get away with it? Great!  
Come on, let's talk to Ranma, Xian Pu and Akane - we need a plan"  
They headed inside. Ranma and Akane were chatting with Nabiki.  
"Where's Xian PU"  
"Oh, yer back. She's doin' a shit"  
"Right. Myself and Ranko were discussing the possibility of retrieving Xian Pu's brother from Joketsuzo"  
"Well, we better wait fer her, huh"  
Mortise nodded. "Of course. Say, did Ratvespa show up while I was away"  
"Nah... Um, did ya really mean he's a werewolf"  
"Yes. I did"  
"So - why not just use silver on th' fuckhead"  
"Oh, that's the other kind of werewolf. Loup-garou as opposed to Amerai. In Loup-garou it's a disease, known as lycanthropy. In Amerai it's genetic,  
inherited from parent to child. If you parents are Amerai you are Amerai.  
Amerai can successfully crossbreed with humans, but their genetics are stronger than humans. The children of such a union will turn out as Amerai,  
nine times out of ten"  
"Er - how come there's humans around"  
"Simply because there are over a hundred humans for every Amerai. The Amerai are not widespread enough to have completely absorbed the human gene pool"  
"Okay... Look, how do we know yer not bullshittin' us"  
"At present you have no way of knowing and I have no way of proving my claim. Just take my word for it. Please"  
Ranma paused for a moment then nodded.  
"Okay. I will. If this is true we need all th' forewarnin' we can get. It sounds crazy but then so does a curse what makes ya change sex, huh"  
Mortise nodded. "Thankyou. Yes, it does sound crazy. That's exactly what I thought when I was first told - before I first saw Ratvespa shapeshift.  
Before I first met Hanovan"  
"Hanovan"  
"Hanovan guards the historic texts of the Amerai. She's one of the highest officials in their society. She looks like she's fifteen but she's actually over five hundred years old - an Amerai who has shapeshifted ceases to age"  
"Just like that"  
"Yes. Again it sounds crazy. I'm told it's something to do with ki"  
"Look, what do we do at th' full moon when he goes apeshit"  
"Ranma, that is another myth. An Amerai will start growing more hair than is good for him or her during the week of his or her birth lunar phase.  
Loup-garou go crazy on the night of the full moon. Amerai only lose it during times of extreme stress. If they are completely possessed by a single emotion they will become unable to resist expressing that emotion in the most direct way possible"  
Ranma whistled. "Ouch"  
"Yeah. Wolfsbane stops that too. Hell, while under the effect of wolfsbane an Amerai is technically human. Well, except they still regenerate"  
"Well, that's useful ta know"  
"Yes. It is"  
Shampoo walked into the room. "Oh, hello Mortise. You is back. Where Matriarch"  
"She took off. I believe she is in the process of returning to China"  
Shampoo gaped. "You manage for to scare HER off? How"  
"There's more to me than meets the eye... It's entirely a matter of contacts. I threatened her with friends of mine she really does not want to annoy"  
"Them must be monsters! Kou Loun be a monster"  
"Hey, there's worse things than an Amazon Elder. There's people who scare the hell out of her. People I know and like"  
"You must be have much powerful friends"  
"Yeah, I do. Hell, one of my mates is a living god. You've heard of Lord Saffron"  
"You is calling Lord Saffron a friend"  
"Yeah, he used to owe me one. In the process of his paying me back we became firm friends. He may be a spoilt brat but he does have feelings. He's not an easy person to befriend but once befriended he is very loyal. And I like and respect him despite all of his faults. Hey, nobody's perfect. Now, myself and Ranko were discussing the possibility of retrieving you brother from Joketsuzo"  
"You was"  
"Yes. And we need a plan"Ratvespa looked over the bikes. Ranma's Gixer, Genma's V8, Mortise's hog and a pair of ramshackle and unpainted machines that looked CB500 based. He frowned and headed for the door.  
Time to try the direct approach. He kicked the door in.  
"PREPARE TO DIE SAOTOME"  
Ranma grabbed a handgun off the table. "So ya came back fer more, huh? You always were fuckin' stupid"  
"Ha! You're the one who's stupid, human! You messed with me"  
Ranma snorted and let fly with the handgun. It crashed twice.  
Blood appeared on Ratvespa's jacket. "Idiot! You think that's gonna - huh?  
Wolfsbane! You bastard"  
"Get out of here, fuckhead. An' don't come back. You fuck with me again an'  
I'll hafta rip off yer fuckin' head." Ranma pocketed the gun and went into a defensive stance. "So are you gonna take th' free advice"  
Ratvespa gritted his teeth. "Care to step outside and say that again"  
"Ya wanna beatin', huh? Well, ya came ta th' right man"  
Ratvespa edged backwards out the door. "You're going to regret this"  
"Am I? Yer th' one who tried ta kill my wife"  
The whole crew followed Ranma out the door to watch.  
"And I may kill the bitch yet"  
Shampoo let out an angry hiss. She grabbed the gun out of Ranma's pocket and pumped Ratvespa full of lead.Ranma shook his head. "I can't believe he walked away from that after five minutes. How th' fuck could he keep movin' with all that lead inside of him"  
Mortise snorted. "Amerai are not easy people to kill. I think I'll contact Hanovan and see if she can get Ratvespa off your backs. She owes me one - I saved her life a couple of times"  
Ranma snorted and continued stuffing hollowpoint handgun slugs full of wolfsbane. "Suppose she can't. What then"  
"What then? Then we give him one last chance. He messes with us again and I kill him. He is not immune to drowning. My curse form is immune to drowning.  
Eel blood, remember? I'm the only one who could hold him underwater long enough"  
Ranma made a face. "I hope it don't haveta come ta that"  
Akane looked round. "Say - I don't suppose you know why he calls himself Ratvespa, do you"  
Mortise snorted. "Oh, he hates his real name. Shinji Moroboshi"  
"That's his real name? I knew th' Moroboshi part. It don't suit him"  
"No. It doesn't"  
"Gotten any ideas how we're gonna get Shampoo's brother outta there"  
"I have a very simple idea. Xian Pu, write a letter to him explaining what is going on. I will deliver this letter and - if he agrees - help him escape. Sound good"  
Shampoo, Ranma, Akane and Ranko all nodded. Nabiki frowned.  
"Deceptively simple. I know a fair bit about Joketsuzo." She shot Shampoo an embarrassed grin. "I always carry out a background check on anyone who get's involved with my family. I needed to find out if you were for real"  
Shampoo nodded. "Is cool. I is understand"  
"Thanks. At any rate, the standard description of Joketsuzo is 'extremely dangerous'. No offence, Mortise - but can you handle it"  
Mortise nodded. "Easily - with a little help from my friends"  
Nabiki nodded thoughtfully. "I should be able to arrange transport and a little backup if you like"  
Mortise frowned then shook his head. "Thanks for the offer, but I want to do this my way. I plan to ask a couple of my friends to help - they can easily provide enough backup. I've done similar jobs before. Hell, I once rescued Lord Saffron's girlfriend from the Chinese government. They had her in a research lab and were gonna cut her up. I got her out of there and home. He really liked me after that. Before that he didn't know me"  
Shampoo whistled. "You what? His girlfriend"  
"Didn't you know? He's in love with Kimaa. The poor girl hasn't figured it but he adores her - he'd do anything for her. When shall we go ahead with this rescue operation"  
Nabiki frowned. "I suggest you sleep on the plan, Mortise. See if you can find any faults with it in the morning, huh"  
Mortise nodded. "A good idea. Tomorrow we'll discuss it again"  
Ranma grinned. "Right. I got two bikes ta finish. Anyone gonna join me"  
Akane glanced at Shampoo. "Shall we continue doing that training"  
"Why not"  
Nabiki grinned. "I'm going to check out some stuff online. I'll see if I can get more information about Joketsuzo"  
"Er - how come there be internet stuff for to do with Joketsuzo"  
"Shampoo, you can find absolutely anything online. It's just a case of finding where to look. Hell, I found plans for nuclear bombs one time"  
Ranma snorted. "Well don't try ta build one, huh? I don't wanna be nuked"  
"You really think I'd be stupid enough"  
"Nope. I wuz pullin' yer leg"  
Mortise stretched. "I'll see you folks later"  
"Yeah, see ya man." Ranma sauntered out to the bikes he was building and resumed work. Ranko knelt down beside her own bike and continued trying to make it road legal.  
Ranma grabbed a can of matte black engine paint. Ranko grinned at him.  
"Only one colour for a bike, huh"  
"Yeah, th' Henry Ford philosophy o' motor paint. Any colour ya like as long as it's black. Choice o' flat black or gloss black"  
"And flat black wins every time"  
"Yeah... Actually, I'm gonna give onea these a camo job"  
"Say, have you got a spare taillight"  
Ranma nodded. "What shape're ya wantin"  
"I don't care as long as it works"  
He grinned and tossed her a round taillight. "It's a good 'un 'cos it runs,  
huh"  
"Yup. And if the Slime don't chase you for it all the better." She patted her bike affectionately. "Man I love this old girl"  
Ranma nodded. "I know how ya feel. When d'ya get her"  
"Oh, a couple of years ago. I bought her from a scrapyard for five hundred yen - she kicked over first try despite the state she was in. And she's never let me down once. She's a great little bike"  
Ranma smiled. "Yeah. Them old WD Hogs are terrific machines. They sure don't build 'em like they usta"  
"Nah. It's like modern machines are built to break down"  
"Yeah... but I can fix that"Later that evening over the dinner table Genma decided to spring some news on Ranko.  
"Ah, I have decided that you must attend school, Ranko"  
Ranko snorted. "Oh yeah? You and who's army"  
"Sis, ya gotta have an education"  
"You mean you're on his side"  
"Yeah. Don't worry, nobody fucks with me at school. An' Teach is a great teacher. He's really cool even if he is a fat bastard"  
Ranko made a face. "Oh wow. That is all I need"  
"Hey, chill out"  
"I hate school"  
"Why's that"  
Ranko shook her head. "I just hate it, okay?" She shot Genma a nasty look.  
"Yeah, but there's gotta be more reason than that"  
"Oh, forget about it, willya"  
Ranma rolled his eyes. "No need ta bite me head off"  
"One thing's certain - NOBODY'S getting me in a school uniform"  
"You an' all th' rest o' us, sis"  
"Huh"  
"You really think I'm gonna wear some gormless uniform? What'd I look like ridin' ta school like that"  
Genma nodded. "Good. That's solved then. I have everything organised"  
"You fat dickwad"Genma sighed and sat down to finish his letter. The youngsters had all gone to bed. Only he and Soun were still up.  
Or so he thought.  
"Well, an unexpected development indeed, eh Tendo"  
"I'll say. Kou Loun, huh? How did that boy manage to scare her off"  
"You heard what he told Ranma"  
"At least he held back on telling the kids all the details"  
"Yes, we must be grateful for small mercies"  
"I think it's getting towards time to explain to them"  
"Akira said to leave it to him, remember"  
Soun nodded. "Yes, but I don't have to like it"  
"Okay, okay. I'll ask him to come over"  
"You sure that's a good idea"  
"I think that not asking would be a very bad idea, Tendo. The kids are getting suspicious. And young Nabiki has smelt a very big rat"  
"You think she's figured it out"  
"I don't know, but if she hasn't she's getting very close"  
From the stairwell Nabiki blinked a few times. How the hell had Genma worked that out?  
th-th-th-that's all, folks!  
Chapter 13: Drinking blood is not a crime.  
"More human than human" - White Zombie.  
"It was... eerie. I'd never seen anyone's eyes glow like that before. Sure,  
you could fake it with a batch of ki, but I didn't know that at the time." -  
Ranko Saotome.Ranko glowered at Ranma's back as the two bikes pulled up in front of the school. Ranma and the girls swung off of his machine as she kicked her bike's sidestand down.  
Kuno was waiting and watching with visible disgust.  
"Is two such ladies not enough, Saotome"  
"What th' fuck're ya talkin' about, Kuno? That's my twin sister ya prick"  
Kuno facefaulted. Ranko gritted her teeth and cocked her pump - action leg.  
"Any smart remarks and I'll blow your head off, whoever the fuck you are"  
"Sis, that's Kuno"  
"What, the guy who usta try to work Akane over, right"  
"We dealt with that. Come on - you gotta talk with Teach"  
Kuno watched the four of them go inside. Then he turned to Nabiki, who had just arrived.  
"How come you did not tell me Saotome had another sister"  
"I didn't know until this weekend. Hell, neither did Ranma"  
"Perhaps you could tell me the whole story"  
Nabiki nodded. "For a small fee""Let me get this straight. This Ranko ran from home because her mother, a truck driver, wished to make her into a proper Japanese lady"  
Nabiki nodded. "Yeah. She's a definite tomboy"  
"Hmm - exactly what I would expect of a Saotome. Her motorcycle - did Ranma give her it"  
"No, she arrived on it. Ranma's helping her get parts to sort it out. It was a complete wreck. Frame, wheels, engine, seat and headlamp. The rest had fallen off. It didn't even have a battery but it was still running"  
Kuno nodded thoughtfully. "Those old H-D's are well made bikes"  
Nabiki snorted. "I really wouldn't know"  
"Ah, but I would. My cousin rides a similar machine"  
Nabiki nodded and turned her attention away from him, back to her schoolwork.Kuno ambled out into the schoolyard. It was lunchbreak, and he owed someone an apology. Two someones, in fact.  
He didn't like the idea of apologising to Ranma, but he had to. After all,  
he had unfairly insulted both Ranma and his sister.  
He looked around and rapidly spotted the small group. Ranma, Akane, Shampoo,  
Ranko and Nabiki. Now that was a surprise - Nabiki sitting and having a friendly chat. The second Tendo girl making nice with anyone was a bit weird.  
Ranma's alert eyes snapped up at his approach.  
"Waddya want, Kuno"  
"Pax, Saotome, pax. I merely wish to offer yourself and your sister my apology for my mistaken conclusion I jumped to this morning"  
Ranma considered his serious expression. Kuno's emotions were so easy to read it was pathetic.  
"Hey, accepted already, man"  
Ranko snorted. "Next time you see something think before opening your face"  
"Hey Ranko - no need ta eat th' guy. He apologised, huh"  
Ranko snorted. "Yeah yeah. Like I'm going to forget a crack like he made so easy. Not in this lifetime"  
Kuno sighed. "Then what must I do to make amends"  
He wandered off without waiting for an answer. Ranko glared after him.  
"Hey, sis - chill, huh"  
"Reminds me of someone I knew in my last school - stupid fuckhead"Ranma swung off of his bike. Another schoolday done.  
He walked over to the two almost finished machines - the project bikes.  
After examining them for a moment he pulled the spray cans of black paint out of his pack. Five more minutes and it'd be over bar letting the paint dry. Getting them registered would be easy enough - Nabiki was working on it at that very moment. Graffiti would be easy enough, anarchy logo here eight pointed star of Chaos there kind of stuff. He still had to think of something special for the fuel tanks.  
His father walked over carrying a back wheel.  
"What's the story, Dad"  
"Ah, Ranma - could ya sort this into a front wheel"  
"Sure, give us ten minutes. I've got to get these things painted"  
Genma nodded and dumped the wheel. "Sure thing, son"  
Ranma turned back to the bike and started spraying black paint over everything. The two bikes ended up very black indeed.  
"Rockin"  
The first one was covered in studs. He had masked these so they would stay chrome. It had a handlebar fairing that looked like a leftover prop from Aliens and a high sissy bar poking up behind the seat that was formed into the rear mudguard. This bike was for Akane. The second bike had two headlamps, one above the other and surrounded by a large fairing that resembled an old aircraft's nosecone. It's seat was a bucket type affair that had been taken from a smashed up race car and it's mudguards were made from polished steel and looked remarkably like sword blades. Two reproduction machine gun barrels poked from each side of it's fuel tank which had two aircraft fillers set into the top. This bike was for Shampoo.  
He had a can of khaki paint and another of drab brown. This machine would end up painted in a camouflage pattern to match her battledress.  
Ranma smiled. The two bikes were perfect, each matching the personality and dress sense of their future owners.  
He finished the matte black paint and ripped the masking tape off of the studs and lamps then grabbed the rear wheel his father had left behind. Time to do some work.Ranko fished her cigarette tin out of her pocket. She was gasping for a smoke.  
Having rolled up she offered the tin to Mortise. He shook his head and produced a twenty deck of Benson & Hedges from his pocket.  
She nodded. He fished a Zippo from his pocket and she pulled a Clipper from her back pocket. They lit up and smoked for a few minutes in companionable silence.  
"Er - you doing anything Friday night"  
Ranko shook her head. "Nah. I ain't got nothing to do"  
"Er - I know this really good nightclub. Fancy going along"  
Ranko frowned. "What sorta club"  
"Heavy metal club. It's where half the metalheads in Tokyo hang out"  
"Wicked, man! Sure, let's have a rocking time Friday"  
Mortise smiled widely. "Awesome. Er - thanks, huh"  
"It sounds fun, man"  
They lapsed into silence. Both didn't really know what to say.  
"Um - I hear you've been having some trouble finding parts for your Hog"  
Ranko nodded. "Yeah. There ain't many of the old WD hogs around these days"  
"I know a guy who collects them. He's always got spares for the old Harleys.  
He's got five fully stock '45 hogs himself"  
"Reckon he'll have the parts I need"  
"Which bits exactly are you looking for"  
"Gearbox parts mainly. I could do with a new generator - I've been using a Mini part. It does the job - just." Ranko started idly walking round in circles in the road Mortise nodded. "Right. I'll see if I can - HOLY SHIT! WATCH OUT"  
Ranko spun round, momentarily forgetting about her prosthetic leg. Her fake ankle naturally refused to follow the spin.  
Mortise took the only option available to him as she fell sideways into the path of an out of control dustcart. His sunglasses fell away as he jumped.  
He caught her wrist and concentrated. His enormously powerful will stepped between himself and gravity. There was a jolt as he took up Ranko's weight.  
He launched, yanking her clear of the truck. The two of them landed, she in his arms.  
"Shit, are you okay"  
"Yeah - thanks to- what the fuck"  
Ranko stared into his eyes. Blood red eyes.  
"Mortise - what's with the eyes? How come you can fly"  
Mortise sighed. "I suppose you want me to go away, huh"  
"No I fucking don't! I want you to tell me what's going on, okay"  
Mortise sighed again. "Ranko, I'm already dead. You are too special to hide the truth from... I'm sorry"  
She stared at him. "You mean"  
"I am a vampire. Dying of sunlight is as much a myth as werewolves dying of silver. I'm sorry... but how the hell would I tell you that? You ever seen me breathing when I'm not smoking"  
"You're serious"  
"Yeah... I'm sorry"  
Ranko slowly shook her head. "Fuck"  
"I guess Friday's off"  
Ranko glared at him. "Chickening out just because you don't breath?  
Bullshit"  
"W - what"  
"I said it's still on. Unless you're too chicken shit to go out with a girl"  
Mortise stared at her for several seconds. "You... you know yet you don't give a shit? Is it true"  
"Yeah"Ranma frowned. "So you say that guy is undead, right? What drugs you been taking, sis"  
"No bullshit, no acid, Ranma. You ever seen Mortise breathe"  
"I thought he was kinda soft breathing"  
"You believe me, right"  
"Yeah. Look, I change sex every so often. I'm married to a bisexual goth and an Amazon. My brother is now my sister through the same fuckin' curse as I've got. My other sister has a pump - action fuckin' shotgun for a leg. My father turns into a fuckin' panda. My mother is a truck driver. I've been attacked by a guy who claims - backed up by his former best mate - to be a fuckin' werewolf. Yeah, my life is ever so fuckin' normal, huh? So some dude's a vampire. So what? Big deal. That's not weird whatso fucking ever"  
Shampoo scratched her head. "Matriarch Kou Loun is tell I about Sluaach before"  
"Sluaach"  
"Is two words in old language, fasten together, no? Means Blood Corpse. Is name for how you say... Vampire, no? The Sluaach claim them state is curse from Christain's God. Matriarch claim is disease bioengineered in ancient times. Who we believe? I not know"  
"How the fuck do you pronounce it.. Cow Lone reckons that vampirism is a bioengineered disease, huh? What are the symptoms - apart from being dead"  
"Death is first symptom. Second is blood rush to eyes. Third is long canine teeth. Fourth is still going despite be dead. Fifth is inability to ingest any but blood. Sluaach need for to drink maybe six or seven pints of blood a day. Some drink animals. Some drink humans. I is told human taste better,  
animals and Amerai be tasting like shit. Is what Ancestor Sung Wu tell I and she be in state for to know. She Sluaach... I is mean vampire"  
"Some of the Amazons are vampires"  
"Yes, there be four Amazons who not breathe. They be undeaded in ancient times. Be not quite living link with past. Is much value to Amazons"  
"Right... so we have that to deal with too. I wonder how come Mortise ain't scared of these undead Amazons"  
"They hermits, no? Live in far reaches of Amazon land, see? Amazons deliver blood to they. In return they remember for young Amazons. Tell we history of Amazon Nation. They see with own eyes"  
"Hey - how old is Cow Lone"  
"I not know. She at least three hundred"  
"Er - how the fuck? Is she a vampire"  
"No, no. Is something like force of ki. She retard death with big amount of ki"  
"I've heard such things were possible"  
"Is so? Where you hear"  
"Some old scroll Dad dug outta somewhere. Dunno really. Aw, fuckit. I got a wheel ta modify an' some paint ta spray"  
Akane sighed. She had remained silent throughout the entire conversation.  
"I think we should tell Nabiki"  
"Yeah, you an' Ranko go tell her, huh? She should be able ta figure what ta do"  
Ranma got out a cigarette and headed outside. He settled down by the two newly built bikes and started ripping masking tape off of the one he had built for Akane. Having finished that he started spraying a camouflage pattern onto the bike for Shampoo. To do this he used a stencil made from an old magazine cover. He examined Akane's bike, scrawled an anarchy logo across the seat then signed the front mudguard, 'Ranma Saotome 1998'  
He sat back on his heels and grinned at the finished machine. It was absolutely perfect.  
He then grabbed the wheel for Soun's bike and started changing the mounting points to accept a pair of brake disks. Front brakes from a CBR1100, his father had said. No worries.Akane leant back against the wall by Nabiki's door.  
"Nabiki, there's some stuff we need to tell you. I dunno if you're going to believe us about this, but Ranko say's it's true and Shampoo backed her up"  
"Like what? Do tell"  
"Mortise is a vampire"  
"You what? Oh great, just fucking great. As if we didn't have a bad enough mess on our hands at any rate"  
Ranko sighed. "Weird curses, Chinese Amazons, werewolves, dried up old mummies, vampires - what next? As if things weren't complex enough"  
"It's no joking matter, Ranko. This business is bloody dangerous"  
"I guessed that much"  
Akane frowned. "Er - Nabiki, how come you know about this crap"  
"A little bird told me. Internet, dear sister. You'd be amazed what's on there"  
"Well, just remember that Mortise seems to be on our side, huh"  
"I know, Ranko. I know. I'm just glad he's not a bad guy. Vampires are not safe people to piss off. Well, actually they're bloody dangerous"  
"I guessed that much"By the time the green paint had dried on Shampoo's bike Ranma had the wheel finished. He grabbed the brown and the second stencil. Time to finish this.  
Having finished the camouflage job he grabbed the goat skull he had for Akane's handlebar fairing and attached it with cable ties then started scrawling graffiti across the fuel tank. By the time the brown had dried he was ready to sign Shampoo's bike. He added the trademark anarchy logo on the seat then his signature, this time on the fuel tank. After that he paused,  
frowned and added seventeen little pictures of bullets to the back of the seat, each outlined in white paint. One for each slug Shampoo had nailed Ratvespa with.  
He slotted the two bikes keys into their ignition switches and booted their kickstarts, one after the other. Their exhausts were nicely tuned, emitting a satisfying deep 'grntgrntgrnt' sound and a slight hiss from the turbos.  
He grinned and walked inside. Pausing to grab himself a sandwich he walked upstairs. "Akane? Shampoo"  
The two girls stuck their heads out of Nabiki's bedroom. "Yeah"  
"Come outside. There's something I want ya ta have a look at"  
They shot each other a puzzled look and followed him outside, Ranko and Nabiki hard behind them. They found Ranma standing between the two ticking over bikes.  
"Waddya think o' these? I just finished 'em." He grabbed the bikes throttles and gunned their engines.  
Akane shot him a confused look. "Er - why do you ask"  
"Because I built these things fer ya two, ya dummy! Ya need wheels, right?  
It's all very well ya two ridin' around on th' back o' my bike but it's not gonna work out forever, huh? An' th' pigs are gonna chase us fer ridin'  
three up sooner or later. Which ain't a problem but it is downright annoyin'." He slapped the camouflaged bike's fuel tank. "Shampoo, this is yours." He slapped the studded bike's seat. "An' Akane, this is yours. Like 'em? I spent ages figurin' out what sorta machines'd suit ya two. They're CB250's with turboed CB500 motors. Nabiki's gotten them registered - it's sure useful havin' an ace lawyer fer a sister in law - an' they're fully road legal. That's why I put indicators on 'em - my machine's actually illegal that way"  
Shampoo walked over to the camouflaged bike. She stared at it for a few seconds then sat down in the saddle. She glanced down, remembered how Ranma took his bike off it's sidestand, rocked the bike sideways and hooked the stand up with her foot.  
She grinned and revved the engine. The bike grunted in response.  
"This be much cool!" She blipped the engine again. "Is sound good"  
Akane giggled and climbed onto the other bike. She lifted it from it's side stand with practised ease - her periodic excursions on her fathers bike had left her with not inconsiderable ability to ride and a full motorbike license to boot. She killed the motor, paused for several seconds then kickstarted it. The 500cc 4-stroke engine roared into life smoothly and easily, courtesy of the considerable quantity of WD40 penetrating oil Ranma had lubricated the kickstart mechanism with.  
It felt far badder than her fathers rusty blue 250. That was an OK bike but not really much of anything. This was a stud encrusted 500cc ratbike with a turbo and a serious bad attitude. Despite being based on the same model of bike as her fathers ride it felt, looked and sounded badass enough to chew you up and spit out the pips. As did the camouflaged bike Shampoo was sitting on - it looked like the product of some insane army engineer from hell. Neither had a patch on Ranma's supercharged nitrous oxide assisted headlamp infested unsilenced stripped down wide wheeled spiked tyred skeletal mad man mobile, but they were far above the likes of Kuno's ride in sheer level of mean.  
She summed it up. "This has got to be the meanest piece of machinery I've ever sat in the hot seat of... but then I've only ever ridden a CG125 and Dad's CB250"  
Ranma grinned lopsidedly (as was his habit.) "So far. Why dontcha take 'em fer a test ride? I gotten yer lids ta match 'em." He grabbed his pack from where it was hanging on the pipework that made up his bike's seat frame and fished out two crash helmets. One was a curious mix of bike helmet and a jet fighter pilot's lid while the other was a normal full face skidlid with no visor that had horns. And a set of what looked like flying goggles over it.  
"Here. Skidlids ta match th' bikes. That air force style 'un cost a bomb"  
He handed them to the girls, put on his own lid and swung onto his bike. He shoved in the keys and fired the engine as the girls put their helmets on.  
"Let's Rock"Akira Saotome finished reading the letter.  
"Well, well, well. Sumiko - I will be going to the Saotome-Tendo dojo tomorrow. I'm leaving you in charge here. Takashi, you will be coming with me, but I don't want anybody in the dojo to see you. Understood"  
The two nodded. "Yes, Lord Saotome"  
"Then let's get packing. Sumiko, tell the servants. I may be gone some time"  
John Kirth snorted from his desk in the corner. "Lord, your destiny approaches. Take care, for you will be sorely missed if you leave us"  
"John, there is no need to err on the side of caution"  
"And you are needed, Lord. Yet I sense your time approaches"  
"Then I shall meet it as any true warrior should - with weapons drawn and a battle cry on my lips! There is no sense in hiding from destiny, John"  
"I will accompany you, Lord. You may need me"  
Akira didn't argue with that. There was no point questioning the truth.  
That's it for now.  
NOTES Okay, that's the second block of chapters up. Stand by to receive block 3,  
gentlemen. Please don't repel it, it's not a boarder.  
GLOSSARY OF TERMS Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.  
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.  
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's age.  
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the engine thus forcing it to run faster.  
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the engine.  
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple clamps in the US.  
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built.  
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.  
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a sealed cooling system as found in most cars.  
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.  
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.  
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.  
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.  
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.  
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.  
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and just a bigger version of the same.  
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.  
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.  
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.  
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off.  
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the forks and the frame. Helps steady the steering. 


	3. Chapter 3

From: "Doghead Thirteen" wolfmangehenna. Subject: RanmaFanFic Repost - Biker 1/2 book 1 chapters 14-20 Biker 1/2 Cycle 1 - Birth of a Modern Legend.  
Book 1 - Opening moves - part 3.  
LEGALISTIC SHIT and RANT Ranma 1/2 is not mine, no no i didn't do it you can't make me say it woz my fault THIS FIC WOULD BE 18-RATED IF YOU FILMED IT AND GAVE IT TO THE BBFC!  
There's audible off-screen sex (but no more, even Ranma has a right to some privacy when he wants it and I'm no good at writing sex scenes) gratuitous violence, character deaths, drugs, rock 'n roll and insane quantities of swearing. If you can't handle it don't read it.  
Ranma 1/2 is property of Rumiko Takahashi and varied companies much bigger than me; I'm just borrowing the characters and world without permission as a way of learning to carry a decent plot. I'll put them back when I've finished with 'em. I promise.  
The Amerai, S'Vek, Sidhe, the Wade family, Clan Hakkenan, Rat Diva, Seven Hope and all related concepts are property of Calum John Wallace (me) and Mad Dog Games; all rights reserved and all that. If you want to use 'em in a fic, please A) read Biker 1/2 carefully, it should give you a good idea of what the Amerai are all about, B) ask for my permission and C) include me in the prereaders for your tale.  
Finally, at least four characters are gay or bisexual - if you can't handle that then please be so kind as to fuck off. Like the alternate Ryoga of this tale I have little time for homophobes due to certain problems suffered by my (bisexual) elder sister.  
Please note, I'm using "this" to denote things said in Cantonese and "this" to denote things said in what wolves use for a language.  
Chapter 14: Trouble brewing "Hey yeah, I'm the one that you wanted. Hey yeah, I'm the superbeast" - Rob Zombie, 'Superbeast'  
"I'd prefer not to talk about that fuckhead... I've been trying to forget his ugly, sneering face for the last five years." - Soun Tendo, asked about Akira Saotome during an interview for BBC World Service, January 2004.Ranma pulled out of the driveway with Akane and Shampoo hard behind him. He backed off enough that they could keep up on their CB's Akane grinned as she leant the bike into the corner, low enough to bash the left exhaust on the road. A CB's zorsts weren't exactly far from the deck.  
But then she was used to a mechanically similar bike. Different in that it was half the capacity and lacked a turbo. Same as in it had an identical gearbox, running gear and frame.  
She too backed off a bit. Shampoo was not very sure of herself in this unfamiliar environment. The Chinese girl was only really used to bikes where you pedal. She'd ridden her brother's home made dirt bike enough to get the hang of clutch control, but not enough to learn much more than that.  
Ranko's bike was last, the chug-chug-chug of it's V-twin echoing down the street. It somehow managed to be louder than Ranma's bike courtesy of two huge pistons and a pair of missing silencers.  
It was almost time for school again. Ranma gunned his bike up a bit. It popped a little wheelie and flashed down the street in a cloud of tyre smoke.  
Ranko snapped her bike into second. The engine grunted as she moved out to the centreline.  
Akane tugged back on the throttle. Much to her surprise the front wheel lifted smoothly off the ground and hung in a 45 degree wheelie.  
Shampoo suddenly realised she was being left behind. Not knowing the likely result she cranked the throttle wide open.  
Her bike sprang up into a high wheelie. Then the turbo kicked in.Matsui parked his car (a Mini) and stepped out of it.  
He heard howling motorbike engines in the distance. That would be Ranma and company. Strange - it sounded like more than the usual two bikes.  
Sure enough, a grand total of four bikes shot into the schoolyard. Three of them flat black, the fourth camouflaged.  
Shampoo braked heavily, enough to lock the back wheel. The bike slid round ending up facing back the way it had come. She hastily put her feet down,  
glad she had grabbed the clutch as they turned into the schoolyard.  
Akane pulled up beside her. Her bike's turbo let out a massive 'PSSH' as it released the pressure.  
Ranma pulled up the other side of Shampoo. He switched off and pulled off his crash helmet.  
"Nice one, Shampoo! Yer a natural"  
She put her bike into neutral and let go of the handlebars then pulled her own lid off. "Is not feel that way to I"  
"Hey, ya did good! Ya didn't stall once, ya pulled a fuckin' beast o' a ninety degree wheelie without flippin' or fallin' off, ya didn't wobble nowt, ya pulled up without any bother - dig the slide - yer doin' alright"  
Shampoo switched her engine off. "Is much scary"  
"But I bet yer feelin' good, huh"  
"Yes! Is much fun too"  
Akane switched off. "That wasn't your first try, was it"  
Shampoo shook her head. "No, I ridden I brother's trailbike much time back in China. But there less to ride into there"  
"Yeah. That patch o' open ground outside Joketsuzo, right"  
"Is so"  
"Yeah, that's a fuckin' excellent place ta get inta th' way o' ridin"  
Ranko snorted. "I learnt the hard way - dodging cops in Osaka"  
"Same shit, different fuckin' place. I learnt in th' backwoods up north"  
"I learnt around here. Less engine though"  
"Ha! I learnt on a fuckin' CB500. An' not wiv a CB250 frame or a turbo.  
Helluva lot slower than these two machines"  
"We'd better get inside"Genma looked up from the bike he was building for Soun as a black Mustang pulled up outside.  
"What th"  
The Mustang's driver answered by getting out of his car. Genma jumped to his feet.  
"Akira"  
"Hello, Genma. How's it going"  
"Come inside... we need ta talk"  
Akira Saotome nodded. "Indeed we do"Ranma fished a cig out of his pocket and lit up. They had twelve minutes until the bell went and he intended to spend it smoking.  
Akane glared at him. "Nine fucking months. This is your fault"  
"Hey, it's kinda neat now I've had a think. I mean, what's better than people that we could create, huh? I mean, th' no smokin rule's shit but we don't wanna harm the baby, huh"  
Akane nodded. "Of course we bloody don't! But it's still shit"  
"Hey, figure you've only got about eight months left ta go, right"  
"Just over"  
"Well, yer gonna start gettin' a serious bump pretty soon"  
"If anyone makes fat jokes I'll kill them"  
"You'll hafta beat me ta it, Akane"Hikaru Gosunkugi had already had a bad day.  
The reason for this was strutting along in front of him. Someone Hikaru felt he should have been friends with - his elder brother.  
Kato Gosunkugi was, in his brother's opinion, a psychopathic thug. In his own opinion he was a top notch martial artist. His father had trained him ever since he could walk. He was the apple of his mother's eye.  
As for Hikaru, both parents basically ignored him, considering him an embarrassing mistake. Well, unless he got in his father's way in which case he got thumped.  
So Kato walked all over him. Sometimes literally.  
They turned into the gates of their new school. A move of home had put the two brothers into Furinkan High.  
Both got a shock when they saw the dozens of scruffy motorbikes that littered the schoolyard. Students were hanging around in gangs and chatting about this that and the other. Usual student stuff with the addition of motorcycles.  
Hikaru pricked up his ears. This looked like good news in a big way.  
One group stood out from the crowd. Three girls, one a Goth, one a biker with blazing red hair and one with very purple hair and dressed in combats.  
They were crowded around a tall, broad - shouldered and hairy boy who was dressed in biker leathers. They were also standing around a group of four of the meanest bikes Hikaru had ever seen. Two looked like CB250's, one was definitely an old Harley and the fourth - the biggest, baddest and meanest of the lot - he couldn't identify. But he could see that it was definitely supercharged and had what looked like a nitrous oxide cylinder hanging from the back of the seat.  
It was also very, very black, had immense spiked tyres and more than it's fair share of headlamps. It looked stark staring mad.  
His brother looked around and sneered.  
"What a lot of shitty bikes these sad little wankers have"  
Fortunately for Kato, Ranma and the gang didn't hear.  
Hikaru rolled his eyes and followed his brother into the school.Twelve minutes later Hikaru was still waiting for Kato to come out of the deputy head's office. He spotted the three girls and one guy he'd noticed in the schoolyard swaggering up the hall.  
Maybe coming to school in his trenchcoat, leather trousers and Type O Negative T-shirt wasn't pushing it. He grinned at them and nodded.  
The Goth girl grinned back. "Hiya"  
"Hi"  
"Napalm Death's more my scene." She kept grinning.  
"Cool"  
Kato Gosunkugi chose that moment to come out the office. Akane was right in his way.  
"Get outta my fucking way, bitch"  
Ranma's hand shot out and caught him by the front of the shirt.  
"Look here ya little fuckhead. Talk to my wife like that again an' you're gonna take a flyin' lesson outta that window. Got it"  
Kato swiped Ranma's arm off his shirt. "No, freak. Bums shouldn't try to molest their betters. It can be bad for your health"  
Ranma snorted. "Oh yeah?" He grabbed Kato again and flung him down the hall.  
"Fuckhead. The name's Ranma Saotome, twelfth dan black belt in the Saotome school of Anything Goes martial arts. You don't wanna mess with me OR my wife. Because it could be real bad fer yer health... fuckwit"  
Hikaru slipped into the office. Behind him he could hear the bell ringing.  
"Oh no, man... I'm gonna be late"  
The man behind the desk looked up. "So Kato Gosunkugi meets Ranma Saotome,  
huh? Should prove educational for Mr. Kato. You're his younger brother,  
right"  
Hikaru nodded. "Unfortunately"  
"Hmm. Kato was telling me about your track record at your previous school.  
Be assured we don't tolerate stunts like that here"  
Hikaru stifled a curse. It was so typical of his brother, lying like that.Matsui nodded. "Indeed, it is correct that you have just transferred from Osaka. But that does not change the fact you are late"  
"Hey, Teach!" Ranma shouted. "I seen him goin' in about quarter to an' he was waitin' fer some fuckhead ta come outta th' head's office when I passed him in th' hall. Had ta teach that other cunt a lesson in manners - he called Akane stuff he shouldn't, see"  
Matusi paused. "Ah - I see. I'll let it slide this time." He frowned at Hikaru. "But please note, promptness is a desirable virtue"  
Hikaru nodded. "Yes, sir"  
"Good. Take the seat next to Ranko, second from left in the front row"  
Hikaru nodded. "Yes, sir"  
"Oh, call me Teach. None of that 'sir' rubbish in here, please"  
Hikaru Gosunkugi shot him a startled look. Matsui grinned, as did Ranma.  
"After all, you are the one doing the learning, Hikaru. I am just here to help"  
Hikaru sat down in the seat indicated. He looked round.  
The redhead biker girl - apparently Ranko - was sat next to him. The boy who had chucked Kato - Ranma, didn't he call himself - directly behind him.  
Ranma had the other two girls each side of him.  
He looked round at Ranko. "Hi - I'm Hikaru Gosunkugi"  
"And I'm Ranko Saotome." She grinned at him. "That big lunk's my twin brother Ranma. The girl on the left who you talked heavy metal with in the hall's Akane Saotome, my sister-in law. And the purple - haired girl's Shampoo. That's not her real name but nobody except Ryoga can pronounce it and she's gone off somewhere with this really weird guy called Herb and his mates. Something fucked up about a kettle"  
Matsui looked up. "What was that about your half - brother, Ranko dear"  
"What, Ryoga? Ranma's gotten more idea than me"  
Ranma looked up. "Aw, Ryoga got lost about a week ago - I toldja about her sense o' direction. She won a race wiv Kasumi. They wuz arguin' about whether Ryoga's bike's faster than Kasumi's car an' they had a race ta settle it. Last time I seen Ryoga she wuz wiv three Chinese guys who're lookin' fer somethin' ta do with th' curse. I overheard them talkin' about it but only caught half o' th' conversation"  
Matsui nodded. "The curse would seem more important than school to you two"  
"Yeah... I hear anythin' about how ta get shot o' it an' I'll be off, huh"  
Matsui nodded. "Understandable. After all, it affects you for the rest of your life. And not what I would call a desirable effect... though Ryoga would"  
"Ya know what she's like"  
"Indeed... Now then, we'd better get some work done today"Kato Gosunkugi stood and brooded in the hall. He was holding a bucket full of water in each hand.  
How to get even with Ranma? It was thanks to the young biker that he'd been late on his first day.  
The bell went, signalling the end of first period. Doors crashed open.  
There was Ranma, swaggering down the hall in the company of the trio of girls he had been with. And a certain Hikaru Gosunkugi.  
"... Suzuki GSXR1100. I stuck a blower onta th' motor. Hadta make up a new frame - th' one offa th' wreck wuz shafted. Bent ta fuck. Lucky I found a smashed up plane - I gotten a shitload o' aircraft quality alloy outta it. I built th' new frame an' swingarm outta that. Th' front forks are offa a 1200 Bandit what some stupid fuck'd driven inta th' back o'. Nitrous is offa th'  
same Bandit an' th' fuel tanks offa a Blade. I got th' wheels offa th' back ends o' two write - off customs. Hadta chop th' front 'un round a bit ta fit th' brake discs - they're offa a Super Blackbird. Th' back end wuz easier -  
hardest bit wuz gettin' th' suspension set up. I doubled up th' final drive chain ta help it stand up ta th' torque. Th' bar controls came offa an old KTM crosser - onea th' big - bores. I swapped th' brake an' clutch levers fer ones offa a smashed up Kawasaki streetfighter last year - dunno what they came offa but they're a real good set. Th' alternator's offa a Ford Transit van o' all things - I couldn't find a bike 'un that puts out enough juice. Especially fer th' twin-tone tug siren I got fer a horn. Th' stereo's th' stock one outta a car - dunno what car, it wuz too trashed ta recognise when I dug th' stereo outta it"  
Hikaru closed his mouth. "Wow"  
"She's one helluva machine - breaks th' double ton on th' back wheel no prob. First three gears last about half a second each if I gun her. Fast cornerin's wicked - I just lay her over an' gas her then th' back wheel spins up, slides out an' just guides her round. Th' harder ya gas her th'  
harder she turns. It's beautiful"  
"I wish I could get a bike like that. And ride it"  
"Gettin' th' bike's not th' problem. A while in a scrapyard an' I can get somethin' figured. Ridin' it's the hard bit - she wheelies offa th' throttle in every gear in th' box. Ya hafta lean forwards an' take it real easy if yer not gonna flip her in first. That's why ya can switch th' blower off -  
she launches like shit offa a stick even without it. I don't normally even touch th' blower until I hit third. If I wuz gonna take her down th'  
dragstrip all I'd need ta do is stick on a longer swingarm an' a wheelie bar. I've thrashed a couple o' nitromethane burners wiv her like she is.  
Wheeliein' past onea them things is such a fuckin' laugh." He paused. "Her engine's really way too powerful fer th' rest o' th' bike"  
Matsui stuck his head out of the classroom. "Ranma"  
"Yeah"  
"Could you bring your bike in next period? I want you to show the other students over it"  
Ranma grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Sure thing, Teach"  
Kato narrowed his eyes as Ranma and his little gang turned and walked outside. A deafening roar heralded Ranma firing his bike's engine.  
"His bike... that's it"Ranma still had a smug look on his face as he wheeled his bike outside. The other kid's reaction to a close up look at said piece of barely controlled insanity had made him want to laugh out loud.  
He thumbed the starter button. The engine let out it's traditional bellowing roar.  
"All ship - shape an' Bristol fashion." He gunned it twice then switched off. "Rockin. Man, I love my bike"  
One of the other kids (a boy called Daisuke) frowned at him.  
"You really built that bike when you were a little kid"  
"Yeah. She wasn't so powerful than - I've tuned her up a shitload. Oh, an'  
changed round th' handlebars an' seat. I hadta keep makin' her fit me as I grew. So I did"  
"We'd better get home, Ranma"  
"Yeah yeah. Fuck sake, why do they hafta keep choppin' an' changin' th'  
fuckin' timetable here"  
"Let's roll, bro"  
Ranma stuffed his lid on. "Yeah, time ta get mobile"  
Shampoo pulled her own helmet on. She was glad Ranma had picked one with a seatbelt clip style fastener rather than the D-ring setup he had on his own lid, which looked like a real fiddle to fasten. She switched on the ignition and kickstarted the engine. It growled into life beneath her.  
Akane grinned at her and fired up her own bike. Ranko shrugged and kicked her Hog over. Ranma nodded and thumbed the starter button.  
"Let's hit th' fuckin' road"The four bikes turned into the Tendo's driveway about ten minutes later.  
Ranma pulled his lid off and grinned at Shampoo.  
"You're sure learnin' fast"  
Ranko nodded. "I wouldn't have said you was new to this game if I didn't know"  
She jerked her thumb at the black Mustang. "What's with the car"  
Akane snorted. "A car like that probably belongs to one of Kasumi's pals"  
Engine noise and jet-scream echoed down the street. Ranma looked round.  
"Hey! Sounds like Ryoga"  
Sure enough, a certain jet bike and the trio of Musk turned into the driveway.  
Ryoga pulled off her lid. "Hey, Ranma! Check it out, bro"  
"Huh? Check what out"  
"Chuck some hot water at me and find out, man"  
"You what"  
"Shit, didn't I tell you what we were looking for"  
"You muttered something ta Herb but I didn't get it properly"  
Herb laughed quietly. "Ryoga is now a woman 24-7"  
"Ya what"  
"Hot water don't change me back any more. I'm gonna get Nabiki to change everything so my records say I'm female"  
"I don't suppose whatever ya found's gonna do me any good"  
"Nah. It makes the curse permanent then the other thing switches that off"  
Herb put his lid back on. "Well, I guess I'll see you around, Ryoga. I've got stuff I need to get done back home... Later, huh"  
"Yeah, I'll see you around, man. Stay cool, huh"  
"Later. Thanks"  
Herb pinwheeled his bike and roared away with Mint and Lime hard behind him.  
Ryoga stared after them with a fond look on her face.  
"Yeah... I'll see you around, man." She snorted. "Dumb bugger. He'll be back"  
Shampoo shot her a confused look. "What make you think that"  
"I don't. I know that... Remember that I'm the first girl any of them have met more than in passing." She winked. "I've pulled"  
Shampoo did a violent double take.Akira stared out the window.  
"Well I'll be damned! Prince Herb of the Musk dynasty"  
"Huh"  
"That teenager. The one on the blue bike"  
Genma frowned. "So who is he"  
"A killing machine. Hmm, from his expression he thinks quite highly of young Ryoga. Looks like him and his friends aren't staying." Akira paused. "Time for me to meet Ranma for real"  
Genma nodded. "And the girls. Ryoga included"  
"Yes, that was quite a turnup for the books, huh"  
"Yeah." Genma paused. "I always thought Ryoga was too bloody - minded to live a lie like Godo did. And that could have caused problems... This outcome is far better - we just need to get Ryoga's records changed to say she was always a girl, huh"  
"Yes, indeed. This could get us a very useful ally, Genma. Prince Herb is someone I want on my side"  
The door crashed open and the kids poured through in a yelling mob. They stopped and shut up when they saw Akira.  
Ranma stepped forwards. "I saw ya at the weddin' but we didn't get introduced... I'm Ranma Saotome, heir ta th' Saotome school o' Anythin' Goes martial arts an' the best damn biker on th' planet... So - who're ya"  
Genma coughed. "Ahem. Ranma, this is Akira Saotome, head of the Saotome clan"  
"Right. Meanin"  
Akira narrowed his eyes. The boy sure had presence.  
"You are apparently the most talented martial artist in your generation,  
lad. When I retire in four years, it will be you who takes over from me"  
Ranma snorted. "Oh yeah? Says who? Look, pal - I'm gonna stay here an' be a father fer th' rest o' my life. I got stuff ta do, petrol ta burn, bikes ta build. An' no fucker's gonna make me do shit I don't wanna do. So thanks,  
but no thanks"  
There was a shocked silence. "You what"  
"Find some other bugger, pal. I don't wanna know. I ain't gonna take yer orders an' I ain't gonna run no clan. There's one life I'm gonna run an'  
that's mine"  
"You don't understand, boy. This is not something you can turn down"  
"Oh yeah it fuckin' is! I told ya, I got stuff I wanna do. I only got one life an' I'm the one who's gonna fuckin' run it, see?" He jerked his thumb at his bike. "That's my first concern, pal." He put an arm round Akane's shoulders and the other round Shampoo's shoulders. "An' these two are my second concern. Like I fuckin' said, ya go find some other bugger fer this crap"  
Genma stood up. "Goddamnit, Ranma! I"  
Akira cut him off with a sharp gesture. "Boy, do you really think I will permit such disrespectful behaviour"  
"Ya ain't earned my respect, pal. Ya come here an' told me my life had been planned out by some shithead an' ya want respect? Step outside an' try ta get it if ya think yer hard enough"  
Akira nodded. "Very well. After you"  
"Nope, yer goin' out first, fuckhead. I don't trust ya not ta try somethin'  
dirty"  
Akira gritted his teeth and walked outside, the whole gang following him.  
Ranma stopped on the gravel drive.  
"Okay, fuckhead. Are you ready"  
Akira turned round. "Ready and waiting"  
Ranma smirked. "This is gonna be fun... Come an' get it"  
End of part 14.  
Chapter 15: Break Something Tonight "Give me something to break! Such as your fucking face!" - Limp Bizkit,  
'Break Stuff'  
"I started it; I was pissed off and looking for something to unwind at.  
Akira was just available for the punking of. I didn't start hating him until two days later." - Ranma Saotome.Ranma kept staring at Akira. For all his loud - mouth tactics he had a nasty feeling he was in for the fight of his life. Both men stood in a loose posture, ready to explode into action in any direction.  
Ranma simply waited for Akira to come at him. Almost five minutes passed before Akira got sick of the waiting game.  
He came at Ranma with a fast left-right combo. The boy easily slid aside from the blow and replied with a sweep kick that Akira jumped over.  
"You're better than I thought, kid"  
Ranma snorted. "An' yer crapper than I thought"  
Akira shrugged and attacked again, noticeably faster this time. A blurringly rapid uppercut that Ranma only just managed to evade.  
"Nicely done, fuckhead." Ranma started a complex series of flowing motions with his hands, continuing dodging Akira's flurry of attacks as he did so.  
He suddenly broke the pattern by thrusting his right fist towards the elder man. It stopped short of connecting but Akira flew backwards and bounced off a wall.  
"What the hell"  
Ranma laughed. "Like I said, come on and get it - fuckhead"  
Akira snorted and stood up, brushing dust from his shirt. "Pathetic"  
Ranma snorted again. "So ya thought that was pathetic, huh? Well just wait till ya get a load o' the next one"  
"No, you just wait, boy"  
Ranma sorted again. "Aye right. Hey, Ryoga! Give us yer spanner"  
Ryoga shrugged, pulled her enormous adjustable wrench off of her back and tossed in at Ranma. Ranma caught it neatly and started spinning it round his head.  
"Check this one out, ya fuckhead!" He suddenly lobbed the spanner at Akira.  
Akira caught it, looked shocked and dropped it.  
"How the fuck did you pick that thing up"  
"With ease, ya whimp"  
Akira proceeded to blow his lid. "That does it! I'm gonna teach you a lesson in goddamn manners, boy"  
"Aw, go fuck yerself - shithead"Mortise rumbled down the street. His Hog was running beautifully (as ever)  
and he had a mess of spare parts in his pack that he'd scraped together for Ranko.  
He turned into the Tendo's driveway and was immediately confronted with Ranma fighting an older man. An older man who he recognised.  
"What the fuck? Akira Saotome"  
"I am rather busy just now, Mortise"  
Mortise parked his bike beside the others and got off. He walked over to the gang.  
"What the fuck's going on"  
Ryoga snorted. "This cunt Akira showed up and started telling Ranma what to do. You can guess the rest, right"  
"Ranma started a fight with him, right"  
"Actually Ranma told him to go fuck himself and he started trying to browbeat Ranma. Ranma told him to come outside and earn himself some respect"  
Mortise groaned. "Oh, great. Ranma's bitten off more than he can chew this time. I think he's about to get his ass kicked"  
"I dunno. That Akira guy hasn't even hit him yet. And he's hit Akira once"  
"You don't understand! That Akira guy regenerates"  
Shampoo narrowed her eyes. She pulled out her handgun.  
"Maybe Wolfsbane work on he"  
Mortise shrugged. "Only one way to find out"  
Shampoo nodded and handed the gun to Akane. "You be better shot than I. Plug the bastard"  
Akane took the gun then paused. "I don't know about this"  
"What do you mean, Akane? Ranma can't win if that cunt keeps healing up"  
Ranma had overheard the whole lot. He immediately powered up his strongest attack.  
"Chew on this"  
'This' was his boot. It appeared to miss Akira completely.  
The older man snorted. "Was that meant to"  
He fell flat on his face.  
Mortise stared. "What the fuck"  
Ranma turned Akira over with his boot. Twenty - six muddy footprints were spread up the older man's front.  
Mortise stared. "What the fuck? You kicked him"  
"Yeah, I gave the fuckhead a good stompin'. A motormouth like that's just askin' fer a boot in th' gob"  
Akane looked at Akira carefully. "Oh my god - every strike hit a vulnerable place... I didn't even see you hit him"  
"An' that wasn't me goin' at full speed either"  
Akira sat up. "Nicely done, kid"  
Ranma snorted and kicked him in the mouth. "Fuck you, shitface." He paused.  
"I told ya already, I'm gonna do exactly what I damn well please an' no fucker can stop me... fuckwit. So d'ya want some more"  
Akira shook his head. "You have proved your point well enough for me, Ranma.  
Shit, how am I going to tell the crew"  
"I neither know nor care, fuckhead. Far as I'm concerned ya can go ta hell"  
Genma groaned. "Ranma, how can you refuse the honour of leading our clan"  
"Easy as I replace a fucked up final drive, Dad. I don't give a flyin' fuck about that honour crap, remember? Honour's just gonna lose ya friends an'  
get ya killed. I got more important stuff ta think about - such as my own damn life!" He glared at Akira. "I ain't gonna let any fucker screw up my life an' ya better remember it! Same goes fer ya, Dad. I ain't gonna let ya use me as yer fuckin' doormat. I'm gonna live here fer th' rest o' my fuckin' life an' ride the baddest damn bikes what've ever been built. I'm gonna be a father in about eight months. You think I'm gonna do fuckin'  
anythin' that's gonna fuck that up? Somethin' as neat as that ain't somethin' I'm gonna let some dumb arsehole fuck with. I ain't some waster who sits around tellin' other folks what ta do, I'm a workin' man. I ain't gonna sit on my fuckin' backside an' get money offa other folk's work, I'm gonna get out there an' earn my livin' fer real. So ya can take yer clan leadership an' blow it outta yer exhausts, fuckhead"  
Akira groaned. "Houston, we have a problem"  
"Aw, fuck off willya? We don't want or need yer fat ass round here, ya lazy good fer nothin' wanker. Clan head? That's just another name fer 'boss'. A fuckhead who tells other guys what ta do an' takes all th' money they earn.  
So keep outta my fuckin' way, ya piece o' shit"Akira, Genma and Soun sat in the back room of the house with grim expressions on their faces.  
"This is really bad"  
"We're so deep in the shit that it's over our heads"  
Akira snorted. "Genma, Soun - don't let a little setback end your world"  
"Little setback"  
"That's the understatement of the year"  
"Boys, boys. Haven't you noticed - Ranma is in the middle of his teens.  
Teenage rebellion rules OK. I dare say he'll settle down in the near future"  
Genma snorted. "I wouldn't count on it. He takes after his grandfather in more ways than one. And you know what Dad was like as well as I do"  
Akira snorted. "Until that big fight"  
"Until that big fight," Genma sighed. "But his sacrifice was not in vain"  
"Hell, it's thanks to him that we're here today. That's half the reason his line became the successors - that and to complete the union with the Moroboshi line"  
"I know, Akira. I know. I sure as hell know it wasn't because of me. Genma 'fat dick' Saotome, that's me"  
"You've been listening to Ranma swear at you too much, boy. You didn't kill eighty of our enemy's finest in a very messy way for nothing"  
"Face it, Akira. I didn't get jack shit for that - unless you count three bullet holes and a claw slash or ten"  
"You defy me too"  
"Yes. I damn well do. Face it, I'm sick of toeing your line. Oh no, I'm not going to do anything about it, but sure as hell I'm going to make a lot of noise about it"  
"Watch your tongue, Genma. That's fighting talk"  
"And I still don't understand why the hell you had me pull half the stuff on Ranma you did! I mean, why the hell Jusenkyo? Even though we know exactly what that place means? And why the deal with Kounji? You damn well know that's going to cause nothing but trouble - and not for me! For my son"  
"Shut up, sit down and listen to me. Before I rip your face off, boy.  
Jusenkyo was simple - several children have undergone their First after a dip in one of those springs. Kounji is mundane. He can't cause too much bother - he doesn't matter and neither does his daughter. Mundanes do not count"  
Genma sighed. "Akira, I think you're being too old-fashioned for anyone's good"  
"What you think doesn't matter, boy. What the Clan requires is all that counts! Your son WILL replace me - there's no two ways about it. And I don't give a flying fuck about your ill - informed humanist opinions, boy. You will do what you're told if you know what's good for you"  
"I doubt Ranma will see it the same way as you do, Akira"  
"What do I care about the boy's opinions"  
"They mean everything where Ranma's concerned, because if you try to force him to go against them you get him, Ryoga, Shampoo, Akane, Ranko, Mortise and possibly that Prince Herb character upside the head. Ranma wrestled a large bear when he was twelve. He killed it. Ryoga is substantially stronger than him - she could pick me and my bike up and lift me and my bike over her head when she was thirteen. It's weird - she used to be very weak. Something happened to her one time she was lost"  
"Hmph - you've accepted Ryoga's sex-change very readily"  
"Yeah, because I care about my children's feelings! You do know that Nodoka's got her family's katana, don't you"  
"You what? You let her keep it"  
"It wasn't a matter of 'let', Akira. She's as bloody minded as Ranma"  
"Why didn't you just forceably take it off her"  
"That's oh so easy for you to say. Trying to take something off of HER? That would be as good as committing suicide"  
"Oh for- She's Mundane, boy"  
"That doesn't mean very much, old man. Remember which Mundanes you're talking about there? The Moroboshi family"  
Akira snorted. "We beat them once and we can beat them again"  
"We beat them once by backstabbing, ganging up and playing dirty! But now they're family so it's a hell of a lot more personal"  
"Now look here, boy"  
"No, you look here. I'm right and you damn well know it! It's not me who just got his ass kicked, remember"  
"That's not the point. I could have taken him easily and we both know why I couldn't. He's not ready to know and he just proved it"  
"Mortise knows." Soun pointed out. "He thinks very highly of Ranma and I reckon it's only a matter of time before either he tells the kids or Nabiki twigs and tells them"  
Genma snorted. "Nabiki's already twigged. Why she's not told Ranma I don't know"  
"Absolute rubbish! Of course she hasn't figured out! She's seventeen and a girl. No way can she have figured"  
It was Soun's turn to snort. "You don't know Nabiki. Anything worth knowing she knows. And this is most definitely worth knowing"  
"You're getting worked up over nothing"  
"No we're not. Nabiki's smelt a rat bigstyle and I know it. One of my contacts told me she was asking about the Saotomes, the Tendos and the Amazons and getting answers. Answers that happen to be accurate"  
"Such as"  
"What we really are. She knows, but I don't know if she believes it"  
"She's a girl. Of course she won't believe that"  
"I wouldn't be so sure. She's been scared shitless lately. Any idiot can smell the fear stink coming off her. Ranma offered to help her and she said,  
and I quote 'it isn't something that can be dealt with by beating the shit out of it.' She knows, all right. How much is suspicion I don't know, but she does know our kind exist"  
Akira sat down. "Oh, hell"  
Genma snorted. "Well she's one less kid who's going to be scared halfway to a heart attack"  
"That self same shock is a vital ingredient of initiation"  
"I don't see why we need to make our kids think they can't trust us. Ranma tends to kill people he doesn't trust - and if he had a weapon like that you would be dead, Akira Saotome. The boy has the best fighting instincts I have ever seen"  
Akira snorted. "Rubbish! I have too much experience"  
"Ranma's fought to other people's death sixty odd times, Akira. He knows how to kill quickly and efficiently - if he needs to. And he killed a guy who once beat you. Remember that mad master fifteen years ago"Nabiki pulled out the headphone plug.  
"Yes, Genma. I have already twigged." she murmured. It was time to teach that Akira Saotome character the error of his ways. She quickly copied the recording to a tape and glanced out the window.  
"Bugger." None of the others were there. Their bikes were certainly gone.  
She shrugged. That was a minuscule setback - it would delay her for a few hours at the most. She wrote 'Play me' on the tape and left it under Akane's pillow, right where she knew her sister left her gun when in bed.Ranma handed Akane a beer and sat back with a fag hanging out of his mouth.  
"Fuck sake. That Akira character - what a fuckhead"  
Mortise snorted. "I've known the bastard for a couple of years.  
Unfortunately"  
Shampoo scratched her head. "I is see him before. Not mind where"  
"Say, anyone figure why Dad looks up to him? The dickhead can't be much older than twenty! I mean, Dad's in his forties, man"  
Mortise snorted again. "He's a good bit older than he looks. By a few centuries, or so I'm told. Ending up looking like a pickled monkey is an optional part of stopping yourself dieing of old age"  
"Say what? What the fuck is that creep anyway"  
"Trouble with an upper case T"  
"Yeah - that's the first time any bugger's gotten up right after I kicked them like that. Four fuckheads I kicked like that didn't ever get up"  
Akane gave him a shocked look. "You've killed people"  
"Only in self defence. It wuz kill or be killed. Me an' dad've been a lotta places where ya get a lotta bandit types. They tend ta fuck off real quick if ya kick their leader's head off. It don't feel good in here-" he tapped his chest "-But I hadta. I didn't have any fuckin' choice"  
Mortise nodded. "Most murders are crimes of necessity, not choice. Fact of life, my friend"  
"That's a good way o' puttin' it. It's not like I got up an' went 'right,  
today I'm gonna kill someone'. It happened because they wuz gonna kill us"  
Shampoo sighed. "I no think I be able for kill person"  
"That's not somethin' ta be ashamed o'. It's simple - th' harder it is th'  
better a person ya are. If ya can kill without havin' regrets then yer a psycho." Ranma sniggered and pulled off his jacket. He tapped a gunshot scar on his stomach. "Sounds pretty weird comin' from th' chick who gave me that"  
Shampoo looked closer. She could see the exit scar a few inches over. The bullet had just clipped him.  
"I is actually hit you"  
"Yep. Lucky I know howta take a few knocks. I've had worse"  
To Ranma's surprise everyone else's expressions suddenly changed to looks of complete horror. Ranko rolled onto her back and cocked her pump - action leg in one smooth movement.  
"RANMA! LOOK OUT!" Akane threw herself at him and bowled him flat on his back.  
Ranko's gun crashed. She chambered another round and fired again, keeping cranking off shots in a frenzy. The blasts were going over Akane and Ranma at an ever increasing angle.  
Then there was a very big bird there. It was an ugly, scrawny looking grey creature not unlike a cross between a vulture and a parrot. Akane screamed.  
Ranma lost it.  
He drew his GP35 and blasted off five rounds at the bird. The first shot missed and whined off a streetlight. The second round clipped it's claw. The third, fourth and fifth shots were good solid hits. One caught it right up the arse, the second went through it's wing while the third hit it under the chin. It screamed and started to drop out the air. To Ranma's immense surprise it changed into a teenage girl as it fell.  
Mortise was on his feet. His eyes were glowing red and his fangs were out.  
"THERE'S TWO MORE"  
Ranma rolled round, shoving Akane underneath himself as he did so. He let fly at the second bird, hitting it right in the face with five bullets. It dropped like a stone. Again it turned into a teenage girl. She smashed into the ground head first.  
Her brains splattered across the path she had landed on.  
Ranma moved to track in on the third bird - thing. To his horror it had just grabbed Shampoo.  
She screamed, first in anger then terror as Ranma's bullets whined past her,  
hitting the bird with solid thunks and splattering Shampoo with blood.  
She and the bird - now an unconscious teenage girl - landed in a heap on the grass. Ranma jumped up and sprinted over.  
"Shampoo! Are you okay"  
She paused to check all her body parts were still there. "I think so... Oh"  
"What? Did I hit you"  
"No, no. I is knowing she." She pointed at the girl she was half laying on.  
"Bloody hell - the bullet wounds have fuckin' vanished"  
Mortise frowned "Ranma - did you have the wolfsbane tipped rounds in your gun"  
Ranma paused and felt around in his pockets then dropped the magazine out of his gun. He examined the bullet in the top of the clip then nodded.  
"Yeah. Why"  
"You know what I said wolfsbane does to shapeshifters? Stops 'em shapeshifting? Well, guess what happens if you hit them with wolfsbane when they're in a non-human form"  
"You're saying it forces 'em back to human"  
"Yep. Which means this trio are Amerai." He jerked his thumb at the crumpled figure on the path. "Though she won't be getting up. That fall splattered her brains out, which is too much for her to heal"  
"But I is knowing she! She be Amazon warrior! Her name Tiger"  
"Yes, didn't anyone ever tell you? A good number of the Amazons are Amerai"  
"Tiger be main lackey of Kou Loun"  
"You mean that Cow Lone bitch ass pickled monkey's playin' th' 'let's fuck with th' Saotomes' game"  
"I is think be so"  
"Then we gotta go tell her exactly what we think o' her - wiv lead"  
Later dudes, lunch break's over.  
Chapter 16: Chinese Werewolf in Tokyo "You've pushed me too much now you'll watch me snap!" - Suicidal Tendencies,  
'Get Whacked'  
"It was frightening enough when we thought it was something that happened to other people. Then Shampoo Firsted and the fact we were too was shoved right into our faces." - Akane Saotome.Ranma watched the strange Amazon come round. Whereupon he picked her up by the front of the shirt.  
They had searched her for weapons, finding six knives, a Czech - made Skorpion machine pistol and a Makarov handgun. Both guns were loaded with what Akane recognised as explosive bullets. They had taken her back to the house and she was now laying on the garage floor with her hands tied behind her back.  
"Okay, bitch. We got yer number - who set ya up fer this? Because they done a damnfool stunt"  
"Fuck you"  
Ryoga laughed. "Nah, it's you who's fucked. Xian Pu recognised you"  
"Fuck! Wolfsbane! You dirty bastard"  
"Nah, it's you pulled th' dirty fuckin' stunt, bitch"  
Mortise smirked. "Well, there was enough wolfsbane in those nine bullets to stop her shapeshifting for a good four or five days. So we've got plenty time before we need to dose her again"  
"You fucking bastards! I was following orders, surely you can't blame me for that! It wasn't my choice"  
"So fuck. Big deal. Th' point is, ya fucked with us. Akane, show th' bitch th' big gun, huh"  
Akane hefted the M60. "So what do you make of this? I've got a few more of these and we're going to pay the damn Amazons a little visit. Of course,  
we'll have our slugs spiked with wolfsbane. We're going to blow Cow Lone so full of holes her shadow will fucking vanish"  
"You plan to kill Kou Loun"  
"Plan ain't the word, bitch. Shampoo says you work fer that fuckin' pickled monkey. She made it fuckin' personal in a big way"  
Mortise sniggered again. "Of course, we'll dose you with plenty wolfsbane before you go. Where do we stash the bitch"  
Akane smirked. "I have the perfect place"  
"Huh"  
"You know that pile of boxes I got this from behind? There's a concealed hatch in the floor below it. That leads to three hidden rooms. We can quickly and easily modify the furthest from the hatch into a cell"  
"A hidden basement"  
"Yes, it's where I stash all my guns. The hatch is eighteen feet thick and there's a subway running under this house. That would throw the Slime off a good bit if they brought one of those ultrasonic pinger things in." She paused. "And I've got a fair stash of firearms down there. It'll easily be enough to arm all of us"  
"An eighteen foot thick hatch? How th' fuck"  
"Bring this bitch down and I'll show you. Oh, and the doors are closed off just as thoroughly"  
They dragged the angry Amazon through the house and down into the basement.  
Having hefted her over the pile of cardboard boxes Akane made all of them stand in a tight circle. Then she pulled out a Swiss army knife and turned an exposed screw. There was a click followed by a slight hiss. Both sounds would easily be missed from the far side of the gargantuan pile of boxes.  
The hiss was accompanied by a large square section of the floor sinking into the ground.  
Ranma whistled. "Awesome! Why's there no light comin' from th' basement"  
"Because a panel slides into place and fills the hole"  
"Akane, how th' fuck did ya get this done"  
"Think about it, Ranma. Who else is top of the mechanics class? Me. Only I don't deal with vehicles. I do other stuff." She chuckled. "The hydraulics came out of a smashed up crane - they were the ones that telescoped it's arm. The hatch we're standing on weighs over a hundred tons"  
"Holy fuck! That's what I call engineering"  
"It's a good thing the basement's carpeted and the carpet's glued to the floor - I found a spare roll of the original carpet and dirtied it up. I had to be really precise so it fitted properly"  
Shampoo scratched her head. "Mao Xing would like this"  
"Fuck him, I like this! Holy shit, check out th' fuckin' arsenal"  
Akane nodded. "You name it I've got it. That's a 25mm IFV cannon. There's a bazooka over there. This is a helicopter minigun as used in Vietnam. This is a backpack flamethrower - World War 2 design. That cupboard's full of assault rifles, the machine guns are in here and these two have handguns,  
shotguns, sub-machine guns and so on in them. That door leads to the workshop where I make everything. The third room is the storeroom - where I keep the raw materiels"  
"You've got a fuckin' weapons factory down here! This is so cool"  
"Yeah, it is. Isn't it. I've only test fired most of them - I just like the secure feeling of having lots of very big guns around"  
Mortise laughed. "Lots? I'll say! You could equip a fucking army from this lot"  
"So what's everyone waiting for, then"  
Ranma paused. "One, we gotta lock this bitch up. Two, we gotta make a plan"  
"Right. Ryoga, want to give me a hand moving my metal and explosives? You need to be very careful with the powder - if that lot went up the house wouldn't be there. Ranma, put out your cigarette"  
"Because you're gonna be moving gunpowder around, right"  
"Yeah. No point leaving our prisoner in a room with enough bomb to flatten half the street. I've got three tons of rifle propellant down here"  
"Fuckin' hell! That'd make one helluva bang"  
"Yeah, it would wouldn't it. It's high performance rifle powder to boot. I keep the rocket fuel really deep in a buried tank. I drilled down with a laser and used the laser probe to carve out a bit at a time. It took me four weeks to complete it. It's sealed with plastic I melted into place with the laser. I tested it for leaks by filling it with water for a month then checking to see if any had drained out. It hadn't. So now I keep a few thousand gallons of Astralite in it"  
"Astralite? As in liquid explosives"  
"Yeah, rocket fuel. I've been working on this place since I was ten"  
"Wicked"  
"Come on, Ryoga! Get your ass into gear"  
Ryoga nodded and cracked her knuckles. "Okay, let's get this shit shifted"  
"I'll cut a dedicated cell once we get back from China. It can become this crazy bitch's home"The gang of teenagers sauntered out of the house. Most of them had cigarettes hanging out of their mouths.  
Ranma glanced at Akira's car. "Faaurgh"  
Ranko snorted. "Fucking cars"  
Ryoga made a grotesque face. "Fucking slow pile of crap"  
Mortise glanced at her. "Slow is one thing that bloody thing isn't. It's a fucking Shelby Mustang and he's got it supercharged"  
"Yeah maybe but does it have afterburners"  
"What? Oh yeah, you ride a two wheeled cruise missile"  
"Ha. I can outrun Pig helicopters if I hit the big red button"  
"Big red button"  
"Afterburners you nong"  
"You seriously have afterburners on that thing"  
"Yep"  
"Jesus fucking wept"  
"Awesome, huh"  
Shampoo scratched her head. "I is need for go shops"  
"Kay. See ya later - I got shit ta do"  
Shampoo nodded and swung aboard her bike. She stuffed her lid on and grinned at the others. "I see ya"  
"Later, Shampoo"  
Ranma swung onto his bike. "I'm needin' ta get a new set o' tyres, I'll see ya lot around. Later"  
He swung onto his bike, stuffing his lid on as he did so. The two engines snorted into life and both teenagers rode off out of the driveway.  
Akane watched them go for a moment.  
"Well, what are you lot waiting for? We've got a war to prepare for"  
They turned and walked back into the house through the garage, not noticing Akira dash out the front door, dive into his car and drive off after Ranma.Akira planted his foot on the throttle sending the gleaming black Mustang tearing down the street after the camouflaged bike.  
John Kirth sat up in the back seat. "What's happening"  
"Trouble, John. I smelt the change on that young Amazon girl"  
John shut his eyes. "Oh, shit. If she goes mental in the street we're all finished"  
Takashi straightened up. "Lord, what are we going to do"  
"I have a plan... I don't know if it'll work, but"  
John snorted. "We need to find Ranma. I overheard him mention that he has wolfsbane tipped handgun bullets"  
"The boy knows how to use wolfsbane? Hmm, he's smarter than I thought"  
"Any idea how close it is"  
"Hours. Maybe a day at the most"  
"Then let's hope she doesn't get in a fight... Ah, she's going into a shop.  
Drop me off - I'll speak to her"  
"And what are you going to say"  
"I am going to do something that should have been done years ago. I am going to tell her the truth"  
"John, you always know what's best. Go ahead." Akira pulled over.  
John Kirth nodded and stepped out of the car. He paused to examine the camouflaged bike. "Nice"  
He turned and looked at the shop sign. A herbalist. More to the point, a herbalist who happened to be an old friend.  
He smirked and walked inside. "Hey, Sara you old goat"  
"John! Well, of all the people"  
"Small world, isn't it. Afraid I can't stop to chat - I have to do something"  
He turned and walked over to Shampoo. "Excuse me, you are Xian Pu of Joketsuzo, correct"  
Shampoo turned round. She looked the man up and down.  
He was European and fairly short for his race - about five foot eight. He had long mouse brown hair that was tied back in a ponytail and he was dressed in a black trenchcoat and high boots.  
"Is correct. Who you be"  
"I am Magus John Kirth. I have some information you may find useful"  
"I no have much money. I not able for afford"  
"There is no charge on this information, warrior. An old friend requested that I tell you certain things." That was bending the truth slightly but he could live with that.  
Shampoo narrowed her eyes. "What like"  
"The true reason your so - called 'great grandmother' has been able to survive to such a great age. Among other things - such as who, or rather what, you really are. My friend sensed what we call the change on you"Ranma swaggered out of the bike shop and immediately spotted Shampoo's bike sat outside the shop next door. He ignored the line of cars parked the far side of the street which is why he never saw Akira's Mustang.  
He sat down on his bike and lit up a cigarette. Might as well wait for Shampoo to come out.John Kirth nodded. "Xian Pu, the fact of it is that ninety percent of the Amazons of Joketsuzo are what we call Amerai. The remaining ten percent are varied demons, Sidhe and other supernaturals. You are not human. You never have been human. And you never will be human. You are a day at the most away from shapeshifting for the first time. I'm not certain, but I think you are a werewolf"  
Shampoo snorted. "If this be so, why I never told"  
"A tradition of your Clan. Children are allowed to believe themselves human.  
This makes the shock of the first change far more intense. The child undergoes extensive personality change due to this shock"  
"How I be able for stop this"  
"You can't. Well, you could dose yourself with wolfsbane for the rest of your life - but why would you want to? An Amerai has many abilities that are most useful in battle. Such as the ability to quickly and seamlessly heal all but the most horrible wounds. Amerai can brush off gunshot wounds like they weren't even there"  
"Werewolves be monsters"  
"So are many humans. It's not what you are that counts. It's who you are"  
"What"  
"Are you a monster? I don't think so. If you were, why would Ranma Saotome still be alive"  
"Who you be? Apart from John Kirth? And why you want me believe this crap"  
Shampoo turned and marched out the door.  
John Kirth stared after her.  
"Oh, hell"Ranma looked round as Shampoo walked out the shop.  
"Hey, how's it hangin'? I wuz in th' bike shop there an' saw yer bike"  
Shampoo grinned. "You was"  
"Yeah, thought I might as well stop an' say hi. I got me new tyres ordered up so I ain't got shit ta do"  
Shampoo nodded and turned to her bike. The back of it was facing Ranma,  
which was why he hadn't spotted what she now saw.  
"What in hells? Fairing be gone"  
"What the fuck? Someone's nicked yer fairin"  
Shampoo nodded. She was still gaping at the bare front of the bike. Loose wires hung down where the headlamps had been ripped away and the mounting frame was badly distorted.  
"Fuck! What fucked be mess with my damn bike?" She shoved the keys into the ignition and kicked it over. Ranma fired his own machine.  
"Shampoo! Check it out - there's a loada busted lamp glass"  
"Yes, is in trail! Let's go get what dick do this"  
The two teenagers tore off along the trail of broken light bulb, not noticing John Kirth sprint out of the shop and to Akira's car.Azusa was completely delighted with the cool shaped thingamajig she had ripped off of a parked bike. She didn't know why the front of it had been that shape.  
But it certainly was a cool shape.  
She barged people out of her way with gay abandon as she skated homewards,  
not noticing two bikes and a large black car bearing down on her until it was way too late.Ranma spotted the girl on rollerskates who had Shampoo's bike fairing under her arm first.  
"There! That skater chick"  
Shampoo growled and pulled a lump of 2x4 out of her pocket. She gunned her bike up a bit and swiped at the girl as she went past.  
The piece of timber contacted Azusa's skull with a hollow sounding thunk.  
Azusa went head over heels onto her face and Ranma caught the fairing in one hand as he pulled up.  
"For fuck sake! Th' stupid little theif's really fucked it up! It's gonna take a lotta work ta sort this out"  
Shampoo leant over and grabbed Azusa by the back of the shirt. "Hey! I is gonna kill you"  
"She fucked with yer damn bike! Let's give th' bitch a closeup o' our boots"  
Azusa got her head back in order. She yanked free of Shampoo's grip and grabbed at the fairing.  
"Get off, ya bitch! Fuckin' theif!" Ranma kicked her in the head.  
"How dare you"  
"How dare we what? You're the one who ain't heard o' property damage or theft"  
"Fuck you! That whatever's mine and you peasants can't stop me!" She pulled a shuriken out of her pocket and threw it at Shampoo. It slapped into her shoulder.  
Ranma swore. "Ya dirty fuck!" He launched a series of punches at her which she dodged, spinning round him on her rollerskates and grabbing at the fairing.  
Both were suddenly distracted by a sticky sounding pop.  
Shampoo dropped the shuriken she had just pulled out of her arm. She gritted her teeth. "Now I is lots MAD"  
"Shampoo! Are you alright"  
Shampoo ignored Ranma's yell. She stood smoothly up and started to walk towards Azusa, drawing her blackened katana as she did so.  
"You be so dead"  
Azusa laughed. "Ah well, I think it's time to stop aiming to injure!" She pulled another shuriken out of her pocket and threw it at Shampoo.  
It smacked into her neck just under her chin. Blood stated to pour out the slash.  
It was too much. Shampoo's katana tumbled out of her hand as she started to grow and twist.  
Ranma stared as the Chinese girl's clothes stretched then ripped. And she was still getting bigger.  
And hairier. Her face started to push forwards into an animal shape. Her heels slid back and up. A bushy tail popped out of the back of her shredded trousers.  
Then the shuriken dropped out of her neck with one final pop.  
Ranma was jerked back to reality by Azusa's scream as the skater girl turned and headed away at full speed. Shampoo started to sprint after her.  
He dropped the fairing, thumbed the starter and went after the two, drawing his GP35 as he went. It didn't take him long at all to catch up.  
Shampoo was closing rapidly on Azusa. Ranma realised he had one option left.  
He couldn't let Shampoo be branded a murderer. She was family.  
His gun roared once. It was a beautiful shot - the slug caught Shampoo in the shoulder. She returned to her human form and slumped face down on the pavement.  
Akira skidded his car to a halt.  
"Time to face up to some facts, Ranma""Okay, Akira! I want th' whole fuckin' truth an' I fuckin' want it now! Ya got me"  
It was two hours later and the whole gang were gathered in the Tendo's living room waiting for Akira's explanation.  
Akira nodded. "Yes, yes. Whatever. As you may have noticed, Shampoo happens to be a werewolf. As are ninety percent of the Amazons. That's it"  
Nabiki snorted. "Akira, are you really sure you're not missing some stuff"  
"Yes. I am sure"  
"What does this word 'Amerai' mean"  
"Huh? Oh, it's the name for the species that makes up ninety-nine percent of shapeshifters"  
"If you've just told us the whole truth, why do my contacts keep telling me that both the Tendo and Saotome families are what they call 'Amerai'? I think you're trying to crap us on, mister Akira Saotome"  
Ranma stood up. "We know ya regenerate, Akira. Why? Is Nabiki right or has she been bullshitted"  
"Absolute"  
"Truth." interrupted a voice from the door. Mortise smirked at Akira. "And it's well past time you told these kids the whole twisted tale. Including where the Amazons came from, what the Moroboshi family are and where the Tendo line came from. Or I'm going to tell them. I was respecting your clan's dumb fuck tradition of keeping it dark from the kids, but enough is enough"  
Akira glared at him. "You... you backstabbing bastard"  
"Pot calling the kettle black, Lord Packmaster"  
Akira groaned. "Very well, then. You have me there"  
He stood up. "Firstly, as Nabiki said the Saotome family are comprised of Amerai. We are werecreatures. More, Clan Saotome is a lot bigger than you think. There's nearly a million of us. Only a few thousand are named Saotome, the rest are blood relatives. Historically, one of the strongest of these bloodlines was that of a man named Tendo"  
"Ya mean th' Tendo's are related to us"  
"Very, very distantly. I think you and Akane shared an ancestor around fifteen or sixteen generations ago. However, the Tendo line split from the Clan some five hundred years ago. After young Genma befriended the boy who would inherit the Tendo line - Soun - we and Soun had a long discussion. We decided that the time had come to reunite the Tendo bloodline with our Clan." Akira shrugged. "That's why I am so happy to see you married to Akane"  
"So were'd th' Amazons come inta all o' this"  
"Over two and a half thousand years ago, that's when. There was a schism in the Clan. Most stayed loyal to the Lord Packmaster, but certain of our number at the time - mainly women, actually - abandoned the Clan for reasons I'm not sure of. They migrated to Arabia then spent a thousand years travelling around before they finally settled in what became China. They are still technically at war with us"  
"An' what's this about the Moroboshi family"  
"Them? They're a particularly vicious pack of Mundanes - sorry, Humans. We call them Mundanes, right? It's more secretive"  
Nabiki narrowed her eyes. "And how about you? Who, or rather what, are you"  
"I am the war leader of our people. I am nearly three thousand years old and I am SICK of my life. Nearly a million people who don't seem to be able to put their clothes on without me telling them which end their trousers go?  
For two and a half thousand years. Well, as soon as you are ready it's over,  
Ranma. I am going to kill myself. You think I decided who was going to replace me? Nah - I would have decided about a thousand bloody years ago"  
"So who decided"  
"Not who, what"  
"Ya what"  
Akira sighed and picked up his briefcase. He flipped it open.  
"That did"  
"A fuckin' photo o' me"  
"Not a photo. It's a sheet of blank paper. Take your jacket off and you'll see"  
Ranma snorted and took his jacket off. The image on the piece of paper copied his motions.  
"What - th' - fuck"  
"Yeah. It always carried the image of the heir to Packmastery. When there is one. Your face is the second one I've seen on it... and the first was mine.  
Keep it"  
Ranma shook his head. "There's gotta be a better way. I mean, lettin' that depend on some bit or shit o' paper"  
"It's an important tradition"  
"Well, d'ya know just where ya can shove traditions? Up yer fuckin' arse"  
He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "But we can sort that shite out later. We got a war ta fight"  
"A war"Ranma glared across the deck of the ship. Akira had insisted on using a ship belonging to the Saotome clan (of course) and the entire crew were werewolves (of course) so Ranma was planning to give them the slip. Of course.  
This was personal. It was him and the girls who had been attacked. It was none of Akira's business.  
None whatsoever.  
He glanced around the deck of the ship. The bikes were strapped to the decking with tarpaulins over them. Beside them was a minibus. More like a four wheeled tank than a bus. The thing was armoured and had a couple of 25mm cannons hidden so they fired between the bumper and radiator grille.  
The number plate flipped down from in front of them.  
However, the bus could only manage sixty miles per hour. Perhaps forty on the sort of road they would be using.  
Which meant that the bikes would burn the bus off completely in seconds.  
Ranko's HD was the slowest and it could manage 120. Maybe sixty or seventy on the Chinese roads. Nice, narrow, twisty roads. Perfect for leaving a four wheeled piece of crap behind.  
By the time Akira and his goons got to Joketsuzo Ranma and company would have been and gone.  
He smirked again. It was their own stupid fault. Using that four wheeled tank had been Akira's idea. The old fart (as Ranma now thought of him) had ranted on about it being intrinsically his business for over an hour. Ranma had eventually shut him up by getting out a set of darts and using Akira's chest as a dartboard.  
Which had been very funny indeed.  
Finito.  
Chapter 17: This Time It's War!  
"It's not a matter of right, it's just a matter of war" - Ministry, 'Hero'  
"The civil war was inevitable; we had a heavily armed society that was split at the core. Ranma didn't cause it, he just dropped some sparks in the powderkeg. Everything was set to blow and we'd been expecting it to go up for months." - Mi Soon, interview for Channel 9 News, March 2020.Ranma swung onto his bike. He was a lot glad to get clear of the ship.  
"Okay, everyone! We've been talkin' about this fer three days - let's do it"  
A polite cough came from behind them.  
"Excuse me, guys. But I'm coming with you"  
John Kirth stood there with a sly grin on his face. He was dressed in padded jeans, an Ogri T-shirt and a black leather jacket.  
He had an open face skidlid under his arm and was standing beside a somewhat heavily used looking Kawasaki motocross bike.  
Ranma stared at him for a moment. "You gotten a weapon"  
John snorted. He snapped his hands out and there was suddenly a .50 Desert Eagle clenched in each hand.  
"Silver slugs tipped with a hollow compartment - thin enough to burst on impact- containing a mix of holy water, wolfsbane and graphite. Multi - role antisupernatural ammunition"  
He spun the guns round and they promptly vanished.  
"Nice trick... Er, what the fuck's the graphite for"  
"Dopplegangers. It gives 'em a head explosion"  
"What the fuck"  
John thumbed a switch on his bike's handlebars. A pair of MP5s popped out of his bike's fairing, followed by a trigger mechanism out of the left handlebar.  
"Fine copper foil cups sealed with a nylon plug. Cups contain graphite and silver balls in a mix of wolfsbane juice and holy water. Again, multi - role antisupernatural slugs"  
"Hey - if yer just a defenceless unimportant HUMAN how come Akira th'  
fuckhead don't stop ya usin' wolfsbane ammo"  
John Kirth smirked. "Because I can kill him in seven seconds if I get pissed off. I'm not called Magus for nothing"  
"Ya do magic an' shit? Know anything about Jusenkyo curses"  
"Couple of things. Firstly there is no known cure. Secondly in an Amerai it becomes voluntary after the First Change. The Amazons have drowned various monsters at Jusenkyo for that reason - they gain a body for each spring fallen into. Humans just don't seem to have the ability to control their new-found link to what we call the Stew"  
"The Stew? What the fuck is that"  
"Another dimension - or so Amerai scientists have postulated. A dimension completely filled with organic matter... or rather, werewolf. With practise it is possible for an Amerai to learn to control that link enough that they can take on any body they please. And I really do mean ANY body. You've never seen a thirteen year old girl transform into a sixty story Godzilla wannabe and believe me, you don't want to. Her name's Donna Skel. That is one girl who it's not worth pissing off... I've heard that the bowels of her Clan's fortress has a room that makes an aircraft hanger look cramped.  
because she likes to sleep in Godzilla form. Hell, she's the one who INSPIRED those tales of giant city - smashing dinosaurs! Yeah, they dug out God's aircraft hanger in the solid rock under Mount Fuji just so Miss Lady Packmaster Skel could kip as a fucking Big Mamma T-Rex on steroids." He smirked. "Of course, all you need to cut her down to size is a Wolfsbane tipped Stinger missile - or a 125mm cannon frag shell filled with wolfsbane instead of explosives. That would pierce her fucking scales and give her the megashrinks. You see, wolfsbane makes you lose conscious control of the link with the Stew. Healing is reflexive. You have no control of it - it's just part of the immune system. Shapeshifting is very much under your control. At first it's under the control of your subconscious. Then the conscious takes command and you can change forms at will. Wolfsbane jams that link between your brain and your Stew cells. The bigger the hit the longer it lasts. It's not an allergy, it's not a poison. It's a drug. Like cocaine, it takes over control of your nerve endings and overloads specific parts. In this case outgoing signals to your Stew cells to rebuild your body in another shape.  
Once these signals are no longer present, they rebuild you again following your basic plan. It makes you how you were at First Change... the only part left is your brain. And even that is susceptible to repairs. In humans brain cells die off. In Amerai they are rebuilt in place. You still have the same number of brain cells you had when your brain stopped growing. No human can say that"  
"All of which means"  
"You know what it means. Hit an Amerai with wolfsbane and they shift back to their human form and they're trapped there until the effect fades. As they don't exactly go around taking it they don't build up a resistance." Kirth smirked. "Take the hint - start getting your body used to wolfsbane before you first change. That could give someone a horrible surprise one day"  
"Um - do I already regenerate"  
"Oh, you'll heal far faster than a normal human. Not in seconds, mind. But still fast. An injury which would have a human in bed for months you would get over in a few days. That's more than just being tough"  
"Looks like Mister Akira's gettin' ready ta roll at fuckin' last. Let's Rock"  
"Just remember, Ranma. The time of Akira Saotome is over. The time of Ranma Saotome is about to begin"  
Ranma fingered the bug Nabiki had left in his pocket. He had left in there because he wanted her to know if anything went wrong. She would know what to do if things went pear shaped.  
Or at least, he hoped so.Akira looked up from his preparations at Takashi's shout.  
"They're moving out"  
"Shit! You lot, I wanted everything ready five fucking minutes ago! Get your fucking asses into gear! Go! Go"John smirked again and glanced at his wing mirror. Still no big cloud of dust from the direction of the port.  
It was the man's own stupid fault. He had told Akira to take HIGH SPEED transport and what did he bring? That bus.  
Akira Saotome was not exactly John Kirth's favourite person. He only worked for Akira because of Ranma.  
And eighteen hundred years sure had been a long wait. The first European in Japan had been John Kirth, a Magus from what was now the United Kingdom of Great Britain.  
After all, Amerai didn't have a monopoly on ceasing to age.  
He smirked again. He had a few short months - and forever.  
"Stage 11 complete, moving to stage 10"  
The countdown to Armageddon had begun.Lin-Lin was the best shot in her age group or rather the entire village.  
That was why she was sitting in a guard post with a Dragunov sniper rifle in her hands.  
And boy, she was bored. Wu Chii had just taken over watch.  
Lin-Lin turned to grab her packed lunch. At that exact moment Wu let out a warning hiss.  
Lin-Lin hastily moved to the firing slit. Third time today. Last lot a trio of Musk who were heading for Jusenkyo. Through Joketsuzo just to stop and say hello since one of their number was a certain Prince Herb.  
What she saw through her telescopic sight was a group of mean looking flat black bikes with over armed riders. The lead biker had her helmet off.  
"Wu! It's Xian Pu"  
"Gotcha. I'll go and flag them down"  
Lin-Lin nodded and walked over to the door behind Wu. Shampoo was a special friend of Lin-Lin's - they had saved each other's lives more than once.  
The bikers pulled over. The one hard behind Shampoo pulled his helmet off.  
"Hey, Shampoo - what th' fuck's th' holdup"  
"Is check make sure we not fuck Joketsuzo up"  
"Well, my hand's an inch from th' fuckin' pistol grip then. Surely some bugger's gonna know we gotten attacked by Cow Lone's bird creeps so this ain't exactly gonna be a romantic interlude"  
"Calm down. Is all okay"  
Wu shot her a confused look. "What was that all about? Had any luck on your hunt yet? You'd better"  
"Well, Ranma doesn't think much of the reception committee and I've both had luck and not had luck on my hunt. The target stayed the same but the aim changed"  
"You what? You're heterosexual so what's the story"  
"My target turned out to be a seventeen year old man who had fallen into Spring of Drowned Girl. Get my drift? Oh, and I've got one in the oven"  
"You what? Aw, you'll have to tell me later. Gotta get back to guard - pass me your ID and I'll check it out." Wu sounded positively bored by the thought.  
"Hey, Shampoo - how th' fuck many chicks are there in that fuckin' pillbox"  
"Two"  
"Great, let's rock an' roll. Translate fer me willya"  
Shampoo nodded. Everyone drew their guns - silenced MP5's.  
Ranma smiled smugly. "Either of ya move a muscle an' yer body hits that fuckin' wall with enough holes that yer gonna win th' next Miss Colander award"  
Wu stared. Shampoo sighed. "I'm sorry, Wu Chii... but the only ID you'll get contains lead and wolfsbane. I don't like doing this to old friends, but we've got a bone to pick with Kou Loun so we'll just have to tie you two up"  
"You fucking traitor"  
"You really think I want to attack my own village? Kou Loun forced me to take this route by being an outright back stabbing bitch. She sicced Tiger and company on me. They nearly got us. Luckily we had wolfsbane slugs"  
"You know"  
"Yes. I know what I am"  
"Lin-Lin - drop the gun. We're not going to even try to stand in your way,  
Xian Pu. I guess we can get together for a few beers after the smoke and shit has cleared, right"  
Shampoo nodded. Wu placed her AK47 against a rock, pulled a Makarov from each pocket and placed them on the rock, tugged a dagger out of each boot,  
another out of the heel of one boot then finally pulled a sawn-off shotgun out of her jacket.  
John swung off his crosser. He pulled his helmet off and stared at the pile as Lin-Lin added her Dragunov, an elephant rifle, no less than seven handguns and a Skorpion machine pistol to the pile.  
He whistled. "Nice arsenal there, cat-girl. Nice mindshield too - I can't get any of your thoughts"  
"You're psychic"  
"No, I'm a Magus." He switched to Japanese. "Say, I'd better make sure they won't get their restraints off by shapeshifting." He fished around in his back pocket and came out with two heavy sets of manacles.  
Shampoo shook her head. "No, we use rope"  
"Ya want these chicks gettin' out"  
"Well - yes. They old friends"  
Ranma snorted. "I ain't gonna risk them not backstabbin' us. We don't know where their fuckin' loyalties really are"  
Shampoo paused. "Okay, okay. Is enough, go ahead"  
John Kirth nodded.  
"Hey! Why them not just snap chain with shapeshift"  
"Because a leviathan isn't strong enough to snap these. They're hardened.  
You could lift enough metal with one of these to make ten of those tramp freighters Akira hauled us here in"  
"Is you able for set them up to undo in one hour"  
"Huh? Yes"  
"Do it." Shampoo turned back to the two Amazons. "These bonds will fall off in one hour if we don't come back." She grabbed the M60 off the back of her bike. "If we don't, take this and avenge us - perforate Kou Loun"  
"You're going to kill her, right"  
"We'll try"They pulled up in the village square and glanced around. Nobody was taking much notice of them.  
That was until Ranma drew his GP35 and blasted a couple of shots off into the ground. Within moments every Amazon in the village had poured into the square with guns in their hands.  
Ryoga glanced at the gun that was slung across her back, shrugged and swung it round. It was Akane's 25mm cannon. They had made a stock and pistol grip for it on the off chance Ryoga could hand fire it. She could.  
Akane grinned and slapped the minigun that was clamped to her bike's handlebars.  
John thumbed the button on his bike's handlebars and the two MP5's revealed themselves.  
Ranko made a face and cocked her pump - action leg.  
Shampoo swung her AK off her shoulder.  
Ranma lifted an M60 off the back of his bike.  
Mortise cracked his knuckles then unholstered a pair of MP5K's.  
Ranma nodded. "Okay, Shampoo - ya do th' talkin"  
Shampoo glanced around the village square.  
"Where's Matriarch Kou Loun? We've got a bone to pick with the bitch"Kou Loun looked up from her writings as a tall thin youth charged into her hut.  
"What is the meaning of this, boy? You had better have a good reason"  
"It's Xian Pu - she's back. But there's a hitch - she's got a bunch of overarmed bikers with her and she says she's got a bone to pick with you"  
"Ah. I see... so the Saotomes are here at last"  
"Huh"  
"Get out of here, lad"  
Mu Tze hastily backed out of the room. Why the hell had the Matriarch called him 'lad' rather than 'Boy' or 'Idiot'? (Not that there was any real difference in usage in the Amazon's dialect)Ranma idly popped a fag into his mouth. He passed the deck around. Ranko,  
Mortise and Ryoga each took one.  
They then resumed their abrasive slag - off of the Amazons.  
"Check these wankers out! They all gotten fuckin' Russian shooters. Everyone wiv half a brain knows that th' Germans make th' best guns"  
Akane snorted. "I prefer British designs"  
"Nah, th' Brits are only good on tanks an' jets. Look, th' Germans made th'  
MP5. What'd the Brits do? Th' fuckin' Sterlin'. An' th' Yanks made that Ingram MAC10 heap o' shite"  
"Hey, look at that! These idiots sure don't know the meaning of camouflage"  
"By th' look o' it they got their guns set on rock an' roll. If they open fire they're gonna get each other as well as us"  
John snorted. "No, they won't get us unless they go hand - to - hand. I took the liberty of adding deflector fields to your bikes - so stay with them"  
"Ya done what"  
"As long as you're on your bikes you're bullet proof"  
"Now that's my idea o' fuckin' good news"  
Kou Loun walked out of the crowd. She had four other Amazon elders hard behind her.  
"What is going on here"  
"That's what we're wantin' ta find out, ya old bat! What the fuck were yer bird thing goons playin' at"  
"Excuse me"  
"Why Tiger, Su Wong and Dart attack we"  
"Repeat that, please"  
"Why did Tiger, Su Wong and Dart attack we? Is there be point in this"  
"Spill it, pickled monkey bitch. We got ya number - these babies are loaded wiv wolfsbane tipped slugs. So ya gotta ask yerself - just how lucky do ya feel"  
"Wolfsbane, huh? Just the sort of low trick I would expect of a Saotome"  
"Keep th' insults ta yerself, hag. Or we're gonna fill ya with lead"  
"Why Tiger and company attack on us? Own up"  
One of the other elders growled something. "Grrmmph. Kou Loun, are you trying to provoke Clan Saotome? Surely Hanovan told you this Ranma boy is Akira's heir? We don't need their army pouring into our village"  
"Keep your nose out of this, Mi Soon"  
"No. It is as much my business as it is yours - especially if you have ordered an act that endangered Joketsuzo"  
"I said, keep your nose out of this. Unless you want it ripped off"  
"I'm startin' ta get an itch in my trigger finger, Cow Lone. So ya better spill it before my finger starts twitchin'. Then we'd find out how much wolfsbane is a fatal dose, huh"  
"They were ordered to retrieve my heir, boy. By any means necessary"  
"Then ya fucked up bigstyle, ya stupid fuck! I was gonna leave ya an' yer damn shithole village the fuck alone but would ya let sleepin' dogs lie? Oh no, ya gotta stamp in th' fuckin' wasp nest! I'm so fuckin' pissed off it's a surprise you ain't just won th' next Miss Swiss Cheese award! Ya fuckin'  
stupid bitch - ya want me ta ice ya? Ya want me ta flatten this shithole?  
Two o' yer bird bitch goons ain't livin' any more. An' I'm startin' ta feel like another little kill markin' on me fuel tank. Ya want it ta be ya? Then go right ahead with yer bullshit"  
He paused for breath. Mi Soon groaned.  
"Kou Loun, you idiot"  
"And look who's talking"  
Somebody growled from the crowd. A stone spiralled out of the mob and caught Kou Loun on the back of the head.  
Guns dropped to the ground as the massed Amazons forgot about firearms and started attacking each other the old fashioned way. Within moments the whole village had devolved into a huge melee of lupine figures.  
Ranma glanced at John.  
"Now this's gotta be my idea o' a spectator sport"  
John pointed at an Amazon who was charging at Ryoga with a drawn sword.  
"Yeah, but it looks like we're about to get involved"  
Ryoga chose that exact moment to open fire. Then all hell broke loose.  
Bullets were flying everywhere, things exploding, people yelling and screaming, guns crashing and more blood spilt than any of the NJMS had ever seen before. Well, apart from Ryoga who had once seen the inside of a slaughterhouse.  
Ryoga laughed at the Amazon who had charged her as she staggered to her feet, now human. "Stupid fuck. Katana versus 25mm cannon. Give it up,  
baby"  
"Fuck you, Saotome filth! You're gonna-" Before she could finish another Amazon werewolf rushed up behind her and ripped her head off with a single claw strike. "Hey, Saotome! Need a hand"  
"Thanks for the offer, but I think we can handle it"  
The Amazon ducked under a sword blow and kicked the attacker's head hard enough to snap her neck. "Yeah, but we need to get out of here. Are you people willing to help us"  
"Hey, Ranma! Seems half of these chicks want outta here"  
"Yeah sis? Well, why not"  
Ryoga grinned at the wolfwoman. "You're in luck. Got transport"  
"Sure have. Hey, Mi Soon"  
A small wolfwoman smashed out of the melee. "You called"  
"Let's roll out"  
Around half the Amazons began to form a battle line around the Saotome crew,  
facing outwards. It took about ten minutes to drive the other Amazons back enough to load the old Chinese army trucks that were parked in various places around the village, then another four minutes to get everyone rolling.Akira glared out of the minibus windscreen as the Chinese countryside rattled past under it's wheels. He hadn't expected Kirth to take off with the kids, but it was probably a good thing.  
A convoy of old Chinese army trucks with the Nerima Juvenile Mayhem Squad at it's head suddenly rounded the next corner.  
The truck's crews were obviously Amazons.  
"Oh My God! What's that blasted boy done this time"  
fineesh - a - da parta seventeen Chapter 18: Welcome to the Madhouse 'I'm not crazy... You're the one that's crazy!" - Suicidal Tendencies,  
'Institutionalised'  
"I didn't expect to be dragging several hundred heavily armed Amazons along when I came home. Hell, why would I have expected it? I thought it was going to be a case of go to China, punk Kou Loun, go home. Like, not." - Ranma Saotome.Akira glared at Ranma. They were back in the black market harbour the Saotome ship had docked at "So mind telling me exactly what the fuck is going on"  
"These're th' Amazons who didn't want ta piss Clan Saotome off"  
"You what"  
"Aw fer fuck sake! Shampoo - let's tell this wanker what's goin' down"  
Shampoo ambled over from where she had been chatting with some friends.  
"You is wanting total story, no"  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get on with it already"  
"Mind yer fuckin' manners unless ya want a boot up th' anus"  
Akira rolled his eyes. "Would someone mind telling me just what the fuck's going on around here"  
Shampoo snorted. "Hmph. There be division in Joketsuzo. How you say -  
Conservative and Reformist. Kou Loun be leader of Conservative faction. Mi Soon be leader of Reformist faction. The split be over returning to Clan Saotome"  
"Let me guess - this crowd are the Reformists"  
"Is so. Us done fight with Conservatives and take as much stuff as we trucks can haul. Of course, everyone Reformist come, and they families.  
Conservatives now have man shortage. Is Reformist - how you say - Policy"  
"That's th' one"  
"Yes. Is Reformist policy for to let men do what the hell them please"  
"Ah. And most of the guys don't like being told what to do"  
"Is so. Them be sick of it"  
"Bloody hell, man... I never foresaw this happening"  
"An' all it took ta do wuz a Ranma. Ya sure are a fuckwit, Akira. Ya woulda charged in an' blasted everythin' in sight"  
Akira paused. "Well, yes. It seemed like the obvious path"  
"Well duh. Ya woulda lost a mob o' allies ya wanker"  
"Oh, for fuck sake! When are you going to start giving me some respect"  
"Th' day ya fuckin' earn it. Ya ain't caused nowt but fuckups fer me. So ya ain't got no respect from me. Get used ta it"  
"I suppose we should get everyone aboard and sail as soon as possible"  
Ranma turned round.  
"OKAY, MI SOON! LOAD 'EM"  
"You're taking the trucks"  
"Yeah. Of course we fuckin' are! They can go inta th' haulage business an'  
earn a bit o' good old fashioned wedge that way"The only sounds were the sea and the rumble of the ship's diesel engines. It was a clear night and almost flat calm. The ocean swell had faded during the day to a gentle lift and fall.  
Mi Soon looked down from her silent stargazing as someone jumped onto the roof of her truck beside her. She was about to ask exactly what whoever it was thought they were doing when the newcomer's scent hit her. All that came out of her mouth was a strangled gasp.  
Akira Saotome grinned at the wizened woman.  
"Good evening, Morian... Or should I say Mi Soon? Long time no see"  
"Aki? Is it really you? I thought you were"  
"Dead? No, it takes far more than a few walking corpses to take this old dog down, little sister"  
Mi Soon kept staring at him. She finally regained control of her speech centres.  
"We should never have let my daughter tear us apart"  
"Disgusting isn't it? A bloody - minded teenage girl separating her mother and her uncle. Shattering an entire family"  
Mi Soon sighed and nodded. "She is such a handful... at least I never taught her the ultimate techniques"  
"We must be grateful for small mercies"  
Mi Soon snorted. "More like we must be glad I had some sense left. She eventually usurped me, the ungrateful brat"  
"So Kou Loun turned out as much of a bitch as I expected"  
"You always knew what people would end up like"  
"My sixth sense has always been the strongest in the Clan... Sis, why do you let yourself look like a prune"  
Mi Soon snorted. "Wonderful idea of my daughter's. We have to 'look our age'. And as I'm 176 years older than she is... I think I'll change my body back"  
"Good. You used to be beautiful." Akira said it as a statement of fact.  
"I wonder what Ranma would think if he knew Xian Pu was his seventieth cousin a few hundred times removed"  
"I doubt the lad would give a shit"  
"Good for him... You haven't changed much"  
Akira sighed. "On the surface maybe. Now I'm just waiting to die"  
"Why? What's burnt you out"  
"The Clan. I'm afraid I'm no longer a very popular leader"  
"Oh? What did you do wrong"  
"I don't know. I really don't know, sis... it's like I try so hard but nothing ever works out. I concentrate real hard but I just screw up everything"  
"Maybe you're trying too hard"  
"We've got fifty or sixty splinter groups, there's mumblings of discontent even from the loyal members of the Clan, my heir is shitting on me... what the hell did I do to deserve this? People are saying I should be thrown out"  
"Ouch! That is serious"  
Akira nodded miserably. "Yeah. I know. It's a first"  
"Yes, discontented Amerai have historically always simply removed themselves from their Clan. I remember hearing tales of a Clan which died out that way - the Packmaster was simply abandoned by her entire Clan. But overthrowing the ruling Packmaster? That's never been done"  
"If I don't die soon I think it's going to happen"  
A new voice joined the conversation. "Hey, Akira - I guess that's what ya get fer bein' a fuckhead. I been talkin' ta th' crew an' everyone I talked to ya shat on fuckin' heavy. Leaders can only lead when they got support from who they're leadin' an' fuckin' people over ain't th' way ta earn their support. Hadn't ya figured that ya dickhead"  
"Ranma? What are you doing up here"  
"Eavesdroppin'. What does it look like ya fuckwit? Oh yeah, ya doin' th' big crybaby act but why don't ya switch yer fuckin' brains on? Next time think before ya send yer advisor's parents on a suicide mission. Think before ya force someone ta marry their daughter ta someone she hates. Think before ya have someone's girlfriend killed. Think before ya force people ta do stuff they think's stupid. Think before ya punish people fer screwin' up. But then, it's far too late fer ya. Yer already fucked, old man. Because everyone hates yer guts. Me an' my gang included! Ya know, if I felt like it ya'd get flung over th' side wiv a big fuck off lump o' rock tied ta yer feet. Yer lucky I don't like murderin' people"  
Ranma rolled over and slid off the truck's canvas tilt, landing neatly on his feet.  
"Wait! How much did you hear"  
"Enough. Enough ta know yer a dickhead"  
He swaggered away towards the bridge.  
Akira stared after him. "That blasted boy"  
"Hmph. I think Ranma will make the Packmaster this Clan needs"  
"Oh wonderful, sis. Why don't you screw the knife in further"Ranma walked into the bridge.  
"Hey, guys"  
Everyone looked up. "Yeah"  
"I overheard Akira bawlin' his thick head off out there. Th' fuckhead knows he's fucked. An' I told him why"  
The helmsman stared at him. "Er - why"  
"Because he's too stupid ta figure it out, th' fuckwit. He don't know th'  
meanin' o' cause an' effect because he's a total wanker"  
"Er - you sure you can get away with talking about him like that"  
"Yeah. I fuckin' am. I could rip his fuckin' head off an' shit down his neck before he even saw me fuckin' move"  
"Er - why don't you"  
"Because I don't feel like gettin' even further inta this crap before I need ta"  
"You what"  
"I'm already up ta my neck in fuckin' weirdness. Ya really think I need more"  
Nobody answered that.  
Ranma rolled his eyes and walked out the bridge. He headed down into the bowels of the ship, finally arriving in the hold that was being used as sleeping space for the Amazons.  
"Hey! Heads up"  
Everyone looked round. Ryoga stood up from where she had been playing cards with a trio of Amazons and sauntered over.  
"Most of this lot are really shit at Japanese, bro"  
"An' yer gonna translate - right"  
"Yeah, if you like"  
"Thanks." Ranma looked round the room with a definite smirk on his face.  
"Get this, everyone! Ya know how I said Akira ain't exactly th' most popular leader ever? Well, he knows it an' I guess he's gonna jump before he gets pushed"  
Ryoga repeated him in Cantonese. A lot of people laughed.  
"Hey, Shampoo! What's th' story"  
Shampoo stood up. "I be talking about old times"  
"Right, gotcha. I gotta get some kip - see ya later"  
Ranma headed back to his cabin.They docked in Japan the next day. After some arguing Akira organised registration plates for the Amazon's vehicles and they headed homewards with Ranma leading the way as usual.  
Akira sat in his car and stewed. Takashi was driving. John Kirth was not in the car - he was up ahead on his bike.  
Akira picked up his mobile phone and called home.  
"Sumiko. Its Akira... Yes, yes... I know that... No... No... Yes, go ahead... Ah yes. Have every crewmember of the ship we used investigated.  
Suspicion of sedition... Shut up and do it"  
He switched the mobile off and pocketed it. He was still angry over the way Ranma had slagged him off.  
Whoever had told the boy all that stuff was going to pay dearly for it.Ranma watched the road slide past beneath him. He had told the ship's crew to put to sea and not come back until he called them. Something told him that Akira would try some Naziesque stunt on that crew. And Ranma liked them so he didn't want them getting fucked over because of him.Akira growled something indistinguishable as his mobile rang.  
He grabbed in and switched it on.  
"Yes?... Sumiko?... You what?... They did WHAT?... Goddamnit!" He switched the mobile off and dumped it.  
"Damn that blasted boy to hell! This has got to be his doing"Nabiki sighed and put the headphones down.  
"Akira Saotome, you are so stupid. Fancy, not using encryption or even codes"  
A simple radio bug and she now knew he was as much of an arsehole as she had suspected. And it seemed that Ranma had suspected as well. Certainly if the bug he was carrying worked.  
She turned and checked that the phone tap on Akira's mobile had done it's job.Ranma turned his bike into the Tendo's driveway. The first thing that met his eyes was a new building.  
It had definitely not been there when they left five days ago. He read the sign on the side. "Saotome Custom Cycles"  
Ryoga skidded to a halt.  
"Hey, Ryoga! Check it out! Looks like Dad's gone back inta business"  
"Way cool, man! Awesome"  
Kasumi looked up from where she was fiddling with her car's engine. "Like,  
welcome back, dudes. How ya been"  
"Hey, this is so cool! How ya doin', Kasumi"  
"What's like, cool, man"  
"Dad's started workin' again, ain't he"  
"Like, yeah, man. The building got finished two days ago. It's like, he's already gotten a lot of customers, man"  
"Everyone sez Dad usta run th' best bike shop in Japan. Reckon he's gonna do it again, huh? I seen a shitload o' old customs wiv SCC stickers"  
Genma stuck his head out of the workshop's side door.  
"Ranma! Ryoga! Ranko! You're back"  
"Yeah, sure as shit an' bigots an' smellin' twice as bad. How's business"  
"Picking up nicely. I'm getting a lot of my old customers from Osaka"  
"Yeah well, once word spreads around we're gonna be stinkin' rich, huh? Ya want me workin"  
"Once business has picked up I'll need help, son. I've got four jobs on at the moment. Finishing that build for Tendo, fitting a turbo to a GSXR800, a chop frame build and restoring an old Norton... Say, I could use your help on the Norton, she's needing a new piston - conrod - crank set"  
"OK, I'll get stuck in later. But right now we gotta figure where half a thousand Amazons can doss down"  
"You what"  
Ranma sniggered and started his explanation.Shampoo sat and stared into space. The sight and sound of several hundred Amazons setting up a cramped camp in and around the Tendo's back garden was downright disturbing. These people belonged in China, not Japan.  
Mi Soon and several elders were away trying to buy houses - it turned out that the immense amounts of motorcycle noise and intermittent violence around the Tendo home had driven most of the neighbours to leave. It looked like this small patch of Nerima was going to become the heaviest concentration of werewolves per square metre on the planet.  
Her brother was tinkering with his motorbike nearby. Ranma was chatting with him while fiddling with his own bike. Ryoga was nowhere in sight but the occasional thud and roar of afterburners announced that the big catgirl was doing what she did best - showing off. Akane was out of sight as well.  
Mortise and Ranko were having another of their little chats. John Kirth had taken off somewhere. Even Nabiki was busy.  
This left Shampoo completely alone and it was beginning to piss her off.  
She started looking around for familiar faces in the crowd of Amazons. One immediately jumped out at her. Long black hair. Spectacles. White robes that made her think of a trenchcoat these days.  
She stood up and hurried over to where Ranma and her bother were.  
"Ranma, there be problem"  
"Huh? Wazzup? Some fuckhead decided ta start on onea us"  
"Not yet"  
"Waddya mean 'not yet"  
Her brother looked up. "Huh? Oh... I think I seeing what you say"  
Shampoo glanced the way he was looking. "Yes. Mu Tze"  
"Er, what the fuck's a moose"  
"Not moose. Mu Tze. Him be I ex"  
"Onea yer old flames come ta town"  
"Yes. Him have much big crush on I"  
"An' ya encouraged it once"  
Shampoo nodded. "We once be lovers but we broke up. He no see it that way"  
Ranma shut his eyes and groaned loudly. "Aw, great. Does every chick in town have a fuckin' ex who ain't given up"  
"Huh"  
"Ya know that chick I wuz fightin' when ya showed up? She wuz Akane's ex.  
Ya do know Akane's bisexual don't ya"  
Shampoo nodded. "Yes"  
Ranma paused. Something in her tone of voice made him feel that the girls had left him a bit out of the loop at one stage.  
"Right. Well, it seems every chick who comes near me's gotten some shithead ex who don't know th' meanin o' 'fuck off'. I had that shit a few times before I met Akane"  
"Huh? Akane no be your first"  
"Nah. I been dumped fuckin' heavy a time or two. An' there's bin a time or two when me an' a chick just felt like a fuck. An' of course there's a couple o' chicks who I hadta split wiv when Dad decided ta get outta town"  
Shampoo paused. "Er - when your first"  
"Aw, back when I wuz fourteen. Back in Osaka. Me an' this chick wuz a lot too pissed. Hey we'd bin hangin' together fer weeks. We hadta split when I headed fer China wiv Dad." He sighed. "If all this hadn't come up we'd still be together... Ya shoulda seen her old boyfriend when he found out he'd bin dumped - I had ta beat th' shit outta him a time or two"  
"I not think Mu Tze be give up"  
"If he goes at it too fuckin' hard I'll kill him"  
"I know"  
A male voice with a faint Chinese accent came from behind them.  
"Xian Pu"  
She groaned. "Fuck off, Mu Tze"  
Ranma looked up from his carburettors. "Yer her ex, right"  
"Ex"  
"Ex-boyfriend ya wanker! An' ex gimp wiv a white trenchcoat if ya don't watch it"  
"So what's that meant to mean"  
Ranma smirked. "Are ya gonna tell him or shall I"  
Shampoo paused for a second. "Mu Tze, I be married"  
"WHAT"  
Ranma casually stepped over his bike. "So lay offa my wife"  
"WHAT"  
"Ya heard me, fuckhead. Th' name's Ranma Saotome. An' in about eight months there's gonna be another Saotome if ya get my drift"  
"Does that mean what I think it means"  
"I be pregnant"  
Mu Tze looked back at Ranma. "Nothing personal, but I'm gonna rip you in two"  
Ranma drew his gun. "Well, yer gonna be spittin' up lead"  
"What? Have you no honour whatsoever"  
"Nah. I'm just a guy who looks out fer his family. Honour means doin' what society sez is th' right thing all th' time. Fuck that - I'm gonna do what I think's th' right thing all th' time"  
A groan came from the left. Ranma rolled his eyes.  
"Is that you, Mum"  
Nodoka Saotome pushed her way out of the crowd. "Damnit, Ranma! I"  
"Ya want me ta be somethin' I just plain ain't. I am what I am and yer just gonna have ta live with it. Sorry but there's only one thing that can make me change. An' that's me"  
"Erm, excuse me, madam... I was trying to start a fight here"  
Nodoka snorted and looked down at herself.  
"Madam? I'm a truck driver"  
"That doesn't mean I don't need to be polite"  
Ranma shoved his gun back into his pocket. "Hey, Moose or whatever th' fuck yer name is! If a fight's what yer wantin' come on out the front where we gotten some elbow room an' I'll fuckin' give ya one! Are ya up fer it"  
Mu Tze paused. "That's Mu Tze, not Moose or whatever you said. After you"  
"Nah, ya go first. Feel free ta walk backwards if ya think I'm gonna cheat"  
Mu Tze shrugged. "Makes no difference to me"  
The two young men walked out onto the street in front of the house with Nodoka, Shampoo and her brother trailing behind them.  
Ranma stopped in mid street. "Okay. This'll be our first an' last an' only meetin' unless yer wantin' me ta blow yer brains out. Everythin's set. Ya ain't gonna change anythin' by fightin' me but if it gives ya any satisfaction... OK"  
"Hmph. Very well... Are you ready"  
"Yeah - let's rock an' roll, fuckwit!" Ranma yanked his length of chain out of his pocket and set it spinning round his hand.  
Mu Tze smirked. He shot his hands outwards.  
Three sledgehammers, a running chainsaw, two anvils, a safe and a Trabant explode out of up his sleeves and flew straight for Ranma.  
"How the fuck..." Ranma jumped over the car, caught the chainsaw, used it to deflect the sledgehammers and the battleax then ducked the safe."...Wuz that up yer sleeve"  
"Nice dodge... dodge THIS"  
'This' was an absolute storm of old nails. They burst out of Mu Tze's coat like buckshot. And Ranma was smack in their path.  
He had time for one explosive "Fuck!' before he was engulfed. Mu Tze launched a combine harvester after them. The machine smashed down right in the centre of the mess of nails that had Ranma inside it.  
"Good riddance-" he began.  
A feral snarl from under the wrecked combine harvester interrupted him.  
And that's it for now.  
Chapter 19: Of Wolf and Man "Light a candle for the sinners... Set the world on fire" - Marilyn Manson,  
'1996'  
"Akira? I know you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but he deserved far worse than he got by the end of it. He still ranks as my all time least favourite person, and you know the competition he's up against..." - Ranma Saotome, quoted in 'Eye of the Basilisk'Mu Tze wheeled back round. The combine harvester he had just apparently flattened Ranma with was beginning to distort.  
"What the blue blazes"  
Shampoo let out an angry snarl. "Learn for to swear"  
The combine harvester exploded.Akira jerked his head up.  
"What the hells"  
Takashi winced. "Someone's just first changed, Boss"  
Akira sniffed at the air.  
"Oh, shit... It's Ranma! What the fuck? I could have sworn he was weeks off"  
Mi Soon rolled out of her truck's cab. "Well, you were wrong! Let's go"  
The trio sprinted round the house.  
The scene that met their eyes was that of Ranma, now approximately nine foot tall, triple his former bulk and decidedly lupine, standing in the middle of a shredded combine harvester while Mu Tze threw an assortment of increasingly heavy things at him. Ranma batted each and every object out of the air, smashing most of them to bits.  
"Mu Tze! That idiot"  
Akira started moving to intercept Ranma but before he had got five feet the biker boy charged, blurringly fast. He smashed into Mu Tze and landed a powerful uppercut in the Chinese boy's chin. This was followed up by a roundhouse kick which sent Mu Tze sailing down the street and clean through a brick wall.  
Ranma howled and charged again, heading for Mu Tze's hole in the wall. A ballpane hammer flew out and smacked him in the face then a safe crashed into the hole sealing it shut.  
Ranma grabbed the safe and ripped it into bits. Akira shoved his hand in Shampoo's pocket. Before she could even squeak let anone slap him he had come back out with her Makarov clenched in his hand.  
"Wolfsbane"  
"Wha... Is so"  
"Good." Akira levelled the gun and fired a single shot, just as Ranma backed out of the hole in the wall. The young werewolf had Mu Tze by the hair. He had already bitten one of the Chinese boy's arms off.  
The bullet punched a neat hole in Ranma's other hand. Ranma immediately slumped to the floor, stunned by the shock of shapeshifting. Mu Tze's detached arm dropped to the ground with an audible splat.  
Akira sighed and walked over to the two slumped youths.  
"Let's get them inside"  
Mi Soon nodded. "Yeah... is Mu Tze still alive"  
"Just. Idiot's luck... five more seconds and Ranma would have finished ripping him to bits. Somebody bring the poor stupid kid's arm"  
"I should be able to graft the damn thing back on... you got any staples"Ranma glared out the window, carefully keeping his eyes off the Amazon encampment.  
"This is fucked"  
He glanced at his leather jacket. It was now crisscrossed with a network of stitching. From where it had ripped apart when he shapeshifted.  
He'd never forget the taste of Mu Tze's blood when he came round.  
"I ain't some goddamn cannibal"  
He grabbed a nearby set of practise weights and threw them out the window.  
There was a clang then an angry yell. Someone with a Chinese accent bawling about their truck.  
"Aw, great"  
He stuck his head out the window. Sure enough, the weights had landed square on the roof of one of the Amazon's trucks and left a massive dent.  
The truck's owner was clutching an AK in one hand and shaking her fist at him with the other. He suddenly got angry.  
"GO FUCK YERSELF, SLAPPER"  
He pulled his head back in the window. A couple of seconds later half a dozen bullet holes appeared in it. Ranma lost his temper.  
He leapt neatly out the window and charged, coming to a halt scant inches from the startled woman.  
He grabbed her by the gun wrist and lifted her off her feet. Her AK tumbled to the ground.  
"I said go fuck yerself." He kicked the gun up and caught it then dropped her. As she picked herself up he took the gun by the magazine, pressed the butt against his shoulder then flexed his arm. The magazine ripped out of the receiver and a couple of shots went off into the ground.  
He snarled and ripped what was left of the gun in two.  
"Ya don't wanna fuck with me, bitch." He handed her the remains of her AK47 and stormed back into the house.Akane shot upright at the first gunshot. She pulled out her .44 then paused.  
Hadn't that come from the direction of the Amazon encampment?  
There was a distinct sound of rending metal punctuated by a couple more shots then Ranma came into the house. Hadn't he been in their room?  
"Goddamn stupid trigger happy fuckin' Amazon psycho bitch"  
She wheeled round. Ranma was heading for the stairs.  
"Ranma"  
"Leave me th' fuck alone! I'm a fuckin' monster, right"  
Akane groaned. "Not that shite again! We're all in the same boat here,  
Ranma"  
"Yer not th' one who just woke up with a lump o' some stupid dick's arm in his gob! So don't gimme any o' that bullshit"  
"Goddamnit, will you listen to me"  
"No I fuckin' won't! I gotta get this crap figured in my own fuckin' head an' there ain't nothin' ya can damn do! Got it"  
"Ranma, I"  
"FUCKIT LAY OFFA ME"  
"I just"  
"FUCK SAKE"  
"I just want to"  
"FUCK SAKE FUCK SAKE FUCK SAKE"  
"I just want to help"  
"There ain't nothin' ya can do! Goddamnit, I need ta think! C'mon, gimme some elbow room here"  
He suddenly rushed upstairs. Akane heard their bedroom door crash shut.  
She burst into tears. Shampoo came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.  
"Akane"  
"GO AWAY"  
"You not need for bite I head off"  
"Oh god, Shampoo! How can you be so damned calm about this"  
Shampoo sighed and sat down on the stairs.  
"I not be calm. But I not think about so I not go mental"  
Akane let out a low moan. "I'm going for a walk... before I go crazy"  
"I see later." Shampoo got up and headed upstairs. She paused outside her,  
Akane and Ranma's mutual bedroom door.  
Damnit, it was her bedroom too. She quietly opened the door. Ranma was standing and staring out the window again.  
"Ranma"  
"Get outta here. Fer all I know I'm about ta punk an' rip ya ta bits"  
Shampoo walked over to him and leant against him.  
"You no do. You care for I. I know be true that you not able for hurt I"  
"Aw God, Shampoo... I just dunno anymore. Look, I bit that Moose guy's arm clean fuckin' off an' it just felt so goddamn right... I still had a lump o'  
his fuckin' arm in my gob when I woke up... that wuz why I hurled." The resistance suddenly vanished out of his body. Shampoo gently shoved him back onto the bed. He obediently sat down and put his head on her shoulder as she joined him.  
"Shampoo... this stuff ain't easy ta say... but... look, I dunno if I'll be able ta keep from goin' crazy again... then maybe there won't be anyone around ta stop me"  
"I know. I is in same state, remember"  
"Stop me if I'm wrong here, but ya didn't rip someone's arm off"  
"I was aiming for stupid skater girl's throat when you shot I"  
"Yeah, but ya didn't"  
Shampoo sighed and pulled her camouflage shirt off. She casually tossed it on top of his leather jacket.  
She pulled the lower hem of her T-shirt up.  
"Take look, please"  
Ranma glanced round then stared at her exposed belly.  
"In few weeks you be daddy." She grabbed his hand and pressed it against her belly. "Is nothing anyone can do for to stop"  
"What if I go nuts"  
Shampoo sighed. She grabbed her AK from where it was propped by the bed,  
loaded it, kicked off a shoe and pressed it's muzzle against her bare foot.  
"Is not big chance of happen"  
"WHAT THE FUCK'RE YA DOIN"  
Shampoo pointed her leg and the gun barrel at a wall and fired. She yelped as a hail of bullets ripped a hole clean through her foot.  
"Aaaah... stings... Watch"  
Ranma stared as the hole closed up.  
"We heal much fast, Ranma"  
"Fucking hell... I never figured it'd be that quick"  
"Akira shot you through hand. You no see hole, huh"  
"But what if"  
"Ranma, it no happen. I be round with Makarov. Akane be round with six-gun.  
You be round with Browning. If one of we go mental then there be way for stop, no"  
Ranma shut his eyes for a second. "Yeah... why didn't you"  
"Akira grab gun before I be able for to move"  
"Akira shoved his fuckin' filthy mitt down yer trouser leg? I'll bet th'  
shithead copped a cheap feel while he wuz about it! That old shit is dead meat soon as I get this shapeshiftin' under control... Goddamnit, what the hell kind o' monsters are we? People don't stop bleedin' that quick"  
"So Kasumi no be person, that be what you say"  
"Huh? Where'd that come from"  
"Is - how you say - logical conclusion. If you no person since you werewolf then what Kasumi be? She daughter of werewolf"  
"Oh yeah... Akira did say th' Tendo line're wasnames - Amerai"  
"Is so. This mean Kasumi be werewolf like as not"  
"Damnit to hell... But I can't imagine her punkin' like I did"  
"You not usually go crazy. Is shock of having combine harvester dumped on,  
that be what Akira and Mi Soon say"  
"Yeah? Damn, is that stupid Moose dick still alive"  
"Mi Soon say him live. Is pity"  
"How can ya say that? I ain't got th' right ta waste him 'cause he's a jealous dickhead. Hey, he's an obnoxious twat, but - Fuck it. We gotta talk ta Mi Soon... an' Akira. An we gotta do it now. We gotta get this shit under control"Mi Soon had just finished stapling Mu Tze's arm back on when she heard Ranma approaching. And Shampoo with him.  
"Ah, so you've woken up"  
Ranma grunted. "Yeah, I have. An' I wanna know how ta get this shapeshiftin'  
crap under control"  
"Ranma Saotome, you already have it under control"  
"What th' fuck're ya talkin' about"  
"Once you have finally changed for the first time the shift is under your control within a couple of hours. Akira aimed his shot so only just enough wolfsbane to knock you out of the Battle Madness would enter your system"  
"Ya what? So how do I do this crap"  
"I suggest you go and splash yourself with cold water, Ranma. And see if you notice anything different"  
"Huh"  
"Just do it"  
"Yeah, yeah whatever"  
Shampoo narrowed her eyes. "What about I"  
"Ah, Xian Pu. Your case is somewhat different... Ranma hit you with enough wolfsbane to prevent you shapeshifting for several days... I calculated the quantity and it should have worn off"  
"So what th' fuck's that supposed ta mean"  
"Go and get yourself wet before I fling you in the pond, Ranma"  
Ranma snorted and stalked off, muttering obscenities under his breath.  
Shampoo glared at Mi Soon.  
"Now look what you've gone and done! I just finally managed to talk him out of his sulk and now he's raging again! Why aren't you taking him seriously"  
"I am. His curse has also become voluntary now his instincts have told him how to shapeshift. If he splashes himself I think he's in for a big surprise"  
"You what"  
"Now, how to shapeshift... Pretend to be a wolf. Run around on all fours.  
Come on, growl at me." Mi Soon grinned. "Show me you still care"  
Shampoo shot the Amazon elder a doubtful look. A couple of other teenage Amazons wandered over.  
"Hey, Xian Pu! Just learning to shift"  
She nodded. "Yeah"  
"Go on - pretend you're a wolf. It works, really"  
Shampoo continued her doubtful look but crouched down anyway. "Grrrr... big bad wolf... grrr"  
Her growl changed. She blinked a couple of times as a tail pushed her trousers down. She tried to say 'What?' but all that came out was a growl.  
Not that she noticed. "Er, how come I'm still talking"  
One of the other teenagers laughed. "Listen to yourself. You're not talking, you're growling"  
Shampoo paused. "Er - am I? Oh yeah..." She peered at herself, puzzling at how her perfume had suddenly got so strong. And why everything was in black and white.  
A huge splash then an exultant and very male yell of "YA FUCKIN' BEAUTY"  
came from the direction of the pond.Ranma sat down on the bed and pulled his trousers off.  
"Man, I'm beat. What a fuckin' day. What a fuckin' week." He grinned. "But at least I don't hafta worry about the damn curse no more"  
Akane snorted and laid back. "Yeah." She picked her gun up off the table and slid it under the pillow then paused.  
"What the hell's this"  
"Ya what"  
Akane removed the offending object and peered at it. "A tape? It's got 'play me' written on it"  
"Well, what th' fuck're ya waitin' fer"  
Akane shoved the tape into her stereo and pressed play. There was a pause then the sound cut in on Genma's voice.  
"...n the shit that it's over our heads"  
Akira snorted. "Genma, Soun - don't let a little setback end your world"  
"Little setback"  
"That's the understatement of the year"  
"Boys, boys. Haven't you noticed - Ranma is in the middle of his teens.  
Teenage rebellion rules OK. I dare say he'll settle down in the near future"  
Genma snorted. "I wouldn't count on it. He takes after his grandfather in more ways than one. And you know what Dad was like as well as I do"  
Akira snorted again. "Until that big fight"  
"Until that big fight," Genma sighed. "But his sacrifice was not in vain"  
"Hell, it's thanks to him that we're here today. That's half the reason his line became the successors - that and to complete the union with the Moroboshi line"  
"I know, Akira. I know. I sure as hell know it wasn't because of me. Genma 'fat dick' Saotome, that's me"  
"You've been listening to Ranma swear at you too much, boy. You didn't kill eighty of our enemies finest in a very messy way for nothing"  
"Face it, Akira. I didn't get jack shit for that - unless you count three bullet holes and a claw slash or ten"  
"You defy me too"  
"Yes. I damn well do. Face it, I'm sick of toeing your line. Oh no, I'm not going to do anything about it, but sure as hell I'm going to make a lot of noise about it"  
"Watch your tongue, Genma. That's fighting talk"  
There was a thud, as of someone fat jumping to their feet. "And I still don't understand why the hell you had me pull half the stuff on Ranma you did! I mean, why the hell Jusenkyo? Even though we know exactly what that place means? And why the deal with Kounji? You damn well know that's going to cause nothing but trouble - and not for me! For my son"  
"Shut up, sit down and listen to me. Before I rip your face off, boy.  
Jusenkyo was simple - several children have undergone their First after a dip in one of those springs. Kounji is mundane. He can't cause too much bother - he doesn't matter and neither does his daughter. Mundanes do not count"  
Genma sighed. "Akira, I think you're being too old-fashioned for anyone's good"  
"What you think doesn't matter, boy. What the Clan requires is all that counts! Your son WILL replace me - there's no two ways about it. And I don't give a flying fuck about your ill - informed humanist opinions, boy. You will do what you're told if you know what's good for you"  
"I doubt Ranma will see it the same way as you do, Akira"  
"What do I care about the boy's opinions"  
"They mean everything where Ranma's concerned, because if you try to force him to go against them you get him, Ryoga, Shampoo, Akane, Ranko, Mortise and possibly that Prince Herb character upside the head. Ranma wrestled a large bear when he was twelve. He killed it. Ryoga is substantially stronger than him - she could pick me and my bike up and lift me and my bike over her head when she was thirteen. It's weird - she used to be very weak. Something happened to her one time she was lost"  
"Hmph - you've accepted Ryoga's sex-change very readily"  
"Yeah, because I care about my children's feelings! You do know that Nodoka's got her families katana, don't you"  
"You what? You let her keep it"  
"It wasn't a matter of 'let', Akira. She's as bloody minded as Ranma"  
"Why didn't you just forceably take it off her"  
"That's oh so easy for you to say. Trying to take something off of HER? That would be as good as committing suicide"  
"Oh for- She's Mundane, boy"  
"That doesn't mean very much, old man. Remember which Mundanes you're talking about there? The Moroboshi family"  
Akira snorted. "We beat them once and we can beat them again"  
"We beat them once by backstabbing, ganging up and playing dirty! But now they're family so it's a hell of a lot more personal"  
"Now look here, boy"  
"No, you look here. I'm right and you damn well know it! It's not me who just got his ass kicked, remember"  
"That's not the point. I could have taken him easily and we both know why I couldn't. He's not ready to know and he just proved it"  
"Mortise knows." Soun pointed out. "He thinks very highly of Ranma and I reckon it's only a matter of time before either he tells the kids or Nabiki twigs and tells them"  
Genma snorted. "Nabiki's already twigged. Why she's not told Ranma I don't know"  
"Absolute rubbish! Of course she hasn't figured out! She's seventeen and a girl. No way can she have figured"  
It was Soun's turn to snort. "You don't know Nabiki. Anything worth knowing she knows. And this is most definitely worth knowing"  
"You're getting worked up over nothing"  
"No we're not. Nabiki's smelt a rat bigstyle and I know it. One of my contacts told me she was asking about the Saotomes, the Tendos and the Amazons and getting answers. Answers that happen to be accurate"  
"Such as"  
"What we really are. She knows, but I don't know if she believes it"  
"She's a girl. Of course she won't believe that"  
"I wouldn't be so sure. She's been scared shitless lately. Any idiot can smell the fear stink coming off her. Ranma offered to help her and she said,  
and I quote 'it isn't something that can be dealt with by beating the shit out of it.' She knows, all right. How much is suspicion I don't know, but she does know our kind exist"  
"Oh, hell"  
Genma snorted. "Well she's one less kid who's going to be scared halfway to a heart attack"  
"That self same shock is a vital ingredient of initiation"  
"I don't see why we need to make our kids think they can't trust us. Ranma tends to kill people he doesn't trust - and if he had a weapon like that you would be dead, Akira Saotome. The boy has the best fighting instincts I have ever seen"  
Akira snorted. "Rubbish! I have too much experience"  
"Ranma's fought to other people's death sixty odd times, Akira. He knows how to kill quickly and efficiently - if he needs to. And he killed a guy who once beat you. Remember that mad master fifteen years ago"  
"For fuck sake, Genma! Your son just isn't ready to know what we are,  
damnit! And the crap he gave me just goes to prove it"  
There was a scuffling sound then a thud and straining noises.  
"Like I said, sit down and shut up unless you want me to rip your fucking face off, brat. I respected your father for what he was capable of. But you?  
You are a worm. I'm warning you, Genma. You will be punished for defying"  
The tape cut out.  
Ranma looked up at Akane. His eyes were positively blazing.  
"That fuckin' does it. Akira's gonna die"  
"Ranma, are you sure you've thought this through"  
"Nope. If I do I'll leave that piece of shit ta cause Dad trouble! Dad maybe a stupid fatass piece of boke but he's still my dad an' no bugger's allowed ta fuck with him except me"  
He pulled his jacket back on and stormed out the door. After casting around the Amazon camp for a few moments he found Akira chatting with Mi Soon beside the Amazon matriarch's truck.  
"Hey, ya arrogant fuckhead! I just heard some shit an' I don't fuckin' like it! There ain't nobody fuckin' threatens my dad"  
"What are you prattling on about"  
Ranma laughed. "Ya stupid dick! Ya shoulda figured out someone round here's a whizz with bugs. Ya remember our little brawl? Th' time I beat ya up?  
Well, on th' tape I got it wuz just after then an' ya gave Dad all this shit I ain't gonna let slip"  
Akira stood up and glared at Ranma.  
"You should be careful with your wild accusations, boy"  
"Go fuck yerself, shit-fer-brains"  
"Are you trying to start a fight"  
Ranma snorted. "Nope." He launched a kick at Akira's head. The older man slid round it. "I ain't fuckin' TRYIN'! I'm fuckin' DOIN"  
Akira backpedalled. Ranma was working himself into a frenzy.  
"Ohshitohshitohshit"  
"SHIT THIS"  
'This' was Ranma's boot. There was a horrible familiarity in the way it flashed past Akira's face.  
"Ohshi"  
Akira tipped over backwards with a line of muddy footprints up his front.  
Ranma grabbed a crowbar off the side of Mi Soon's truck and started battering Akira with it.  
"Fuck THIS! Fuck THIS! Fuck THIS!" Each 'Fuck this' was punctuated with a blow.  
Ranma suddenly stopped. He casually tossed the now L - shaped crowbar away then gave Akira one last kick in the head.  
"An' I hope ya learnt ya fuckin' lesson, ya stinkin' bastard"  
And that's another one complete.  
Chapter 20: The Shit hits the Fan "So be it / Threaten no more / To secure peace is to prepare for war. So be it / Settle the score / Touch me again for the words that you'll hear forevermore"  
Metallica, 'Don't Tread On Me'  
"The first battle of Nerima was a key turning point in the history of the Amerai peoples of Japan; their traditional secrecy was cast aside in the pursuit of victory at any cost. From that day on nothing would ever be the same, and the revelation of the truth to the masses was only a matter of time." - Dr. Minako Shima, 'The Hidden People' published June 2016 by Lupus Press, a subsidiary of Saotome-Tendo Enterprise.Akane glared at the concrete sidewalk as she slouched down the street. The whole shapeshifting business had her thoroughly disturbed and she had the 'something's going to happen' feeling to boot.  
She looked up at the wall, not really seeing anything.  
"Why me"  
Being a wall, it didn't reply. Akane shook her head.  
"Talking to myself - I must be going nuts"  
She found a bench - actually a bus stop - and sat down, put her head in her hands and began to think aloud.  
"When... I wonder who's going to be next? Me? Ryoga? Nabiki"  
She felt for a cigarette then muttered an angry curse as she remember she was a non-smoker for the next eight months.  
"Damnit, Ranma - this is all your fault." She found her packet of chewing gum and started munching away. It wasn't the same but it helped her think.  
Will I fly off the handle? Ranma did. Shampoo did. I should ask Dad... I wonder, did Kasumi know about this? No, she was really shocked when Akira told us  
A car rumbled past. She looked up and watched it's tail lights fade into the gathering dusk.  
"Hoo, man... why me"  
Her sharp ears caught the mechanical 'slide-chunk' of a handgun being charged. She stood up and put her hands in her pockets.  
What the hellThe Conservative Amazon warrior named Viper couldn't believe her luck. She charged her handgun and nodded to her squadmates.  
The battle in Joketsuzo had taught the Conservative Amazons a sharp lesson -  
bullets don't distinguish between the honourable and the honourless. So her gun carried a full magazine of wolfsbane tipped slugs.  
And now she was looking at one of the Clan Saotome group who had precipitated the civil war during their short and violent visit to Joketsuzo.  
She jumped off her wall.  
"You die, Saotome bitch"  
Akane had long practised her quick draw techniques. Her .44 Magnum's were out of her pockets before Viper had time to blink. The two guns roared and Viper staggered back with blood coming out of her mouth.  
Akane snorted. "Now who's dead"  
She heard a slight sound behind her - a piece of gravel being kicked. She snapped her guns round and fired under her armpits. Someone made the sickening choking noise of a person who's lungs were filling with blood.  
Fully alert now, Akane stepped into a patch of shadow. She reloaded her guns and started scanning for new targets.  
Something moved in another patch of shadow. Her guns roared again and an Amazon fell forwards out of the darkness. She recognised this Amazon - it was the woman who started shooting first in Joketsuzo.  
Oh man - it's Cow Lone's crewKodachi downshifted as the corner came up and leaned her Bandit into it. A wide grin spread across her face as her kneeslider skittered across the tarmac.  
Her headlamp caught a woman falling into the road. Another couple of people with guns were firing wildly at a darting figure in a trenchcoat who was having a lot more success in shooting her enemies. A figure she recognised.  
"Akane"  
Akane dived left then right as a single headlamp swept over and highlighted her, backlighting the last of the small group of Amazons. She leapt onto the wall and snapped another speed loader of ammo into her .44 then let fly the six rounds at her final enemy. The Amazon staggered back into the glass door of a phone box. Another batch of ammo in, fire. The glass exploded as the heavy bullets pounded their target through it. Her danger sense screamed at her and she ducked forwards then spun round, bringing her foot up in a sweep kick as she did so. It connected with another Amazon's ribs producing a meaty thud. She slammed another speed loader into place and snapped the pistol closed.  
A black Suzuki Bandit skidded to a halt at the base of the wall. Akane saw an Amazon she had earlier shot moving to slash it's back tire. She cracked off a couple of shots at the woman. One clipped the bike's tail light causing it to go out in a spray of transparent red plastic.  
The rider clumsily shoved her visor open with the back of her left hand,  
revealing an aristocratic face which was presently wearing a shocked expression.  
"Akane? What in the world is happening"  
"Kodachi! I've got to get back to the house, fast!" Akane fired another couple of shots at one of the Amazons who had started to get up. "Goddamnit,  
stay down willya"  
Kodachi looked shocked at her language. "Get on the back, I'll take you there"  
"Thanks"  
Voices were shouting in Chinese from up the street. Akane swung onto the back of Kodachi's bike. Kodachi heaved it's bars to full lock and stuck her left foot out. She gassed the engine while slipping the clutch and the back wheel spun up, sliding the back of the bike round. Akane wrapped one arm round the other girl, tugged a Desert Eagle out of her pocket and started blasting shots off down the street towards where the voices were coming from. A scream told her at least one bullet had found it's mark.  
Kodachi went wide eyed, gunned her bike up and raced off back the way she'd come from, Akane clinging to her back and still shooting.  
Viper staggered to her feet as the bike tore away. She grabbed her other handgun out of her belt and tried to get a bead on the bike as it raced away but it darted round a corner before she could aim.  
"Damn"  
Three of her fellow Amazons sprinted up as the others began to get up. Two of them were in Battle form and the third was in human form and clutching her shoulder.  
"Viper! What happened"  
"A Saotome warrior... she isn't much of a martial artist but she sure knows how to use her damn guns"  
"Shit. Looks like we attack tonight, then"Akira carefully got to his feet.  
"Goddamnit, how did that boy get so damn strong"  
Mi Soon sighed and shook her head. "So what was he shouting about, then"  
"That? If he was talking about the conversation I remember, well - I got a bit pissed off with his father. Young Genma is getting as bloody minded as his son... funny, after what I had Genma do I thought Ranma would hate his guts"  
Mi Soon stared at him. "You what? For fuck sake, what have you done this time, bro? Why the hell make a father mistreat his son? I've never heard anything so stupid in my damn life"  
Akira groaned. "Et tu, Brutus... what the heck"  
A camouflaged Hummvee had just pulled up outside the Tendo's driveway.Mu Tze stared at the canvas and ground his teeth. He looked back at his arm.  
It was made of scar from shoulder to elbow. He clenched and unclenched his fists, wincing at spikes of pain from his damaged arm.  
Reattached. That's what Mi Soon told him.  
He shuddered.  
"Am I one of them"  
Someone snorted from the tailgate of the truck. "One of them, Mu Tze? Well,  
your mother is a werewolf, your father was a weretiger... guess what, you're Amerai. Don't worry, almost all your friends and relations are. Well, not that you exactly have many friends the way you carry on"  
He sat up and glared at the speaker. "Get fucked, Lin-Lin. That fucking Ranma Saotome character is a fucking monster and you know it as well as I do"  
Lin-Lin snorted. "Bite me, kid. You've done some pretty stupid stuff in your time, but I must say throwing a combine harvester at a werewolf who's about to learn how to shapeshift is the stupidest. Anyway, it was Xian Pu's choice... if he's a monster so is she. She told me she went for someone's throat when she First Changed. Ranma stopped her apparently"  
"Shove off, willya? I don't want or need your bullshit. We aren't in Joketsuzo any more so forget about giving me any damn orders! I'm going to get even with that Saotome bastard and there's nothing you or anyone else can do to stop me"Ranko made a face. "Eww! That is so sick, Mortise"  
Mortise shrugged. "Well, you did ask"  
Nabiki snorted.  
Ranko put her feet on the table. "Yeah, but sometimes it's best not to answer"  
"Look, why did you ask me if vampires have snot if you didn't want to know"  
The doorbell rang. Nabiki set her laptop down and went to answer it.  
She found four Amazons, two soldiers and a man in a business suit who she recognised.  
"Colonel! What brings you here"  
The suited man bowed. "Good evening, Nabiki. We need to talk and I don't trust phone lines not to be bugged"  
"Okay, okay. Come on in - but leave the squaddies outside"  
The Colonel nodded and turned to his men.  
"Wait at the Hummvee, boys. I may take a while, so relax"  
The two soldiers nodded. "Yes, sir"  
They and their attendant Amazons disappeared into the gloom.Akira watched the two soldiers with some interest.  
"Curious. I know that suit"  
"What, the guy who stayed inside - right"  
"Yes. He used to serve with the Special Forces - Genma's younger sister Dajiko is in his unit. She invited him and the squad back for a party one time... I think his name's Katsuhiro Honda"  
"I've heard that name. The special forces connection makes sense - he's supposed to be in charge of the paranormal operations division. I remember meeting him at some conference or another - something to do with demon hunters, I think. He's a sharp lad - he figured that half the people in the place were supernaturals. He was the only human who managed to work it out"  
"Would that have been the conference in Hong Kong four years ago? I sent a couple of my people there - they did notice something to do with the JSDF now you mention it"  
"Ah yes, that was the one. I remember several brawls between your people and mine; they just wouldn't behave"  
A black Suzuki Bandit 600 ridden by two girls - one obviously Akane - zoomed through the gateway. Akira turned his attention to it.  
"Odd. Akane looks pretty shaken up"  
"Yes, there's quite a fear scent coming off of both of them. I smell trouble"  
They stared at each other for a few moments then stood up and headed for the house.  
Akane swung off of Kodachi's bike.  
"HEADS UP! WE'RE ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED"Nabiki rolled her eyes. She and Colonel Honda were sat in her bedroom.  
"Colonel, I have this situation as under control as it can get. The Amazons intend to stay in Japan if at all possible. And killing Japanese citizens would rapidly make that impossible. They are not stupid"  
"I figured that much, Ms. Tendo. But we've got to look at facts here.  
Firstly, somewhere between ninety and 100 percent of First Change Amerai go into a frenzy. There are - what - sixty odd pre First Change shapeshifters camped in your back garden. Now that is what I call a situation waiting to develop"  
"We already have that covered, Colonel. Surely you know the effect of wolfsbane on a shapeshifter"  
Honda paused. "Well, yes. I also know they're loathe to use it for any reason"  
"I'm told that is a tradition, Honda. The Amazons who are, as you put it,  
camped in my back garden are in the process of getting rid of as many stupid traditions as possible. Amerai First under three conditions - extreme fear,  
rage or injury. They have to have matured enough that their - how can I put it - shapeshifting equipment is on line. I'm told it starts to form in early adolescence, but there's some vestige of it there from birth. Even pre change shapeshifters heal a lot faster than humans. Wolfsbane knocks out their conscious control of their shapeshifting ability - the effect can be likened to cocaine only in reverse. It blocks outgoing signals to the necessary nerve cells"  
Honda nodded. "I know that much. After all, half a dozen Amerai serve in my unit. They're excellent soldiers - I've seen one of them take eighty 7.62 bullets and he was still going strong. Hell, antipersonnel weapons just pissed him off"  
Nabiki snorted and fished a Beretta out of the back of her trousers. She dropped the clip out and showed him the slug.  
"Honda, you are such a dunce. Seal a blob of wolfsbane juice into the tip of a hollowpoint round with wax. It basically knocks the target Amerai's capabilities down to a human level. We still regenerate at the same rate but it stops us shapeshifting"  
"We? You mean you're Amerai"  
"Yup. I haven't gone through First yet but it's only a matter of time. My brother in law has - just the other day, in fact. Dad's always looked the same age ever since I can remember so I'd assume he has too - we stop aging when we First"  
Honda whistled. "You mean Amerai are immortal"  
"Take Akira Saotome. He's something like three thousand years old"  
"You mean THE Akira Saotome? Head of the Saotome clan"  
"That's the one, though I gather he ain't going to be clan head much longer"  
Somebody banged on the door. It was apparently Ranma since he then shouted at them.  
"Hey! Nabiki! Th' shit just hit th' fan"  
Nabiki jumped up and banged the door open. Sure enough Ranma was on the other side of it. He was half dressed and looked agitated.  
"Akane just got jumped by a bunch o' Cow Lone's goons - Kodachi wuz blattin'  
an' got her outta there but sure as shit an' pigs there's gonna be trouble"  
He handed her a M16 and a bandoleer of ammo clips. "Ya stick in th' house,  
huh? Ya ain't much o' a fighter, huh? Don't worry, Mi Soon's gettin' th'  
Amazons on guard an' Akane's riggin' th' guns. Them slugs're Wolfsbane 'uns - don't hit any o' our crowd, huh? Try ta keep outta trouble an' only start shootin' if ya hafta"  
Nabiki snorted. "Ranma, I live here too. I'm going to do my damnedest to ventilate any Conservative Amazon freak or creep who tries messing with my fucking family. Got it"  
Ranma rolled his eyes then grinned and nodded. "Fair enuf. Keep in cover,  
though. I may be fast enuf ta wreck people's aim but ya ain't an' Akane'd kill me if I let ya get shot up." He finally noticed Honda. "Um, scuse me but who th' fuck are you"  
"Ranma, this is Colonel Honda, JSDF. Colonel, this is my brother in law Ranma Saotome. Ranma's the heir to the Saotome school of Anything Goes martial arts. This guy took on three Amerai before he'd First Changed and he won"  
Honda extended a hand for Ranma to shake. Ranma paused, grinned again and shook hands with the Colonel.  
"Well, I'm glad to be on the same side as you, Ranma"  
"I wish it wasn't a case o' takin' sides, man. But a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do - ya know th' deal"  
Honda paused. To his experienced eye Ranma had that unmistakable air of toughness only seen in combat veterans.  
"Yeah. Ain't easy but that's just the way it is"  
"Ya got a shooter"  
"Only my service pistol"  
"Right. What sorta gun'd ya like"  
"FN-FAL if you've got one"  
"I think we got a couple. Mosta us use AK's but Akane's gotten all sorts o'  
gear lyin' around. Sure ya wouldn't be better wiv a machine gun? Battle rifles are all so good but they ain't gotten th' punch o' a M60"  
"You have that kind of firepower"  
"We got better but that's the heaviest gear what nobody grabbed. Akane's gotten th' bazooka an' Ryoga's gotten th' minigun. I think she's fallin' in love wiv th' fuckin' thing. Nobody else can pick up th' 25mm cannon an' th'  
rest o' us can't handle th' two .50's an' run around at th' same time so th'  
Amazons're settin' 'em up. Hey, th' more firepower th' merrier. Ya shoulda seen Mortise grin when he saw th' flamethrower - it wuz like, love at first sight"  
"Fucking hell... Okay, give us a couple of light machine guns and that FAL.  
This bedroom window has a nice view of the street... how do we distinguish between good guys and bad guys? Especially in the dark"  
"Well, th' streetlights ain't out. Our crew're dressed in camo kit. Well,  
that or leathers. I'm expectin' th' bad guys ta be wearin' their Chinese kit. An' I ain't talkin' CCCP army gear, I'm talkin' traditional gear wiv a few changes. Akane said th' ones who jumped her wuz wearin' Chinese civvies an' totin' AK's"  
"Gotcha"  
"Right, I'll send someone up wiv th' guns. Stick here an' take care o'  
yerselves"  
He dashed back downstairs. Nabiki and Honda looked at each other for a moment.  
"You'd better call the JGSDF, Colonel"  
"I think you're right." Honda grabbed the phone.Ranma glanced round the garden. "Right. Stick a few snipers an' one o' th'  
.50's on th' roof o' th' workshop. Somebody take a couple o' M60's an' that FAL up ta Nabiki. Hey! Ya over there - get yer fuckin' camo on"  
The last was yelled at a figure in a T-shirt and jeans. The figure glanced round and ducked into one of the trucks only to emerge a few moments later hastily pulling a camouflage jacket on. Ranma's attention was long since diverted by Nabiki dashing out of the house. "Ranma! They've cut the fucking phone lines"  
"Shit! Ya tried mobiles"  
"Jammed. Same with the short wave radio. We can't get messages in or out"  
Honda burst out of the house with a hastily scribbled note in his hand. He dashed over to the Hummvee and handed it to one of the soldiers.  
"You two take this to HQ. Give it directly to Lieutenant Otomo. If you don't I'll have your guts for garters. Don't stop for anything or anyone until you get to the base and take no notice of any damn speed laws. Understood"  
The two men nodded. "Yes sir." The one in the passengers seat frowned.  
"Shouldn't one of us stay with you, sir"  
"No. I have every reason to believe somebody's going to try to shoot you up on the way. Keep your lights off until you hit the freeway. Don't stop or slow down unless the Hummvee's shot from under you, in which case steal the first car you can grab. That is an order and if anyone doesn't like it they can talk to me later"  
The two soldiers nodded again and the Hummvee drove off.  
Akira wasn't taking the news of being incommunicado quite so well.  
"Phones down? PHONES fucking DOWN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN PHONES DOWN"  
Ranma kicked him in the head. "Can it, shit-fer-brains"  
Mi Soon rolled her eyes. "I want a werebird volunteer over here now"  
Two Amazons dashed over from separate directions. Akira sighed and wrote a couple of notes.  
"Okay. Do you girls know where Saotome HQ is"  
Both nodded. Akira handed one note to the nearest of the two. "Take that directly there"  
He turned to the other. "There's a black Dodge van parked near Nerima-ku railway station; it's quite distinctive since it has military style roof hatches. Take this note to the van"  
The girl nodded. "Gotcha. I'm on my way"  
She darted off into the darkness hard on the other's heels.Mu Tze glared around the camp. He was now dressed in camouflage gear - as were the rest of the Amazons.  
The nerve of that Saotome bastard! Bawling at me like he expects me to take orders! I'm gonna make that bastard pay  
The fact Ranma hadn't recognised him when he yelled to put on camouflage never crossed the angry youth's mind.Akane carefully placed the last ammo clip on the table.  
"Well, that's that done. Thankyou, everyone"  
Mao Xing stretched. "Back be stiff..." His back clicked noisily.  
Kodachi sat back and scratched her head.  
"Hmm. So - would you mind telling me what it is with the wolfsbane? Surely you aren't expecting to be attacked by a horde of werewolves"  
She blinked when nobody laughed. Akane sighed.  
"You got it in one, Kodachi"  
"You mean to say you believe in such creatures"  
"Kodachi, I AM a werewolf. I haven't learnt to shapeshift yet, but it's only a matter of time. Ranma has. Shampoo has"  
"Ranma? A monster? I don't"  
"We are not monsters! We are people just as much as humans. It's not what species or race you are that decides whether or not you are a monster; it's how you treat other people. A human like Stalin is just as much a monster as a werewolf like Kou Loun or Akira"  
Kodachi bowed her head. "I spoke out of turn... please accept my apology"Nodoka swung her rig into the street the Tendo's was on. She carefully eased the massive machine past the corner and pulled up across the way from the house.  
Armed people in combat fatigues scurried every which way. Nodoka frowned and picked up her katana. She thrust it's sheath through her belt and climbed out of the massive Kenworth's cab.  
A figure dashed across the street to meet her. "Mum! Ya gotta get outta here"  
"Ranma? What in the world is going on"  
"We're gonna be fuckin' attacked any time now! Fuckin' nutball Chinese werewolves, Mum. It's gonna be fuckin' nasty"  
"Werewolves? You mean Joketsuzo Amerai? So they're finally facing down the Saotome clan"  
"Ya know about this crap? I thought Mister Akira Hitler didn't think humans were worth tellin' or botherin' with"  
"Oh, Akira and your father didn't tell me anything, Ranma. It was my father who told me... when he gave me my clan's honour blade. A long time ago the Moroboshi clan was charged with protecting Japan from the depredations of dopplegangers from the Korean peninsula. In the following centuries we"  
"Tell me th' story some other time, Mum. Ya gotta get outta here an' I got a battle ta fight. Worry about"  
"Ranma, as the heir and champion of the Moroboshi line it is my duty to fight any supernaturals who endanger my country. I took up trucking as an excuse to get around Japan. This area is about to be attacked by werecreatures, ergo I am staying and I will fight. End of story"  
Ranma frowned. "Well - okay. It's yer decision but I'd be happier if ya were well away from here. Ya should leave fightin' ta professionals. This is gonna be a shootin' war, Mum. Ya sure ya want ta be involved? I mean, ya use that katana, right? How're ya gonna keep from gettin' blasted ta hamburger meat"  
Nodoka snorted. "Firearms are the least of my worries, son. Now get out the damn way - I'm going to block half this street"  
"Er - how"  
"Ranma, I drive a forty foot artic. The back's loaded with sheet steel rolls. That should provide some fairly substantial cover for your friends"  
She climbed back into her truck and jackknifed it's trailer across the street. Having done so she disconnected it from her tractor unit and parked that square in the street in the other direction. The Amazons immediately saw what this did and large numbers of them vanished under and into the two halves of the truck.  
Ranma nodded. "Nice one, Mum. I gotta dash - I gotta check out th' defences th' other side o' th' house. Okay if we weld some o' that steel sheet ta yer tractor"  
"Good idea"  
Ranma grinned then dashed off shouting instructions. A tight knot of Amazons ran for the two halves of the truck with oxy-acetylene torches.  
Nodoka sighed.  
"I suppose I'll have to repaint my truck after this"  
She stalked over to the tractor and started telling the Amazon engineers how to do their job.  
Ranma dashed back to Mi Soon's truck and swung over the tailgate.  
"Well, looks like we're as ready as we're gonna get"  
Mi Soon nodded. "Good. Now we wait"  
"Yeah"Mao Xing checked the clip in his AK47 again despite the fact that it had been okay the last six times he checked it. He snapped it back into the gun and glanced at his elder sister. Shampoo was idly stroking the stock of her own AK. Ranma was standing beside her and scanning the road with a pair of binoculars. His M60 was propped against the rear bumper of his mother's truck along with a crowbar. Akane was leaning beside the crowbar and glancing around nervously.  
He sighed and looked at Kodachi who was crouching behind the same rock.  
"Is you be certain you okay"  
"I will be alright. I have done my share of clay pigeon shooting." Kodachi patted the semi automatic shotgun she had chosen. "The workmanship that has been put into this gun is fantastic; I have every faith in it's reliability"  
"I not speaks of weapon. I speaks of you... you be have look in eye of person who new to war"  
Kodachi nodded. "That is true, but I am of samurai blood. I shall not shame my ancestors. Although my weapon may be different my courage is the same"  
Mao Xing smiled. He wished he felt as sure of himself as she sounded.  
Ranma let out a warning hiss. "Here they come!" He let the binoculars drop around his neck and shouldered the machine gun. "Everyone ready ta fire on my mark"  
Mao Xing slid his gun's safety off and levelled it down the street. Kodachi cocked her shotgun. Ranma tugged his M60's cocking handle back. Akane flipped her FN-FAL's safety off and readied herself. Shampoo charged her AK.  
All around them they could hear the muted metallic crunches and clicks as the others readied their weapons.  
The seconds ticked by. Mao Xing caught a glimpse of movement in the near distance. He tracked in on it and sighted at the next pool of light cast by a streetlamp.  
A half dozen armed figures moved out of the gloom. He felt a thrill of fear as he recognised them and their weapons - Conservative Amazons carrying AK47's much like his own. Well, not painted black - the Conservatives had obviously not got camouflage figured out.  
Why was Ranma still waiting? He felt an itch in his trigger finger. The Conservatives kept coming.  
He heard Kodachi swallow nervously beside him.  
The conservatives kept coming.  
He could make out their status badges, the colours of their clothes.  
Ranma let out an unearthly battle roar and fired. Nobody missed the hint.  
Thus Completus Partus 20.  
NOTES Next - stuff gets broken, people get killed and things explode as the first battle of Nerima gets underway.  
Thanks must go to my wonderful pre reader Paula Gray. She suggested somewhere around 80 of the chain of events that takes place in this battle.  
Thankyou, Paula!  
Please send any C&C to - my phone line is down once more thus I can only access the email address once a week at most.  
Thanks.  
Calum.  
GLOSSARY OF TERMS Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.  
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.  
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's age.  
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the engine thus forcing it to run faster.  
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the engine.  
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple clamps in the US.  
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built.  
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.  
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a sealed cooling system as found in most cars.  
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.  
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.  
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.  
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.  
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.  
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.  
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and just a bigger version of the same.  
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.  
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.  
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.  
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off.  
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the forks and the frame. Helps steady the steering. 


	4. Chapter 4

From: "Doghead Thirteen" wolfmangehenna. Subject: RanmaFanFic Repost - Biker 1/2 book 1 - chapters 21-26 Biker 1/2 Cycle 1 - Birth of a Modern Legend.  
Book 1 - Opening moves - part 4.  
LEGALISTIC SHIT and RANT Ranma 1/2 is not mine, no no i didn't do it you can't make me say it woz my fault THIS FIC WOULD BE 18-RATED IF YOU FILMED IT AND GAVE IT TO THE BBFC!  
There's audible off-screen sex (but no more, even Ranma has a right to some privacy when he wants it and I'm no good at writing sex scenes) gratuitous violence, character deaths, drugs, rock 'n roll and insane quantities of swearing. If you can't handle it don't read it.  
Ranma 1/2 is property of Rumiko Takahashi and varied companies much bigger than me; I'm just borrowing the characters and world without permission as a way of learning to carry a decent plot. I'll put them back when I've finished with 'em. I promise.  
The Amerai, S'Vek, Sidhe, the Wade family, Clan Hakkenan, Rat Diva, Seven Hope and all related concepts are property of Calum John Wallace (me) and Mad Dog Games; all rights reserved and all that. If you want to use 'em in a fic, please A) read Biker 1/2 carefully, it should give you a good idea of what the Amerai are all about, B) ask for my permission and C) include me in the prereaders for your tale.  
Finally, at least four characters are gay or bisexual - if you can't handle that then please be so kind as to fuck off. Like the alternate Ryoga of this tale I have little time for homophobes due to certain problems suffered by my (bisexual) elder sister.  
Please note, I'm using "this" to denote things said in Cantonese and "this" to denote things said in what wolves use for a language.  
Chapter 21: Kill, Crush and Destroy.  
"Ain't it fun when you know that you're gonna die young?" - Guns 'N Roses,  
'Such Fun'  
"Werewolves, ancient technology, magic, vampires, weird ass curses - all part and parcel of the fun of being alive!" - General Eichii Honda, JSDF Special Operations, quoted from a press conference in March 2000.

Akane snapped another clip into her FAL and opened fire again. She glanced at Shampoo and jerked her head at the garden of the house across the street.  
Shampoo gave a slight nod and the two sprang neatly over the wall, Shampoo shapeshifting as she went.  
They found a small group of Conservatives pinned down by fire from the dozen or so Reformist Amazons who had hidden in the bushes. Akane grinned and popped a grenade into her rifle's underslung launcher.  
Shampoo grinned even wider and joined in letting off short bursts of fire over the pinned Conservative's heads. Akane levelled her rifle and took careful aim with the grenade launcher sights then pulled the trigger.  
There was a massive explosion and a lump of the house behind caved in. The four would - be flankers vanished in a spray of shrapnel then their bodies slammed into the dirt.  
Shampoo was aware of Kodachi and Mao Xing dropping over the wall behind them. She signalled to the hidden Amazons to check out the house then the four moved round the sides, Mao and Kodachi going one way while Akane and Shampoo went the other. Shampoo whispered instructions to the other three then they moved.  
Sure enough they found three more Conservatives heading into the house the other side. It took six seconds for the four Nerimans to mow them down.  
The twelve Reformist Amazons popped out the windows a moment later. Shampoo signalled them to stay in the house then she, Mao, Akane and Kodachi headed back to the road.

Ryoga dropped off the roof of Nodoka's trailer unit with an AK47 in each hand. The street beyond was degenerating into a melee and she had long since emptied Akane's minigun.  
She barged into the horde of advancing Conservatives, feet flying and AK bullets spraying in every direction. A kick caught an enemy under the jaw and sent her into a wall hard enough to embed her in it. Ryoga shot her a couple of times for good measure while spraying shots from her other AK at a dozen Conservatives who were returning fire.  
"Man, this is"  
She ducked a sword blow and smashed it's owner in the face with the bottom of her AK's pistol grip-  
"-Fucking"  
A dozen bullets embedded themselves in the kevlar lining of her leather jacket-  
"-FUN!" She caught a dazed werewolf round the neck in a headlock and used her to club another one then blasted both of them with a few of her wolfsbane - tipped AK shells.

Akane glanced over her shoulder at the sound of machine gun fire and explosions from the neighbouring house they had just checked out.  
She went wide eyed then flung herself over the wall pulling Kodachi after her. Shampoo saw what she was looking at then dragged her brother over the wall.  
There was what looked like a mechanical spider the size of a small car spraying the house behind them with bullets from the ends of it's fangs.  
"Holy shit, what the fuck is that THING"  
"Xian Pu not know!" The Chinese girl was shaken enough by the sight that her Japanese had degenerated almost to gibberish.  
Mao groaned. "I be know. It be ancient war machine what Kou Loun dig up from ancient ruins"  
"Say WHAT"  
"We - how you say - screwed, no"  
Akane pulled her bazooka off of her back.  
"I don't know, but I'm going to try screwing that!" She slotted a missile into the weapon. "You three get out of here - it sounds like it's trying to kill those poor sods we left in that house. Shampoo, cover me - I'm going to blow that freaky spider machine to bits"  
Mao Xing glanced at Kodachi. "You shotgun not hurt that. Go other place, I have thing to pick up." He dashed off into the Saotome-Tendo garden.  
Akane stood up behind the wall and levelled her missile launcher at the spider machine. "Screwed are we? Screw THIS"  
She fired the missile.

Mao Xing burst into the empty workshop and ran over to his bike.  
He stopped beside it and started tearing bits off. Bits he had fastened to it with cable ties to make it look like something it wasn't - a trail bike made from old truck parts.  
The bulky and misshapen black shape beneath all the bits of old Chinese truck was something very different.  
"Ha. It's not just Kou Loun who salvages ancient war machines from those ruins... pity it's gun was fucked"  
He swung onto the bike and shoved the keys into it's jury-rigged ignition then flicked the hidden switch.

Akane swore and stuffed her second missile into the launcher. The spider machine hadn't even noticed her first shot - the missile had exploded harmlessly off it's upper carapace.  
"Okay, bullshitter! Let's try this again"  
She loosed off another round at it. The missile smashed into the machine's leg. Again it was shrouded by a massive fireball.  
This time when the fireball cleared the machine had one less leg. She slotted the third missile into place.  
"And another one"  
She fired again. This missile slammed into it's head and tore one of it's machine gun fangs off.  
Akane grabbed her last missile and slid it into the launcher.  
"And one for the road"  
The spider turned and opened fire at her. She ducked as bits of the wall -  
two foot thick stone - started to fly off.  
Then the spider mecha's fire was answered from behind Akane. The report of a gun she recognised - her 25mm cannon.  
She looked round, expecting to see Ryoga.  
Instead she saw an eight foot tall black humanoid machine that looked like it had crawled out of some manga. And had her big gun clenched in it's hands.

Mao Xing laughed maniacally. "HAHAHAHA! Not so tough now are we, ugly"  
His pride and joy - at one and the same time his bike and his secret weapon - held Akane's massive anti-aircraft gun like a pistol.  
He blasted off another couple of rounds then charged while the spider tank was still reeling from the impact of his shots. The wall didn't even slow his powersuit down -it broke before his charge like surf on a rock.  
There was a massive bang as he bodyslammed the spider tank. He dropped the 25mm cannon and grabbed it's head then wrenched it back, lifting the spider's forelegs off the ground. It's remaining gun fang swivelled towards him and he grabbed it then squeezed.  
He saw Shampoo joining him out of the corner of his eye.

Akane stared. The black mecha and Shampoo were rapidly tearing the spider machine to bits. Ammo cooked off as the black mecha crushed the machine's remaining machine gun. Shampoo clawed through the carapace, tearing strips of ragged metal out of it.  
Then she punched into the cockpit, found the pilot and ripped the unfortunate Conservative Amazon apart.

Kasumi glanced out the window. Gunfire was still crackling sporadically away but it was now mostly replaced by the sound of close combat. The two Amazon groups seemed to be running low on ammo.  
She took another draw at her spliff and returned to the bloodied Amazon she was helping. The girl had stopped nearly a hundred rifle bullets - it was hard to believe she was still going.  
"Like, the miracles of being Amerai." Kasumi ferreted another slug out of a wound. "It's kinda amazing, man. Like, wow... how can you have so much lead in you and keep moving"  
The girl winced. "It's easy - ow fuck - if nothing's blocking your - OW! -  
bones from moving in the right way. But it sure stings"  
"Can you feel any more in there"  
"I think there's a couple more in my arm... it isn't healing up properly. I got a couple in the head but they went clean through. Fuck sake, have I got a headache or what"  
"Like, shot in the head and you're still moving? Wow, man! Kinda how much shooting does it take to, like, kill a Amerai"  
"Shit loads. Either that or explosive bullets"  
There was a couple of thuds from the stairs. Kasumi frowned.  
She finished extracting the last bullet from the Amazon's arm then went to look.  
She found a dazed man in a suit half fallen down the stairs. He lurched to his feet and fell the rest of the way then started pulling himself upright on the end of the bannisters.  
Kasumi swayed over to him. "Like, what's kinda wrong"  
The man groaned. "Ahh fuck - Nabiki - she's been "  
Kasumi got her arm under his shoulder and helped him through to the living room.  
"What's happened to Nabiki"  
The Amazon who was helping her blinked. Kasumi didn't sound stoned any more.  
The man shook his head. " -Dunno. Some fucker - hit me - from behind"  
"Where's my little sister"  
"Gone." Honda slumped onto the couch. "I think someone sneaked in and took her to Kou Loun"  
"No shit! Su, get Dad. We've gotten heads to break"  
Her Amazon 'assistant' dashed out and rapidly came back with an agitated Soun Tendo, Mi Soon and another Amazon.  
Kasumi frowned at her father. "Daddy, Nabiki's been kidnapped"  
Soun narrowed his eyes and grabbed a naginata off the top of a cupboard.  
"Where who when which what why"  
Honda shook his head. "I'm not sure but I suspect this Kou Loun person has her"  
The Amazon who had accompanied Mi Soon piped up.  
"I spotted their camp when I was looking for that Akira guy's van"  
Soun growled. "Well, what are we waiting for? Come on - let's go"  
Kasumi grabbed the AK Akane had left her, dashed into the kitchen and shoved her cleaver down the back of her belt. She slung on her trenchcoat, tugged her driving goggles down then nodded at her father.  
"Like, nothing and I mean nothing stops my hot-rod. Come on, Dad"  
They and the werefalcon girl sprinted through into the garage. The girl stared at the car within for a moment.  
"Holy shit"  
Kasumi dived in through the open driver's window. "Stop gawking and get in"  
The Amazon and Soun followed suit through the passengers side.  
Kasumi fired the engine then flicked a switch on the dash. The garage door rolled up.  
She switched on the stereo, put the car into gear, gunned the engine twice then simultaneously jammed her foot on the throttle and dumped the clutch.

Nodoka was slashing at a frantically dodging Amazon when her opponent was suddenly mown down by a wildly accelerating red Corvette.  
She just had time to recognise it as Kasumi's car then it was gone leaving a fading roar and a two dimensional Amazon to remind people of it's passage.

Soun blinked. "Did we just flatten someone"  
"I thought I felt a bump, man. But who gives a shit"  
"Argh"  
"Like, stop screaming. You're supposed to be a brave Amazon, ain't you"  
"Yes but not at this speed! Left at the next turning! Argh"  
The car flashed past a burning wreck - formerly a Hummvee.

Ranma frowned as the hot-rod shot off down the street and vanished round a corner on two wheels.  
"What th' fuck? Wonder where Kasumi's of ta"  
He turned his attention back to the dozen Amazons he was beating up.

"Right! Turn right"  
"Gotcha!" Kasumi tugged on the handbrake and let the back end slide out then planted her foot back on the throttle. The car popped a wheelie as it slid round the corner. The speedo was just touching 130 miles per hour.  
"They're in the patch of woods about half a mile on"  
Kasumi slammed on the brakes and slid the car for about a quarter of a mile.  
She switched off and climbed out.  
"Right, let's move it"

Genma frowned as a van pulled up and started unloading Amazons. Enemy Amazons. He aimed squarely at it and started building up ki.  
He spotted what the seven or so Amazons were unloading from the van. Ammo.  
Shit loads of ammunition.  
"No you don't! KIJIN RAISHUU-DAN!" He slammed his hands apart.  
A vacuum blade shot out and hit the van bang in the middle.  
Genma dived behind a wall as the pulverised van's fuel tank blew up and touched off the ammo they had been unloading. The wall shook as cooking off bullets smashed into it.  
He nodded and went invisible again.  
"Score another one for the mighty Genma Saotome"

Soun crept towards the camp. Kasumi and the Amazon were hard behind him.  
He swept his eyes across the camp. Around eight or nine enemies - they looked like guards and were crowded round a camp fire playing cards.  
He waved the girls forwards and began to edge towards the fire, holding his naginata at the ready. It felt good to have that blade in his hands again -  
it had belonged to his great-grandfather. It was a family heirloom that had been carefully hidden away when the Allies demanded the disarmament of Japan. Along with the hundred or so other weapons he kept in his house.  
He got to within ten feet of the Amazons before one of them saw him. She yelled and grabbed her AK.  
Soun's next move made both Kasumi and the Amazons gasp. He leapt, did a midair somersault over the fire while shapeshifting and landed beheading the woman who had spotted him then spun round and smashed the two nearest surviving Conservative Amazon's guns away. All this took just under three seconds.  
Then he really got rolling. He repeated his leap over the fire, kicked two of the guards, slashed another with his naginata and punched through a fourth's chest, grabbed the second to last's neck in his mouth then swung her knocking down the last guard. All at the same time.  
He stopped with his teeth around one cringing Amazon's neck and his naginata a hairs breadth away from the other's throat.  
The rest of the guards were dead.  
Kasumi and the werefalcon girl walked over.  
"Where is Nabiki"  
The Amazon in Soun's mouth kept cringing. "Who"  
The other tried to shove herself into the ground. "If you mean the Matriarch's prisoner she's in that truck over there! Please - don't kill me"  
Soun spat his mouthful out and handed two bloodstained AK47's to the girls.  
"I'll get Nabiki. You watch them. They move, they die"  
Kasumi glanced down at the AK then looked at the other girl.  
"So how do you fire this thing"  
"No idea-" KER-CHUNK! "-Just wing it"  
Kasumi shrugged and copied the werefalcon's motions, cocking the gun.  
"Okay!" KER-CHUNK!  
Kasumi shoved the barrel of her gun into one of the two remaining Conservative Amazon's ear. "Well, I do know that when you pull this trigger thingy the end with the hole goes bang very loudly and bullets come out... I think I can take it from there"  
Soun snorted. "Maybe you should take the safety catch off?" He leant over and flipped it to the full auto position.  
Kasumi nodded. "Oh. Thanks, Dad"

Nabiki was scared, sore and angry. Her wrists were securely chained to a section of the truck's rollcage. One of Kou Loun's lackeys had earlier beaten her up a bit.  
She looked up when she heard a few shouts and some crashing and banging from where the guards were grouped round a fire. Somebody had probably cheated.  
Something was sprinting towards the truck. A huge furry figure rolled in,  
ripping the tailgate off.  
It was around nine foot tall and had a very familiar naginata clenched in it's right hand. Nabiki put two and two together, which made.  
"Daddy"

Soun glared out the car's windscreen. Nabiki was too shaken to go into ice queen mode - she was curled up in his lap and crying.  
He cracked his knuckles as they raced back into Nerima.  
"Kou Loun, I'll make you suffer"

Genma glanced around again. A couple of Kou Loun's Amazons were trying to get behind Ranma who was battling a dozen or so other Amazons.  
Genma grinned. Those fools couldn't see him, couldn't even imagine he was there.

Akane slotted another clip into her AK and looked around, searching for targets. She spotted a flicker of motion by the garden wall and cracked off half a dozen shots at it, forcing whoever it was to hit the ground. Shampoo dashed past her with the black mecha beside her.  
The two killing machines - one biological and the other mechanical - smashed through the wall and flipped a van over onto a half dozen enemies. Akane waved Kodachi forwards and kept scanning while the other girl limped hastily to the wall.  
Kodachi snapped another drum into her shotgun's receiver and stood half up,  
scanning once more for targets while Akane dashed over the patch of open ground.  
Akane looked around again. The four of them were some distance from the main area of fighting - Shampoo had thought she'd seen something being unloaded from a truck and they had gone to investigate.  
They were now beginning to realise just how large a distance three hundred yards could be.  
The mecha shot her a thumbs up then crouched down to examine some peculiar scarring on the pavement. It looked like something very heavy with at least six small wheels had run up the kerb and gone into the garden opposite their position.  
Shampoo nodded and slapped her last clip of ammo into her AK. She checked both directions then started moving across the road while the other three covered her.  
She froze for a moment as a series of thuds then a muffled scream echoed from the house across the street. "What in the"  
All four of them came to an unspoken agreement and bolted across the street.  
They paused at the wall. Akane and Kodachi ducked into an alcove while the other two jumped over.  
A section of the house beyond the wall collapsed. Shampoo frowned and started moving towards the wreckage.  
The rubble moved.  
"There's someone alive under all that?" Shampoo stopped by the ruins.  
"Amazing"  
The rubble shifted again. A claw - like arm burst out of it and grabbed her crotch.  
Akane shoved Kodachi flat on the ground. The black mecha dashed towards Shampoo. Shampoo emptied her AK into the rubble then the minigun in the palm of the claw opened fire.  
Shampoo screamed once then went limp. Her AK clattered to the ground and she shifted back to human form.  
A second spider tank shrugged the rubble off it's carapace and tossed the bloodstained Amazon away.  
And another one bites the dust!  
Chapter 22: I wanna destroy.  
"Pressure's building up inside, I gotta let it out tonight. Shattered window cure my pain and make me feel okay" - The Offspring, 'Nothing from Something'  
"Thirty minutes of pure, unadulterated hell." - Saotome-Tendo Enterprises CEO Nabiki Tendo, describing the First Battle of Nerima.

Mao Xing stared unseeingly at the HUD within his powersuit's faceplate.  
"-Sis"  
The spider machine turned and brought it's guns to bear on the black mecha.  
"-Sis"  
The powersuit's onboard battle computer jerked it's arms up in front of it's face as minigun rounds spanged uselessly off of it.  
"-Sis"  
Seeing his reaction and the ineffectiveness of her fire, the spider mech's pilot retargeted Shampoo.  
Mao Xing tried to yell at it to leave her alone, to fight him. All that came out was a scream.  
He lowered his arms and levelled his gun at the spider. His finger twitched against the trigger and 25mm shells screamed into the enemy mecha. The gun clicked.  
Out of ammo.  
He cast it aside and charged, not noticing that he was still screaming in a mindless rage. Not noticing his body changing and growing and the powersuit changing to fit his new body.

Akane gulped as the black mecha started howling like a banshee, emptied the 25mm cannon at the spider machine then charged.  
She gasped. The black mecha was shapeshifting.  
"Oh my GOD! It's a cyborg Amerai"  
People sometimes have all the evidence and still reach the wrong conclusion.  
She cast around. What could she do?  
The long six barrelled, belt-fed metal shape laying in an overturned car -  
from the dents Ryoga had been there - answered that.  
She looked at the belt of ammo connected to the minigun. Depleted uranium.  
A decidedly evil grin spread across her face.  
"Alright"

John Kirth sprinted through the melee, ducking and weaving under attacks. He had somewhere to be.  
A series of bangs followed by a massive BRAAAAAAAAAAP! noise echoed from his target location. He leapt over the wall and found the black powersuit battering at a frantically reversing spider tank while Akane staggered under the immense recoil of a 7.62 calibre minigun and screamed. Bits of the beleaguered spider tank were starting to fly off. Shampoo was laying in a puddle of blood and rapidly healing.  
John Kirth grinned and cracked his knuckles. Time to rock and roll.  
The black mecha ground to a halt as its motors overheated and shut down,  
then toppled onto it's face.  
Realising she was no longer being battered by the black werewolf machine,  
the spider tank's pilot turned towards her other assailant. One unarmoured teenage girl with a very large machine gun. Much easier.  
Then a fireball rocketed across the garden and touched off the spider tank's leaking fuel cells.  
John smirked and blew imaginary smoke from his fingertips.  
"Right between the eyes"

Ranma skidded round the corner, running perpendicular to the ground on a wall for a couple of seconds. He hit the ground still running and did a flying leap into the middle of a group of enemy Amazons.  
They were completely unprepared for a whirlwind assault of fists, foreheads,  
boots, elbows, knees and teeth.  
Ranma stood up from pummelling the last of them and spotted Ryoga headbutting an Amazon through a wall.  
"Hey! Sis"  
Ryoga jumped up and down on the Amazon a few times then turned round. "Hey,  
bro! How's it going"  
"Ya know that ECM what Nabiki wuz complainin' about? Reckon we should do somethin' about it"  
"Yeah, might be a good idea right enough. Come on"  
"No ya dipshit! We don't know WHERE! We gotta go back th' house an' talk ta Nabiki, see? An' the house ain't that way"  
"Alright, enough already. Lead on"  
The two bikers raced back to the house, smashing their way through the melee around it. They skidded to a halt in the garden then ducked inside the house.  
They burst into the living room together. Kasumi was helping a couple of Amazons who had stuff stuck in them that was stopping them healing up.  
She glanced up as the two came in the door then shot them a tired grin.  
"You dudes alright"  
"Yeah, is Nabs in her room"  
"I'm here." came a shaky voice from the couch.  
Ranma walked over then frowned and sat down beside Nabiki.  
"Ya alright, Nabs? Ya look kinda fucked up. Anythin' I can do ta help"  
"Ranma, once this crap is over there's something I've got to do. I need to learn to fight well. I mean, I've got a dan in Kempo but around here that makes me a non-combatant and I just can't stay that way"  
"Yeah, sure! Don't ya worry, I'll have ya muckin' in with th' best o' us in no time. Look, there's somethin' we figured needs done th' now. We need ta get a fix on Kou Loun's jammer so we can go an' fuck it up"  
"So you want me to triangulate it, right? Okay, but stick with me while I do it"  
Nabiki stood up - wincing slightly as she put weight on the leg someone had kicked out from under her earlier. She limped upstairs and grabbed a portable radio set.  
After checking some dials in two places in the house she drew a couple of lines on a map.  
"That's where it is"  
"Nabs, why're ya limpin"  
"I got kidnapped then beaten up earlier"  
"What bastard did that"  
"I don't know his face... tall guy with long dark hair, white trenchcoat and damn thick specs"  
Ranma gritted his teeth. "That Moose dick. He's dead meat... Nobody an' I mean fuckin' NOBODY fucks with my family an' gets away with it!" He gave Nabiki a quick hug. "Don't ya worry, I'll rip that stinkin' bastard ta bits"  
"He took me to Kou Loun... that's where I got beat up"  
Ranma gritted his teeth again, grabbed a couple of ammo belts from the table, threw one to Ryoga then nodded.  
"Okay, Ryoga. We're bein' jammed from a couple o' streets across. Let's get our bikes an' go waste some fuckhead ass"  
He snapped the belt into his M60 and tugged the charging handle back.  
"Your bikes? Are you nuts? You'll get"  
"I'm surprised at ya, Nabs. Mind John said there's forcefields on our bikes"  
Nabiki blinked. "Oh yeah"

Nodoka smiled nastily at her opponent.  
"You know what you remind me of? This dumb boy racer I ran into in a transport cafe up north. All mouth and no brawn"  
The werewolf growled and attacked, sending a blurringly fast string of blows at her. Nodoka casually turned them aside with the flat of her sword.  
Sizzling noises came from the werewolf's arm each time it touched.  
The clatter of shots from behind her showed that Ranko still had ammo.  
Nodoka laughed and decapitated the werewolf.  
She glanced around. The enemy Amazons were backing away from her.  
Rule one when fighting supernaturals, her father had told her. Always mock them.  
She laughed and wiped blood from her sword on her dead opponent.  
"You lot are so pathetic... Come here and fight, you cowards"

Ranma let out an exultant whoop as his bike shot round the corner. He could see a van pulling away further down the street.  
Nabiki had given them a direction finding radio that was set to one of the jammed channels.  
It was clamped to his handlebars and the arrow on it's dial pointed straight at the van.  
Ryoga glanced over at him. "Well"  
"That van, I think. Come on"  
Ranma raced past the van. Sure enough the dial swung round, keeping pointed at it. "It is too"  
He unshouldered his M60 and started spraying the van with bullets. Ryoga saw him open fire and followed suit.  
First it's windows blew out then one tyre went. A bullet found the van's fuel tank as it flipped over.  
"WOW! WHAT A SHOW"  
The van disintegrated in a huge fireball.  
Ryoga triumphantly punched her fist into the air. They turned their bikes and raced back towards the house.

Mortise growled. In his present form he couldn't talk. Certainly no language any human or werewolf would understand.  
He grabbed an Amazon and slammed her into the tarmac, leaving a foot deep dent. The Conservative didn't move after that.  
A thermos flask full of hot water impacted against his ear and he returned to human form. This didn't really make that much difference as far as Mortise was concerned. He selected another target and struck, punching through her chest and dropping her heart in the gutter.  
He snarled, showing his fangs. His eyes glowed red as he began to burn ki at an extraordinary rate, accelerating towards a group of Amazons at nearly sixty miles per hour. His battle aura blazed into life, a pulsing red glow.  
Even in human form, Mortise Tarou looked like something straight out of hell.

Akira jerked his hands up. "HADOKEN"  
A glowing blue ball of ki exploded out of his hands, ploughed through twelve Amazons and a car then obliterated a large lump of a house that was unlucky enough to get in the way.  
He chose another target and unleashed a fully blown Amaguriken in her face.  
She flew sixty feet and smashed through a fence.  
An Amazon in Battle form dropped in front of him and started pulling faces.  
Akira's bad temper exploded.  
He went after her like a mad thing, punching, kicking, headbutting, even biting. But the Amazon evaded all of it.  
The other Amazons in the area saw the spiral pattern and reacted accordingly.  
Akira's opponent suddenly turned and launched an uppercut.  
"HIYRU SHOTEN HA"  
"OH SHIT"  
Akira was promptly launched straight upwards into the resulting whirlwind.  
He finally came to earth on his ear in the middle of the Tendo back garden.  
He spat out his mouthful of dirt, staggered back to his feet and stormed back into the fight.

Ranma glanced down the street. "What the fuck? I thought I saw some sorta fuckin' whirlwind screamin' 'Oh Shit' down there"  
Ryoga snorted. "Ya must be going nuts, bro"  
"Th' scream wuz in that dick Akira's voice"  
"Come on - let's get back to the house an' dump our bikes"  
They turned and steamrollered their way through the melee.

Kou Loun pogoed through the melee, idly throwing away any Reformist stupid enough to get in her path.  
Two flat black bikes shot past, ploughing varied combatants out of their way. One rider - Ranma - spotted her and sprayed her with his M60. She dodged out the way of the hail of bullets and let them smash into a wall behind her.  
Kou Loun raised her hands to launch an attack but the biker was gone.  
She turned her attention back towards the raging vampire boy. He was walking straight into her trap.  
"Like a lamb to the slaughter"

Mortise snarled again. The group of Amazons leapt clear of him, letting him see the trio of withered hags who had been hidden within his ranks.  
He recognised their black and gold robes - the colours of an Amazon Magus.  
"Houston, we have a problem"

Akira snarled. He had let his temper take over control and he was lucky that none of the Amazons he was attacking knew the Hiryu Shoten Ha.  
He snarled again and launched at one of them. At which point a length of chain suddenly wrapped itself round his legs pitching him onto his face.  
An anvil joined it, landing on his arse with a resounding clunk. Several somethings smashed over him then a wheel contacted his ear. From the weight it was attached to a car. Akira let out an enraged howl and started trying to shred the varied objects. More and more whatevers piled onto him.

Ranma stepped out of the gates and couldn't suppress a laugh, despite being really angry at the sight. Mu Tze was standing and dropping an immense pile of objects on Akira. He'd already dumped a couple of fridges, a safe, two anvils, at least sixty feet of chain and a pink Cadillac on the Saotome elder.  
Ranma launched. He owed Mu Tze one hell of a kicking for Nabiki.  
His feet ripped lumps out of the tarmac as he let out the Ranma Saotome warcry and charged.  
"GERONIMO"  
Mu Tze looked up a moment too late - just in time to get a real close-up view of the bottom of Ranma's boot.  
This caused the bank vault door Mu Tze had been about to smash Akira in the face with to drop on Mu Tze's toes.  
"AAAARRRRRGH"  
Ranma grabbed a sledgehammer Mu Tze had earlier dumped on Akira.  
"FORE"  
He grinned nastily as the Chinese boy sailed over a house.  
"Well, I think that's a hole-in-one." He dumped the hammer - it landed back on Akira - and raced off, headed for another bunch of Amazons who were sprinting down the street having regrouped down the road a bit.

Shampoo staggered to her feet. "I alright! I alright"  
Akane let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God - if there is one"  
She glanced at the dazed figure John was helping out of the black mecha.  
"Your brother punked. Bigstyle"  
"It Mao Xing in black robot thing"  
Akane nodded. "Come on - let's head back towards the house. John says there's a couple of bullets still in you - we need to get Kasumi to get them out"  
Shampoo winced at the shooting pains from her legs. "Be so"  
A distant BRAAAAAAAAAAP! announced yet another spider machine. Akane's face hardened and she heaved her new minigun onto her shoulder.  
"Scratch that - I've got something to blow to fucking bits"

Ranma rolled aside, shocked nearly out of his socks. He concentrated on the Battle form and felt his body responding, changing to a wolfman.  
The spider tank thing kept up it's hail of fire. Ranma frowned.  
"So how th' hell do I smash this?" he wondered aloud. He suddenly grinned and jumped at it, landing neatly on it's head.  
It started to jerk around violently, trying to shake him off. Ranma snarled.  
"Ya can't get rid o' a Saotome that easy, fuckwit!" He latched onto it's head and started trying to rip bits off of it. Sparks flew from his claws as they raked across it, tearing strips from it's armour.  
"Damn! Sure is tough-SHIT"  
An especially wild jolt sent him sprawling onto the ground. He flipped upright and sideways as it fired at where he'd landed. He came up from the flip and jumped over it, planting a couple of full strength kicks in it's carapace as he flew over. They left large dents in it's hull. It responded by kicking him with one of it's hindlimbs sending him ploughing into a wall.  
"Goddamnit!" He sprang clear of the rubble as it's guns pulverised what was left of that stretch of wall.  
His foot hit a patch of spilt oil and he landed flat on his face. As he started to come up out of the fall something very heavy landed on his back.  
One of the spider machine's feet. Ranma swore and tried to rip it off, but he couldn't get enough leverage.  
"Ohh shit"  
A pair of booted feet appeared in his line of vision. He recognised them as his father's boots.  
There was a cracking noise and the spider tank fell in two halves. Genma leant down and gave his son a hand up.  
Ranma looked at the older man for a second.  
"Thanks, Dad"  
Genma grinned smugly. "No problem, son. You mean far too much to me to let some pile of junk shoot you up. Come on - we got heads to break"  
The two Saotomes, father and son, sprinted off towards what looked like the centre of the battle. Genma finally decided to shapeshift as they went.  
Ranma let out a low whistle as his father started the - by now familiar -  
shapeshifting twist. Only this one kept going.  
Genma grew. And grew. And grew.  
Sixteen feet of werebear grinned down at his nine foot werewolf son.  
"Let's break stuff, Ranma"

Ranko blasted another couple of shots into the melee. She was starting to reduce her fire rate since the battle was rapidly devolving into one huge melee, both sides intermingled and still trying to tear each other to bits.  
Something caught her eye - an Amazon with a sniper rifle crouched on a roof.  
The gun had a laser sight and the red dot was tracking in on the back of Nodoka's head.  
Just as she was about to act something else caught her attention - Mortise screaming. She glanced over that way and saw him struggling in the centre of a field of crackling blue light.  
Fifty generations of martial artists, warriors and samurai as ancestors swung into play. Ranko wasn't much of a hand-to-hand fighter, but she knew what she had to do. Her genetic makeup came from two of the toughest warrior lines in Japan.  
She leapt upwards, unsure how she was managing it. Her shotgun leg slammed into her left hand as her right drew a bead on the sniper.  
For a fleeting second she was glad that she'd swapped her pump - actioner for a SPAS 12 semi automatic shotgun before the battle. Then there was no time for thinking, just time for doing. The recoil of the shotgun jerked up her leg. Her handgun bellowed.  
She felt a series of hammerblows all over her body. She saw Mortise rip out of the field of light as one of the three hags flew forwards into him. The sniper tumbled backwards off the roof.  
Ranko grinned as she smashed into the ground on her face. Mission accomplished.  
She rolled herself over, noticing the huge amount of blood coming from her stomach as she did so.

Nodoka heard Ranko scream something unintelligible. She turned to see what was wrong with the girl.  
A dot of red light caught her eye. She recognised it as a laser sight at the exact moment Ranko fired. The sniper rifle crashed, but the sniper was jerked off line as she pulled the trigger and the bullet slammed into the ground between Nodoka's feet. A pair of enemy Amazons saw Ranko's jump and opened fire on the red haired girl.  
Nodoka felt herself go numb all over as her daughter hit the ground, blood seeping from her body. Ranko pushed herself onto her back. The two Amazons levelled their guns at her.  
Two furry figures - one simply large and the other positively MASSIVE - hit the pair of Amazon gunwomen. The werewolf rammed his fist through one of them's chest from behind. The werebear grabbed the other and squeezed. Blood sprayed from between his arms as the Amazon was squashed flat.  
Nodoka found herself beside her daughter. Her knees hit the ground with a thud.  
The werebear spoke.  
"Ranko"  
She opened her eyes.  
"Dad"  
The werewolf - apparently Ranma - crouched down. "Sis, yer gonna be alright.  
Just hang on in there, huh"  
"Ranma? I'm dying, bro... guess I'll see ya around, huh"  
Mortise knelt down beside Nodoka.  
"Ranko... This proves it; there is no God"  
Ranko tried to laugh, but only succeeded in coughing.  
"I think I'm gonna find out. I'll see you guys later"  
Mortise grabbed her hand. "Ranko! You CAN'T die! I won't let you"  
"Wolfsbane bullets, man. That'll be why she ain't changin'. WHERE THE HELL IS MI SOON"  
"It's no good worrying about that, Ranma. But... there is a way"  
"Huh"  
"I am clinically dead, Ranma"  
Ranma glanced from the vampire boy to Ranko and back.  
"Ranko? Ya want this? 'Cause it ain't my choice"  
Ranko nodded. "Do it"

Nodoka stared at her son. Her eldest child by about ten minutes.  
He had returned to human form. Ranma looked extremely angry. He had his back turned to Ranko and Mortise, refusing to look.  
"I'm gonna teach Cow Lone a lesson she ain't gonna ever fuckin' forget"  
Nodoka shut her eyes. "Oh, God... where did I go wrong"  
"Ya don't wanna ask some god that, Mum - they ain't gonna answer. Fact is,  
ya didn't go wrong. Cow Lone went fuckin' wrong. If she wuz a decent sort she'd leave us th' hell alone an' let Shampoo get on wiv her own life rather than tryin' ta run it fer her. I mean, what Ranko did wuz th' right thing an' I woulda done the exact same if I wuz her - well, I probably woulda landed in one piece. It wuz her choice an' she made th' right choice. Yer family, Mum. Mortise ain't only good ta have on yer side, he's a damn nice guy ta boot. He's th' sorta guy I'd stick my neck out fer any day. Hell, I spent this entire fight stickin' my neck out fer folks"  
Nodoka shook her head again. "I just don't get it, Ranma! You kids go on about honour not mattering and how you won't die for it yet"  
"Honour ain't worth a damn out here in th' real world. Life sucks, so ya gotta make th' best of it in yer own way, Mum. I ain't gonna die fer some concept. When I go I'm gonna go fighting fer somethin' I can believe in.  
That wuz th' biggest lesson life taught me - it ain't what ya do, it ain't who ya know, it's who ya are. Live an' let live, that's what I do. But any fucker who tries ta screw up people's lives around me better watch out because they're gonna get me upside th' head. Ryoga think's th' same way.  
So do Akane an' Shampoo. An' Ranko. I dunno about Mortise but I guess his first concern ain't whether society sez somethin's right, it's whether his heart or whatever he uses fer one sez somethin's right. Sometimes th' only way ta do th' right thing is ta act dishonourable, even ta break th' law.  
When a friend's life's on th' line or family are gonna get screwed over -  
sod fightin' fair. Fight ta win whenever it counts. Like I said, live an'  
let live an' if some bugger don't - kick their ass"  
Nodoka opened her eyes. "I think I'll give that a try"  
"It's worth it, Mum. Ya had ta fight ta get yer place in truckin' - th'  
accepted thing fer women ta do in that world is not get involved. Ya got involved, ya did well an' ya made a name fer yerself. Truckers hear yer name, they think o' a woman who beats th' guys at their own game"  
Nodoka nodded. "I get you. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it"  
"I gotta go bust ass, Mum. Keep an eye on things round here, huh"  
She nodded. Ranma turned and sprinted away.

A eight wheeled APC skidded round the corner. It's turret cannon started hailing fire into the mob of regrouping Conservative Amazons.  
The back hatch crashed down and six figures stepped out. Each was dressed in camo fatigues and toting an insane quantity of firepower.  
They levelled their guns and opened fire.

Akira raged through the heart of the battle. smashing anything within reach.  
A small and horribly familiar figure stepped out in front of him, blinked and shapeshifted.  
"AKIRA"  
"KOU LOUN! YOU'RE DEAD"  
They glared at each other for a second then attacked, both simultaneously launching the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken at each other, simultaneously attacking and blocking the other's attacks.  
Once more unto the next chapter.  
Chapter 23: Repercussions.  
"Second guess, did I do my best? There was a friend I had..." - The Offspring, 'No Hero'  
"Do you really think I had any idea what I was getting into?" - Ranko Saotome on vampirism.

Akira slid around a series of blows. Kou Loun snorted and had another go with the Amaguriken. Akira backflipped clear and started laughing.  
"Two thousand five hundred years and you're still too slow, kid"  
"Oh, go screw yourself. I hear that Ranma brat had very few problems beating you to a pulp"  
Akira snorted and lobbed a couple of Hadokens at her. She countered them with blasts of her own. Varied onlookers from both sides were now centring their attention on the pair, the battle forgotten while they watched what had to be the facedown of the decade. If not the century.  
"You've got as much power as an average slug, Akira"  
"So speaks the one who had to bring along an army to capture one brat.  
HADOKEN"  
Kou Loun jumped over the ki blast. "You do like showing off, don't you"  
"Aye right. And you fuck anything that moves. I heard you once dated your own brother"  
"Oh, and who decided to assassinate an ally who trusted him"  
Another ki blast shot at her, this one tinted red.  
"That Saki bitch was a demon hunter. Enough said"  
Kou Loun sniggered and jumped over the blast.  
"That's not what I heard"  
Akira smirked and started closing on her. "Oh? Then maybe - just maybe -  
your informants aren't quite as reliable as you think. Saki Moroboshi was a demon hunter. She killed several close friends of mine"  
Kou Loun snorted and shot a sidekick at him, followed up by a string of punches which he evaded smoothly.  
"Oh? I didn't know you had friends"

Nodoka felt her legs starting to go weak again. Saki Moroboshi. One of the most capable demon hunters ever to exist. Killed by a car bomb some twenty years ago.  
Her mother.  
Nodoka's grip tightened on her katana. She steadied herself and narrowed her eyes. Kick ass, huh?  
"Something tells me Ranma was right, is right"

Akira snorted. "Oh yeah? And what about poor old Damien? The old vamp,  
wouldn't hurt a fly? Staked then flamethrowered on the orders of a certain Amazon? For being too close to Joketsuzo? After being welcomed into the village with open arms? Or a certain young lady I suspect might be named Xian Pu? The one who was supposed to be the next Matriarch of Joketsuzo? The one you decided to assassinate for finding her own life?" He punctuated his words with a string of punches, kicks, headbutts and bites. All of which either missed or got blocked.  
Kou Loun smirked again. "Akira, you always were a narrow - minded arrogant bigot. I distinctly remember when you threw your own mother out on the street for saying she thought you were an idiot. And I also clearly recall you tipping off Clan Hakkenan as to the whereabouts of poor little Xian Pu's mother, then helping those psychotic backstabbing werefoxes disguise it as the actions of the Japanese government"  
Her own replying stream of attacks was suddenly cut short as she sensed something inbound. She ducked aside and swung her arm up to block the attack she'd sensed. She had no idea what was coming at her, just roughly what angle There was a noise like silk tearing and her arm slammed into the ground. She jerked out of Battle form.  
Everyone gasped. Where the Conservative Amazon matriarch had stood there was now a white haired six foot Amazon beauty staring at the stump of her arm.  
She rolled aside as Nodoka went to hack off her head. Kou Loun rapidly dived into a nearby group of her supporters.  
Nodoka glared after the woman.  
"And don't come back"  
She turned to Akira. He too had returned to human form. His jaw was hanging open and making him a contender for the World Record for widest opening mouth.  
"As for you, you treacherous backstabbing piece of shit - eat this"  
She whirled her katana round. Akira was knocked flat before it could contact him.  
Ranma grinned at his mother from where he was now crouching on the older man's back.  
"Leave this fuckhead ta me, Mum. I gotten a shitload I owe him"  
Nodoka paused then picked a rag - formerly part of somebody's clothes - off the ground and used it to clean up her sword.  
"Ranma, this bastard had my mother killed"  
Ranma growled. "Beheadin's too quick for th' bastard. Come on - we got other problems ta solve"  
Nodoka blinked. "That hag's lackeys are leaving, Ranma"  
Ranma swept his eyes around the battered street. The last few Conservative Amazons were bolting off in every direction.  
"We won... We fuckin' won"  
Akira spat his mouthful of dirt out. "Ranma, get off my damn head"  
"If he does, you festering piece of shit, your head will be off your goddamn neck"

Ranko sat up. She spat out the mouthful of filth she had somehow collected.  
Mortise knelt down beside her.  
"Are you okay"  
She nodded then blinked and slumped back down.  
"My leg"  
"What? What's wrong"  
Ranko pointed at her prosthetic limb.  
"It doesn't hurt"

A silence descended over the area around the Tendo-Saotome dojo as the Nerima Amazons began the grim task of counting the dead. The dojo became a makeshift morgue.  
Ranma stood and watched the scene in silence. A small group of Amazons were over to his left, helping Mortise and Ranko by giving the latter her first vampire meal. Nodoka was overseeing the removal of makeshift armour plate from her truck. Nabiki had recovered somewhat from her kidnap, but she still jumped violently at every loud noise. She was talking to Honda and a couple of grunts.  
He sighed and reached for his cigarettes. He stopped suddenly when his fingers encountered an arm.  
He looked down. Shampoo was standing beside him with her hand on his chest.  
"Ranma"  
"Huh"  
Akane leant against his right side. "What are you spacing out for, Ranma"  
Ranma sighed and gathered the two of them into a mutual embrace.  
"We're alive... Thank fuck"  
A familiar bald bearded figure in a beat up leather jacket stepped round a building. Genma's face was lit by the glow of a cig.  
Ranma waved. "Yo! Dad! Over here"  
Genma nodded and slouched over to his son.  
"It's over"  
"Dad... there's somethin' I gotta say. Ya know th' way I usta always slag ya off"  
Genma winced and nodded.  
"Dad, I wuz wrong. Yer none o' that stuff." He jerked his thumb at the black Dodge van that was parked nearby. "It's Akira who's th' dickhead"  
A warm smile spread across Genma's face. Ranma and the girls parted slightly, inviting him into their mutual hug.  
"Dad, yer th' best. Ya rock"  
Genma felt tears running down his face. But he couldn't stop grinning.  
"Thanks, son"  
They stood like that for several moments before a voice interrupted them.  
It was Mao Xing.  
"Xian Pu! It Wu Chii... she asking for you." He swallowed. "Mi Soon say she only have maybe ten minutes"  
Shampoo let out a moan and broke away from the other three. She dashed after her brother towards the house.  
Ranma and Akane looked at each other then dashed after her, followed closely by Genma. The smiles had vanished from their faces.

Akane blinked as Shampoo went straight past the living room and dashed down the steps into the basement. They dashed after her.  
She was standing on the hatch and fumbling frantically at the wall.  
"Shampoo? What's wrong"  
"Wu Chii be sister of Tiger"  
Akane blinked again and flipped the latch. The hatch sank into the floor.  
Shampoo hugged her.  
Akane could feel damp on her T-shirt from Shampoo's tears.  
"Is only right she see her sister again"  
They dashed to the third basement room, let the dusty Amazon within out.  
Tiger glanced around at them.  
"What now"  
Shampoo grabbed her arm. "Is no time for chit-chat. Wu Chii here... she dying"  
Tiger gasped.  
"She can't be"  
"Come on!" They dragged the shocked Amazon over to the hatch.

Wu Chii was breathing in quick, ragged gasps when they got to the living room. Shampoo went over and knelt beside her oldest, best friend. Wu Chii smiled crookedly at her.  
"Xian Pu... it's good to see you"  
"Wu... I've brought someone you might want to see"  
Tiger's knees hit the floor with a resounding thud.  
"Wu... Little sister... who did this to you"  
"Conservatives, sis"  
Tiger's face hardened. "Why? Why"  
Wu Chii whispered her next words. "Because they could"  
Shampoo gently wiped the blood and filth off her friend's face.  
"You did alright out there"  
"Little sister, lend me your blade"  
Wu nodded and fumbled a dagger out of her belt. She held it out to her sister with one trembling hand.  
Ranma tensed up.  
Tiger looked at the knife for a moment then calmly pulled off her shirt. She reached up and fingered her bone pendant for a moment then took it off.  
She paused for a second then stabbed the knife through the pendant.  
Wu Chii nodded and shakily removed her own.  
Tiger took Wu's pendant from her shaking hands. Shampoo gasped and dashed outside. She was back in a moment with a handful of dirt.  
Tiger looked her dying sister over. The wound that was killing her was easily visible - a broken off spear in her chest. Wu's lungs were filling with blood too fast for her werewolf body to stop it drowning her.  
Tiger silently cut a strip from her own skin in the exact location of Wu's fatal wound. Shampoo handed her the dirt and she firmly rubbed it into the wound.  
She placed Wu's pendant around her own neck.  
"You will be avenged, sister"  
Tiger cleaned the knife on her own shirt then slid it back into it's sheath.  
The two sisters looked each other in the eye for a moment then Wu let out a gentle sigh. Her eyes closed. She let out one more ragged breath and was still.  
Her eyes rolled sightlessly open.  
Tiger gently closed them. She carefully picked her sister up. Shampoo gathered up the varied weapons that had been laying around Wu and lead Tiger out to the dojo.  
Tiger glanced around then lay Wu down among the ranks of the dead. She took Wu's weapons and carefully loaded the guns, slid the weapons into holsters and sheaths.  
With a final click the last knife went into it's sheath.  
Tiger and Shampoo bowed to the dead girl then turned away, their eyes fierce.  
Tiger swept her gaze across the others, who were grouped by the door watching them. "A warrior died tonight"  
Shampoo nodded. "A warrior died tonight"  
Tiger smiled slightly. Not a nice smile. "But her death will be avenged"  
Shampoo nodded and clasped hands with the other girl. "But her death will be avenged"

Tiger sat on a remaining lump of wall and stared at the moon.  
She heard footsteps crunch on the gravel behind her. Looking round she found Ranma frowning up at her.  
"There's somethin' ya oughta see"  
"Don't bother me now, mister. I've got a lot on my mind"  
"We found a dead Conservative holdin' a busted off spear handle. She had nearly two hundred AK rounds in her, her throat wuz slashed an' someone had stabbed a crowbar through her head. Th' bullets wuz outta yer sister's gun an' I flung that crowbar... Th' busted spear fit th' one yer sister got hit by." He paused. "I gotten a rough idea how yer feelin'. If ya need ta talk,  
come see me or Shampoo"  
He turned and walked back inside. Tiger resumed her stargazing.  
But she now had a vindictive grin on her face.

Ranma slumped down on his bed, muttering obscenities about the number of bullet holes in the clothes Shampoo had just taken off.  
"Goddamnit, how much blastin' did ya get"  
Akane snorted. "She stopped around sixty 25mm shells from one of those spider machines"  
"Oh, hell... is th' baby alright"  
Shampoo nodded. "Mi Soon is check my ki five minutes ago. Is extra aura"  
She patted her belly.  
Ranma nodded and pulled the two girls in beside him.  
"Thank fuck. Say, what wuz that ritual thing Tiger done"  
Shampoo sighed. "Is way for say that vengeance is only reason she have for to live any more"  
"I told her about that corpse Mortise found. Th' one with th' spear what yer friend wuz killed wiv... ya reckon Tiger's gonna be alright"  
"Yeah, she one tough chick"

Mortise sighed and sat back.  
"Well, thanks all of you. Ranko, Mi Soon said she wanted to speak to you.  
I've got to go for a walk"  
Ranko nodded and stood up. She walked outside without looking at any of the Amazon blood donors.  
Mortise sighed again and shook his head. He got to his feet and left through the other door, shooting the dozen or so Amazons a cocky grin as he went.

Ranko stopped by the tailgate of Mi Soon's truck. She could hear the old Amazon talking to someone in a low voice.  
"...t. Sure, it's a hiccup, but worse things have happened at sea"  
The someone - another Amazon elder - replied.  
"Mi Soon, you know the stories about those creatures as well as I do"  
"And you know the stories about we shapeshifters as well as I do. Come back and finish annoying me later, I have something I need to do"  
The other elder grunted. Ranko heard her jump down from the truck and stride off towards another vehicle.  
She climbed into Mi Soon's truck. The old lady nodded at her.  
"Hello, Ranko. I think I need to explain a few things to you.  
Ranko sighed. Every so often she was noticing her own lack of breathing.  
This was scaring her.  
"Mortise said you wanted to talk to me. What likes"  
"Oh, a few details of your new nature"  
"There's nothing natural about it, you old bat! I spent the last half an hour drinking blood, damnit!" She made a face. "I feel sick"  
Mi Soon sighed.  
"Ranko, you need to understand. The blood is not the point, it's what's in it. Vampires are beings of pure ki"  
"Pure ki"  
"Yes, that's what I said. When Mortise... did what he did, your entire mass was converted into heavy ki. To survive you need more ki to replace that which you use to move about. The easiest source of ki is human blood. Drink it and you will absorb the ki within. Go too long without getting ki and you will crumble into dust"  
"You mean I have to drink people's blood to survive"  
"Not necessarily. That is the easiest way to acquire ki. Other methods exist, but they are slower and harder. For example, you could hang around in an area which sees frequent martial arts duels and absorb the ki that saturates such places. Or you could beg it off of your Amerai relatives"  
"Huh"  
"In ki terms, Amerai are to humans what a nuclear bomb is to a firecracker.  
We shapeshifters generate almost endless quantities of ki. We bleed ki into our environment. We pick up stray ki from other Amerai. We burn ki whenever we shapeshift, heal or use our other powers. Ki is life force. There is nobody this is more true for than a vampire such as yourself. Since you are made of pure ki you have several distinct advantages and accompanying disadvantages. You cannot be injured by attacks that contain no ki or magic.  
You can learn to absorb ki from attacks, plugging that weakness. You cannot be killed - if you 'die', all it takes is for a ki buildup in the right place and guess who's back? Say you were 'killed'. If, for example, someone spilt some blood on the ground where you had collapsed, or a martial arts duel took place. Or even say a werewolf started using their powers nearby.  
You would reform instantly. You are quite powerful - think about it. Ki is a form of energy, and you are pure energy. A lump of plutonium about this size-" she gestured with her hands "-Converted to energy in the form of a nuclear bomb can destroy an entire city. The amount of energy you consist of could knock the moon out of orbit"  
"What"  
"You weigh what - fifty or so kilos? That much raw energy is enough power to dwarf an H-bomb. Amerai generate ki faster than any other living thing. And it would take one of us around a month to produce as much energy as you consist of. But one average werewolf will spill enough waste energy every day for you to survive on for a week"  
Ranko sat back. "For real"  
"Yes. You should be able to feel the ki permeating the air from today's battle. Is there an almost metal smell on the edge of your senses? There is on mine"  
"Huh? Yeah, I've been wondering what that is. Look, I saw Ranma fucking glowing and it wasn't his battle aura. I mean, so"  
"What about myself"  
"That's what I was gonna say. You're glowing enough to light the entire damn house. Shampoo glows, so does Akane, all the Amazons, Dad - hell, everyone"  
"That, Ranko, is my ki. Reach out and touch it if you like"  
Ranko paused then poked an experimental finger into the glowing field. She gasped and jerked her hand back.  
"Damn"  
"What did you feel"  
Ranko paused, scratching her chin.  
"It was like... that burning feel you get from vodka and such. Only up my arm"  
"Yes, you just absorbed some of the waste ki I spread around my environment.  
Did it... taste - for want of a better word - good"  
"Damn, yeah! What a rush"  
Mi Soon smirked and yanked a blanket off of a large mirror.  
"Look at your reflection, child. Tell me - what do you see"  
Ranko blinked a few times. "Um - myself. Only glowing like you but not so intense"  
"You see the ki that forms you. A normal, untrained human would be unable to see your reflection, as would any camera ever devised. I can see it, but it's fuzzy, out of focus and colourless. You can see it as plain as day - a survival trait. The best meals are the people who glow"  
"You mean I don't show on camera"  
"The camera that can see ki hasn't been invented. No man-made sensor could detect your presence... but your clothes and equipment show"  
"That's kinda useless"  
"It is just a fact of unlife, dear... Would you like to know the origin of your kind"  
Ranko nodded. "Well, yeah. I suppose I'd better"  
Mi Soon chuckled. "Yes, it might be a wise idea." She fished a cigar out of her pocket and lit up. "Though there are two versions of events going around"  
She took a couple of puffs at her cigar then continued.  
"The vampires claim that they are the result of some ancient person, human person that is, annoying some god or another. I think they claim the first vampire was also the first murderer." She snorted. "The truth is slightly more convoluted than that. Akira has mentioned the war that lead to the Saotome bloodline deserting our parent Clan"  
Ranko nodded.  
"Excellent. Fact is, Clan Diva - our parent clan - and their enemies Clan Shea were at odds for over fifteen thousand years before that war. It was the last of thousands"  
She paused again.  
"At any rate, the way my mother told me was this. Apparently Clan Diva created what we call Dopplegangers as a biological weapon against Clan Shea.  
In answer to that Clan Shea's mage-engineers created a disease. I was never told it's name, but the modern term is Vampire Sickness. Vampirekind were created as a weapon of mass destruction against Clan Diva. They were made by infecting humans with techno-magic nanomachines - microscopic robots - that then converted the victim to a ki life form and changed certain parts of him or her. You - and all other vampires - contain around two kilogramme of solid matter, those very same nanomachines. They replicate themselves using the iron in blood you drink. Clan Shea built in a couple of weak points in case their weapon turned against them. Unfortunately for them not only did some vampires turn on their creators, but Clan Diva accidentally discovered one of those weak points, one that can only be exploited by a magus. Seven vampires survived - the ones who simply went AWOL in transit." She shrugged again. "They hid among human society and named themselves the Society of Caine. After a while they grew common enough that they were accepted as just another critter you could find running around on Homeworld, and thus spread themselves to many other words. Each of those seven had somewhat different traits - they were after all one-off, individually engineered prototypes"

Mortise stopped in his tracks. So did the small guy he'd just met.  
"You"  
"You"  
Mortise narrowed his eyes.  
"You should never have come here, Happosai"  
And that's another one complete.  
Chapter 24: Go wild "I feel a change, back to a better day Hair stands up on the back of my neck In wildness is the preservation of the world So seek the wolf in thyself.  
Shape shift, nose to the wind.  
Shape shift, feeling I've been.  
Move swift, all senses clean.  
Earth's gift, back to the meaning of wolf and man"  
- Metallica, 'Of Wolf and Man'  
"What did Firsting feel like? That is most explicitly none of your business... oh, what the hell. It felt like every orgasm you've ever had,  
all rolled into one then with complete and utter terror and the biggest adrenaline rush in history on top of it. Well, that doesn't even start to describe it. It felt good. Really good. Definitely better than sex... or anything else I've ever experienced. Basically, if it happened to you, you would notice... Mind you, if you went schitzo like most shapeshifters do then so would anyone else in the area." - Saotome-Tendo Enterprises CEO Nabiki Tendo, asked to describe the sensation of first change.

Happosai frowned. "Hey, chill out! I heard Mum's in the area and I was looking for her. Like, what's done is done, huh? Oops, gotta go"  
Mortise stared at the swarm of yelling women who were pounding down the street. Maybe Happosai was right - maybe leaving would be a good idea.  
He jumped three stories onto a nearby roof. Happosai shot off down the street, took a turning, dived through a window and popped out the other side.  
Mortise felt his eyes stop glowing. He snorted.  
"Hmm... I'll have to make sure that little turd doesn't cause us any problems"  
He turned and headed back towards the dojo.

Ranma scratched his chin. "So, what's the bad news"  
"It could be a lot worse. Five of ours dead, all told and not counting Ranko. Two major injuries that'll take some time to heal up. 98 of theirs dead and another 63 captured. Oh, and twelve defected to us. We got off extremely lightly." Mi Soon cracked a grin at him. She had returned herself to her youthful looks during the early stages of the cleanup, and now stood around five nine tall with long blue hair and bearing a striking resemblance to Shampoo.  
Ranma nodded. "Yeah... I guess we got lucky bigstyle"  
"Well, yes. The sheer amount of wolfsbane flying around stopped most people shapeshifting which meant very few people got shredded. Most of the enemy dead seem to be the work of yourself, Ryoga, Mortise and - surprise surprise - your father. Oh, and Akira. None of the non-combatants were hurt in the slightest - well, apart from Nabiki and she only suffered mild injuries"  
Ranma nodded. "Next time I see Cow Lone I'm gonna rip off her head an' shit down her neck fer what she done ta Nabs. Though I guess I'm gonna have ta beat Soun ta it - he is bigtime pissed"  
Mi Soon snorted. "I think I'll have to teach Kou Loun a little lesson in manners. Again. She can be such a handful"  
"Ya what"  
"Didn't I tell you? She's my daughter"  
"Oh yeah..." He turned and started to leave. "I gotta check Shampoo's alright - she's pretty cracked up what wiv gettin' shot up like that an' her mate dyin'. I'll see ya later"  
Mi Soon nodded. She turned and continued writing her diary.

Mortise walked into the workshop. He glanced around.  
Spotting who he had been looking for, he walked over and knelt down beside her. "Ranko"  
The redhead glanced up from where she'd been bolting a couple of components onto her bike. "Yeah"  
"You know what you were saying about your missing leg"  
"What likes"  
"You said it doesn't hurt any more"  
Ranko nodded. "Yeah. Since my accident... every day. Every fucking day it hurt. Nerve pain, right?" She paused then shrugged. "Ask Mum about my reform school days. I was on coke for three years." She shrugged again.  
"So why the hell didn't you tell anyone"  
Ranko heaved herself upright. She glared at him for several seconds.  
"I did. Why the hell do you think I don't exactly like my mother? She told me I should put up with it. Then when I found something that helped she busted me"  
"You what? Why the fuck didn't you tell ME? Or Ranma"  
"So what'd you have done about it? Or Ranma? I figure we found the only available cure tonight. Whoopie do, at fucking last. My accident was six fucking years ago, Mortise. And that damn leg hurt for six fucking years,  
twenty four fucking seven. Three hundred and whatever days a year, as in non-stop"

Ranma slouched into his bedroom.  
"Hey, ya alright, Shampoo"  
She nodded. "Sort of... we bury dead tonight"  
Ranma frowned. "Right... so, what's th' process o' an Amazon funeral"  
Shampoo blinked a couple of times then started to explain.

Two hours later the extended Saotome-Tendo-Hibiki family and the collected Amazons were standing in a clearing in the woods outside Tokyo; the same area of woodland Kou Loun and her cronies had been camped in.  
Ranma swept his eyes round the gathered Amazons then glanced back at Shampoo.  
"Ya alright"  
"Sort of"  
Mi Soon gestured for silence.  
"My friends, we are gathered here today to remember the passing of five of our finest young warriors. First and finest among their number was Sang Tsu"  
Ranma listened quietly as varied Amazons praised the deceased Sang Tsu.  
Someone he had never known, gone just like that. He felt sick. She was a pretty woman now the bloodstains from where she had been ripped in half were cleaned away. So were the other three.  
The last dead Amazon was Wu Chii.  
He waited while Tiger and Shampoo said their pieces then stepped forwards himself.  
"Shampoo tells me it's traditional fer men ta not say anythin' durin' an Amazon funeral. But ta hell with that, I got stuff I gotta say"  
He turned, looked at where the five corpses lay on the stacked logs of a funeral pyre and gestured towards the dead Amazons.  
"I wanna thank all o' ya folks, especially this five. It's really too late ta thank 'em, but I gotta. If it wasn't fer ya folks a whole bunch o' people I care about would be dead or Cow Lone's captives. It hurts, seein' those girls dead. It hurts real bad, right here where there ain't no technique gonna block it. But we gotta go on, there ain't no way I'm gonna let 'em have died fer nothin'. I owe ya. I owe all o' ya a helluva lot. More than any guy should haveta owe ta anyone. I know it ain't much consolation ta you folks who lost friends or family, but I'll do my damnedest ta pay off that debt. Any o' ya. Any o' ya need somethin' I can help wiv, ya just ask"  
He turned away from the pyre, gritting his teeth.  
"I feel like it wuz my fault that they died"  
Tiger stepped forwards again. She watched Ranma as he walked back towards the crowd.  
"Saotome"  
"Call me Ranma, huh"  
"Thanks"  
After everyone had finished praising the dead they lit the funeral pyres and left.Ranma glared at the freshly cleared up garden.  
"Alright. Feels like party time ta me." He indicated the substantial pile of beer Kasumi and Nodoka had gone and bought during the cleanup.  
The party lasted until at least three in the morning - that being when Ranma, Akane and Shampoo went to bed. Ranko clearly remembered discovering that drunk werewolf blood got her pissed but never had any recollection of the events that followed. Nabiki fished her camera out, resulting in a roll of pictures of incredibly drunk Amazons. Kasumi, along with about a dozen others, managed to smoke four kilos of dope before passing out face down on the kitchen table. Soun and Genma got very pissed very fast and spent most of the night playing the most bizarre game of almost shogi anyone had ever come across, only for an equally pissed Nodoka to interrupt them and start trying to get how to go invisible out of Genma. Notable events of the night included Ryoga vomiting in Mi Soon's lap then passing out on the toilet,  
Nabiki passing out from Smirnoff overload and getting one eyebrow shaved off and Mao Xing getting in a drunken brawl with John Kirth who was too pissed to defend himself.Ranma stared at the ceiling for several seconds after he woke up.  
Akane glanced at him from his left. "Morning"  
"Did we really fuck on the dinin' table last night"  
"Uh... I think so"  
Shampoo grunted and opened her eyes. "Wazzup"  
"Fuckin' hell, it's half past fuckin' eleven." Ranma slid over her and started pulling his leathers on. "Weird - I should have a minger o' a headache after that"  
Shampoo grunted again and followed him out of bed, grabbing her underwear.  
She had always slept naked and had seen no reason to change this, much to Ranma's embarrassment. "I no have hangover too"  
Akane sighed. "I wonder when I'm going to start shapeshifting"  
"Sooner or later. We ain't gonna know until ya start goin' woof when ya try ta say hello. At least that's as far as I've figured out. Hell, chances are that Nabiki an' Kasumi are gonna start first"  
The trio of youths slouched downstairs. Soun was sitting and reading a newspaper. Nabiki was nowhere in sight. Ryoga was curled up on an old mattress, looking very like a cat dozing in front of a fire. Ranko was through in the kitchen helping Kasumi. Genma was sitting holding a beercan with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Mortise was there, leaning on the kitchen doorframe and chatting with Ranko. He glanced round and grinned toothily at Ranma.  
"Morning, man"  
"Hey, Mortise! How's tricks"  
The vampire boy stretched, causing a string of pops and cracks. "Typical crap night. I really miss sleeping... that and not having to worry about undead politics"  
"Undead politics"  
"Yeah, the local Top Leech has been giving me trouble"  
Ranma sniggered. "Reckon he can handle gettin' a couple o' hundred pissed off Chinese Amazon Werewolves with Big Fuck Off Guns upside th' head"  
"Ranma, you don't need to fight my fights for me. I can handle that decaying bastard easily"  
"Mortise, yer a friend. I happen ta like helpin' people - especially friends"  
Mortise nodded. "I'll ask if I need help"  
"Ya don't hesitate ta, man. We need ya around - yer th' one guy I trust not ta spew fuckin' bullshit if I ask fer info about all this supernatural crap"  
Mortise smiled. "Thanks... I think"  
"I done a lotta things I shouldn't, man. But one thing I ain't ever done is let down a friend. An' I ain't gonna start"  
Akane rolled her eyes. "I thought you didn't care about honour"  
"I don't care what society sez is th' right thing ta do. I care about what I think's th' right thing ta do. It ain't about honour, it's about havin'  
ethics. If I see some fucker do somethin' that means they deserve a kickin'  
then I'm gonna give 'em one. If I see shit I don't like I'm gonna get involved. If I see someone gettin' fucked over - well, I happen ta like helpin' people. I'm not an honourable man but I do have fuckin' standards an' I do know right from wrong"  
Everyone nodded thoughtfully. Ranma sighed and grabbed the weetabix.  
"Ahh, food! Man I'm starvin"  
Akane snorted. "Not surprising, you puked at least four times last night"  
"Yeah? I remember chuckin' twice an' you chuckin' up five times"  
Akane made a face. "Don't remind me"  
"At least it's a Saturday, we won't hafta go ta fuckin' school. Talkin' o'  
school reminds me..." He grabbed Genma's beer and stuffed the can down the back of the older man's leather jacket. "When're ya gonna teach me that move ya used ta cut that spider thing in half, Dad? An' that goin' invisible stunt ya used"  
Genma yelped and retrieved his beer. "Ranma! Those are secret techniques"  
"An' yer point is? I could use that shit"  
Genma paused. "Son, I'll teach you the Kijin Raishuu-Dan, that's the vacuum blade attack. But remember, that move is not to be used on living creatures under any but the most utterly dire circumstances. No way in hell am I teaching you the Umisenken"  
Ranma grabbed a beercan off the table. He opened it then emptied it over Genma's head.  
"GROWF"  
"Dad ya fuckwit! Enough with th' secrets an' shit, I ain't gonna go teachin'  
just anyone it. C'mon, we've trusted each other with our lives fer years"  
Ranko idly tossed a batch of hot water over their father, who continued waving his hands around and risking spilling his beer. "No, no, no, no"  
"If ya don't watch it I'm gonna start callin' ya a dickhead again, Dad"  
Genma put his beer down and discarded the sodden cigarette. "Ranma, those techniques are lethal. Half of them were designed able to kill an Amerai with one move. And I mean literally one move. I sealed them away around nine years ago"  
"That's not th' point, Dad. I figure Cow Lone's gonna be back an' who knows what shit Akira's plannin'? What about this 'top leech' dick Mortise said about? Who's gonna stop him if he decides ta go after Ranko? We need  
powerful attacks. Ya got powerful attacks, ergo yer gonna teach me 'em"  
Genma stared at the table for several seconds.  
"Alright, Ranma. You win"  
"Dad... thanks. I knew you'd come round ta my point o' view"  
Genma glared at him. "Cheeky brat"  
"Right back atcha, panda-boy... Hey, how come yer curse still works"  
Genma blinked several times then palmed his forehead.  
"D'OH! I clean forgot! Since you've Firsted I can get rid of this"  
He pulled a silver pendant out of the front of his shirt, unclasped it's chain and tossed it onto the table.  
"So what's th' toby, Dad"  
"Ah... a small magic artifact contrived by John Kirth. When I wear it my Jusenkyo curse is fully active as long as I don't shift to Battle or Ursine form"  
"Sneaky"  
"Somewhat. We weren't expecting any of you kids to find out until you actually shapeshifted... which isn't what happened." He smirked. "That's the first of Akira's orders you royally screwed up, Ranma"  
"Aw, c'mon. Let's get goin' with this trainin"  
"Enough with the evil grin, Ranma"  
Ryoga uncurled and sat up. "Training? Secret techniques? Where's my share"  
"Fuckin' mousie ran away wiv it"  
"Then I'm just gonna have to catch the little bugger. Dad, count me in"  
Genma groaned then nodded. "Okay, okay, okay. Come on, you two. Let's get out to the training hall"Ranma slumped back on the bed.  
"Whaaaaaaaaaaark. Whatta day... That wuz cool"  
Akane shot him a doubtful look. "Yawhat"  
"Aw, don't worry. I'll teach ya this stuff when yer gotten good enough,  
right"  
"Bleah"  
Shampoo shoved her hand down the front of Ranma's boxers.  
"Maybe we do what you and Akane do last night, huh"  
"Hold up, I've still got me gunbelt on"Nabiki stared into the gathering darkness, trying to ignore her missing eyebrow and the suggestive noises coming from the other bedroom.  
The moon was full. Full moon madness, huh? It sounded like Ranma, Akane and Shampoo had that down pat. She scratched her head for a while, wondering what to do about her glaring lack of combat ability.  
"That's it"  
She picked up her mobile phone.  
"Look out, world. Nabiki Tendo is back on form"

Mu Tze sat and silently glared out of the back of the stolen 40 foot artic.  
The twenty odd Conservative Amazons who were sharing it with him followed suit.  
One of them offered him a pack of cigarettes. He silently accepted the offer.  
Halfway through his smoke one of the women broke the silence.  
"Well, waddya know"  
"Those Clanners were sure tougher than I expected"  
Mu Tze snorted. "I get the feeling Ranma Saotome equals trouble"  
"Who the hell was that woman who cut Elder Kou Loun's arm off"  
"Ranma Saotome's fucking mother. Demon hunter from the Moroboshi clan"  
"Ah. Big trouble then. Figure there's some infighting with them Saotome's -  
didn't you see, she went for Akira Saotome"  
"No shit Sherlock. I spent a few days with that bunch, remember? Most of that lot hate Akira's guts. Apparently he's messed most of them around at least once"  
"I don't really give a shit about their internal politics. I'm going to watch that Ranma Saotome character spew his guts if it's the last thing I do. Next time, we think before we attack. Why didn't anyone scout them out before we went ahead with the attack? Talk about fucking suicide"  
"None of you geniuses had any idea how much firepower those fuckers have"  
"So how come you didn't let us know, you pillock"  
"That's not my job. I'm an Amazon male, remember? I'm supposed to leave fighting and spying to you lot, remember? And besides, I didn't know which side I was on at that stage"  
"So why should we trust you"  
"Because I haven't got a choice any more. I kidnapped his sister-in-law,  
remember? From what I heard he thinks very highly of her. That means he's probably planning to kill me. Ergo I am not on that rat bastard's side"  
"Fuckhead"  
Mu Tze shrugged. "Yeah well, I don't exactly worship you either"

Matsui climbed out of his car and slammed the door. He tucked his folder under his arm and waddled over towards the school. The snarl of motorbike engines and the scream of a jet announced Ranma and company arriving as he walked through the front door.  
He glanced over his shoulder. No less than six bikes, followed by four old Chinese army trucks and Kasumi's Corvette.  
Matsui chuckled. Ranma had obviously been up to more weirdness.

Ranma casually stretched, producing a string of clicks and pops. He fished a cigarette out of his pocket then turned to scan the schoolyard.  
The mob of Amazon teenagers were warily examining the place. Nabiki was climbing out of Kasumi's car, looking slightly seasick.  
He lit up then spotted the Gosunkugi brothers entering the schoolyard.  
Hikaru immediately headed over to join Ranma's gang.  
"Yo, man. How's tricks"  
Hikaru snorted. "Shit as usual... Hey, did you hear about that gun battle Friday night? I heard"  
"Dude, take a close look at my leathers. These things are kevlar lined,  
they'll stop anything up to and including a 7.62 assault rifle bullet"  
Hikaru looked confused then spotted the bullet scars. He let out a startled squawk when Ranma flipped the hem of his jacket aside revealing his GP35.  
"We wuz one side o' that gun battle, man. Five o' our friends gotten killed Friday night"  
"What"  
"Yeah. War ain't fun"  
"But... I heard there was miniguns and stuff going off! Someone blew up a house"  
Akane snorted. "That was a spider tank. I'll show you the wrecks if you like. Hell, about six houses got trashed. The bazooka you might have heard about is mine"  
"Er... I guess you won, right"  
Ranma nodded. "Yeah. The bad guys lost over 160 people"  
"What? How"  
"90 - odd dead, sixty or so captured an' twelve switched sides." He jerked his thumb at Shampoo. "She caught a few 25mm slugs in the crotch. Mao Xing there - Shampoo's brother - well, ya really gotta see what his bike does.  
Ranko got shot up real bad. Mum nearly done th' bad guy's boss in. Nabs got kidnapped but her dad got her back no bother"  
Hikaru blinked a few times. "Er, how come Ranko and Shampoo are still moving if they got shot up"  
"Hey, Ranko - ya wanna tell him"  
Ranko nodded. "Yeah. Gos, I'm a vampire"  
"An' we're werewolves. Well, Dad's a werebear an' we don't know what sorta beasties Akane, Ryoga an' Nabs are gonna turn inta. I'm guessin' yer human,  
right"  
"Like, what makes you think I'm gonna believe"  
Ranko turned round and looked him straight in the eye. She burnt a little ki and opened her mouth.  
Hikaru Gosunkugi blinked. Ranko's eyes were glowing red and her canines had just extended into three centimetre fangs.  
"Er... forget I asked that"  
"Cool, cool"  
Ranma sounded somewhat deeper. Hikaru looked round then up.  
Nine foot of wolfman grinned down at him then shrugged expressively. Akane slapped Ranma's (furry) arse.  
"Showoff"  
Ranma snorted and returned to human form. "Yep. So, ya still want ta be mates wiv us, Gos"  
Hikaru blinked a few times.  
"Hell yeah"  
"Hey, Nabs! I just remembered - ya know how ya were talkin' about wantin' me ta train ya? Ya still up fer it"  
Nabiki ambled over. "Yes. So, when do we start, Sensei"  
"Soon as we get home. An' don't call me that, I look fer Dad every time I hear someone say that"  
"Hey, chill out, bro. I was just trying to be polite"  
"Appreciated but ya don't need ta. I like ya an' I gotten a lotta respect fer ya. Ya know that, don't ya"  
"Yup." Nabiki paused then glanced at her watch. "Ranma, could we have a word in private? We've got ten minutes before school starts"  
"Sure. C'mon, we'll head round th' back o' th' gym hall"  
They walked to said place, where Ranma casually leant against the wall.  
"So, what's botherin' ya"  
"You knew about that bug I put in your jacket before your trip to China. I figured it out last night"  
Ranma nodded. "Yup. I know what a bug looks like. And"  
"Why don't you mind"  
"Because I trust ya. Ya wouldn't plant bugs unless ya had a damn good reason. I like th' idea o' ya knowin' what's happenin'. Ya got a good head on yer shoulders, Nabs. I figured if things went wrong ya'd be able ta sort it out. Look, I got a bit o' a confession ta make - me an' Ryoga lifted a shitload o' data off yer laptop a while back. I figured with th' contacts ya got - well, ya needed ta know what wuz goin' on so ya could pull our asses outta th' fire if everythin' went ta hell. I like, trust an' respect ya,  
Nabs. Get used ta it 'cos I ain't gonna stop"  
"Damnit, Ranma. I wish I hadn't let my little sister get you"  
Ranma sniggered. "Aw, don't ya worry, Nabs. There's gonna be a guy fer ya sooner or later. An' yer part o' my family, yer my sister. C'mon, let's head"

Tatewaki Kuno looked up with some interest on his face as Nabiki walked briskly into the classroom.  
"Good morning, Nabiki Tendo"  
"Morning, Kuno. How's tricks"  
Kuno snorted. "Just the usual. Say, you are beginning to pick up vocal habits from your brother-in-law"  
"Am I? I hadn't noticed... So, anything unusual been happening in the House of Kuno? How's Kodachi"  
"Shaken. What in the world occurred on Friday night? She refused to speak of it to me, which is most unusual"  
"Oh, we had a spot of bother with a bunch of Chinese werewolves. Guess what,  
they were after Ranma. I think you can figure the result"  
"A battle, correct"  
"Score one for the Blue Thunder"  
"Nabiki, you know I have given up on that - er - 'name"  
"And you know I'm pulling your leg"  
"So that was what the gunfire I overheard was all about. Ranma Saotome versus the world, huh"  
"The Saotome-Tendo-Hibiki family and friends versus a psychotic old Chinese hag and assorted lackeys, actually. Kodachi got involved when she found my sister having a shooting match with a dozen or so enemies. She insisted on staying to help... she's a damn good shot. Especially considering she has to do everything one handed"  
Kuno blinked. "Where in the world did she get her hands on a gun? My twelve-bore was definitely in the"  
"That, Kuno, is classified information. I am not at liberty to discuss it with anyone not cleared for it, and that includes you"  
"Huh"  
"We - as in the extended Saotome-Tendo-Hibiki family - are working for the government, Kuno. Special forces, in fact"  
Kuno blinked. A lot.

"An' what th' fuck d'ya think yer playin' at"  
Kato Gosunkugi froze then looked up from his meddling with Ranma's bike. The youth in question was standing glaring at him.  
Ranma pulled his GP35 out of his pocket.  
"Now, yer gonna fuck off outta here an' never so much as touch my bike again if ya know what's good fer ya. Unless ya really want me ta blow yer fuckin'  
head clean off"  
Kato stood up and backed away. "What the hell"  
"Yeah, it's a gun. A real live Brownin' GP35. Fully loaded ta boot." He whipped out the Special Forces identity card Nabiki and Honda had given him the evening before and shoved it into Kato's face.  
"You're with the army? But you're only like, seventeen"  
"An'? Big deal. I'm capable of knockin' tank turrets off wiv me bare hands.  
I'm a werewolf, slugboy. Fuck with me again and yer gonna get wasted"  
Kato hurriedly backed away. Ranma shook his head, pocketed his gun and ID and turned to his bike.  
He muttered a few obscenities. "Ya fuckin' psychotic bastard! Undoin' th'  
nut on th' rear shock? Fer fuck sake, ya were tryin' ta get me killed? So what th' fuck did I do so wrong? Yer th' one who came in here an' started swearin' at my wife. Hey, Hikaru - mind if I smash yer brother's face in"  
"Go ahead, I don't give a shit"  
"Aw fuck - he legged it"  
"Hey, you know how you were talking about teaching Nabiki martial arts? Like a second class member"  
"Ya wanna be able ta kick that fuckhead's ass, right"  
"And my father"  
"No prob. Jump in onea th' trucks"  
Ranma, having finished replacing the nut, swung onto his bike and glanced around.  
"Alright, people! Let's get th' fuck outta here"  
Nabiki swung onto the back of Akane's bike.  
"Hey! Get off, you haven't got a lid"  
"Blow it, Akane. The Amazon's trucks are full and no way in hell do I get yet another ride in Kasumi's car this year. You're giving me a lift and that is final"  
Akane blinked. She looked at the Amazon's vehicles - sure enough, they were heavily loaded. And Nabiki did have a point about Kasumi's driving technique.  
"Oh, alright then"  
The CB roared into life as Akane's foot shoved the kickstart down. The twin headlamps came on as the engine caught, first letting out a rough clatter of firings then settling to a steady growl.  
Akane grinned as she pulled the clutch in. This... this was what it was all about.  
She nudged the gearshift down into first, the box producing a solid chunk.  
The turbo was audibly starting to build up boost pressure, a slight hiss mixed into the rattle from the bike's exhaust.  
Nabiki wrapped her arms around her pregnant little sister. She felt safer here than she had all day.  
Over on the huge black Gixer Ranma pumped his fist into the air, signalling their departure. The six bikes peeled out of the schoolyard in a loose formation.  
Akane noticed that Ranma seemed to be setting a slower pace than usual. She smirked and gassed her bike hard. The turbo kicked in, thrusting the stud encrusted Superdream forwards at a rapidly increasing rate.  
Ranma rolled his eyes and snapped the GSXR's throttle to the endstop. It's front wheel jumped off the ground as the rear wheel lost traction and started spinning, a fine jet of blue smoke shooting from under it.  
Shampoo crouched low over her bike's fuel tank and opened the throttle. The bike started to accelerate, lifting it's front wheel an inch or so into the air then the turbo kicked in and it shot up into her trademark monster wheelie.  
Ranko reacted next; she slammed her HD down a gear and gave it a healthy handful. The big old V-twin let out a bellowing roar and lifted the front end smoothly off the deck.  
Ryoga thumbed on the afterburners.  
Mao Xing smirked. He cracked his mecha bike's throttle wide open - it was unusual in that the twistgrip was on the left handlebar - while downshifting. His bike reared up into a wheelie as massive as Shampoo's, the front wheel pointing skywards. Two jets of blue flame shot from it's exhausts. The engine - being a fusion turbine - produced a doppler howl quite unlike the jet-scream from Ryoga's bike or the bellow from the piston engined machines. It sounded more like the scream of a passing TIE fighter.  
The pack of bikes shot onto Nerima's high street at around 124 MPH.  
It was at that point that a Metro turned out of a sidestreet six feet in front of Akane's bike.  
The wildly speeding CB hit the car square in the bonnet, launching both riders in a parabola as it's rear end flipped up. The bike's forks and front wheel exploded. One of Akane's six - guns flew out of her pocket. The bike's frame ripped the car's wheel in half then hit the engine and stove in it's No. 1 piston. Ranma laid his Gixer over and dodged the wrecks, his brakes on hard enough to lock the rear wheel. Shampoo somehow managed to ramp her wheelieing bike over the wreckage as Akane's bike cartwheeled clean over the trashed car.  
Akane came down on her back some sixty feet on. Ranma had fitted a back protector to her trenchcoat and she was wearing a kevlar flak jacket under it; she slid some distance before smacking her helmeted head into a parked car. She staggered to her feet.  
Nabiki, who was dressed in her school uniform, wasn't so lucky. Having been further back on the bike she was thrown further when it bucked; she landed on the car Akane slid into, bashing it's roof in some six inches and smashing it's windscreen with her feet before cartwheeling off the car and coming to a rest in a giftshop's window display, having headbutted her way through the window.  
Mao Xing's bike piled into the wreck. Being armoured it had substantially more luck than Akane's ride; it smashed into the car like an express train,  
lifting itself off the ground and flipping the car onto it's side,  
incidentally demolishing a pair of wheelie bins. Mao rammed his thumb on the transformation trigger and fired his retro-boosters. The powersuit slid six feet on it's knees, boiling jets of raw plasma issuing from the braking ducts.  
Finally Ryoga skidded to a halt beside Ranma.  
"Oh. Shit"  
Akane recovered her .44 Magnum and staggered over to what was left of her bike. Ryoga dropped her jetbike onto it's sidestand and dashed over to where Nabiki had landed. Ranma sprinted after her. Mao straightened up and followed them. Shampoo sat and stared on her bike. Ranko rode after her brother and sister.  
"NABIKI"  
The middle Tendo girl was lying in the centre of a swath of shattered glass,  
broken shelves, her own blood and scattered goods. She was still moving.  
"NABS! STAY WHERE YA ARE"  
"Shit, shit, shit! Someone phone Doctor Tofu"  
Ranma suddenly skidded to a halt.  
"We won't need ta do that." He pulled out his handgun. "She's Firstin"  
The Amazon trucks that had been following them skidded to a halt. Varied Amazons leapt out. They assumed the worst and brought their guns.  
Nabiki opened her eyes. She let out a low moan.  
"Nabs? Are ya in there"  
"R...Ranma"  
Ranma shapeshifted as he walked over to her.  
"Yeah, it's me"  
"Ranma... what's going on"  
"Looks like ya just learnt ta shapeshift"  
"I feel really weird..." Nabiki remarked, completely failing to get what he was talking about. "And my head hurts, but I dunno why"  
"Guess yer head hurts because ya just headbutted through a plate glass window wiv it. An yer feelin' weird 'cause yer a fuckin' near ten foot tall catwoman. Okay, people, enough wiv th' gawpin' - let's get outta here. Ya lot - load what's left o' Akane's bike onta onea th' trucks. Shampoo,  
gissahand wiv Nabs since ya regenerate any cuts. C'mon - let's move it"

Akira went bugeyed. "WHAT happened"  
"I already told ya, dickwad"  
"Hang on, hang on, hang on. How many people saw this? Any security cameras"  
"Ya weren't worried about that when me an' Shampoo went, so why now"  
"You and Xian Pu didn't First in the fucking high street during rush hour!  
You went in front of the house late evening. Shampoo went mid afternoon in an almost deserted backstreet. Nabiki? In the middle of a horde of witnesses! And probably on fucking camera"  
"Kiss my ass, shit-for-brains. We just had a ragin' firefight in th' middle o' town if ya forgot"  
"A raging firefight that the armed forces have agreed to ignore. Not something that will bring fucking demon hunters down on our heads"  
"Kiss my fuckin' ass! I ain't scared of demon hunters - not wiv a few hundred trigger-happy Amazons an' th' best fuckin' demon hunter in th'  
country on our side! Or have ya forgotten who my mum is"  
"You don't know what I know about those scum"  
Ranma jammed his gun into Akira's face.  
"What are ya callin' Mum"  
"FOR FUCK SAKE! Get that damn thing out of my face before I rip you in two"  
"Big words, fuckwit. How about if I let Mum skewer ya"  
"LOOK HERE! The five Hunter Guilds all know our weakness. Wolfsbane, Ranma"  
"An'? What's that gonna do when I rip their fuckin' heads off? Or stuff a .44 Magnum down their fuckin' throats an' pull th' trigger? Yer forgettin'  
who yer talkin' to. Ranma Saotome, hardest damn fucker on th' planet,  
remember"  
Nodoka looked up from the newspaper she was reading. "Some of the Guild types are pretty good, Ranma. They don't hesitate to fight dirty, set ambushes and so forth. I'll see what I can do to at least keep the Guilds I have contacts with off your back... but that's only three out of seven Guilds"  
Nabiki smirked slightly as she stepped out of the kitchen where she had been talking to Kasumi. "I'll speak to Honda. He'll be able to clamp down on the details. Some sort of coverup would probably be a wise move. After all, a videotape of me shapeshifting would act as a quite effective 'shoot me'  
sign. Oh, and I think I'll have a natter with my own Guild contacts. I know several of the most respected demon hunters in Japan. They work closely with Honda's boys and he'll be able to give us a clean bill of safety with them"  
She smirked again, directing it at Akira. "There is after all more than one way to skin a cat"  
Akira shot upright.  
"How dare you show your"  
He stopped, suddenly aware of the sheer quantity of firearms now levelled at his forehead.  
Ranma rolled his eyes.  
"Ya really are a stupid piece of shit, Akira. Firstly, why th' fuck does bein' chucked through a window causin' First Change strike ya as a crime?  
Secondly, how th' fuck d'ya manage ta be thick enough ta still think ya can get away wiv talkin' ta my sister like that"  
Nabiki smirked again. "I think I can defend myself, Ranma. Mister Akira, I point blank refuse to take any of your bullshit. According to what I've been told, the Tendo family are technically a Clan separate from your own.  
Therefore Daddy, as head of our family, is the only person capable of calling myself and Kasumi to task. Akane is an unusual case - she is both the champion of our family and wed to the future Lord Packmaster of your own clan. Therefore whose jurisdiction she falls under depends whose turf she is on. Correct? Now, as this is the residence of the head of the Tendo clan,  
meaning I somehow suspect this is Tendo territory, I believe you can go to hell"  
Akira frowned. She had a point.  
"Very well. I'll speak to Tendo. Don't think your ass is out of the fire yet"  
"Fuckmonkey, if ya get her in trouble because some myopic shit sent her an'  
Akane fer an amateur flyin' lesson then screw th' consequences, I'm gonna blast ya somewhere ya can't regenerate it. I mean, sure, we were speedin.  
But that dickhead popped out six foot in front o' Akane." Ranma turned and jabbed a finger at Nabiki. "An' you! I know as well as ya do ya can ride a bike. What th' fuck'd ya think ya were playin' at, not wearin' a lid? Akane,  
why th' fuck didn't ya refuse? Nabiki, yer gettin' wheels. I gotten enough spare parts ta put together a bike for ya. Go get yerself leathers an' a lid, Dad's gotten gear in stock that should fit ya. That's th' last fuckin'  
time ya play that stunt if I got anythin' ta do wiv it! Come on - we're headin' fer th' workshop"  
Akira looked confused. "I thought you said"  
"Dickwad. It ain't either o' 'em's fault they crashed. It IS both o' 'em's fault Nabiki wuz dressed in a fuckin' school uniform an' no lid"  
Ranma slammed the door in Akira's face.

It was a very subdued Nabiki Tendo who sat and stared at Ranma's back as he fastened the new set of forks to the straightened frame of Akane's bike.  
After finishing yelling at Akira he had frogmarched her into the workshop.  
Genma had taken one look at his son and hurriedly left the building.  
Ranma, Mao Xing, Ranko, Mortise and Ryoga were working on two projects at once.  
Mending Akane's bike and building a new machine. Like the bikes Ranma had given Akane and Shampoo it was a CB500 engine in a CB250 frame.  
Nabiki just sat quietly in her new leathers and watched. It took her nearly half an hour to pluck up the courage to speak.  
"Ranma"  
"Ya"  
"Um... any idea why I didn't frenzy"  
Ranma shrugged. "Guess yer part of th' 0.1 percent o' Amerai who don't when they First. Ask Mi Soon"  
Mortise glanced up from where he had just finished bolting the head onto the CB500 engine.  
"I have a different theory. 99.9 percent of teenage Amerai don't know what's going to happen to them. You hadn't had time for it to really sink in.  
Nabiki, how long have you known what species you are"  
"About seven or eight weeks"  
"There you go. You were fully expecting to First Change and soon, correct?  
In Ranma's case - well, it was just under a week after he knew what was going to happen. I'm guessing he half didn't believe it. Am I right"  
Ranma nodded. "It was like, yaright. What's th' chances o' me an' both th'  
girls bein' werewolves... more fool me"  
"There you go. Now, Shampoo had no idea what was going to happen. It went off in her face with absolutely no warning... lucky Ranma was there with a gun full of Wolfsbane slugs. It's partially my fault - I should have told you immediately instead of respecting the idiocy all the Clan Diva offshoots call a tradition"  
"Don't blame yerself, Mortise. Shit has a habit o' happenin"  
"I know, I know. But sometimes one has a chance of preventing it"  
"Th' benefit o' hindsight. Ya finished wiv that wrench"  
Mortise nodded and tossed him the spanner.  
Nabiki frowned. "Any idea how come I'm a werecat? Dad's a werewolf. From the way Mum died I'd guess she was human"  
"How'd yer mum go"  
Nabiki closed her eyes for a moment. "She was stabbed to death by a burglar"  
"Aw, shit"  
"She did manage to kill him before she drowned. Punctured lung... she drowned on her own blood. After cutting him in half with a sashami knife"  
"Musta been one tough lady"  
Nabiki sighed. "Where do you think Akane got it from? Sure wasn't Dad"  
Kasumi looked up from where she was adjusting her car's carbs. "You didn't like, see how Dad went when we figured you'd been like, kidnapped. He went like he was before Mum died"  
"I was seven when Mum died, remember? From seven to nearly eighteen is a hell of a long time"  
"Hey, when's yer birthday, Nabs"  
"Just over six weeks. Twelfth of October"  
Ranma nodded. "Gotcha"  
Kasumi giggled. "It's like, funny how our birthdays are all like, within a month of each other. Maybe there was something in the like, air during like,  
January"  
"Yer twenty in October, right?" "Second of like, November, man. Akane's the fifth of October"  
"We've got completely sidetracked. Anyone got any clues why I'm a werecat"  
Mortise snorted. "It's really very simple. Nine out of ten Amerai born as humans turn out to be werewolves. You're part of the other one in ten. It seems to be pretty random. If you procreated with another tiger then the result would be born as a tiger, First Change at around eighteen months.  
With a human or another Amerai you'd probably end up giving birth to a werewolf, unless the other Amerai was also a weretiger in which case it would rise to a 50-50 chance of getting a weretiger. Confused yet? Let me tell you, Amerai genetics is the most utterly fucked subject I've ever come across. You people have at least sixteen sets of DNA. One set defines your natural forms. With training you can learn to modify these forms. The other sets seem to give rise to the possibility of producing other types of shapeshifter. Thus Genma and Nodoka producing what will probably turn out to be werewolves. Oh, by the way, Ranko - you aren't off the First Change hook.  
Vampirised Amerai keep their powers of shapeshifting, even if if they haven't First Changed yet. This gives you what has to be one of the toughest hyperimmune systems ever to exist. Oh, and believe it or not you can reproduce fairly normally. Amerai reproductive systems are incredibly  
tough. They need to be so a pregnancy can survive what Amerai are 'built'  
for - combat. A human woman's reproductive system does not survive the transformation to vampiric form. A female werewolf's does"  
Ranma glanced up. "What about yer nuts"  
"Them? They work. I don't know, maybe vampirism is sexist. It'd be my guess that whoever created the original vampires was male and didn't like the idea of sterilising guys. You know how much shame is connected to being impotent"  
Ranko scratched her head. "What do you mean, 'fairly normally"  
"Fairly normally in that you can get pregnant and carry a child to term. I do know such a child will mature normally, but whether you'll end up producing a straight vampire, a straight werecreature or a cross is anyone's guess. An Amerai woman's reproductive system is the last thing to go if she dies. Hell, it's been known for a several weeks beheaded corpse to give birth"  
"Gross"  
"Yes. Very. Akira found that out the hard way when he had his mother executed. Two weeks later out popped Mi Soon"  
"So how the fuckd'ya find that 'un out"  
"Red Hanovan. It's amazing what gems of information someone who's over five thousand years old remembers"  
"Let me get this straight. Mi Soon's mum had been dead for two weeks when she gave birth to Mi Soon"  
"Yup. Longest ever known was one month, six days and around eighteen hours"  
Ranko stood up.  
"Mortise, next time I want to know gross facts I'll let you know, OK"  
And another one bites the dust!  
Chapter 25: And one for the road.  
"Cars are crashin' every night, I drink n' drive everything's in sight, I make the fire but I miss the firefight. I hit the bullseye every night" -  
Guns 'N' Roses, 'It's So Easy'  
"Ya ever had that feelin' where ya just know somethin's gonna happen,  
somethin' bad, but ya dunno what an' dunno when? I got used ta it years ago,  
back durin' th' trouble we had wiv Kou Loun's Amazons." - Ranma Saotome.

Ranma set his spanner down.  
"Well, that's th' engineerin' finished. Onta th' artistic bit! Okay, Nabs -  
what way d'ya want this thing ta look"  
Nabiki scratched her head. "Um - like something you really don't want to have a crash with"  
"Right. Spikes an' lurid paint." Ranma grabbed a handful of sheet steel offcuts. "Pass us that angle-grinder. Nabs, see if ya can find any nails.  
Hey, Mao - fetch a machine gun, huh? Onea th' 7.62's." He grinned at Nabiki. "We gotten permission ta carry loaded guns. So we might as well be as blatant as possible about it. Now, how can I rig th' gun so it can only fire when th' ignition's on... servo trigger"  
Nabiki blinked. "Spikes and a live machine gun? I like it already"  
"Great. How about that blue camo pattern? It looks rattish but it's still very visible. Or we could paint her flat black then splatter dayglo paint all over th' place. Waddya think"  
Nabiki scratched her head. "Um - how about a wasp stripes pattern"  
"That's it! Th' Stinger"  
"Look, I've got to go and finalise a couple of deals for weaponry. So I'll see you later, okay"  
"Gotcha. We'll get this thing finished while yer away. Ya goin' far"  
"Only as far as my computer"  
"Right. So what's th' kit"  
"REAL firepower. It's a surprise"  
"Alright, alright. Have yer little secrets"  
Nabiki grinned. "I guarantee you're gonna love the kit I'm organising"  
"Hey, Mortise - a while back ya said this Hanovan person's five hundred, now yer sayin' she's over five thousand"  
"I said she was over five hundred. I didn't say by how much"

Mi Soon shook her head as she watched Mao Xing dash back into the workshop with an M60 machine gun slung over his shoulder. So Nabiki had got herself into trouble with Akira. Well, time would tell the reaction. She slung her AK over her shoulder and ambled into the Saotome-Tendo house.  
Soun and Genma looked up from their bike building as she entered the living room - they were putting the final touches to Soun's new bike. It was an impressive looking machine, short and slightly squat looking with an incredible German-style 'ducks arse' rear end poking up to level with where the rider's armpits would be, and a oval mini handlebar fairing with twin headlamps. The classic streetfighter look. It's four exhausts were polished titanium - incredibly expensive and downright beautiful - and there was a near photo real painting of an attractive twentysomething Japanese woman on the fuel tank. The rest of the bodywork was painted a lurid snot green.  
Genma grinned at her. "Evening"  
"Hello, Genma. What the hell are the kids up to in the workshop"  
Genma shrugged. "I saw the look on Ranma's face and left"  
Soun snorted. "As far as I gathered they're repairing Akane's bike and building one for Nabiki. Ranma's pretty pissed about that crash"  
"So has Akira vented his spleen"  
Soun snorted. "Actually, it reminds me of Dad's description of why we split with Clan Saotome. Akira ranted for over half an hour about Nabiki being insolent, incompetent and endangering the secrecy of the entire Amerai race.  
Essentially, fuck him I'm not going to even wag a finger at my daughter over a genuine accident. Though I think I will talk to Ranma and Akane about speeding"  
Genma laughed. "If I know my son he normally takes the lead, and considering the sheer level of skill he rides with he is perfectly safe riding down the high street during rush hour at well over the ton. Hell, he's been riding daily since he was six. Akane just doesn't have his level of skill. From what I heard she took the lead - Ranma said he was riding slower to try to stop any chance of Nabiki getting hurt. I guess Akane didn't twig"  
Mi Soon shook her head. "That Akira... if it was up to him he'd probably have Nabiki killed. I must admit I think less of my brother every day. And as I already thought he was an idiot"  
Genma growled. "He is not an idiot. He is a sick fuckhead who think's he's God. That brute deserves a slow and extremely horrible death"  
Mi Soon blinked. The level of vitriol in Genma's voice was... unusual to say the least. "Okay"

Mortise stood up.  
"Well, that's that done"  
Ranma snorted. "Yeah, apart from th' yellow. Fag break"  
Ryoga casually stretched. "Man, I'm gaspin"  
Mao Xing rolled his eyes. "You smokers all same"  
"Bite me, fanboy"  
Mortise groaned.  
"Don't talk about biting people. It makes me thirsty"  
Ranma stuck his tongue out. "Okay, in that case kiss my ass." He paused.  
"Nah, don't have th' same ring ta it"  
"Why 'fanboy"  
"Pass. It's a quote from somewhere - everyone uses it. Hey, I've been wondering about something. Where's all that extra bulk come from when yer bike transforms? I mean, it's fuckin' massive at any rate but th' battle armour form is nearly twice th' size"  
Mao shrugged. "How the hell would I know? I know how the bike form works -  
well, apart from the engine, it's some kind of fusion reactor crossed with a gas turbine - but apart from that I don't have a clue. I do know that the bike sort of morphs into the armour's basic frame - it's got all the actuators. Where the plating comes from and where the wheels go is past me... Maybe Mi Soon would have some idea"  
"Right, think I'll go check out wiv her"  
"Ya, ya. Whatever"

Mi Soon was smoking when Ranma found her. She glanced up as he swung himself into the back of the truck "Hello, Ranma, What's up"  
"Aw, not much. Just wanted ta ask somethin' about Mao Xing's bike"  
"Oh? What about it"  
"Where th' fuck's all th' extra bulk come from when he transforms it"  
"Ah. An interesting question. That machine is a five thousand year old example of ancient Amerai technology, designed by the same people as the infantry tanks Kou Loun used... by the time it was built they had been in production for nearly six hundred years. Decidedly out of date"  
"Th' point bein"  
"Magus Kirth described the Stew to you, correct"  
"Yup"  
"Well, the theory that bike is built on is that there is a similar dimension filled with inanimate matter. That model of power armour is supposedly able to tap into it, or that was the manufacturer's blurb. Personally I think they actually store the alternate form's armour panels at 90 degrees on the seventh dimension. Those machines used to be very popular with youth packs and lone wolf types - what you'd call motorbike gangs and solo adventurers.  
High speed transport and hellacious amounts of punch in the one package.  
Shapeshift ready to boot. Dad used to ride one when he was a teenager. So did I - hell, Mao Xing's got my old bike. Beautiful machine, isn't it? I was delighted when Mao dug her out of the ruins at Landing. Even more so when he got her running again"  
Ranma nodded. "Was that yer first bike"  
"Yeah"  
He grinned. "I still gotten a soft spot fer my old CB500 - ain't got a clue where she is now. Funny how yer first bike sticks in yer head, innit"  
"Yeah. Imagine how pleased I was when the humans reinvented the motorcycle.  
It was like, at last. You and Ryoga own the only modern bikes that I'd call half decent... pity they adopted such a peculiar control system"  
"I'd call th' controls on Mao's bike weird, but then I'm used ta a modern setup"  
"You would be"  
"So what sorta engine does she use"  
"Ah... fusion turbine. I think that's how it translates. It uses a tomahawk reactor to drive a turbine. The vanes are monomolecular semineutronium -  
that's why the bike's so heavy. Each vane weighs around 250 kilos and there's fifty of them in there. It would take around fifteen thousand of them to equal the thickness of a banknote"  
"So how th' fuck d'ya manufacture that"  
"The engine is assembled and maintained by nanites. All Mao had to replace to get her running was the capacitor discharge unit on the starter. He had to charge the powerpack and that took three days plugged into a 240 volt generator. It took him ages to figure out the fuel - raw hydrogen"  
"Hydrogen? Ya can run a piston motor on that shit but I wouldn't advise it.  
Means sittin' wiv a bomb between yer legs"  
"Yes, but a hydrogen fusion reactor is a much more efficient way to derive power from the gas. You use nearly 100 percent of the available power. Plus you need to carry much less, and since it's so heavily shielded and armoured there's scant chance of the fuel detonating in the event of a crash. Witness the comparative damage to Akane's bike and Mao's bike in the accident which heralded Nabiki's First Change. Akane's human tech bike was almost completely destroyed by the force of the collision. Mao's Amerai tech machine wrecked the car and escaped with no more damage than scrapes in the knee plates"  
"Er - just one thing"  
"What's that"  
"How th' fuck d'ya get Mao's bike upright if ya drop it"  
Mi Soon facefaulted violently.

It was a pleasant enough evening. The day which came before had been hot and sunny to the point of being stifling. Now half of Tokyo had the same idea -  
getting out in the cool evening air and unwinding from the stresses of a hot, stuffy day at work or school. Vampires filtered through the crowd,  
their distorted ki clearly visible to the supernatural eye.  
A certain group of youths, two vampires among their number, were discussing where to go and what to do.  
Ranko popped a fresh cigarette into her mouth and lit up, earning her a glare from Akane. She shot Mortise a cheerful grin.  
"So, what are we gonna do"  
"I dunno. How about dropping by one of the nightclubs and finding a bite to drink"  
Ranma snorted. "Reckon we're gonna go for a slightly different drink. That place called Rage." The rock club they had properly met Shampoo in.  
"Coming"  
Mortise made a face. "I don't know if that's a good idea. The place I was thinking of - one of Tokyo's best rock clubs - is owned by an undead pal of mine. Nobody bats a fucking eyelid if you have a quick bite"  
"Well, I never been ta th' place. What's it called"  
"Lester's World of Rock. The owner's an Irish expat"  
Akane nodded. "I know the place, they play excellent industrial on Fridays.  
I've only been there twice, it's a bit of a trek when you don't have wheels"  
"Mortise, I think you can guess what Ryoga would do if someone tried to bite her neck"  
"Ryoga smells of werewolf. Werewolves don't taste too good, they'll go for the humans. No offence, but werewolf blood is fucking bitter"  
Nabiki scratched her head. "Reckon we should borrow a truck off Mi Soon? I plan on getting completely smashed"  
"Might be a good idea. I can ride when I'm ratarsed, so can Ryoga. But I doubt you lot can handle it"  
"Right." Mortise smirked. "I'll drive since I'm not planning on getting wasted"  
"I'd figure whoever owns the truck would drive"  
"Alright, whoever's going by truck go with Mortise. Hey, Nabiki - did that deal you were talking about come off"  
"Give me some credit, Ranma. The... goods will be delivered within 24 hours,  
payment on receipt and cleared by Honda. I learnt to use this gear a couple of years ago... you really do not want to know how. Oh, Akane - I've managed to arrange for the JSDF to supply ammo to us"  
Akane punched one fist triumphantly into the air. "Excellent! Decent quality cases at last! Thanks, Nabiki"  
"Come on, let's get mobile"

Jude Lester sat back in the DJ's booth and swept her eyes over the crowd.  
The nightclub was packed - the Friday night industrial set always drew a horde. She noticed several Amerai; their distinctive aura patterns were highly visible. A couple of vampires with them?  
She glanced at one of her lackeys.  
"I need to speak to someone. Cover things here"  
He nodded; the digital mixing decks were basically a giant MP3 player. Once set running they would do their job perfectly and seamlessly.  
Jude affected a rolling swagger as she headed down to the bar. She slid easily through the crowd; people recognised her and squeezed out the way.  
She arrived in the middle of an involved conversation.  
"... old bitch. I figure we ain't seen th' last o' that pickled fuckin'  
monkey, not by a long shot"  
Shampoo nodded her agreement. "Is so. Kou Loun not give up easy"  
Mortise groaned. "Look, we've got a supply of full power ammunition. Akane can fix up hot-loads and we can get John Kirth to sort us a supply of those weird slugs he uses. I mean, from the quality of work on the cases I looked at someone's got to be manufacturing them"  
Nabiki rubbed her chin. "I could give Honda the specifications. The boys who make gear for the JSDF keep their mouths shut, and we can trust Honda. Sure,  
he knows exactly who we are. He also knows we're on his side"  
Ryoga smirked. "How about I get on to Herb? I saw he practising - I mean,  
wow. Talk about serious fuckloads of ki. I'd figure he's packing about fifty, maybe sixty times the power of us lot. He claims to be part fucking dragon"  
Mortise nodded. "You mean Prince Herb of the Musk, right? He's half human.  
The other half is a native supernat, nobody seems to know what. He's a complete one-off and damn is he powerful. I've seen him take on an entire tank division. It was like someone shooting bunny rabbits with an elephant gun"  
Ranma smirked. "Mi Soon taught me a couple o' tricks that'll come in handy.  
I'll teach Ryoga, don't figure anyone else can handle it yet"  
"A couple of tricks"  
"Yeah. Th' Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken an' what's called the Hadoken. She sez there's a more powerful version but I ain't got enough ki ta use it yet, an'  
she sez I gotten more than any o' you lot. Dad's secret techniques should turn out handy - I've been figuring how ta expand on 'em usin' th'  
techniques Mi Soon gave me"  
"Werewolf busting is pretty easy once you get the hang of it, and you guys have. It's Joketsuzo's allies I'm worried about"  
"Allies"  
"Yeah. Believe it or not, Kou Loun actually has friends. Some of them are pretty goddamn dangerous... it's the ones who don't give a shit about pissing off Clan Saotome that I'm worried about"  
Ryoga frowned. "Hey, Nabs - gissashot of your phone, huh? I'm gonna buzz Herb, he gave me his phone number"  
"You mean the Musk are actually on the network"  
Shampoo nodded. "Hell yeah. Them have whole works. Hydroelectricity,  
telephones, Internet, the lot. Even trailbike factory"  
"Where the fuck do they get decent computer hardware out in the sticks"  
"I not know, but them have"  
"Herb's gotten the same model of laptop as you, Nabs. Top-end Mac, isn't it"  
"A G3 laptop? I guess he gets his kit overseas then. They only started selling Macs in China a couple of months ago"  
Jude decided to interrupt the group's conversation.  
"Hello, Mortise"  
"Jude! I didn't see you there. How's tricks"  
"Just the usual crap. What's going on"  
"I suppose I'd better introduce everyone. Guys, this is Jude Lester. Jude,  
this horrible lot are the movers and shakers from the latest generation of Clan Saotome. This is Ranma Saotome, heir to their Packmastery and heir to the Moroboshi line. This is Akane Saotome, firearms expert and heir to the Tendo line. This is Xian Pu, Champion of the Reformist faction of Joketsuzo.  
This is my bloodchild, Ranma's twin sister Ranko Saotome. This is Prince Herb's almost girlfriend and Ranma's half-sister, Ryoga Hibiki. This is Xian Pu's elder brother Mao Xing, don't piss him off he drives an Am-built mecha bike. And last but definitely not least, this is Nabiki Tendo, Akane's elder sister and all-round ace fixer. We're presently trying to work out what to do about Kou Loun, leader of the Joketsuzo Conservatives"  
"Clan Saotome, the Tendo bloodline, the Hibiki bloodline, both Joketsuzo factions and the Moroboshi line? Jesus fucking Christ, what have you got yourself involved in this time, Mortise"  
Mortise smirked. "I don't know, but damn is it fun"

Ranma swaggered out of the nightclub. They had sat and talked to Jude for several hours.  
The vampiress was several millennia old and talking to her was fascinating. Well, more like listening to her. She had told them three stories. All three spanned a minimum of sixteen worlds and seven hundred sentient species.  
"Hey, Ranma"  
Ranma looked back. Jude was standing in the doorway.  
"What"  
She handed him a small spherical object. It had a deep groove round the middle and both halves were heavily knurled.  
"If you're ever in really big trouble, twist the two halves of that in opposite directions. I guarantee it'll help"  
"What is it"  
"Let's just call it a deus ex machinia"  
"Whatever." Ranma pocketed the thing. "Thanks"  
Jude chuckled and went back inside. Ranma snorted and fished his ignition keys out of his pocket.  
Before he could insert them into his bike's ignition someone grabbed them.  
"Whatthefuck?" Ranma turned round.  
He instantly recognised the girl who was rollerskating away from him with his keys in her hand.  
"GODDAMNIT! THAT BITCH AGAIN"  
Akane swore and sprinted after the girl. Shampoo let out an angry snarl and drew her Makarov. "Stop or I shoot"  
Ranma ripped the ignition panel off his bike. He crossed two wires thus turning the ignition on, then touched a third to them, firing the starter motor. The GSXR came to life with it's familiar bellowing roar. He had intentionally made the bike easy to hot wire - if you knew which wire did what.  
As his foot was intercepting the gearshift another skater intercepted his target and grabbed the keys off her.

Mi Soon took a draw on her cigarette and leant back against her truck's bonnet. She shot Lin-Lin a wry grin.  
"Ahh, it's great to have a chance to relax, huh"  
"Yeah. Figure we won't have long before Kou Loun comes back"  
Mi Soon nodded. "Not if I know her"  
"HEY! GETOFF"  
That was Kasumi's voice. Mi Soon and Lin-Lin grabbed their guns and sprinted towards where the enraged stoned yell had come from.  
The sight that met their eyes brought back a lot of old memories. A withered looking little old man was jumping around dodging varied tools that Kasumi was lobbing at him. He was wearing her underpants on his head.  
Mi Soon blinked. "Happosai? I thought you were dead"  
Happosai grinned at her from behind Kasumi's knickers.  
"Hi, Mum! Cool, you don't look pickled any more"

Akane blinked repeatedly as Ranma's ignition keys were waved around in front of her by the snobbish looking youth who had grabbed them back.  
"Excuse me, are these yours"  
Akane jerked her thumb at Ranma.  
"No, those are his. Get out the way, I'm"  
"Oh well." The youth tossed the keys back to the skater girl and started moving to land a kiss on Akane. She reflexively drew her .44 and shoved it into his mouth.  
Ranma shot past and kicked the skater girl in the back of the head, sending her sprawling. He recovered his keys and pocketed them.  
"What the fuck's going on here, Akane"  
"This dickhead tried to kiss me"  
Ranma slammed his ticking over Gixer's sidestand down and marched up to the youth. "Listen here ya fuckhead! That's my job, get it"  
The youth pulled back enough to get Akane's six-gun out of his mouth.  
"Excuse me? Since when does kissing become the task of an oaf like you"  
Ranma growled. "Since I married this chick. Now get the fuck out if ya know what's good fer ya"  
"Hey, bro! What the fuck's going on"  
"A goddamn bike thief and some fuckhead who don't know th' meanin' o'  
married"  
Ryoga rolled her eyes and pulled her spanner out of it's sheath. "Bike thief? Reckon we should castrate the little fucker"  
"No can do, it's female"  
"What, the one with the bootprint in the back of it's head"  
"Yup. I told ya about how Shampoo firsted, right? That's the bitch that set her off. Wanna help me hospitalise it"  
The skater guy interrupted. "Excuse me, but I cannot permit you to injure my partner"  
"Permit don't come inta it, fuckhead"  
"Oh well, it seems I have to get violent." He threw a shuriken at Ranma. The throwing star stuck into his left eye socket.  
Ranma let out an angry yell and pulled it out.  
"YA FUCKHEAD! THAT DOES IT"  
He shapeshifted. Thirteen seconds later the skater guy was lying in a bloody huddle against the wall.  
Ranma returned to human form.  
"Let's get the hell out of here"  
End - part 25.  
Chapter 26: Here we go again.  
"Things are coming down on me, they never seem to let it be. It seems like everything I say just starts another fight" - The Offspring, 'Nothing from Something'  
"It was like, Oh Lord. Not that crap again. I mean, wasn't once enough?  
Obviously not - some people just can't seem to get enough in the way of death and destruction." - Saotome-Tendo Enterprise CEO Nabiki Tendo on Kou Loun.

Kasumi looked from Mi Soon to Happosai and back.  
"You mean this geek's like, your son? Ah well, I need to get new Y-fronts at any rate, man. Nabiki borrowed them last week when she like, got a lift with me and they still kinda smell of shite"  
Happosai removed the underpants from his head. "Oh yeah, shit stains." He peered at Kasumi's car. "Wow, cool! I see I am in the presence of a hot-rodder! Awesome! Say, how's Soun doing? This is his place, isn't it"  
"Like, Dad? He's kinda like, fucked up, man. But then he has been for yonks.  
Hmm, I figure he could really do with some like, spliff"  
"Happosai, how many times must I tell you? Ask before you bags people's undies"  
"Problem with that, Mum. They NEVER say yes"  
"You never do change, do you"  
"Nah. Hey, does this mean we're allowed to stop looking old? That would make it so much easier to SCORE"  
"Well, I figured since your sister invented that crap and we're not taking orders from her any more..." Mi Soon shrugged. "Like you said, it makes pulling a fuckload easier"  
"AWESOME! Thanks, Mum"  
Mi Soon grabbed him in a bearhug. "You old rat! Goddamn, it's good to see you again! Damn have I missed you"  
Happosai did something very unusual. He blushed.  
"It's good to see you too, Mum." He hugged her back, being careful not to grope her in the process. Groping his own mother was too perverted for even Happosai. He might be a pervert and proud of it, but he had his limits.  
Motorbike engines and a truck announced the return of Ranma and company.

Genma sat back, glancing out the window and taking a massive swig of his beer as he did so. First light was just beginning to show on the horizon. He and Soun had just put in a long night of motorcycle modification.  
"Well, Tendo. That's it finished"  
Soun grinned. "Damn, makes me feel young." He swung onto the gleaming streetfighter they were contemplating and fired the engine.  
A deranged grin last seen on Kasumi while she was holding a steering wheel appeared on his face.  
"Blat time"  
Genma nodded. "Blat time"  
Soun rode out of the workshop; Genma sprinted to his Dodge rat. Ranma was already up and quietly fiddling with his bike.  
Genma blinked. Ranma was lubeing his Gixer's chain? As a rule the boy only did that on Saturday. Or... or when he was upset.  
"Anything wrong, son"  
Ranma sighed. "Is it that fuckin' obvious"  
"Hang on, Tendo. I think me and Ranma need some privacy"  
"Family stuff? I'll go for a spin round the block while you two talk"  
Soun crammed his helmet on and roared off. Genma lowered his overweight frame to the ground beside his son.  
"What's wrong"  
"This punkin' out crap"  
"That again? I thought Shampoo"  
"Nah, not my Firstin'. I nearly went schizoid on some schmuck who was gettin' touchy-feely at Akane last night"  
Genma snorted. "That all? Ranma, of course you did. Someone started hitting on one of your girls? I'm surprised he ain't dead"  
"Huh"  
"Your instincts told you to rip his throat out, didn't they"  
"Well - yeah"  
"Then you've got one damn strong will, son. Put me and Ai in you and Akane's place. That guy would have been ripped to shreds by me personally. We Ams have extremely strong instincts - and those instincts tell us to tear anyone who tries to take our ladies offa us into a thousand splatty bits,  
preferably having the fucker for dinner in the process. You're a mix of wolf and man, Ranma. To your lupine side your family are your pack and you are pack alpha. Anyone who tries to take that away from you - especially an outsider - is in deep shit. The wolf side of you kicks in and it takes a fuckload of willpower to stop that wolf. One third of your mind thinks you're a man. Another third think's you're a wolf. The final third know's you're both, and tries to balance the two out. In my case the part of me that think's I'm a bear is considerably stronger than the rest of me.  
Something I guess I should tell you. My mother was an ordinary bear"  
"Ya what"  
Genma nodded. "You are a man turned wolf. I am a large black bear turned man." He shot Ranma a sly wink. "Why do you think I was always more comfortable in my curse form? Dad was a werebear and a mountain ranger by employment. He spent a lot of time in the mountains behind Tokyo, in bear form. And that's where he met my mother. I firsted about sixteen months after I was born, according to Dad. It took me a while to learn about humaning, but after getting a shot with Dad's bike I decided it was probably fun. Dad did some sneakiness and got me legally a citizen of Japan,  
officially sixteen years old. The rest is history"  
Ranma shook his head. "Weird"  
"Life is, especially if you're supernatural"  
"You mean you're not actually 54, you're actually only 39"  
"Yup. I'm fifteen years younger than everyone thinks I am"  
"Well, damn." Ranma shook his head. "So that's why I kept seeing a bear whenever you weren't about"  
"You really think I'd be able to make eleven goddamn years without spending time in my proper form? Not. Don't worry about your instincts, son. They are a part of you, for better or worse. It's just part and parcel of being a shapeshifter"  
"Er... Dad, how did you make yourself look older than sixteen"  
Genma snorted. "Same way Mi Soon did, only less extreme. I guess I'd better see about getting you taught how to use your Talents"  
"Huh"  
"Watch and learn." Genma pulled one of his gloves off. His fingers morphed into a bear's paw then back. "That's a little example. We Amerai have more supernatural abilities than you think. I, for example, have two of these.  
powers. Firstly the one I just showed you; it is my strongest Talent. It's known as... oh, how the hell does it translate... body sculpting. That's the closest translation. The actual name is A'karga. Our entire Clan shares at least some vestige of this power; what others you develop are up to you and whoever is willing to teach you"  
"So how th' fuck d'ya do it"  
"I am not able to teach that; ask Tendo"  
"Why not you"  
"Because Soun Tendo is one of about five people I have ever met who's capable of describing how to do it in Japanese"

Genma shot Soun a thoughtful look.  
"So, you've got Ranma, Shampoo and Nabiki doing those exercises you worked out"  
"Yup. It'll take then weeks to get the basics"  
"Well, it's better than years. How about that blat"  
"An excellent idea"

Ranma sat back against the wall and started repeatedly willing his fingernails to grow then shorten.  
"God damn. This is strange"  
Shampoo nodded. She was doing the same thing. "Lots weird"  
Akane frowned. She was cleaning her .44 Magnum.  
"Er, Ranma... is it just me or do your fingernails keep changing length"  
"Neither. I'm makin' 'em change length. Yer dad sez it's good practise"  
"Er - how"  
Ranma rolled his eyes. "I'm still not sure how ya describe this. Ask yer dad after ya First Change. It's kinda... like making th' same feelin' as when ya shapeshift, which I fer one can't describe an' I think no human language has th' right words"  
He scratched his head. "Um - ya can feel th' various bit o' ya changin'  
shape an' growin' an' damn does it feel good. Ya get this massive headrush an' a bigger adrenaline buzz than ya ever felt before an' I guarantee it.  
It's really, really strange. It knocks ya full o' energy an' makes ya feel hyper"  
"Oh"

Genma and Soun rounded the corner onto the high street, both bikes travelling at somewhere in the region of sixty miles per hour.  
Genma shot his old friend a wicked grin and opened the throttle.  
Soun smirked and replied in sort.  
Genma did a rolling burnout. Soun wheelied.  
The only warning Nerima got was a dual - voiced cry of "YEEEEEEEEE-HA"  
before the two bikes - one long and black, the other short, stubby and an incredible virulent puke green - exploded into the middle of the midmorning traffic like a pair of 200 kilo stoned blowflies.  
Kasumi looked up from where she was just getting into her car having finished shopping. "Oh wow, man! It's like, Dad and Genma"  
A maniac gleam appeared in her eyes. Nearby drivers who recognised this expression abandoned road as the blood red V8 with seats came to life.  
And the self-propelled road hazard rode again.

Elsewhere - eg back at the house - more motorbikes were roaring into life.  
Nabiki still wasn't very sure of what she was doing riding a bike with five times the brake horsepower of the only other bike she'd ridden - her father's old CB250. Shampoo had a 'need to wheelie' expression on her face,  
this expression being hard to distinguish from Kasumi's 'about to drive'  
crazed look. Nabiki saw this and started to worry.  
All the same, she turned on the ignition and kicked the wasp-striped bike over. It's exhausts lacked silencers, therefore despite being only a 500 it produced a hellish racket fairly similar to Ranma's Gixer, if only about half the volume.  
Ranko waggled her eyebrows at Nabiki as she fired her H-D. She and Mortise had done a lot of work on the old WD 45 and it was now something close to road legal condition. Even if all the unnecessary bits had been ripped off -  
things like indicators, silencers and the front mudguard. And it still didn't have a front brake. Or an effective back one for that matter.  
Mortise shoved his H-D's kickstart smoothly down. The original bike had lacked a kickstart but he had added one after the electric starter had started failing to start the motorcycle five out of ten times. After all,  
he'd had the bits in his saddlebag and - being a vampire capable of bench pressing fifty metric tons - he was plenty strong enough to kick over that monster 1350cc V-twin.  
Akane thumbed her bike's newly fitted electric start. The engine came to life with a meaty snort and a couple of backfires before it caught properly - some bugs had got into the timing after the crash and Ranma was still ironing them out.  
Ryoga nodded and hit the start button on her jetbike's handlebars. The bike started is familiar yet crazed fireup cycle; first the whine as the turbine spun up, then a series of sharp clicks as the igniter fired, then a thud and roar as the fuel caught and bought the engine up to tickover speed.  
Mao Xing returned his sister's loony grin. His bike had a more complex series of operations involved in starting it; first you had to release the capacitor safety which was down the left side of the fuel cells on top of the engine, then you flipped the kill switch - mounted on the left handlebar - to 'run' which introduced raw hydrogen fuel into the reactor, producing an almost subliminal hum as the pump came on line. Then, the system being primed, you hit the starter button and all hell broke loose beneath you.  
First there was a massive 'Whump' as the capacitor discharge unit started the the reaction, followed by a growing rumble-howl as the turbine spun up to speed.  
Mao wiggled an eyebrow at Ranma, who was sitting back on his still silent Gixer. Ranma smirked and hit the starter.  
The GSXR-1100 was much more conventional than jet or fusion turbine bikes;  
it simple let out a meaty grunt then started. A faint wisp of blue smoke spat backwards out of one exhaust. The supercharger sprang into life with a slight whine as it sucked air in through the two huge aircleaners.  
Ranma grinned. "LET'S ROCK"  
He, Mao and Ryoga were the first to pull away, their bikes spinning up their rear wheels and spitting a cloud of blue rubber smoke up. Shampoo went next,  
no fucking around she just pulled away and let her bike rear up to her typical wheelie. Mortise, Akane and Ranko were hard behind her.  
Nabiki dropped the clutch and pulled away at a comparatively leisurely pace.  
Realising she was being left behind she gave the throttle a meaty twist.  
The front wheel immediately jumped off the ground. Then the turbo kicked in.  
Nabiki gritted her teeth, struggling to remain in control. This was a machine, it couldn't frighten her.  
She slammed the gearshift into second, snorting at herself as she did so.  
Who the hell did she think she was kidding? This particular machine was producing five times the power of anything she'd ever been in control of before, and she'd had enough trouble with that 250 Superdream.  
Ranma glanced back at her and shot her a cheerful 'thumbs up'. It was about the only encouragement he could give her over the sonic barrage coming from the exhausts of the tight pack of bikes.

In yet another location - this time the arterial freeway between Osaka and Tokyo - another insanely powerful vehicle was in motion, this one being a certain blue and chrome Kenworth driven by a certain Nodoka Saotome. Sixty tons of Mitsubishi car engines were travelling first class.  
A slight haze of good ol' tyre smoke was lifting from the straining bigrig's wheels as it careened through the traffic at the fast end of 160 miles per hour. Those engines HAD to be in the Tokyo warehouse within sixteen minutes.  
Nodoka had every intention of making that deadline.  
She was as concentrated on her driving as Kasumi ever was. One arm braced across the huge steering wheel, the other poised on the gear selector.  
Ranma's home - made airshifter was up to his usual high standards; it had a bank of buttons, one for each forwards gear. The truck's box had no less than twenty forwards gears and three reverse.  
In this world as well as the business of killing rampaging supernaturals Nodoka was an ace. The truck's vast chrome bumper was designed to obliterate obstructions out of the way. Obstructions such as the centre of the roundabout that was rapidly coming up.  
She changed down to eighteenth and rammed the loud pedal straight to the floor. The truck's six driven wheels bit down hard. The whole rig juddered slightly as it's armoured bumper pulverised the concrete guardrail into it's component atoms, ploughed the shrubbery out of the way, smashed the opposite guardrail and shot out the other side of the roundabout without the roaring monster behind it losing one mile per hour of speed.  
Nodoka's attention was yanked away from her route by the sight of another careening big rig. This machine was Mack based, painted blood red and festooned with lights. It too was doing well over the ton.  
She recognised it; it belonged to a friend.  
And it had been stolen - in Nerima - four nights previously.  
She let go of the airshifter and grabbed the radio handset.  
"Hey, people! I've spotted Omo's waggon"  
Yamazaki's voice answered. "Good on ya, Butch! Whereabouts"  
"The main arterial from Osaka, headed for Tokyo"  
The Japanese express haulage business was a tight-knit community; unlike in conventional trucking individuals ruled the roost as opposed to companies.  
The conventional truckers were regular employees. Express truckers were either the elite or outcasts from normal society depending on how you looked at it. To get into express haulage you only needed three things; a complete lack of respect for the law, complete disregard for your and anyone else's safety and a truck capable of breaking the ten second standing quarter. To flourish you needed a lot more than that; you needed to be hard enough that the Yakuza wouldn't try to make you the victim of a protection racket, fast enough that the traffic police couldn't catch up with you and mean enough to wipe them off the road if they did.  
Nodoka had all that in spades. Plus, being born a Moroboshi, she had the little advantage of being part of a family whom even the government were scared of.  
The other express truckers had at first treated her with disdain; they were like, what the hell was a woman doing trying to knuckle in to their world.  
Then she started shaving vital seconds off the fastest trips other express truckers had made, and they learnt to respect the diminutive but incredibly hard Nodoka. Drivers who thought she was in it for the same reason as they -  
cash - called her Meatgrinder because of the number of fatal accidents she had got away with causing. The tiny minority who knew the real reason she drove the fastest big-rig in Japan just called her Butch.  
Yamazaki was one of them. Actually a renegade werewolf, he had been the only express trucker who didn't laugh at her when she was starting out. Instead he respected her for what she was capable of.  
All of which is besides the point. Express truckers stuck together like glue. Especially when someone had stolen a truck from one of them, or - God forbid - dared injure an express trucker.  
Kato Omo had been climbing out of his rig at a transportcafe on the outskirts of Nerima when someone attacked him and stole his empty rig. He had been badly injured - the attacker had nearly clubbed him to death and it was a toss up whether he was going to survive. They all carried weapons in their truck cabs, but Kato hadn't had a chance to use his Uzi.  
From all over Japan, express truckers who happened to be between jobs started to close in on the location she had reported, minds set on forcing the stolen truck to stop. Nodoka's hot-rodding cop distraction dropped in behind the target big-rig and started tailing it from six cars back,  
constantly passing on updates of the vehicle's position to the vengeful truckers.  
Nodoka smiled and shifted back up to nineteenth. She could rely on the others to get what was badly needed - payback. Or so she thought.

Ryoga sighed to herself as she cruised aimlessly along. She had yet again gone and won a race, this time with Mao Xing and Ranma.  
"Goddamnit, now how the hell will Herb find me"  
A horn beeped from behind her. She glanced over her shoulder, preparing to flip the car driving git off.  
Instead of a car there was a trio of bulky Land-Rover engined motocross bikes. One blue, one black, one tiger striped.  
The trio of Musk shot her a rocker's salute. Ryoga hastily pulled over.  
"Herb"  
"Hey, Ryoga! Where you heading"  
"Er - where the hell am I"  
"Just outside Shinjuku"  
"Goddamnit! I've gotta get back to Japan fast"  
"Er - Ryoga - Shinjuku is part of Tokyo, remember"  
Ryoga gaped for several seconds. "Huh - whug - unf... D'OH! For some reason I thought you said Shanghai"

Ranma sighed as he climbed off his bike. He started adjusting the carb that was causing smoke from one exhaust; the others went inside.  
The schoolday was finally over and he could get back to more important things like planning defences for the house with Mi Soon, Nabiki and Akane.  
Once he'd sorted the damn carb, that was.  
A familiar rumble from down the street announced that they had a visitor -  
his mother. He watched as the Kenworth pulled up.  
Nodoka leant out of the driver's window; she was completely dwarfed by the humungous rig. "Hi, Ranma. I was passing through this way and I thought I'd drop by to say hello"  
"Hey, come on down where I can talk ta ya proper, Mum"  
Nodoka laughed and clambered out of her truck. Just as she reached the ground her CB radio crackled into life.  
"Butch, this is Yamazaki... Hey Nodoka, answer me goddamnit"  
She rolled her eyes and clambered back into the cab, Yamazaki's voice chivvying at her the whole way.  
"Yo, Yama. Wazzup"  
"Um... I got some bad news for you... I'm afraid Amachi crashed"  
Nodoka went white. She sat back with her eyes closed.  
"Nodoka"  
"Whack it to me, Yamazaki. How bad"  
"He's dead. They shot out his tyres... whoever ripped off Omo's rig had fucking assault rifles. We're still searching for the bastards; last we heard they were on the outskirts of Shinjuku"  
Nodoka murmured something.  
"Nodoka? Look, I'm sorry to break it to you like this, but I thought you'd rather hear it from me than anyone else"  
"I'll be alright, Yama. Just... just leave me alone for a bit, huh"  
Ranma stared up at her. "Mum"  
"He was... a good friend. I need some time on my own, Ranma"  
Ranma jumped up onto the cabside steps and gave her a quick hug.  
"Look, Mum... I'll be around if ya need me, okay"  
The remaining energy suddenly went out of Nodoka's body and she burst into tears.  
"Oh, God, I'm gonna miss him..." She suddenly reactivated.  
"I'm going up there to have a look around. See if I can find any clues"  
Ranma frowned. "Hang on a mo, Mum. I wanna come wiv ya an' bring my M60. The shitheads who shot yer friend might still be around an' ya heard that guy -  
they got fuckin' automatic weapons"  
Nodoka sniffed then nodded. "Might be a good idea"  
Ranma dithered for a moment then made another decision. "I'm gonna come in th' truck if it's okay wiv ya"  
She gave him a surprised look. "Well, sure, but... why"  
"Because I don't feel like becomin' roadkill if these folks turn up an' have a go at us wiv that truck. I'll be back in a sec - I just gotta go get my shooters"  
"I'll wait for you." Nodoka grabbed the radio handset.  
"Yama, this is Butch. Where exactly did Godo get it"

The blue Kenworth rumbled up to the police line. They were immediately flagged down by a cop.  
Ranma smirked and pulled out his Special Forces ID. He had been given the rank of Colonel since nobody wanted to try telling him what to do.  
"Yo! I'm th' one in command. We need a look at th' wreck." He waved the card at the cop.  
The man walked over and gave him a funny look. He examined the card then smirked. "I'll just need to check this out"  
He was back a moment later with a shellshocked look on his face. "Sorry about the delay, sir"  
"That's alright - I know I'm a bit young ta be a Colonel. C'mon, Mum"  
He slung the M60 across his shoulders and climbed out of the truck. Nodoka climbed down the other side. Her only visible armament was her katana, which was likewise slung across her shoulders.  
They followed the cop across to the wreck of Godo Amachi's car. The car -  
which had been a Ford Mustang - was on it's roof. Both front tyres were blown out.  
Ranma walked round the car a couple of times. Varied cops were photographing it and digging slugs out of it. A police detective was standing nearby with a disgusted look on his face.  
Ranma walked over to him.  
"Any luck identifyin' th' slugs"  
The man nodded. "Yup, they're AK47 rounds. We got one nearly intact one out of the verge. And a whole mess of brass"  
"AK?" He glanced at Nodoka. "Any witnesses stepped forwards"  
"Two so far. Get this - the killer was an itty bitty girl. Apparently she was in back of one of those speed maniac trucker's rigs - canvas sided trailer"  
"We already know which vehicle it is, Detective. Mum, ya wanna give him it's plates an' a description?" He turned back. "May help ya. Thinkin' about it,  
I need a quick look at th' best condition slug ya got"  
"Sure, Shinohara's got them. Ask the young guy in the van"  
"Thanks." Ranma dashed over to the van. He had a nasty suspicion he knew who - or rather what - killed Amachi.

Mi Soon looked up from the book she was studying as Ranma swung into the back of her truck.  
"Evening"  
"Cut th' cackle. Cow Lone's back. Apparently she came this way from over Osaka direction. Her people already killed onea Mum's friends"  
Mi Soon put down the book. "What"  
"It's easy ta work out. Ya just gotta put two an' two together. Truck what wuz stolen th' night after th' battle. It belonged ta onea Mum's mates an'  
they hurt him bad when they nicked it. Mum spotted it today an' sicced a hot-rodder pal of her's onta it. He followed it an' used a CB radio ta direct th' other truckies so they could find it. Before they gotten there a teenage girl leans outta th' back an' shoots out his front tyres. Usin - get this - an AK47 loaded wiv wolfsbane tipped ammo. We use AK's wiv wolfsbane,  
so do Cow Lone's goons. I know it weren't our people. Ergo it's gotta be Cow Lone an' company. We start th' preparations right fuckin' now"  
Da end ov dis part.  
NOTES Next - Here comes MAYHEM!  
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HA!!!!!!!!!!! My writer's block has finally VANISHED! Two entire chapters written in three days!  
FUCKING A-1!  
Ahem, sorry about the rant. We're getting very close to the end of book 1 (at last) so before long I'll be able to have a break from this monstrosity... or maybe not, the next book is one massive adventure story.  
Which is probably going to prove easier to write.  
Something I think I'd better say; if at any stage during this story you don't understand some of my terminology (I'd expect this to be technical details about bikes and guns or obscure Scottish slang) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE email me so I can put an explanation in the next chapter. After all, if one person doesn't understand thing like chatter about carb jets then there's sure to be a hundred who can't make head or tail of it.  
Now, I must once again publicly thank/attempt to embarrass two people (ya,  
this is copy-paste from a whole rake of other chapters)  
Firstly, thanks must go to my wonderful pre reader Paula Gray. Thankyou,  
Paula. Your suggestions have been a great help since I am shite at plotting battle scenes.  
Biker 1/2 has been given a home on the web! Go to to find the archive; it's in the 'hosted' section of the site (in fact last time I looked it was the Hosted section)  
Thanks must go to the lovely Carrie for her good work HTMLising Biker 1/2 and setting up the web page; she requested my permission to host the fic.  
This request was gratefully received since I know nothing about HTML.  
Thankyou, Carrie. Without you Biker 1/2 would have probably been relegated to the bottom of the TASS archive for years.  
Finally, I've been told I misspelled two names in Biker 1/2 - Nodoko (should be Nodoka) and Jusenkyu (should be Jusenkyo). All I can say is D'OH! I'll stick with the spellings I've used previously for future chapters of this fic; other fics will contain the correct spelling. Eh - oops. My dyslexia shows once again - man I love spellcheckers, but why couldn't Apple make the AppleWorks spell checker understand Ranma 1/2 terms? Whine whine.  
I plan to compile Book 1 when I finish it and post the compilation as one fic; I will correct aforesaid names when I do so.  
Please send any C&C to - my phone line is down once more thus I can only access the email address once a week at most.  
Thanks.  
Calum.  
GLOSSARY OF TERMS Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.  
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.  
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's age.  
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the engine thus forcing it to run faster.  
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the engine.  
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple clamps in the US.  
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built.  
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.  
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a sealed cooling system as found in most cars.  
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.  
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.  
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.  
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.  
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.  
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.  
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and just a bigger version of the same.  
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.  
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.  
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.  
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off.  
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the forks and the frame. Helps steady the steering.  
JSDF - Japanese Self Defence Force. The collective Japanese armed forces.  
JGSDF - Japanese Ground Self Defence Force. The ground forces arm of the Japanese military.  
JASDF - Japanese Air Self Defence Force. The Japanese air force.  
What likes - Slack Scottish grammar. Means something along the lines of 'please could you explain that'. Only considerably less posh.  
Toby - An Inverness Collegeism; slang meaning something along the lines of widget, gizmo or thingy. Derived from angling parlarance (toby a small wooden fish used as a lure.) May be related to the epithet 'Toby Tishbein'  
and can be said 'Tobyracho' for no apparent reason. (I'm not making this up!  
Honest!) 


	5. Chapter 5

From: "Doghead Thirteen" wolfmangehenna. Subject: RanmaFanFic Repost - Biker 1/2 book 1 - chapters 27-29 Biker 1/2 Cycle 1 - Birth of a Modern Legend.  
Book 1 - Opening moves - part 5.  
LEGALISTIC SHIT and RANT Ranma 1/2 is not mine, no no i didn't do it you can't make me say it woz my fault THIS FIC WOULD BE 18-RATED IF YOU FILMED IT AND GAVE IT TO THE BBFC!  
There's audible off-screen sex (but no more, even Ranma has a right to some privacy when he wants it and I'm no good at writing sex scenes) gratuitous violence, character deaths, drugs, rock 'n roll and insane quantities of swearing. If you can't handle it don't read it.  
Ranma 1/2 is property of Rumiko Takahashi and varied companies much bigger than me; I'm just borrowing the characters and world without permission as a way of learning to carry a decent plot. I'll put them back when I've finished with 'em. I promise.  
The Amerai, S'Vek, Sidhe, the Wade family, Clan Hakkenan, Rat Diva, Seven Hope and all related concepts are property of Calum John Wallace (me) and Mad Dog Games; all rights reserved and all that. If you want to use 'em in a fic, please A) read Biker 1/2 carefully, it should give you a good idea of what the Amerai are all about, B) ask for my permission and C) include me in the prereaders for your tale.  
Finally, at least four characters are gay or bisexual - if you can't handle that then please be so kind as to fuck off. Like the alternate Ryoga of this tale I have little time for homophobes due to certain problems suffered by my (bisexual) elder sister.  
note, I'm using "this" to denote things said in Cantonese and "this" to denote things said in what wolves use for a language.  
Chapter 27: The quick and the dead "See what's ruling all our lives... see who's pulling strings" - Iron Maiden, 'Be Quick or Be Dead'  
"I was angry. I mean, waddya think? They just couldn't leave us th' fuck alone." - Ranma Saotome on the Conservative Amazons.

The Saotome-Tendo house and grounds were a hive of activity. Amazons sprinted every which what way. Nabiki was overseeing the dropping off of a large tarpaulin covered shape by a JGSDF tank transporter. Ranma busied himself making sure the defences were in some sort of order. Every house the Amazons had managed to buy was turned into a strongpoint. Street corners became machine gun nests. Other people were frantically offloading crates of ammunition from trucks. Akira had called in the absolute best troops Clan Saotome had. Nodoka was overseeing the armouring of her truck - after the last battle they had stashed the sheet steel used to protect her rig. After all, Nodoka had a nasty feeling they would need it again. Soun went down to the basement and opened a box that had sat undisturbed for the last sixteen years - it contained a 'Chicago typewriter' drum fed Thompson sub-machine gun his father had taken off a dead US Army trooper during the Second World War and smuggled back into the country. He loaded it up with ammunition scrounged off Akane then set to polishing his naginata. Happosai and Tiger vanished into the dojo to do God-only-knows what.  
Finally, three hours after Ranma and Nodoka had arrived back from the site of the crash, everything was prepared. Werebird scouts took off in every direction, searching for signs of the Conservative Amazons.

Ranma shook his head.  
"Goddamnit, we've been waitin' fer these fuckers fer six hours." He glanced over at a scout who was gulping water from a flask, having arrived back moments before. "Any signs"  
"No. I haven't seen a goddamn thing"  
Another scout - a werefalcon - zoomed towards them at high speed, obviously half panicked. She shifted back to human form and made a neat three point landing on the roof of Nodoka's truck.  
"THEY'RE"  
The unmistakable bellow of a .50 Browning heavy machine gun interrupted her.  
Bullet holes appeared in the living room windows of the house. Shampoo, who was going over some details with Kasumi, staggered as a slug hit her leg.  
Ranma jerked round. A van marked as belonging to a local bakery had pulled up; it's back doors were open and two Conservative Amazons were pelting the house with shots from the machine gun they had set up in the back of the van. He grabbed his rifle - an FN-FAL with an underslung 30mm grenade launcher - and, firing from the hip, planted a frag grenade in the back of the van. The vehicle exploded into a flaming wreck.  
"BULLSEYE!" He leapt onto the roof of Nodoka's truck as she started it's monster engine. A group of - obviously stolen - removal vans had skidded to a halt and were disgorging Conservative troops at the end of the street.  
The truck roared and belched black diesel smoke from it's mighty chrome exhausts as Nodoka put the pedal to the metal.  
Twenty tons of blue and chrome Kenworth doing 0-60 in three and a half seconds is one hell of a sight. Add to that the express train like roar from the gigantic Maybach V12 railway locomotive engine, the angular sheet steel protecting the radiator, cab and wheels, the audible scream of the monstrous supercharger sucking air through the two foot long airscoop mounted on the bonnet, the twin plumes of fire and filthy black smoke that were now belching from it's exhaust stacks and the minigun Akane had set up to fire out of the passengers side windscreen - the glass had been hastily removed and replaced with sheet steel - and you got the impression that this particular truck had just come thundering straight out of the gates of Hell with some form of blood-crazed speed demon behind the wheel. Said impression wouldn't be far from the truth - Nodoka's personal way of dealing with sorrow was to change it into anger and direct it at the nearest available thing marked 'Target' and she was VERY upset about what had happened to Godo Amachi.  
The truck bore down on the tight group of Transit vans the forwards elements of the Conservative Amazon forces had arrived in, AK bullets whining off it's bodywork like angry wasps as the terrified Conservatives blasted away at it.  
Their fire was to no avail; this truck could plough through a police roadblock without more than scratching it's huge bumper. The vans and their former occupants were swept away like gnats before a charging rhinoceros.  
Ranma smirked and jumped off the truck roof. The Amazon gunner opened fire with her minigun as he jumped.  
He landed in the middle of a pack of survivors who had been alert enough to get clear of the vans in time.  
It was at this point that he noticed something very odd. Around ninety percent of said survivors were male. Male + Conservative Amazon front line troops Not.  
The nearest man's eyes started glowing red as Ranma hit him.  
"Oh shit! Fuckin' vampires"

"Mi Soon, do you see what I see"  
The blue-haired Amazon looked in the direction Mortise was pointing.  
"Shit. Let's move it"  
Prince Herb spotted what they were looking at. He went from stationary to Mach 1.6 in three feet and half a second.  
So did Mi Soon and Mortise, rapidly followed by Akira and Genma.

Five massive bangs - they sounded like thunderclaps - echoed across Nerima.  
Nabiki glanced at the sky as she sprinted towards the tarpaulin covered object her JASDF contacts had delivered using a tank transporter.  
She skidded round a corner. A length of chain wrapped itself round her ankles and she immediately went down, rolling with the fall like Ranma had taught her.  
"FUCKING MU TZE GET BENT"  
The shortsighted Chinese boy glanced at the source of the voice - Shampoo.  
He immediately spotted the ragged bloody hole in her trousers.  
A snarl appeared on his face and he pulled a pair of .50 machine guns out of nowhere. Shampoo was halfway through recoiling from the sight when he opened fire. At the Conservative Amazons.  
Nabiki shrugged and kicked the chain clear of her legs then scrambled under the tarp. A door slammed then a gas turbine began to spin up.

Nodoka winced at the sight of Ranma suddenly becoming embroiled in a brawl with a large group of vampires. If her own experience with the undead proved true they would chew him up and spit out the pips.  
Her foot crashed down on the Kenworth's brakes, bringing it screeching to a halt in an unreasonably short distance.  
She snapped a terse order to her Amazon gunner and dived out, drawing her katana.

Ranma launched punch after punch, burning ki at an insane rate. His fists cracked like a machine gun as they snapped back and forth faster than even his own eyes could see. Adrenaline surged through his blood. His aura entered the visible range as it hit maximum intensity.  
It wasn't just vampires who's eyes glowed. Streaks of red fire started shooting from under Ranma's mirrorshades. He had long since run his FAL dry.  
Ranma Saotome was fighting for his life.  
And that meant he was getting serious.  
A fireball screamed in from his left, detonating in the face of the vamp behind him. Nodoka leapt into the fray, her katana going like a windmill.  
Even the awesome quantity of damage she was dealing out wasn't enough. The two of them rapidly found themselves being pushed back, forced to pull out all the stops, throw all the switches and let go with every ounce of ability they had.  
Then a humanoid fireball dropped into the centre of the melee, a massive thunderclap as he decelerated.  
Prince Herb smirked.  
"Heads up, Ranma! The cavalry has arrived"  
Mi Soon appeared one side of him with another thunderclap. Akira appeared the other side of her. Sixteen feet of werebear appeared behind Nodoka and reached out round her, ripping the vampire she was about to cream into shreds.  
Then a certain thirty foot winged minotaur dropped to the ground beside Herb.  
Ranma laughed out loud.

Akane shot Mao Xing, Shampoo and Lin-Lin a cocky grin.  
"Shall we"  
"Yes, let's"  
She checked her minigun's ammo and casually spun it up, firing a quick quarter second burst at the ground as a test.  
"Perfect"  
Mao hit the trigger on his bike; it morphed into powersuit form, the varied armour plates fading into existence. He hefted the 25mm cannon.  
"I ready when you is"  
Shampoo cocked her M60. "I ready"  
Lin-Lin nodded and gave her brand new PSG-1 an affectionate pat.  
Akane pulled a packet of chewing gum out of her pocket. She grinned.  
"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I got plenty of gum"

Herb casually threw another foolhardy vampire out of the way, splattering the unfortunate leech across the side of a house. He was starting to get bored with this - ignore blow, grab vampire, throw away, ignore blow, grab vampire, throw away, repeat ad nauseum.  
This chain of actions and his daydream were interrupted when he grabbed someone and they didn't go flying when he tried to throw them. Instead whoever it was reversed the throw on him, sending him flat on his face on the tarmac. Half a dozen vampires jumped on him. He blew them off by feeding some hot ki into his battle aura and letting it explode, then stood up.  
"Well," said a voice he hadn't heard in years. "Still throwing your weight around, I see. You never do learn, do you"  
Herb turned round. "Flange. So we meet again... unfortunately"  
"Yeah, you little shit. It's your turn to get your butt kicked, brother dear"  
"Shall we do it somewhere we won't blow up our differing allies"  
"Just what I was about to suggest. Meet you up there"  
Flange jumped straight upwards. Much to everyone except Herb's surprise he didn't drop back down. Herb smirked and sprung into the air to join him.  
"Be warned, Flange. I've grown substantially stronger since Father threw you out"  
"Indeed? So have I"  
Herb dispensed with formalities and blasted straight forwards. There was an apocalyptic crack as he met Flange coming the other way.

Happosai marched out of the dojo with a smug expression on his face. He was no longer a two foot shrivelled old man - he had changed his human form back into what it should be. In other words a clean shaven and marginally taller version of Akira, only with about four feet of blazing red hair tied back in a ponytail.  
He observed the fight for a second, smirked then shapeshifted. Not into anything anyone observing expected - oh no, he wasn't a werewolf any more.  
Or a werecat. Or a werebear.  
Instead he shapeshifted into a velociraptor.  
Half a ton of warm-blooded, hyperactive, bloodthirsty prehistoric killing machine named Happosai Saotome careered across the garden, smashed through a wall and tore at full rip into the melee, bullets pinging harmlessly off his scales.  
He hit the fight head on and ripped a huge chunk out of a nearby Conservative Amazon. Mortise was right - werewolf didn't taste too good.  
But what the hell, Happosai was in dire need of a snack. A Conservative Amazon tried to whack him on the head with her naginata. He casually blocked the strike and ripped her in two with his spur claws then disembowelled another three before anyone else had managed to react. He bit the next one's head off even as she started spraying bullets at him - the slugs vaporised on contact with his aura.  
One gulp and said head shot down his gullet. At this point he realised the only remaining Amazons in this particular patch of battle were 'friendly'  
He shot a toothsome grin at the nearest and bounded off towards the next group of enemies. They naturally opened fire at him - not that it did them any good.  
Then one of them shapeshifted. Happosai muttered the velociraptor equivalent of the words 'Oh shit'  
The Amazon he had been about to gobble expanded at an insane rate, finishing at nearly fifty feet tall.  
Big Momma T-Rex shot Happosai the Velociraptor a positively evil grin.  
He shrugged. Being smaller than his opponents was something he was used to.  
His next move was to catapult upwards, raking the Tyrannosaurus's face with his spur claws. Unsurprisingly the slashes closed up; he landed neatly on the T-Rex's back and started gnawing and clawing at the back of it's neck,  
munching and hacking fast enough to prevent the wounds closing.  
The T-Rex let out an enraged scream, ducked it's head down and charged a nearby building, forcing Happosai to jump clear before he got a concrete wall in the face.

Ranma shot another glance at the ki blast firefight that was lighting up the entire street. He shook his head and continued repeatedly introducing the vampire in front of him to his knuckles. A swish and double thunk behind him told him his mother had just decapitated another vampire. He planted a full strength kick in the bouncing head before it could disintegrate, sending it smashing through a window on the far side of the street. It burst into dust with a puff of spent ki.  
Genma zoomed past in front of him, piledriving another couple of vampires into a nearby van wreck. Over to his left was a glittering, glowing disk of naginata with a wildly pirouetting Soun Tendo in the middle, the odd clatter of tommy gun shots arcing out to pepper any Amerai foolish enough to approach the melee. Akira's pistol was crashing repeatedly off behind him.  
All that was visible of Mi Soon was a flying cloud of punches, elbows,  
knees, blocks, kicks, ki blasts and bites and the occasional cloud of dusted vampire. Mortise was in his curse form and busying himself hammering anything not Neriman within arm's reach into the ground. Considering he had fifteen foot arms in his present form he could reach quite a lot.  
There was another massive detonation above him as Herb unloaded another dump truck sized ki blast at Flange.

"Holy shit! Willya look at that"  
The soldier who had spoken glanced over at his squad lieutenant.  
"What the fuck is that? Call the Colonel"  
The radio operator grabbed the handset and spent a couple of minutes fiddling with it. "No can do, Skipper. We've got broadband jamming active right across half the city"  
Lieutenant Dajiko Saotome shook her head. "Dana's love. Ah well, guess it's time to follow his emergency orders. Everyone get your weapons ready, I suspect we've got some supernatural ass to kick. Use explosive ammo"  
"Some action? At fucking last"  
"Can it, Sakamori. From the amount of ki flying around up there this is gonna be bloody dangerous. No goddamn heroics, I don't wanna have to send any of you boys home in a fucking box. Okay, Nikajima. Let's get this piece of crap rolling"  
The squad's LAV-25 roared into life; it's blue beacon started pulsing and the siren started it's eerie baying call. Nikajima rammed the vehicle into gear and stomped on the throttle.  
"I've gotten a directional on the jamming, Skipper"  
"Good work. Guide us in"

"Fuck"  
Ranko swore and grabbed the back of her knee. She threw herself flat on her back against the rapidly cooling wreck of a van and let fly with her new leg weapon. An FN Minimi light machine gun.  
Much to her disgust it didn't have a lot of effect - her attackers didn't even break their stride. "Shit"  
One of them suddenly flew over her head and impacted against the house behind with an audible splat. Ryoga grinned at her half-sister.  
"Hiya, Ranko. Need a hand"  
A large figure casually smashed another pair's heads together and threw them away. Lime gave her a stupid grin."Uh - hi"  
A fourth attacker suddenly fell over in splattered pieces. Mint stepped through the cloud of loose ki and sprayed blood.  
"Can it, Lime. She's that Mortise guy's chick"  
The three of them stopped beside her, turned round and gave the varied people who had been attacking her three evil grins.  
"Okay, you 'orrible lot! Try playing with someone your own size"

A missile whistled past between Akane and Mao Xing.  
"Ha! They missed"  
The massive detonation behind them pointed out the fact the shot had been right on target. Akane glanced over her shoulder and stopped dead in her tracks.  
"NABIKI"  
The blazing tarp covered shape didn't answer.  
End of this bit.  
Chapter 28: Death and destruction for fun and profit.  
"Usta do a little but the little wouldn't do it so the little got more and more. Just can't seem to get a little better said the little bitter country boy" - Guns 'N' Roses,  
"My dad was always there fer me. Always... Th' world just ain't th' same without Dad, without his weird advice." - Ranma Saotome, remembering his father.

Akane stared at the blazing shape. Nabiki was somewhere in that mess.  
Then she noticed the growing noise.  
A gas turbine spooling up?  
The burning tarp was shredded by what had been lurking under it - rotor blades. Six very large rotor blades.  
Akane gasped.  
"Holy shit, it's a Hind D"  
The flying tank finished warming its engines up and took to the air with a deafening roar.

Nabiki eased the coaxial over, edging the Russian gunship sideways. She grinned. All that simulator time wouldn't go to waste. Anyway, this felt so much more than the flight simulator. She could feel the torque of the two hefty gas turbines spinning away above and behind her, forcing the chopper's rotor blades through the air with no regard for things like inertia.  
Plus there was the multitude of green 'weapon ready' lights on the HUD.  
The Americans built their helicopters to loiter around for ages waiting for targets. The Russians used a satellite to find targets then sent the copter to introduce said target to Mr. Firepower.  
In general this meant that a Hind had a shitload more munitions than, for example, an Apache. Sure, she couldn't stay in the air so long without running out of fuel. But while she was up there she could cause an incredible amount of damage.  
She took note of Herb ki blast duelling with a guy she didn't recognise and started pinging the stranger with a laser designator. After checking her lock twice she launched an anti-tank missile. Said missiles didn't care if you misapplied them as long as you gave them a laser beam to follow.  
Herb nearly lost concentration as he spotted the ugly shape of a Russian helicopter gunship popping out of the blazing tarp that Nabiki had disappeared under. The source of the fire was easily apparent - the missile had struck a fuel drum. Talking of missiles, one chose that moment to corkscrew off the Hind's left weapons pylon and smash into the small of Flange's back.  
This wasn't enough to kill a Musk prince. But it was enough to completely break his focus. Distracted by the explosion he glanced over his shoulder.  
Herb didn't waste the opportunity. Another massive ki blast burst from his hands and smashed into Flange's face. The Hind roared past Herb's ear.  
Prince Herb smirked as bits of Flange rained onto the street below.  
Scratch one renegade Musk.  
Nabiki tugged back on the stick and gunned up the chopper's throttle,  
lifting its nose well above the raging firefight on the streets below. She left the throttle at full power and fished her handheld radio out of her pocket.

Dajiko stuck her head out of the turret hatch, FN-FAL ready. But she wasn't expecting what had caused the noise.  
"WHAT THE HELL"  
The Hind D didn't remark on that; it just swept past, ignoring the LAV-25.  
Nabiki snorted as she noticed the eight wheeled IFV. Sweet fuck all good that thing would be. The static on her radio finally cleared up a couple of moments later.

Mortise snarled. He had been transformed back to human by a well-aimed thermos flask of coffee and was now being boxed in by nearly thirty enemy vampires. And he was running low on ki.  
He was in trouble and he knew it. A fist burst out of his chest, spraying bits of his insides across the street. They vanished in puffs of dust and wasted ki before they hit the ground "Shit"  
He tried to get hold of his attacker but it was no good; his left arm came off then everything went black.

Ranma was starting to get worried. He and Nodoka had been separated in the melee. His mother was still holding her own, but only just. He himself was starting to get boxed in. His father had been pulled down and was no longer visible. Akira and Mi Soon were both frenetically battering away at their opponents. For every vampire that went down there seemed to be another two waiting to get at him and his friends, and the only way he could get them to stay down was by separating their heads from their bodies by a large distance before they collapsed into dust. Mortise seemed to have lost his fight - there was no longer any sign of combat where he had last seen the vampire boy.  
There was a massive 'Clump' noise. He spun round, kicking three enemies out the way as he did so.  
Herb smirked at him.  
"Need a hand, Ranma"

Genma lay and stared at the varied vampires who were no longer paying the battered werebear any attention, merely walking over him to get at their other enemies. What a way to go. He could feel the lump of rock one of them had rammed into his lungs.  
Nodoka was fairly near to him. Maybe he'd be able to say goodbye before he drowned in his own blood. Oh, and there was Akira.  
Genma knew he was dying and really didn't give a shit any more.  
Hang on, what the hell was Akira doing? The old werewolf couldn't see Genma.  
Akira had just levelled a gun at the back of Nodoka's head from about six inches away. When Genma had told Ranma about instincts he hadn't been joking. His adrenaline glands kicked in for one final burst.  
He may not like Nodoka much but she was still his lady.  
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH"

Akira smirked to himself. He had seen Genma go down, he didn't need to worry about that misguided fool influencing Ranma any more. And the fight gave him the perfect opportunity to get rid of the other obstruction - the boy's mother.  
He ignored the roar until the person it belonged to grabbed him. There was a bloody mess of foam on Genma's snarling face. Akira saw this with startling clarity as Genma grabbed his arm, wrenched it back, ripped the Beretta out of his hand and gobbled the gun. Then he had a very close up view of Genma's tongue as the dying werebear literally bit his head off.

Nodoka heard the roar. She spun round. For half a second she had a view down the barrel of Akira's handgun then Genma hit the older man like an express train.  
There was a flurry of motion then Akira's headless body slumped onto the road. Genma swallowed, stared straight into her eyes for an interminable instant then collapsed on top of Akira. His eyes closed then rolled open again, staring sightlessly at Nodoka as the sixteen foot werebear shifted back to his natural form - not the man she expected, instead Genma became a rather large black bear. The wound that had killed him was easily visible -  
someone had ripped up half a paving slab and rammed it right through his chest. She went cold. She hadn't known her erstwhile husband very well and now she never would. A layer of frost appeared all over her sword, clothes and body. No one had the right to take that away from her.  
And whoever had was about to pay with whatever they used for a life.

Happosai jumped, landing on the T-Rex's back once more. He scurried up it's neck and bit into the back of it's head, chewing frantically.  
There was a cross between a bellow and a howl from the direction of the house. Whatever caused it was very, very pissed off. Velociraptor and tyrannosaurus both looked round.  
Tiger stepped out of the garden and screamed again.  
Then she shapeshifted. No longer was her battle form a large ugly bird -  
instead she had looked at Happosai's 'modifications' and gone completely overkill.  
The end result was eighty feet of wolfwoman / horrible twisted thing that looked like it'd crawled out of a Lovecraft novel / apatosaur hybrid.  
Tiger grinned (with all three mouths) at the T-Rex, revealing the most impressive set of dentistry ever seen the Nerima side of Jurassic Park.  
Then she charged.  
The T-Rex did it's damnedest to get the hell out the way.

Something inside Ranma snapped as he saw his father go over.  
"DAD"  
His aura lit up, casting a sickly greenish glow across the street. It roiled around him like a sheet of flame. He only had one goal in mind - to get to his dad.  
Soun too was struggling to get to the same destination. Herb hung just behind Ranma and blew anything stupid enough to attack the Saotome boy into their component atoms.  
Ranma knelt down beside the battered corpse of his werebear father.  
"Dad... an' I never even got ta say goodbye"  
He yanked the chunk of paving slab out of the bear's chest and threw it away, propelling it with a huge gout of ki. It ripped straight through the melee, clearing a wide path as the vampires in it's way exploded into dust.  
Ranma looked up. His eyes started glowing with an intense blue light as he came to his decision.  
"It's payback time"

Nodoka whirled round, eviscerating another three vampires.  
Her sword was stopped with a ringing clang and a huge spray of sparks before it could hit the forth. She looked the leech in the eye.  
A similar katana was gripped in the undead woman's hands.  
The vampiress smiled.  
"Interesting. I never dreamt I would face a blade capable of surviving contact with my own." She gestured and the vampires surrounding her and Nodoka stepped back.  
Nodoka snorted.  
"You took the words right out of my mouth. I trust you are aware of who you face"  
"Indeed; Nodoka Saotome, the present Champion of the Moroboshi line, is it not"  
"Correct. And you might be"  
"I am Morranion S'Ket, bloodheir of Damien K'Gar and Mistress of the S'Vek line. And I am not impressed"  
"Nor am I. You know, I never thought I would see the day the S'Veks acted lackey to filth like the Joketsuzo Conservatives"  
"But how would a Mundane, even one as powerful as yourself, understand our plan? A plan that has lasted six thousand years, and has another five millennia before it comes to frutiation"  
"Enough with this. I did not come here to talk"

Mi Soon shook her head as she spotted Nodoka facing down the wily old leech.  
Ah well, she wasn't about to interrupt another woman's fight. Anyway, she had problems of her own. The white-haired and very familiar figure at the back of the melee was one such problem.  
She dropped out of the air twenty feet from Kou Loun, brutally demolishing six Conservative warriors as she landed.  
"You're not welcome in this city, Kou Loun. Not until you stop your crap. I thought we made that clear last time you attacked us"  
"Ah, the old bitch herself. I hope you are prepared"  
"Prepared? You're six hundred years too soon to defeat me, girl"  
"We can find out"  
Much to Kou Loun's surprise Mi Soon assumed a very basic defensive stance.  
Kou Loun was old enough, skilled enough and wise enough to know that meant she was in very, very deep shit.

Nabiki set the radio aside. She glanced back towards the Nerima suburbs.  
"Hang on in there, people... the cavalry's coming"  
She eased the stick over; the flying tank circled back towards the battle.  
Massive blue flashes and the stark white light of gunfire was still illuminating the city. The battle was beginning to spread from the confines of the Amazon's defensive cordon; half of Nerima was going to get trashed if things continued the way they were going. She narrowed her eyes as she spotted the tight group of hastily camouflaged vans and trucks on the edge of a nearby park. Spotting them was so easy with the infrared sights it was sad, and they almost screamed 'Reserves' at her. She lost a bit of altitude and roared up the street, the chopper's floodlights half blinding varied drivers in the mob of traffic that was frantically trying to escape from Nerima. People used to call this part of Tokyo 'Weirdness City'. If Ranma gained any more heavily armed enemies they'd start calling it 'detonation boulevard' or something, there was certainly enough unscheduled demolition happening down there.  
She selected the multiple rocket pods from her available firepower and bore down on the vehicles in a manner reminiscent of Nodoka's truck. Rotor blades replaced flame belching exhausts, searchlights replaced headlamps, miniguns replaced large chrome bumpers and a pissed off five foot eight weretiger replaced a pissed off five foot four demon hunter but the effect on the people she had rightly guessed to be Conservative Amazon reserves was to all intents and purposes the same.  
"Okay, you shitheads! Attack my family on THIS"

Ranma winced as another series of massive explosions echoed across Nerima.  
He didn't have time to do much more than that and hope it wasn't any of his people.  
He, Herb and Soun were now forming a triangle. They were completely boxed in, they could no longer see or hear any other friendlies and the supply of attacking vampires wasn't diminishing.  
The three of them were no longer starting to get worried; the had finished doing that a while back and were now getting extremely worried.  
Kick, duck, triple punch combo, plant boot in available groin, sweep kick,  
quickie ki blast into the interruption - the hot ki used for that attack was too violent for a vampire to digest - follow that up with a couple of vacuum blades, grab up a fallen AK47 and empty the clip into the crowd, block an inbound attack with the gun and dump what was left of it... Ranma was marginally above autopilot.  
Herb had stopped enjoying himself a while back; the war of attrition the undead scum were playing had become very obvious. He would have completely exhausted his reserves of ki in another four to six minutes, and by that time Ranma and Soun would be completely out of it. Well, maybe not Ranma -  
that boy had serious potential. If he survived this fight.  
It looked like a big 'If.  
As for Soun, he had gone into a Zen-like state most warriors only ever dreamed of; completely focused, completely set on the task and slicing the opposition into very small pieces. The vampires were only stopping him breaking away from Ranma and Herb by sheer weight of numbers.

Kas couldn't believe his eyes; werewolf-bashing was supposed to be easy,  
even for vermin like his troops. He was starting to admire the two werewolves and the half-dragon a lot. Between the three of them they had already dusted over a hundred of his troops including his lieutenant Hakamori.  
He glanced around, trying to see who he could call on for assistance. His old friend Morag was directing the scum Morranion had given her command of forwards.  
"Hey, fang-face! Over here"  
"Howdy, Kas? Having a little trouble I see"  
Kas snorted, casually disembowelling a Reformist Amazon who hadn't got the message about not interrupting.  
"I am impressed by those people. The Musk guy was bound to cause problems,  
but I never expected those two werewolves to kick up such a fuss"  
"You're not the only one they've managed to impress, Kas. Not by any stretch of the imagination. The boy's mother is presently holding her own against Lady Morranion herself"  
"God damn"  
There was a clump as a Conservative Amazon elder landed by the two of them.  
"Good work, they're almost in position. We only need to move them about six feet further before the trap is sprung"  
"We S'Vek keep our word. As long as you mutts stick to your side of the bargain. I hope you don't 'accidentally' use the wrong spell, little werewolf. Because if you do our contract with you will be null and void, at which stage the battle will be over for you"  
"Lord Kas, we are women of honour. We do not break our promises"  
Kas accepted that with a brief nod. "Then get your magus into position"  
"Already done, you are presently speaking to her"

"Shit"  
Akane dived behind an overturned car as the Conservative troops hosed the street with fire. The burning wreck didn't offer much in the way of protection but at least it was cover of a sort. Shampoo hit the ground beside her as Mao returned fire, the thump of the 25mm cannon echoing down the street. Lin-Lin had taken up a position on the roof of Nodoka's trailer some time ago and didn't show any sign of leaving. The crack of her sniper rifle could be heard over the background clatter of AK fire every so often.  
Akane waited until Mao had drawn the incoming fire away from the car, spun her minigun up then rolled to her feet. She levelled the gun down the street then hit the trigger. Shampoo's M60 could just be heard over the deafening bellow of fire.  
Another minigun came to life off down the street behind them; Akane instantly recognised the note.  
"Oh, hell - spider tanks! Come on"  
The three of them sprinted off towards the rampaging machine.

"MOTHERFUCKER"  
Ranko crouched behind the remains of the wall. Ryoga kept ducking up,  
spraying the spider tank with bullets and dropping back down; she chose a different place to pop up each time. Each time her attack was answered by a withering hail of fire. Mint and Lime were the other side of the wall,  
desperately trying to lure the four spider machines away from the girls.  
The rapidly growing howl of a fusion turbine announced the arrival of assistance. Mi Soon had given Mao a rundown of the capabilities and optional extras his mecha carried. Things like how to use it's flight mode.  
He entered the fight by bodyslamming the nearest spider tank; considering his powersuit was careening down the street at 93 miles per hour with it's feet six inches off the ground at this point the result was impressive to say the least. The spider tank was lifted clean off it's feet and landed flat on it's back.  
Before Mao could start pummelling it Lime grabbed it by the hindlegs and started whirling six tons of spider tank round his head.  
There was a massive SLAM as he brought it down on another one.  
At this point Mint made a mistake. He stopped to watch. He had time to shout "Holy sh-" before one of the two remaining spiders got a bead on him.  
Mint dropped like a rock, a bloody hole where the left side of his face used to be. The remaining duo of spider tanks broke in opposite directions; one reversed past Mao Xing and the other zoomed off down the street.  
Lime screamed and threw his handful of spider tank. It crashed down on the one that had killed Mint then violently exploded.  
He and Mao turned to deal with the final spider tank.  
They were just in time to see it reverse straight over Shampoo. Akane, who had been off to one side, proceeded to empty her remaining minigun ammo into it. Considering the gun was loaded with inch long tungsten carbide penetrators this had an impressive and downright explosive result.

"They're tryin' ta move us somewhere"  
Herb acknowledged Ranma's shout with a sharp nod. He had seen the pattern a minute before.  
"Spotted already, Saotome"  
Ranma saw the growing field of magical power long before Herb did.  
"SHIT! MOVE"  
But he spotted it far, far too late.

Akane heard Ranma's yell as she was beginning to close on the melee with Lime, Ryoga and Ranko; it was the biggest area of fighting therefore the place they could do most good.  
She had a clear view of what happened next.

Nabiki was wheeling the Hind for another attack run when the flash lit half the city. The melee she had last seen Ranma in the middle of vanished up into a seven hundred foot tall mushroom cloud.  
It couldn't be nuclear; there was no shockwave to speak of and no wall of fire. Just the flash and the cloud of smoke.  
Nabiki suddenly realised she could no longer hear the Hind's engines. She panicked for a moment then realised that they were still running as her hearing began to recover from the incredible detonation.

Mi Soon felt the burst of high-charge magical energy an instant before the wall of sound hit; she was already on the ground as the hellish noise rolled over her. So was Kou Loun.  
Off to her left at the site of the other duel neither Nodoka nor Morranion were prepared for the boom. Both of them were knocked flat.  
The first thing anyone within half a mile heard after that incredible,  
eardrum-bursting bang was Akane's scream.  
"RANMA"  
And that's another one done.  
Chapter 29: End of the beginning.  
"You left me incomplete, all alone, but the memories still remain"  
Pantera, 'Cemetary Gates'  
"My life was over. Ranma was gone... but it got worse. Shampoo in a coma,  
Genma gone, Dad gone, Herb gone... nobody I knew was left untouched." -  
Akane Saotome, describing the period just after the Second Battle of Nerima.

"No... NO"  
Akane stumbled to the edge of the crater. Peices of cooling debris were still falling, smashing into the tarmac around her.  
Her empty minigun hit the rubble-strewn road with a solid chunk. Her aura lit up, lighting the darkened street with it's sickly green glow.  
She turned to the smirking trio - two vampires and a werewolf - who were staring at her from the far side of the massive pit the explosion had formed.  
Her hands came up, unknowingly following a pattern of motions that had been old a million years before as she howled her denial into the night.  
A section of that glowing aura broke free and rocketed across the crater,  
exploding with a dull thump right into the trio of enemies faces. Akane didn't see it, nor would she have cared if she had.

"Dana's love"  
Mi Soon whispered the invocation. Kou Loun was wearing an equally shocked look.  
"The Shi-Shi Hodokan"  
Every Amazon within hearing range made the same gesture; they kissed their own palm and touched their hands to their hearts. It was an old, old gesture for warding off demons.  
"What in the name of Ehir Diau have you done, Kou Loun"  
"I did what I had to"  
One of Kou Loun's allied vampires decided he didn't like the look of the storm of ki Akane was unleashing, he pulled a hand grenade out of his pocket, yanked it's pin out and hurled it at Akane. It was an HE fragmentation grenade with a two second fuse. Mi Soon, Kou Loun and Morranion all tried to knock it away from it's target with precisely thrown objects - a shuriken and two chunks of pavement.  
Unfortunately they were too close together and their projectiles knocked each other out of the air.  
The grenade exploded right in front of Akane and knocked her flat on her back; she screamed and clawed at her face.  
There was another flash, this one yellow-green rather than white. A massive cloud of ki leapt away from Akane's body.  
A chill ran down Mi Soon's spine as it smashed straight back down into where Akane was lying. Kou Loun shook her head.  
"She's dead. She may not know it yet, but she'd dead"

Nodoka turned away from the scene and started walking, unable to believe what she'd just seen. She arrived at her truck before anyone else had even moved.  
An AK cracked and she felt a single hammerblow at the base of her spine.  
Then everything went black.

Nabiki steadied her shaking hands on the chopper's controls. Ranma, her father, Herb and Akane - gone, just like that.  
As if to add insult to injury a line of fire leapt down the street followed and instant later by the bellow of a JGSDF T-74 tank's main gun.  
The cavalry had arrived and they were far, far too late.

Twelve hours later the survivors were sat round the Tendo's dining table,  
cigarettes hanging from their mouths and beers clenched in their hands.  
Mi Soon voiced the thought that was on everyone's mind. "So who's still missing"  
Nabiki sighed and started counting people off on her fingers. "We found what's left of Genma." She paused. "He killed Akira. We found Shampoo -  
she's unconcious but should recover. No sign of Dad, Ranma, Herb, Ryoga or Ranko. It's like they dropped off the face of the earth. About three hundred dead not counting vampires, 143 of them positively identified as ours, 256 theirs. 604 regiment lost seven men, mainly the crew of the one tank that got blown"  
Happosai popped another cigar into his mouth. "Well, first things first - we have to keep our people going." He thumped the table. "For better or worse,  
we are their leaders. It's our job to keep their morale up... I suggest we set them building everything we'll need to turn this mess into a self -  
contained Amazon village. Nabiki darling, have you managed to keep the JSDF and the pigs off of us"  
Nabiki nodded tiredly. "Yeah. Colonel Honda's backing us up with the fatcats. He's a great guy... I told the cops to steer clear of our part of town after the first battle. The JSDF are under the impression we're part of Honda's team so they'll leave us the hell alone"  
Mi Soon finally breeched the subject everyone had been avoiding.  
"How's Akane"  
Nabiki sighed again. "She's alive... just. What the hell was that massive ki blast she shot off"  
"I told you about the Shi-Shi Hodokan, huh"  
"Yeah"  
"That was the perfected version. It is only possible if the practitioner is feeling nothing but total and utter dispair... it involves channeling heavy ki through every cell in your body. Akane is the only living person ever to use it"  
"Uh... what happened to the others? There were others"  
"Yes, four are recorded. They are dead." Mi Soon stopped.  
There was an uncomfortable silence then Nabiki asked the million dollar question.  
"What happened to them"  
Mi Soon looked her straight in the eye.  
"They committed suicide"

"OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"  
Buckle your seatbelt, Dorothy. 'Cause Kansas is goin' bye-bye.  
End: Biker 1/2, book 1.  
Well, it's all over, you can come out now.  
Don't worry, Biker 1/2 will be back after the intermission with Book 2:  
Severed, detailing the aftermath of the battle and how the gang get themselves back on track. So, more trouble, more violence, more big guns,  
more insanely powerful motorbikes and more werewolves will be with us after the intermission.  
Goodbye for now, I've got things to write.  
OK, there's been a few changes since the original post. Firstly the obvious - I went through correcting the Ranma 1/2 terms I'd misspelled, most notably 'Nodoka' and 'Jusenkyo.' Secondly - apart from adding in the extra quotes at the start of the first ninteen or so chapters - I corrected several peices of military terminology. In other words - when Ranma's telling Akane and Ryoga about Shampoo posessing a Kalashnikov AK47, he originally referred to it as a 'battle rifle', which is incorrect; the AK is designed for cyclic fire which makes it an assault rifle (a battle rifle is primarilly designed for single-shot fire; when I originally wrote that I thought the difference waas a question of calibre.) Secondly, the JGSDF tank I was meaning when I wrote 'T-72' was actually a T-74. Last but not least, I went and used Imperial measurements for the length of Ranko's fangs when she flashed them at Gosunkugi - like, d'oh. My dyslexia strikes again. That and a lot of correction of spelling is the changes that resulted in this version. If there's any mispellings left they're a result of me being dyslexic and my iMac's damn spellchecker not recognising any specialist terminology.  
Hmm, the history of this story.  
The genesis of Biker 1/2, firstborn of my fanfics, began one night in November 1999.  
I had just finished reading Shampoo 1/2, an eight hour marathon read. I hadn't had a smoke or any caffein in all that time, therefore not only was I feeling slightly deranged, my brain was also fizzing with ideas.  
I suppose it was only a matter of time before I asked myself how Ranma 1/2 might have gone if most of the cast were bikers.  
The first version of Biker 1/2 (which I still have on my hard drive) was -  
how shall I say - pathetic. I reached chapter 18 before realising how many faults the story had, but I managed to miss the biggest one.  
So, on April 7th 2000 I started to rewrite Biker 1/2, adopting a tighter writing style and putting less of myself into the characters. This version also saw the first appearances of the Amerai in this story and the introduction of the illustrious Colonel Honda and Akira Saotome.  
The result read far better; I rewrote parts of it on several occasions but never posted it. Sadly, this version was doomed - a hard drive crash in early November 2000 sent it to the digital equivalent of Heaven. After moping for several days i sat down and began to hack out Biker 1/2 version 3. The date? November 20th 2000.  
It was about this time I cottoned on to the fatal flaw in version 2; no real underlying plot. One had begun to emerge but there was no sign of it as late as chapter 8.  
Before doing any work on it I decided what I wanted to include in the story and came up with a rough (about 200 words) outline of the plot for books 1 and 2, based on the plot that had begun to form itself from the later chapters of version 2. I then sat down and expanded on that up to the conclusion of book 1, describing the basic plot of each episode in one paragraph each. This done I started work. I have pinpointed when to within a minute I wrote the opening line of chapter 1; six minutes past nine in the morning. I had at some stage decided to tie Biker 1/2 across to another fanfic I was at the time in the process of writing; the fic in question (which I have given the preliminary name 'All Creatures') has since been put 'on hold' almost indefinitely or rather until I've got halfway through book 3 because that's when it'll stop being a spoiler. It essentially acts as a 'prequal' of sorts dealing with the murky pasts of Gary, Shan, Angel and Janine (remember them? They were involved in the first few chapters then abruptly vanished...) Where they went and more importantly who the hell they actually are will be revealed in chapter 15 of book 3 of this monstrosity. I call it a monstrosity having just recently done a word count of book 1 and discovered, much to my horror, that it contains in excess of 100,000 words... No wonder I've managed to give myself repetitive strain injury.  
At any rate, on December 8th 2000 Biker 1/2 finally hit the Internet. The rest is, as the saying goes, history.  
Thanks must go to several authors who inspired me; I cannot at present acess the net (I Hate British Telecom) so I'll have to just name the fics in question and find out the authors names later.  
Thankyou, the authors of the following, whoever you may be.  
Shampoo 1/2 Black Rose, Blue Thunder Star Wars: A faint hope Childhood/Adulthood of a Modern Dynasty Tales of Ranma and Ranko I have also received inspiration from several things that definitely don't count as fics, namely.  
The books written by Tom Clancy (Hunt for Red October et all)  
The Appleseed and Ghost in the Shell manga and anime (thankyou, Mr. Shirow)  
Mad Max 2 (known as Road Warrior in the States)  
The Akira manga.  
And, of course, The Matrix - without which most of my fight scenes would have sucked bigtime.  
Thanks must also go to the following life-forms, organisations and objects.  
My very good friends Rob Johnston, Alex Brown, James G. Elmslie and Matthew 'Sutekh' Shand for helping me during one of the worst patches my life has ever taken - thanks, guys. If it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't be here today.  
My brother Ruairidh for putting up with me spewing plot ideas at him, for letting me talk him into buying Oni and for repeatedly talking me out of bouts of depression.  
Neo for providing a role model.  
The ghost I saw back in 1985 for getting me interested in the supernatural.  
The folks at work for indirectly financing this fanfic, oh and for putting up with my ugly mug and warped sense of humour all the time.  
Mum for repeatedly bailing me out of debts.  
Heavy rock and roll for always being there for me.  
White Wolf for feeding my obsession with the supernatural.  
Caffein and nicotine for preventing instant zombification.  
Suicidal Tendancies for 'How will I laugh tomorrow' and 'Whack time'  
Gothdom for accepting me despite my myriad flaws.  
Iron Maiden for 'Be quick or be dead' and 'Holy Smoke'  
rec.arts.anime.creative for providing me with a near inexhaustable supply of reading material - without books and fanfics, insanity would not be far away.  
White Zombie for 'Super Charger Heaven' and 'More Human than Human'  
Heckler&Koch for the MP5.  
The Sisters of Mercy for 'Walk Away' and 'Vision Thing'  
James G Elmslie again for being the most utterly goth person I have ever met.  
Metallica for 'Of Wolf and Man' and 'Enter Sandman'  
Everyone at the Findhorn Foundation for being a bunch of hippies and still accepting a fucked up goth bikie metalhead like me.  
Guns 'N' Roses for 'Paradise City'  
That biffer Matt Shand again for getting me into Apoptygma Berzerk and pointing out that I'm a goth - I honestly hadn't noticed.  
The Offspring for 'Bad Habit'  
Kawasaki for the Ninja; wheelies anyone?  
Napalm Death for being the heaviest metal I've ever come across.  
My sister Kirsty for letting me outgrow her by about a foot.  
Moonspell for 'Hand Made God' and '2econd Skin'  
Honda for the bike that became Underdog.  
Pantera for 'Cowboys from Hell' and 'Cemetary Gates'  
Matt Shand yet again for repeatedly recusitating my self-esteem.  
Ducati for the Monster Dark.  
Wolfsbane for 'Wings'  
Mud for being fun to ride crossers on.  
Marilyn Manson for 'Rock is dead'  
Sarah for first keeping Matt sane then keeping Rob sane.  
Rammstein for 'Du Hast'  
Mr. Kalashnikov for the AK47.  
Godsmax for 'Sick of my life'  
Ryoko for being Ryoko.  
Dime bars for being an interesting alternative to armadillos.  
Monster Magnet for 'Ninteen witches'  
Ryo-oh-ki for being indescribeably cute.  
Apoptygma Berserk for 'Love never dies' and 'Deep Red'  
Scotland for being wet, cold, windy and my kind of a country.  
The Goon Show for being incredibly silly.  
Cruxshadows for 'Deception'  
Cannabis for getting people stoned.  
Beer for making me belch like a redneck.  
Dark Army for 'Lord of the dead'  
Yamaha for the V-Max; black sheep of the cruiser bike world.  
SPF1000 for 'Pass out' and 'Consumption'  
Robot Wars for mass destruction of radio-controlled gizmos.  
Ministry for 'Jesus Built my Hot-Rod', 'Hero', 'So What' and 'Just One Fix'  
Rumiko Takahashi for making me laugh a lot with her manga.  
The Prodigy for 'Hyperspeed' and 'Mindfields'  
Terry Pratchett for making me nearly wet myself laughing.  
White Wolf for figuring out what werewolves should really be all about and for 'Dog Head Yoda Goat.  
Palladium for getting me interested in high-tech firearms with their 'Rifts'  
RPG.  
Barrett for the Light 50.  
Games Workshop for the accent used by Orcs, for assorted technological madness and for being easy to take the piss out of.  
Dad for being an all round great guy.  
KTM for knowing what off-road bikes are really all about.  
Cows for putting up with being turned into pies and leather jackets.  
Steff Czert for riding a dirtier bike than me and inspiring me to rat the Underdog.  
Dad's Dad Graham Wallace for being another all round great guy.  
Suzuki for the GSXR1100 and Bandit 1200.  
Harley-Davidson for that exhaust note and religious service to chrome.  
Chevrolet for the Corvette and Dodge for the Charger RT and Viper - the saving graces of four wheels.  
Hot-rodders the world over for building hot-rods, without which.  
Judge Dredd (not the film, the comic) for being the ultimate in anti-hero.  
Varied skaters, trendies and spooky kids who will remain unnamed for being easy to take the piss out of.  
The British Army for the Challanger MBT - now THAT is what I call a tank.  
Steve Jobs for repeatedly stopping Apple flatlining.  
The Dutch special forces for being the meanest bunch of badasses on the planet.  
The Morayshire police force for not hassling me for going 'Oink' at them when I'm drunk despite the fact I look like a complete weirdo.  
Pixie sticks for containing hyperactivity.  
Barrs for Irn Bru (caffein, wheee)  
And, of course, everyone out there on the Net who's read and enjoyed this story. I am dyslexic, mildly autistic and thorughly fucked up; your support has been invaluable. Biker 1/2 and by extension all you folks have been with me through a very rough part of my life indeed; between lonliness, lack of transport, depression and all the other shit that's gone down in the last year it hasn't been at all easy being me. You folks, my readers, have brought a certain amount of light into my life with you words of support and incouragement.  
I love the lot of you.  
Laters, thanks and please remember that werewolves need love too.  
Calum 'Wolfman' Wallace.  
There are, sadly, several things, persons and organisations to which I must deliver an almighty 'Fuck You', namely.  
Slipknot for being a bunch of pathetic little wankers who are incapable of out-rocking Napalm Death with nearly twice the bandmembers.  
Spooky kids for being a bunch of moronic little point-missing shits.  
British Telecom for being a bunch of meglomaniac, monopolistic fuckfaces who like setting outrageous prices and giving appalingly shit customer service.  
The Northern Constbulary for being a bunch of shitheads who have fun and games hassling innocent bikers and goths while ignoring crime.  
Tony Blair for being a jug-eared smarmy little creep who thinks everyone in Britian is about as responsible as a five year old - we're perfectly capable of running our own lives, so he can go to hell and stop forcing nanny state legislation through the House of Parliment.  
Marshall Mathers for being an annoying prick.  
The son of the ex-Lord Provost of Ross-Shire for being the sort of fucking idiot who'd drive on the wrong side of the road at ninty miles per hour and wipe my best mate off the road, causing him to flatline at least once before the docs managed to save his life, oh, and the fucking pigs again for letting that fucking speed-mad shithead off scot free.  
Trendies, skaterfucks and the Nike army for being too fucking stupid to realise that me and my mates don't actually care what their opinion of our clothes, hairstyles, hobbies and lifestyles actually is - if we gave a damn we'd ask.  
The government for setting ludicrous taxes, making stupid laws and generally having less braincells that they do teeth.  
The Royal Air Force for thinking it's funny to buzz villages and fishing boats with a jet fighter - practise your goddamn target lock on rocks, you pricks.  
That Bin Laden shithead for giving a perfectly respectable religion the worst reputation on the planet.  
Britney Spears for being an annoying little jailbait generator.  
Bill Gates and Microsoft for seeming to like system crashes.  
And finally, that fat ugly balding snot-nosed crap car driving bricklayer across the road for whining to the landlord about me and my mates playing heavy metal and whooping it up during our New Year party.  
An' I'll be awa', I have tae go tae ma bed the noo.  
GLOSSARY OF TERMS Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.  
Artic - The UK term for a semi truck. Short for 'articulated lorry.  
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off. Derived from 'bin' as in 'rubbish bin' (the British term for a trash can)  
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil. Comes in a spray can and lookes a bit like snot.  
Conrod (connecting rod) - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft. Shaped approximately like a flat dumbbell.  
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.  
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on. Not to be confused with the primary drive - the chain/sprocket or belt/pulleys between the engine and gearbox.  
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.  
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes they make.  
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a sealed cooling system as found in most cars and some high performance bikes.  
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.  
Honda 250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and just a bigger version of the same.  
Honda 500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.  
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's age.  
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.  
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.  
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the engine.  
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.  
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the forks and the frame. Helps steady the steering. A steering damper is essential for disabled bikers who have lost the use of one arm as without it there's no way you'd be able to steer at low speed or pull away one armed.  
Stocker - unmodified factory-built vehicle; I think this comes from the term 'sales stock.  
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the engine thus forcing it to run faster.  
Toby - An Inverness Collegeism; slang meaning something along the lines of widget, gizmo or thingy. Derived from angling parlarance (toby a small wooden fish used as a lure.) May be related to the epithet 'Toby Tishbein'  
and can be said 'Tobyracho' for no apparent reason. (I'm not making this up!  
Honest)  
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple clamps in the US.  
JASDF - Japanese Air Self Defence Force. The Japanese air force.  
JGSDF - Japanese Ground Self Defence Force. The ground forces arm of the Japanese military.  
JSDF - Japanese Self Defence Force. The collective Japanese armed forces.  
What likes - Slack Scottish grammar. Means something along the lines of 'please could you explain that'. Only considerably less posh.  
Wheelie bin - a square green plastic trashcan about the size of a normal bin, with a flip top and two wheels. 


	6. Chapter 6

POSTSCRIPT

And so it ended. Biker ½ v1.0 is an abandoned project.

I have bits and scraps from what was intended to be the whole saga, and I began book 2, which I beg you NOT to track down, it's retch-worthy. For that matter, there are a lot of serious problems in the first book.

There's the whole silliness with how fast Ranma and Akane get together.

There's the clumsy way I handled most of the character intros, especially Nodoka.

There's the hideous grammar problems left right and centre.

There are plots left hanging to the point the damn thing looks hairy.

There are characters we're supposed to care about, but don't.

There's Akira, who was handled badly from the word go.

There's my Godawful decision to kill off Genma, then a hideously clumsy 'hes not quite dead though' bit, which along with Shampoo's injuries completely ignored everything I'd laid down about Amerai physiology.

There's my equally stupid way of getting Nodoka – second only to Herb in the 'dangerous person' stakes – shot in the back.

Let's not even mention that huge DUH with trying to indicate morning sickness in the girls.

And then there's Gary and company, a group of characters from a very different project who quite frankly do not belong in Biker ½, never belonged in Biker ½, were Annoying New Character / Mary Sue / Stupid Plot Device characters at their worst, and generally demonstrate how inexperienced an author I was when I began work on this pig; I'm just glad I wrote them out of the plot in so few chapters.

Like them jumping Shampoo ever made any sense at all. Duh.

But most of all, there's Book 2, which went horribly wrong from the very first plot idea – it was a twisted Frankenstein's monster with no plot, no character development, no subtlety and no purpose apart from plugging a hole I'd ripped with a half-baked plot idea I couldn't get to work and some horribly badly handled attempts at trying to get readers to go 'OMG WTF?' which I never should have tried, I need to admit it – I don't enjoy apocalyptic endings in other people's work, so I shouldn't try to write them myself, it quite simply doesn't work.

In short, all those problems (and a bunch of others I can't remember since it's so long since I reread the original) condemned it to an untimely death.

Time passed; I concentrated on other things.

Then one day I ran an Internet search for Biker ½ on a whim, and found the text of the original.

I was slightly shocked in a long-time-no-see way.

I tried rereading it.

My ability to plot a story and write a scene has improved so much since then that it proved physically painful, but it got me thinking.

This is 2007. I began work on the original Biker ½ the year it's set in – 1998. It's nearly a decade since I started work on this pig, and it shows.

But it got me thinking.

The Biker ½ crew are a gang of characters who've gone a long way alongside me.

These characters haunt my dreams; they're my friends as surely as my flesh-and-blood mates. I've rode with these guys when I go to sleep at night.

I can see every flicker of expression on Ranma's face when I think about him; I can almost hear the roar of badly-silenced supercharged bikes, almost smell the stench of gun smoke and sweat, and I've felt the hair stand up on my back as the war howl of Clan Saotome echoed through the burning street.

I cannot abandon these people; they are a part of my life.

And so the rewrite began.

It's progressing slowly but surely, and I've hit on the mother of all arc-plots.

I know where this sucker is going, and I've got an overall plot that doesn't involve dragging some popular characters from another series through the mud (hell, they're characters I like) which the less said about that the better.

I've got Big Bad on a scale that makes Voldemort look like Elmer Fudd.

I've got heroes and villains, and sarcastic hard bastards.

I've got a bloke who once went so insane he thought he was a tram.

I've got a crossover as crossed over as Undocumented Features.

I've got gods and demons.

I've got at least three interwoven threads that'll come together to produce one monster of a plot that'll (I hope) redefine what people think of as 'epic fanfiction'.

I've got chunks from the old 'future of Biker ½', along with bits that never actually got written but should have got written because they'd be shit-hot.

You can find the rewrite on my profile page, with updates arriving whenever I finish 'em. Note that it's intrinsically linked to the Harry Johnson saga (also getting posted here whenever I finish a chapter) from just before the first battle of Nerima.

Goddamn am I bragging my ass off.

Anyway. I'll leave you with this thought;

_And I would pray for her_

_I would call her name out loud_

_I would bleed for her_

_If I could only see her now_

_Living on a razor's edge_

_Balancing on a ledge_

_Living on a razor's edge_

_The evil that men do lives on and on…_

See you round the galaxy some time.


End file.
